Working from home with baby - Advice

[Gem2x87]

Hi,

I'm currently pregnant with my first child due on 20th September. My plan is to take 3 months off then go back to work full time. I hear that I might need to start looking at childcare very soon. I was wondering if anyone had any advice. My company allows 2 days working from home. I have the 3 days in the office covered with my husband and mum. I would like to work from home with the baby the other 2 days so I can spend more time with him/her. My company would probably be quite relaxed about it as long as I get the work done but I don't want too much of my weekends/evenings being eaten up. How long do you think it would be manageable to work from home with the baby and what age would you think it would be better to use childcare?

Thank you

Honestly I think you will struggle. The baby might not want to be put down, plus they get so bored they will demand your attention. Then there is the extra washing, cleaning, tidying etc is just draining. You will be exhausted. I just don’t think you’ll find you have enough hours in the day.

I look after my grandson one day a week. He goes to nursery for the other 2 days DIL works. He is 13 months old. He is a very happy little boy. We have all the safety gates etc and he can potter safely wherever he wants. I can't imagine trying to make an important phone call or sit and do something that mattered to other people/ my employer whilst he was around. He walked from 9 months . He is on the go all day, apart from 2 naps of around an hour each, at 10ish and 2 ish. I devote all the day to him because I'm his granny and I can relish every second. If he was my child I would have to factor in domestic trivia stuff ,as I did when my own boys were small, but I just can't see how you could do a proper job that an external person was paying you cold, hard cash for.

Of course nurseries vary per area around here most have a 12-18 month waiting list and there isn't one within a 20 mile radius which takes below 6 months. Even our closest city there is only a choice of 3 which takes from less then 6 months (and they have big waiting lists still!)

I was on maternity leave for 7 months and I struggled like hell.
Early days with baby (the first 6 months), just wanting to lay on the sofa as I was so tired and dazed.
Peeing was hard, if I put ds down for anything he cried inconsolably.
Life consisted of making up bottles, holding the baby and trying to catch 5 mins of sleep or eat something..then being interrupted by vomit, poop or baby wanting a milk feed.
Good luck.

You do realise babies don’t sleep? So 2 hours in the evening often will be disrupted by 2 hours trying (and failing) to get your baby to sleep.

Do not do this. You’ll lose your sanity and or your job.

I struggle to hang one load of washing out with my 9 month old around! We've only just got into a semi routine with napping in the cot but it's not reliable. There's no way I could get any work done looking after my baby, right from the day she arrived. It will be so so stressful for you as well.

Good luck and congratulations!!!

Waiting lists are an issue around here too. My baby was on waiting lists as soon as I had my 12 week scan.

Sounds even more bonkers where you are!

I would also add that someone ( you/ nanny/ nursery) need to be interacting with your baby. Talking to your growing child is incredibly important from day 1. Someone needs to be showing them things, reading to them, building things with bricks, naming farm animals etc etc. Even if your child is happy to sit in a seat on your desk for hours you will be looking at a screen, not them, and that isn't going to be best for your child.

Not feasible at all, yr work and the baby will suffer. Just get proper childcare in place.

I did it when mine was 8 months. Started at 6am, did a couple of hours. Stopped at 8 when her dad went to work. Did 2 hours while she had her long nap and then 7-10pm when she was asleep and her dad was home if she woke up. I work for a company that genuinely don't care when the hours are done as long as the work is finished. It was shit. I got no down time at all. I was either working, looking after a baby or asleep. No quality time with my partner during the week because I was working up to bed time and I'd be out of bed at half 5 in the morning to get ready to start again.
If you work for a company that don't mind you splitting your work hours during the day it's possible but I really wouldn't recommend it.
When mine was 4 months she didn't sleep for more than 1 hour at a time day or night so there's no way I could have managed it then.

You do realise babies aren’t dolls right? They don’t sleep at night - they often a few hours sleep a few hours waking throughout a 24 hour cycle…

you may need to cluster feed for hours on end every evening, if you are breastfeeding you will need to feed at the same time each day or pump or leak milk

And you can’t do anything physically on a laptop with a baby on your breast - perhaps with a phone unless they are jumping about

do you think a baby will let you put them down for hours on end? They need attention, hugs, affection or they get bored

Not to mention that it’s unsafe to leave older babies alone when they can roll (5 months), crawl or walk - this is literal neglect

so not this really isn’t possible. Yes people needed to do it during lockdown - I did when my first was 9 months in a professional job with my boss and clients - but people were more understanding because the whole world was going through it

and it was hell. I couldn’t get anything done and I didn’t sleep for hours on end for months

so no it’s not possible.

no matter how amazing you are with your time or how organised you are - your time will not be yours when you have a little person to feed, nurture, cuddle, give attention to and otherwise develop emotionally, physically and mentally

in a years time I think you will laugh at this post. All the best

Ask any parent who WFH while caring for children during lockdown how they coped .....

It was the worst 18 months of my life. Yes some of the work was flexible and I could do it when DS was in bed but do you know what that meant? Zero downtime. It broke me.

I think this is the main point - all babies are different and OP won't know what kind she has until s/he's here.

It also really depends what kind of work you are doing. Anything where you need to speak to others on screen or phone can be problematic because you can't be sure when the baby will wake or make a noise.

Totally online work which is self-scheduled is easier to manage as you can fit it in around other things.

Posters who can't even get to a shower for the first three months probably have more demanding babies, or they are taking shorter naps.

