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Original poster

Holiday grabbing colleagues

210 replies

Allshallbewell2021 · 01/04/2023 19:42

I work with a team of people and we can't all be on holiday at the same time. Last year two collleagues put in for holiday over Easter with no acknowledgment of the impact on me, I still have a school aged child and one colleague has kids grown up so doesn't have to take Easter holidays.
I have no problem with working it - I've taken a few days at the very end of the holidays when they have graciously returned; it's just the lack of courtesy, consideration or consultation. Or even thanks, just snooze you lose, screw you and your Easter.
It just feels shitty and I feel disrespected - but I can't decide the value of saying anything as these two clearly don't give a crap so what would I achieve. But it's really eating me up. I don't mind the work at all, everyone has a right to a holiday -
I just feel disrespected.
Any way - thanks for the opportunity to vent!

OP posts:
Original poster
Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:46

It's really useful to hear everyone's experiences and nice to hear the whole range of attitudes.

OP posts:
Tealsofa · 02/04/2023 11:55

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

So you want everyone to wait for you to decide if you want the holiday?

You seem to be the gift that keeps giving

Glittertwins · 02/04/2023 11:57

I book the entire years worth off as soon as I'm able to, including potential dates to be confirmed.

bignope · 02/04/2023 12:03

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

Can you see that it wouldn't be fair on other people who need to plan their leave though? There's other reasons for wanting leave in school holidays than childcare.

People who have grandchildren they want to visit/go away with.
A partner with a term-time role.
Going on trips with friends.

Do they all have to wait around for you to announce with less than 2 months notice what holiday you need? That's not fair.

The best thing you can do is calmly suggest that for Christmas and Easter that there is an expression of interest for leave and a deadline to request then a decision is made based on who wants what.
I'm afraid summer holidays are too long for that and it's fair game really.

stinkfaceison · 02/04/2023 12:12

Notanothernewname · 02/04/2023 11:28

Many years ago I worked somewhere and when it came round to Summer we were sorting shifts and leave out, I wanted the bank holiday off as I was going to a festival. I was told no as this person has children so they get priority over time off in school holidays. I left there and then.

Their childcare is not down to me, why should I miss out on something that happens once, I was going to work all summer anyway as they had children so were taking most of it off and having all the early shifts.

A lot of it is down to favouritism . Mates looking after mates . It was always the same people getting first choice . Not a lot you can do about it . If I desperately needed a day off I just took it .

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 02/04/2023 12:15

stinkfaceison · 02/04/2023 12:12

A lot of it is down to favouritism . Mates looking after mates . It was always the same people getting first choice . Not a lot you can do about it . If I desperately needed a day off I just took it .

Show quote history

A lot of everything in the workplace is down to favouritism, I have found. It's depressing.

Brunts12 · 02/04/2023 12:18

Bloody hell, active discrimination or what?! Hope you do not work them anymore.

Brunts12 · 02/04/2023 12:19

@AdoraBell sorry, didn’t quote you in my previous message.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/04/2023 12:20

Why should your desires trump those of people without children? YABU. Book earlier next time.

Womencanlift · 02/04/2023 12:27

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

Then you book then cancel if you don’t want to use them rather than wanting your full team to wait until 2 months before Easter to book their holidays. That is unbelievably selfish. Why should they have to wait until the last minute, and then potentially miss out on travel deals, because of your family circumstances?

Oncemoreforluck · 02/04/2023 12:33

We always have this problem where I work. Any people with school age children get priority for booking time off during school holiday BUT they have to request that time off the very first week the booking opens, after that it’s open to everyone. Most of us without school age children would prefer not to have time off during school holiday anyway, so it doesn’t cause too much bother.
I have to cover for my colleagues when they are off, it drives me mad when they book time off during MY busiest time, as it means I am flat out, working (unpaid ) overtime so that they can have their time off. I can’t restrict their holidays to suit me though, so I suck it up and take the overtime worked back when I can .

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 02/04/2023 12:36

I’ve worked in companies where there’s a shut down over Christmas and Easter and this works much better as everyone’s away.

