How do you manage this situation with empathy?

[Preps]

Two women, working in very close partnership. Basically the only people, apart from service users, in the same room all day everyday.

One is pregnant, the other on her third (and likely final) round of IVF.

The one who isn't pregnant is clearly in significant distress, but this is coming out as her being truly vile to the pregnant one, who is basically being bullied for being pregnant, a protected characteristic.

Pregnant colleague does understand how hard it must be and is trying to be tactful, but also wants to enjoy her pregnancy.

So the behaviour against the protected characteristic needs to be managed, but the other colleague is really struggling too.

TBH I think the best answer is probably that the non-pregnant woman is signed off sick, but I don't think I can suggest that.

Absolutely it can (should?) be dealt with via the disciplinary policy, I was just wondering if there's a better way, bearing in mind the circumstances.

You have no choice but to use the disciplinary policy. Otherwise you, as a company, are bullying someone for their protected characteristic.

So the behaviour against the protected characteristic needs to be managed, but the other colleague is really struggling too.

The behaviour doesn't need to be managed, it needs to be stopped immediately.

She has of course been told it needs to stop.

What would you do if any other person was bullying and being "vile" to a colleague because she was pregnant? Do that.

If bullying behaviour isn't addressed, through formal disciplinary procedures if necessary, then effectively it is being condoned.

This response seems to be the only sensible one on the thread!
”Put them in separate rooms”, “Let the pg one go on sick leave so the other one doesn’t have to look at her”.
Really?!

Agree with previous posters.

Something along the lines of "I genuinely feel for your situation, but this behaviour is unacceptable and needs to stop." And be prepared to act if it doesn't.

It is a very unenviable situation as a manager; I feel for you in your predicament. But the unfortunate plight of one employee can't be a get-out-of-jail-free-card for cruel and vile treatment of another colleague.

Best of luck, and I hope that things work out for the best with both employees.

And if the pregnant employee does end up being signed off for stress because the employer has not dealt with the bullying and allowed it to continue they will have a potential claim for personal injury. Where the hell do you work to think this is ok.

Agree with others. Sit her down, empathise with her situation, spend some time talking about how she's feeling, how she's coping. Then turn it to discussing her behaviour towards her colleagues, with examples, and how this is unacceptable and cannot continue.

Discuss you recognise she's behaving like this due to struggling to cope. Ask what she thinks will help her to behave differently. Offer to refer her to counselling, to OH, suggest she attends GP and gets signed off with stress.
But make it clear this cannot continue and one more incident will result in a formal warning.

Good luck!

suggest she attends GP and gets signed off with stress
Do NOT suggest this 🤦‍♀️

It should go to disciplinary if she has already been spoken to about her behaviour. It's unfortunate that she is struggling with conception but she can't avoid pregnant women forever or expect people to pretend they aren't pregnant in case they upset her

I wonder how the non-pregnant one would feel if she got pregnant and someone treated her in a cruel and nasty way at work.

Formal warning, assuming the original was an unwritten warning.

You have no choice here, you cannot allow this to happen and every time she does it she needs to be escalated to the next level and dismissed if she won't stop.

You have a disciplinary procedure, get it out first thing tomorrow and use it.

You are in direct breach of employment law and the equality act if you do anything other than treat this according to your normal procedure.

Her distress is a mitigating factor which can influence the penalty but this must be treated as the disciplinary issue that it is.

The pregnant employee would wipe the floor with you at tribunal if she chose to go down that route. You would be held liable for not taking appropriate action.

If your hellbent on removing the pregnant one then you/company should put her on special paid leave.... Don't lay it on her to go get a sick note, that's very unfair! But you also have to deal with the bully..... And put personal circumstances aside.

This exactly. Be clear about the boundary of acceptability and the consequences of crossing it, while also acknowledging the situation may be difficult and reminding the non-pregnant colleague of the support available.

I imagine the non-pregnant one already feels like she's being treated in a very cruel and nasty way at work. It sounds like this is a living nightmare for her. It doesn't excuse her behaviour but let's not pretend she's having a good time.

You can do this as a welfare matter first - that way you can present it to her that this is enough for disciplinary but you are prepared to hold off whilst she seeks help.

If she refuses, you've then got evidence of trying to support her and disciplinary procedures are more likely to stick if she challenges them.

The situation can’t be pleasant, but how is she being treated in a cruel and nasty way, exactly?
Nobody got pregnant to spite her?

I imagine the non-pregnant one already feels like she's being treated in a very cruel and nasty way at work.

It is not cruel or nasty of anyone to get pregnant. It may be heartbreaking and devastating for her to see a pregnant woman all day every day - but no one is being cruel or nasty to her. Would she consider herself to be treating someone in a cruel and nasty way if her IVF works.

No, it's the non pregnant one I think could get a sicknote. I'm not hell bent on removing anyone. I'm all set to go throught he disciplinary route, but considering any other options.

Lots of good advice here OP, about using the formal processes and giving specific example of behaviour.

One question I have is how do you know about this bullying? I presume if you don’t work in a room with them it’s been reported to you? If so who has reported it? Sorry if I’ve missed that detail but that’s how I read the post @Preps

You seem quite determined to protect the non pregnant one. You should have already issued a formal disciplinary against the bully.

I hope the pregnant one takes you to a tribunal.

Right then HR need to get involved and she needs to be shown the door.

I can’t disagree with this 🤷🏻‍♀️
The fact that you think the best option is for the pregnant one to be signed off sick is really bloody bizarre.

This. You could be in serious legal shit.

OP, there are no other options. You say she’s been spoken to and told it’s unacceptable. She is bullying a woman for being pregnant and you are allowing it. It is a disciplinary matter.