Working from home with baby - Advice

[Gem2x87]

Hi,

I'm currently pregnant with my first child due on 20th September. My plan is to take 3 months off then go back to work full time. I hear that I might need to start looking at childcare very soon. I was wondering if anyone had any advice. My company allows 2 days working from home. I have the 3 days in the office covered with my husband and mum. I would like to work from home with the baby the other 2 days so I can spend more time with him/her. My company would probably be quite relaxed about it as long as I get the work done but I don't want too much of my weekends/evenings being eaten up. How long do you think it would be manageable to work from home with the baby and what age would you think it would be better to use childcare?

Thank you

Absolutely can be done - but depends on the type of work you do.

I’m guessing everyone saying it can’t is only thinking of their own specific job which perhaps has loads of set face to face meetings or calls.

If you can cook, clean and do laundry while looking after a baby or toddler then you can work on a computer in the same way - bursts of activity fitting in around the baby’s needs.

I think it would only be feasible if you are willing to neglect your baby for stretches of time, while also slacking on your job.

It is, in my opinion, absolutely not feasible at all. How would your baby be happy or safe for a couple of hours while you are working? Are you just hoping they'll sleep for long periods and on demand? My dc never did.

I've had to work from home with my child a fair amount (from the age of 9 months to about 2.5) due to really unreliable childcare. Luckily I had an understanding boss because I neither parented nor worked at anywhere near 100% on those days. When she was younger and had a decent nap I could get things done then, but it made putting her to bed really stressful as if it took ages to put her down I'd be worrying that I wasn't catching up on work and, honestly the last thing I wanted to do after a day of chasing a small person round was to go and finish my day's work. I also felt awful for my daughter as she needed more attention than I was able to give during those times. I manage a team and if any of them suggested that sort of arrangement full time I would not even consider it for a second, as much for concern for them burning out (I was very, very close to it) as anything else.

I worked in ten minute or 20 minute stretches scattered through the day - still did playdates, baby classes, outside time in between working.

As a newborn DD slept a lot - as a toddler she was great at concentrating on a toy or book for ten to 20 mins at a time - that is when I worked.

How on earth did you do 10-20 minutes stretches if your working day is 8-9 hours? And how did you concentrate on a task if you were breaking off so often? Did you work very long days to get your hours in?

Irrelevant to thread but phones don’t get cut off if you don’t renew, they just continue onto a rolling monthly contract (I work at Vodafone).

I had a toddler during lockdown and I was a shit parent and shit employee and it affected me massively. I ended up having to work split shifts so I could give my child attention in the middle of the day but it still wasn’t really enough. Extremely draining. Do not recommend doing this.

I have a job that delivers a product to a deadline - like building a website or creating a marketing campaign. There’s no set hours as long as the product gets delivered.

So I would save the complicated stuff for the times when DH or another adult was around to supervise the baby. And do the ‘easier’ half a brain things during those shorter breaks. One click tasks you can do with one hand while nursing etc. Dictate emails into a voice app. Etc

Equivalent to Mums who scroll their phones or watch a Netflix show, or fold laundry while breastfeeding or nap times etc.

You have to have a job and a brain that is super flexible and can switch back and forth quickly. But it’s a bit like being in an office where you are writing a document and get interrupted by a phone call or a colleague asking something. You just switch back and forth.

Obviously this doesn’t work for hourly contracts during set hours. But there are lots of flexible options for people that don’t have set hours.

It would not be normal for a 3 month old baby to be able to occupy themselves for even 10-20 mins at a time. I actually suspect that toddlers who consistently do this, do it because they've been given little other option. It's normal for young dc to seek their main caregiver if they are away from them for 20 minutes.

It also seems extremely unlikely that anyone working in 20 min blocks and attending baby groups is able to work the hours they are meant to (or anything like them tbh). So I wonder if you aren't being unfair to your employer too.

I tried to work from home with my 8 month old and I found it extremely difficult. My baby is quite demanding and was also crawling so I found I couldn't look after her properly while I was working. It ended up 3 days in that she put something in her mouth while I wasn't watching her closely enough and started choking so I resorted to child care at that stage. Very short journey for our working from home but I may revisit it when she's a bit older. Hope this helps.

It can be done - but it’s bloody hard and honestly not worth it. I would look at childcare for one of the two days at least, or the two mornings.

I'd say you either agree to do flexible working those 2 days, or if you have to be available during standard working hours then sort childcare. I wfh where I can during school holidays, dd 9 & 11, so they can pretty much occupy themselves and get themselves fed and watered. A baby is different, they need their needs to be met. Probably not the answer you want with childcare costs.

It’s not possible and furthermore it isn’t fair on your employer or you baby as neither will get your full attention.

Do you need to go back so soon? Maybe see how you feel once baby arrives?

This sort of post makes me pretty cross. Of course you can’t, don’t be ridiculous. You are being paid to give your work your undivided attention. You can’t do this with a baby. You need to pay for proper childcare. It is people taking the piss like this that makes employers demand everyone back to the office, including all the reasonable hard working people. Just don’t.

