Insane pay rise (but at what other cost)

[Aliceteacup]

understand how hard times are for people at the moment so please know that I’m aware this is very much first world problems but I genuinely can’t talk to my friends / family about this as I can’t bear to discuss the money on the table and so I can’t get proper advice on this at the min.

for clarity I’m going to include the actual two figures on the table here to help paint the picture.

currently consider myself well paid working in my industry for 14 years. I earn £64k a year and this includes 30 days annual leave. I am very well established in the role, well respected and generally never dread work or stress about work. I recognise I work hard and I’m good at my job, other people comment on my ability to handle a very high workload with ease. I’m fairly senior well regarded and happy where I am day to day.

I have an 18 month old baby, been back at work 6 months, my little girl is well into the swing of nursery and I’m loving being back in the routine of work but in the next 2 years I would love to try again for another baby if we’re lucky enough. Maternity leave at my current job is 18 weeks full pay, then 6 weeks half pay then statutory. I took a year off and it was very very tight but doable.

I was headhunted end of last year by a big competitor, and given I have been in my current company so long thought I should go through the motion of the process. I anecdotally knew this company pay very well from a few ex colleagues / well known in the industry that they pay well. I really enjoyed the interview process but it was hard and I had 6 zooms in total, some with global teams and then 2 in person meetings 1 including a presentation.

I got the job offer last week and they are offering me £180k, it is just such a huge salary for me it has blown all my expectations out of the water. I have told my husband who is obviously floored but beyond him I genuinely wouldn’t tell anyone as I feel it is such a grotesquely huge salary compared to other people in my life and at a time like this. The work I do is important work (health related) but still I am fully aware it is way beyond what other people earn. I come from a very normal family mum worked for the council dad was a teacher this is not the type of money I ever dreamed of earning.

so my dilemma is that I know with this salary / title comes a huge step change to my working day. I will admit in this current role I am EXTREMELY comfortable - I barely get stressed, I never have to worry, I know I do a good job and I switch off at 6pm and that’s me for the night. I have it very good. With this new job I fear I am going to feel so under pressure to perform for this salary, I know I am going to need to up the ante considerably.

the company is well known / notorious for being slightly cut throat - this doesn’t bother me too much as I understand that it’s only if I was failing at my job that I would be fired and frankly rightly so. But I am sort of wondering if I am about to walk away from a really nice easy life (still really well paid), and then enter this insanely high paying job but feel the fear of it every day.

hours wise it would be sort of the same but more days in the office which will mean less nursery pick ups and I’m imagining a few more late nights on the laptop when baby is in bed.

maternity policy wise I have to be there 6 months to get it but then once I am through that 6 months their mat leave policy is 9 months full pay! So again if we did want a baby in the next 2 years that’s a huge bonus for our family.

if this were you and you had a young baby at home that your current easy job allowed you to easily pick up / drop off and not worry about work on an evening, would you give it up for this pay rise? The work is exciting and I’m genuinely energised by the thought of it, I know deep down I could do a good job, just already sort of feeling imposter syndrome and wondering if I going to be good enough / what if they fire me within 6 months and we have a mortgage etc.

but then on the flip side I’m thinking I’ve been where I am 14 years, am I at risk of just stagnating here and coasting along comfortably. If I take this and get through 6 months then start trying for a baby I could save such a huge amount of money during my first year there and then subsequent maternity leave that we could put towards mortgage and house and future.

I’ve almost done the maths and thought if I get fired within my probation period (6 months) and save most of the money I’ll have earn’t more in those months than I would have in a year in my current job. So if I did get fired I’d have enough saved to have a bit of time to apply for other things.

would you take the new job and risk it?

(Again really hope this isn’t insensitive during a cost of living crisis I really know it’s obscene money I just could do with some advice from other mums)

Exactly, me too. And yes, to the 'you'll never be able to have a stable family if you do take it' conspiracy

Exactly .

Next we will have

“ Your poor husband will feel all emasculated” and

“ You wont have enough time to service him sexually , he will have an affair and it will be All Your Fault “.

Go for it! Worst case scenario and you hate it or it doesn't work out then you'll get something else with your experience.

I agree that I think you'd regret not doing it too. One other thing to ask about, if you haven't already, is if they'd consider reduced hours. You can sacrifice the salary, at that level, you just need to make sure that the hours would actually be reduced. But it might be a good way to gauge what "normal" hours are for them. Are they expecting 80 hour weeks? Also, yes you can hire in extra help with house and child but that takes some coordination too - is DH willing to help with or manage that?

Sorry op but I think it’s a typo too. How can you not know your own worth and be so out of touch with salaries. I think you need to meet the team and do a bit more research on the job requirements before you take it - you don’t sound ready.

Where is the OP?

Congratulations OP!

Tentatively I'd say go for it, but I'd want to speak to some women who already work for this company to gauge just how much parenting you might have to give up for the role.

For no amount of money would I want a job where I couldn't be present for my children when ill, when they have a school event they want me at, etc. I always thought I wouldn't feel the need to attend school events much but now DD is at school it is so important to her that I'm there. I couldn't have imagined how I'd feel about it until we arrived in this phase.

Indeed!

Congratulations! What an amazing job offer. GO FOR IT!

Take the job, it’s hard enough a woman in this world and you deserve to up your lifestyle! The sheer joy of not having to worry about the pennies and pounds, do it go for it and don’t let being a woman hold you back - a bloke wouldn’t think twice! This will help you and your family so much for the future make hay while the sun shines! I just had a miscarriage unfortunately when planning to have my second. What we want doesn’t always work out, seize the day and excel for us women!