I was lucky that my DD did nap for 1.5 hours at a time between waking and needing feeding/changing etc. And I only had to do four hours of work a day.

It was still possible to do that, and get showered, and get play time and outside time, and make dinner for the family. I did ask DH to step up and do more laundry, gardening etc.

As I mentioned in a previous post I started back at work when she was four weeks old.

It's very hard work though.

@Gem2x87 my advice would be see if you can get extra work done on the days you are in the office so your workload is lighter on the days at home. You will have to do some work in the evenings and at the weekends so your DH needs to be on board.

Have some backup options that you can call to come and help you in your house when you have a deadline and the baby won't settle - your Mum, friend, babysitter etc

Outsource as much of the rest of life's chores as money will allow - cleaners, gardeners, food prep, laundry. Anything you can pay someone else to take care of don't hesitate. You will burn out if you try to do everything.

For later months when crawling and walking, I created a big system of baby gates so that there was the option for her to be within a safe space just to the side of my desk, and a place for me to work with my laptop inside the gate system so she could reach me too - with places to sit, lie down, I had baskets of different toys and books which I used to swap in and out to pique her interest and give a little variety.

Modeled after what's called a 'YES' space - interesting to explore but safe.
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2021/06/yes-spaces-what-they-really-are-and-why-they-matter/

However, maybe I was lucky - DD was very good at playing independently from very early on which have me chunks of time - 20 mins etc to get a part of a project done in pieces.

@Namechanger355 And you can’t do anything physically on a laptop with a baby on your breast - perhaps with a phone unless they are jumping about

That's not totally true. I breastfed DD exclusively for six months, and then continued to nurse until she was two.

As a newborn I found it fairly easy to breastfeed and type with one hand. Or use editing software (was building websites)

Was harder when she got to that stage where they want to keep looking around at everything.

But it's not impossible.

You do have to be flexible - the cluster feeding days I just rescheduled work for a later time.

The terrible twos and threes were much harder for me than the baby years because she gave up all her naps at 18 months and needed a lot more attention. But by then she was in preschool three days a week so I just worked then.

I do think it depends on your baby. And also your job. I was studying & taking professional exams at 6 weeks pp, and my baby was always a good sleeper. But they are unpredictable and I wouldn't have been able to work - you couldn't plan meetings, or guarantee deadlines as tbh, the baby always dictates your day! I would say that as soon as they get older is much harder - wake windows are longer, they start moving and can't be left alone and they also need entertainment. Then weaning comes and that's even more time consuming! But they are more interactive when older and it's nice to be able to spend time with them - is part time an option instead?

Totally incompatible. Your baby and your job both need all your attention!

You would absolutely be getting your work done on the evenings and weekends when your OH is around to look after the baby. Probably just the weekend (so two days work will be all weekend), as you’ll be too knackered during the week. If your employer is Ok with this, and it doesn’t matter when you get your work done, it could work. I know couples who do this, they work shifts so there’s always someone to look after the baby, but they do this because they can’t afford childcare, and it’s an exhausting life. They have no family time, as when one of them isn’t working, the other is. If you can afford childcare, organise it, it’s got to be better than that set up.

I agree with the pp who said you’d be either working, dealing with baby or sleeping nothing else. Also you’d have to be really strict at making your partner do everything while you were working. I just can’t imagine it working, sorry, I had school aged kids during the pandemic and trying to work around them was hard enough. You will be so tired, dealing with the baby will be tiring enough. I really wouldn’t do it myself.

There’s no way on earth this could work.

babies demand your attention 24/7 and it’s a major achievement if you manage to shower or empty the dishwasher. One of mine screamed non-stop and barely slept for the first 16 weeks of his life.

My firm allows it and it has been successful so far. We have a play pen with loads of toys (I do swap them around) schedule calls around her naps if any, I only work home one day with her. I think I might struggle if it's more than one day, my colleague works from home all week with her one year old and she finds she has to work in the evenings tho.

As I said above. I managed it and 25 years ago I was thankful my boss suggested it.

I can't see how it could work. Both a job and a baby need full time attention.

People are so negative . I’m a mum to a 7 year old and a 1 year old and I’ve been working from home full time for a few years , I also have a senior position . It’s 100% doable if your position does not demand constant direct contact with clients or colleagues . It’s allowed at my company as long as your reviews do not drop and your work is consistent . So em of us are really good at multitasking . Yes it will sometimes “ eat up “ into out of office hours if the baby is having a bad day or a cold etc but it’s doable

I think a lot of the negativity comes from people’s experiences in lockdown where without any choice parents were expected to suddenly do everything all at once and without being able to fully prepare for a home office, let alone a home school.

And you couldn’t outsource the cleaning or cooking in an easy way.

I felt a similar way during Covid lockdown while my DD10 was distance learning.

That was a million times harder even with DH at home as well than when she was a baby and a toddler and I was working from home alone with her.

If you are choosing to combine work and childcare you come to it with a different mindset and you have time to put systems in place to help you succeed.

The only thing you can’t predict is the baby’s temperament and individual needs - if there is bad reflux etc and you have a baby that needs to be held constantly then it’s going to be a lot tougher.

@Nothingisblackandwhite I think it would really help the OP if you explained how you did it? Especially with your 1 year old. Do you manage to work whilst they are awake for example? I’m trying to work out how you can multi task playing with a 1 year old whilst writing emails