How do you manage this situation with empathy?

[Preps]

Two women, working in very close partnership. Basically the only people, apart from service users, in the same room all day everyday.

One is pregnant, the other on her third (and likely final) round of IVF.

The one who isn't pregnant is clearly in significant distress, but this is coming out as her being truly vile to the pregnant one, who is basically being bullied for being pregnant, a protected characteristic.

Pregnant colleague does understand how hard it must be and is trying to be tactful, but also wants to enjoy her pregnancy.

So the behaviour against the protected characteristic needs to be managed, but the other colleague is really struggling too.

TBH I think the best answer is probably that the non-pregnant woman is signed off sick, but I don't think I can suggest that.

But what you do when it happens again? Entirely feasible if it's a women dominated workforce that she could end up working alongside pregnant colleagues in the future and I really don't think she should be "rewarded" by being signed off work every time - presumably on full pay and therefore putting more pressure on her colleagues who have to pick up the slack.

She's suggesting the one who is NOT pregnant get signed off!

To be fair, she was VERY CLEAR that this wasn't what she said. You are all reading other people ASSUMING INCORRECTLY that she said this, and rushing to judgement. THE OP SAID THE OPPOSITE THING!

I miss typed 😬.Op thinks the non pregnant one should be signed off, and yes I think it’s a pretty bloody bizarre resolution.

As others have said. No one should be signed off sick.

Non pregnant person should be treated through the normal channels of where someone is bullying at work. Admittedly there’s mitigation and it would be kind to acknowledge this, but you have to do this to the letter.

I understand wanting to treat the bully with empathy as you understand the reason behind it but really it is unprofessional and unfair to the poor woman who has done nothing wrong

Bullies of all forms often have something going on in their personal lives but it is never ok to take it out on other people

The way to support the non pregnant woman is to signpost them to things that may help like counselling services if they are available through the workplace, and to make it easy to attend counselling if the sessions happen on a working day.

The way to support the pregnant woman is to stop the bullying. Pregnancy is stressful enough at work without having to deal with a bully on top.

Sick leave would only help the non pregnant woman's mental health if she was using it to improve her mental health. If she sits at home and stews and blames the pregnant woman for the situation it could actively make her mental health worse. If she chooses to take it its outside of your control but she shouldn't be pushed to take it

But it’s an insane resolution unless it will be offered every time this person encounters another pregnant woman in the workplace, and why on earth should it be??
This is really not the way to manage her issues.

But it’s an insane resolution unless it will be offered every time this person encounters another pregnant woman in the workplace, and why on earth should it be??

The OP states the woman is going through her 3rd and final round of IVF.
She is obviously in a very very stressful situation at the moment. She may well not feel like this permanently

The bullying policy and procedure needs to be followed.

Or if it fails she could be worse. Who knows? She’s deserving of compassion, certainly, but her behaviour is unacceptable and should not be tolerated.

What form is the bullying taking? Is she making comments or being exclusionary?

What about having a 3rd or 4th person the same office as them?
Would that help the non pregnant woman check her behaviour better?

Or…. Seeing that you’ll soon have just one person to do that specialised job. I’m assuming ing something has been put in place to replace the pg woman during her ML.
Could you bring that forward to have the pg woman + supply person (??) until she goes on ML and the non pg redeployed somewhere else until the start if ML?

If one colleague is bullying another - for whatever reason - the issue needs to be addressed.

I like that approach.

This
it is a disciplinary issue. You have to address it head on. You need clear evidence of a number of occurrences, ideally with other witness or information other than 2 women involved. Dates, times

I wasn't suggesting to offer it.

The employee has the choice to get signed off by her GP at any point if she feels her mental health us impacted. That's outside the OPs control.

But I don't think she should be offered it that's why I said it shouldnt be pushed because it could do more harm than good.

If your pregnant employee raises a formal grievance because everyone knew she was being bullied in the workplace due to her protected characteristic of being pregnant (including management knowing by the sounds of it) then you are going to have much bigger problems than a disciplinary situation.

Non pregnant employee needs to be told in no uncertain terms any continued bullying will result in a formal written warning / disciplinary action. I would also at the same time offer her access to any available counselling the company could provide or signpost her to an appropriate resource but I wouldn’t be just sat there commiserating.

Infertility is horrendous, wouldn’t wish it on worst enemy. However, it is not ok to do what she’s doing. It’s abhorrent

It's a very sensitive situation. I think the member of staff going through IVF is deserving of kindness and tact but its absolutely not a situation you can allow to continue if she is bullying a pregnant colleague. No doubt she feels incredibly upset and is obviously struggling to come to terms that she may never have a baby and that's awful. It must be very raw and it must seem very cruel that her colleague happens to be pregnant while she is going through the grief of possible infertility. Her obvious distress is clearly having a dreadful impact on her mental health.
I think action needs to be taken to both warn her of the consequences of her behaviour and at the same time express concern for her welfare and her obvious distress. The colleague who is pregnant is entitled to enjoy her pregnancy and doesn't deserve to be bullied and its good she is trying to be tactful but she doesn't have to put up with being treated poorly.

Why on Earth should the pregnant woman go off sick because the other cannot act professional at work?
understandably it’s hard for her but she should speak to her manager about it and see why can be done to help ie work in another room.
there is no excuse however for bullying and this is a conduct issue and should be dealt with promptly

If the employer knows it is happening they should discipline the offender without the victim needing to raise a complaint anyway.

Just start the disciplinary process. No doubt if the bully wants to then claim ist because of her MH/stress she will sort out getting signed off but maybe she won't want that and will just adjust her behaviour.

Why on Earth should the pregnant woman go off sick because the other cannot act professional at work?

It seems as though the OP is reluctant to take the necessary steps for dealing with the bully.

What was their relationship like before the pregnancy was announced? Especially if it was a good working relationship, I am wondering if some kind of mediation could be appropriate, with some opportunity for the pregnant employee to express her hurt feelings and receive an apology- but perhaps also for the non-pregnant employee to express the reason for her struggles out loud and receive some acknowledgement. It would take a very tactful approach and a skilled mediator but the problem with just starting the disciplinary process is that it will do nothing to repair the relationship and enable good teamwork. It may well lead to the non-pregnant employee feeling unjustly chastened and the situation becoming more difficult in the short term.

Im also curious, if the relationship has previously been uneasy, whether the nasty comments have actually gone both ways? Which would make mediation harder but probably more necessary.

Is there any workplace counselling available? I think alongside mediation/disciplinary action that would be really helpful for the non-pregnant employee. That might go along with other well-being measures - especially if the nasty behaviour is really out of character for her and she is normally a great employee, it is really worth exploring how to support her through this.

If you can sign one of them off sick, why can’t you separate them?

As in - if they can only work together as a pair, what’s the remaining one going to once you’ve signed the bullying one off sick?