I’d feel the fear too but that is an amazing opportunity and you’d be mad not to go for it!

If you had already had your second baby i would say yes but pregnancy with a small child is EXHAUSTING so think about that aspect

Go for it!

Somewhere on MN there is a ten+ year old thread with near identical scenario.

A job offer with pretty much the same increase whilst I had a young baby.

The advice on here was strongly in favour of not taking the job. I ignored it, took the job and my life is completely transformed.

This gives me hope 🙌

Hi everyone,

I was nervous to post back on here at the start of the year as I was quite overwhelmed by all the responses! Hand on my heart some of them made me teary, especially the ones congratulating me and telling me I should be proud of myself. Because I didn’t tell friends / family about the salary offer I didn’t get the same type of reactions in real life (everyone was still lovely and told me to go for it etc) but without knowing the money side it wasn’t the same and I couldn’t really be honest with them about how I was feeling.

I read every single one of your replies - read them all out to my husband too! And I did take the job. You honestly gave me the confidence to think I could do it / that women and mums can do this, so thank you. I also took seriously the posters telling me to be cautious and grateful for the balance I had at the old place, so thank you to those too.

I had a 3 month notice period which I did work (sometimes they give gardening leave at my company if you leave for a competitor but my work were so busy in the run up to this that they said they’d rather have me still on full time) so I basically worked the full 3 months then started the new position in May. I wanted to post back on here to give an update but wanted to get a sense of the lay of the land first.

Main thing to say as a lot of you pointed out is the imposter syndrome was very real! I just didn’t believe I would be able to do the work to that salary level and I was projecting that everyone would be better than me / that I would get “found out” and that I would be swiftly exited! Luckily over the past few months I have found my feet and my confidence is building. Everyone is VERY nice and talented, but no more so than the people I used to work with - at the much lesser paid place. So that was the first learning for me, that I think we tell ourselves people earning more than us must be better at their jobs but in this case that isn’t necessarily true. There are a lot of talented hard working people at my old company that this new company would be very lucky to have (and as I get more settled I will hopefully be able to vouch for them when new recruitment comes around). I am starting to feel more comfortable that I can do it and I don’t doubt myself daily / every hour (probably did the first few weeks!)

Family life / work life balance wise it honestly hasn’t been too bad. I am doing 2-3 days a week in the office, mainly 2, and the others from home. On average I am missing 2 wake ups a week (our toddler wakes up at 7.30 and I have to leave the house at 7 for the train on my office days, so I don’t see her those mornings). On one of those office days I will try and get the early train to get me home for 7pm so that I can do bedtime. At first I would check my emails when our daughter was in bed but the longer I have gone and the more confident I am getting I am not doing this most nights. A lot of my colleagues don’t email or work at night so again it’s not the pressurised / toxic place I had envisaged. The work is challenging and fast paced but I am working as hard as I have done in the past.

I have had moments of feeling a lot of guilt when I realise I haven’t seen my daughter in almost 2 whole days. If I’ve missed wake up and bed time it can sometimes be 2 days that I don’t see her. That is really hard, and I’ve had a few tears on tired nights on the train home. But on a few of those days I actually read back on this thread. I am trying to remind myself that one day my daughter will be old enough for me to have this conversation with her and tell her that her mum did really like her job, was good at it and did earn a high wage (for however long this lasts!)

I am trying to tell myself that what I’m doing now is for my family and for her too, as well as for myself.

A genuine thank you for all your advice and support. Hearing from a group of women was exactly what I needed when I couldn’t call on the people in my real life. Who knows how long I’ll last here but for now I am working hard, and saving as much as I can. My husband has said I do need to treat myself too so I have also booked a massage in a spa next month so that will be my first proper pay day treat.

With the cost of living crisis I have struggled a lot with the guilt of “6 figure salaries” as this is all new to me. My family come from very ‘normal’ jobs as do my friends and the type of money I am now on we would have only ever read about / assumed of rich male investment bankers. Lots of teachers / doctors / nurses / policemen and shift workers in my life, so I have found this salary a real adjustment in my head. I feel very guilty earning this when so many are struggling but one thing I have made the most of is using our company’s “giving back” scheme. My company will double any donation I make - to any charity of my choice - every month, up to the value of £25k a year. This was something I had no clue about before joining. I have signed up to 6 causes and am donating each month throughout the year.

Thanks so much again for your advice, and to reiterate what I did in the earlier post at such a shit time when people are struggling with a cost of living crisis I hope this thread wasn’t insensitive.

ps hopefully I don’t update in 2 months to tell you I’ve been let go haha

Grab this with both hands and don't look back. A lot of your worries are currently just unknowns. You may find you adjust perfectly well, and you're family will also. I would do it in a heartbeat. Congratulations!

Congratulations

start believing in yourself

Congratulations. I am very proud of you.

This is a wonderful update, thank you so much!

Honestly, put away as much as you can and your DC will reap the benefits in holidays and fun experiences, financial stability.

You would like a wonderful loving parent, and an awesome employee too!

Wow OP, brilliant, really well done!

This is a wonderful update and yes can you imagine all the opportunities your DC will have in the future - she will appreciate those a lot more than a few missed morning wake ups.

Great update OP! I'm glad you took the plunge.

Ahhh I'm glad you took it OP!

I'm very comfortable and flexible in a long itme role, and like you reasonably well paid.

But I'm aware I could get more elsewhere and then think I'd feel the imposter, so it was lovely to hear it's working out for you.

A cut throat company would not offer you a role unless they fully believe you can do the job. Well done OP. Your hard work has paid off.

Congratulations OP! You're smashing it! Hope you continue to enjoy it and thrive xx