It absolutely can be done IF you have the type of job that would allow it. All of the people categorically ruling it out may have jobs that won’t allow that flexibility. I think you need to consider whether it’s actually something you can physically do without causing yourself too much stress and know that any time split in the day on childcare will need to be made up in the evening or weekend and whether you actually want to do that. It’s a real juggle but with the right routine you can achieve it BUT it’s not for the faint hearted. It’s also worth noting that not all babies will work around this work routine either. I could never have done this with my first but my second was a very easy laid back baby that settled into a routine that made me able to work around them quite easily.

You seem to have a very flexible job / I manage a team of about 40 people and working from home does not mean flexibility the way you have described it. There are still core hours during which people have to be available - that is when phone calls happen and meetings are scheduled.

it would be no good to me if someone couldn’t attend a meeting from 10am to noon but was happy to be available that evening. Yes there would be emails to respond, reports to write etc but they would have missed all the discussions during the day and would have no clue what is happening. The burden of the work would also fall on those available during core hours.

perhaps your job is different in that there is no ‘live’ communication?

but to be honest I think you have conflated WFH and no core hours. WFH does not necessarily mean no core hours.

a baby cries and fusses and needs attention. You will do both badly

In all honesty. I could have easily worked around my baby when they were newborns to around 3 months old.
They were easy, they slept and (breast)fed well and I could either put them down in the Moses basket for naps or just go out and about with no issues.

From 3 months onwards, they basically ‘woke up’ they reduced the almost all day time sleeping down to regular naps and when awake demanded much more attention.

from 6 months they could sit up and started trying to crawl (couldn’t, just would get very frustrated).

so I while it could be doable, you won’t in reality do either work or parenting well. And that’s if you don’t have a collicky Velcro baby too.

Kindly, it will not do you any good.

You will be stressed at doing a half job for your employer. Missing meetings, cutting corners. And you will feel guilty for not giving the baby the attention it needs.
Understandable that you want more time together but this will not be quality time. IMO much better to enjoy the time after work together when you'll be excited to see baby again, rather than the whole day dragging on and you working until midnight.

@Gem2x87 could you consider condensed hours? Then you get a day a week with baby and save on childcare? I understand why you’d want to wfh with a baby before you have them as not only can you see them all day but save on childcare. Kindly I don’t see how it could work. An alternative could be help at home so you can see them whenever you take a break - although you’ll have to ensure they don’t get distressed with you coming and going all day

Also check your contract - mine is pretty clear they expect me to do the job at home the same as I would in the office and there is zero wiggle room for childcare at the same time. As I like WFH I ensure this happens.

I could not do 20 mins here and there, I would get nothing done and it would impact my work.

Sorry but I don’t think it will work… I know people who have tried, given up after a few weeks and got child care. I know I couldn’t do it with my 18 month old. No way. They need too much attention. Calls, meetings and deadlines are just completely incompatible with the needs of a baby or toddler.

If you want to maximise your earring potential and decrease your spend on childcare then try compressed hours, so four days crammed into the three you’re in the office. It’d tough though, the days you are working you’re basically work all day, no time for anything else.

I really sympathise as someone who works full time and spends an eye watering amount on nursery. It’s horrendous but also not forever.

That’s even worse to do generally! In theory it’s great but in practice most people who do this (especially working mothers) don’t get all the work done in those 4 days or work very long 4 days. If you’re a man with a wife then yes it can work if picks up the load you will drop.

@SirChenjins - you’ve hit the nail on the head here! Concentrating on tasks or breaking off every so often if you work in 10-20 minute bursts means that you can’t concentrate easily or need to really focus. I do this in my current contract role as I admit I get away with it. But it’s a short term contract role and it’s finishing soon anyway. And yes, I know that’s not a good working attitude. That’s one thing I don’t like about WFH, unless you’re very focussed and organised it can be very easy to cheat your employer of work time, and every minute does add up. Yes, we all do casual internet browsing, check personal emails and phones but if you factor in housework you do at home you can end up wasting a lot of time. Of course being in the office you waste time going to the toilet, walking to meetings, kitchen breaks, people chatting to you etc but you’re more visible in a physical office.

Of course you can because your baby is never going to be grouchy, have a fever, have an upset stomach, grow teeth, want to crawl, want to be entertained,sleep badly and whinge all day, get overtired, need feeding, need changing, want to be held, vomit, swallow something it shouldn’t, fall over, bang it’s head,pull things over, get its finger stuck in something.

Just make sure it understands the two hour my time/baby time timing thing, I expect there’s an app for it somewhere.

@Gem2x87 My only advice is: don't even try to do it. You will be a poor mother and a poor employee. If you really feel you have to keep your job - and if you don't absolutely have to, then I wouldn't - you'd be far better off with your baby in childcare (and so would your baby).

Your idea is madness and not feasible.

how will you feed them, rock them to sleep, comfort them when they are crying and teething whilst typing/ being on a teams call/ trying to meet a deadline.

there is a reason childcare exists and a reason lockdown and working was hugely stressful for parents. You can’t ignore a 3 month old baby!