However, my ex colleague had 4 adult DC and one primary/secondary aged DC and then grandchildren and despite having every Friday off (4 day week) which meant I could rarely have long weekends off (found that out after I’d joined), she collared days around bank holidays in May and August and sometimes weeks in summer too. She also seemed to think these weeks should be earmarked for her in advance despite not booking them, plus 1-2 weeks long haul freebie holiday to Dubai or far east courtesy of cousin who worked for BA in January. I did laugh one year when she’d planned to go to Thailand with her cousin but cousin took her new boyfriend instead, colleague had a face like a slapped arse when I asked why she wasn’t on holiday then!

Things only changed when instead of her friend working with us as cover, I got employment agency staff who were happy to work any dates required so I could take more holiday.

So yes, you don’t have a right to book certain holiday dates unless you book them in advance.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 02/04/2023 12:39

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:46

It's really useful to hear everyone's experiences and nice to hear the whole range of attitudes.

Well not really, because ultimately you feel entitled to first dibs on holiday bookings ahead of people without children.

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 02/04/2023 12:42

Why didn’t you put in for leave before them? They don’t owe you preferential treatment because you have children. You’re being unreasonable here.

monsteramunch · 02/04/2023 12:45

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

But the solution to that would be for everyone else to wait until you know what time off you can have before they book so that you get a fair shot at booking a time that suits you. Meaning they can't plan their time off until you can.

Do you think that's a workable, fair solution?

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 02/04/2023 12:48

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

Why didn't you book it anyway. If your DH isn't able to get the time off then you're free to cancel it. Why make it more complicated than it needs to be?

BlueKaftan · 02/04/2023 12:48

What does it mean that you feel disrespected? I thought that was an urban youth term. In this context I can’t imagine why you’re owed the respect of being consulted before they book holidays 😂

drumandthebass · 02/04/2023 13:04

YABU

mybeautifuloak · 02/04/2023 13:15

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

What are you suggesting? That no one in the firm book anything because you can't commit more than a couple of months ahead? Yeah that's ridiculous. Other people have to plan their lives. They need to book flights, accommodation, factor in partners etc. do you seriously think because you can't book ahead, the whole company should not ?

Hawkins003 · 02/04/2023 13:19

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/04/2023 21:16

I got screwed on holiday at an old workplace years ago as I wasn't told I needed to book on 1st January.

Following year, I set an email to send at 00:01 on NYD. Got all the best dates.

Show quote history

That seems the best approach

Hawkins003 · 02/04/2023 13:20

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

Basically get the dates you want regardless of your dh as has shown it's a mix otherwise

Hawkins003 · 02/04/2023 13:21

@Allshallbewell2021 plus it seems others won't wait anyway

Hbh17 · 02/04/2023 13:28

Just be more organised and stop expecting everyone else to hang on until the last minute while you make up your mind. The childfree have just as much right as you to take holiday at Easter and your attitude is, sadly, thecsort that can give parents a bad name.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 02/04/2023 13:32

Allshallbewell2021 · 02/04/2023 11:17

Because my family circumstances make my holidays far less predictable. I often don't know until February if my dh will be able to get away over Easter.
But you must mean I book ahead regardless dog in the manger style?

But thats your problem. Not everyone else's. If you can't plan ahead, don't expect everyone to wait for you to decide the holidays you want. And as for a thank you for holding down the fort, that's your job. They will do it when you're away. No thank you to you is needed.

SapphireSunday · 02/04/2023 13:38

I think it’s the kind of thing that’s useful to suss out about a team when you very first join - is there a system or is it first come first served. Then you can make sure you have important times for childcare covered. If it’s first come first served it is a case of you snooze you lose though but a bit unfair if you are new and nobody has told you.

I worked in a team once where there was 3 of us doing a similar role and at least 1 of us always had to be in. Both me and another colleague had a week booked off in September to go on holiday and the third colleague booked something without checking for the same week. Her leave request got declined and she had the cheek to demand me or second colleague who had already had our leave requests approved cancel them so she could go because ‘she already paid’. That was a big fat no from me. Now that’s grabby!!