Insane pay rise (but at what other cost)

[Aliceteacup]

understand how hard times are for people at the moment so please know that I’m aware this is very much first world problems but I genuinely can’t talk to my friends / family about this as I can’t bear to discuss the money on the table and so I can’t get proper advice on this at the min.

for clarity I’m going to include the actual two figures on the table here to help paint the picture.

currently consider myself well paid working in my industry for 14 years. I earn £64k a year and this includes 30 days annual leave. I am very well established in the role, well respected and generally never dread work or stress about work. I recognise I work hard and I’m good at my job, other people comment on my ability to handle a very high workload with ease. I’m fairly senior well regarded and happy where I am day to day.

I have an 18 month old baby, been back at work 6 months, my little girl is well into the swing of nursery and I’m loving being back in the routine of work but in the next 2 years I would love to try again for another baby if we’re lucky enough. Maternity leave at my current job is 18 weeks full pay, then 6 weeks half pay then statutory. I took a year off and it was very very tight but doable.

I was headhunted end of last year by a big competitor, and given I have been in my current company so long thought I should go through the motion of the process. I anecdotally knew this company pay very well from a few ex colleagues / well known in the industry that they pay well. I really enjoyed the interview process but it was hard and I had 6 zooms in total, some with global teams and then 2 in person meetings 1 including a presentation.

I got the job offer last week and they are offering me £180k, it is just such a huge salary for me it has blown all my expectations out of the water. I have told my husband who is obviously floored but beyond him I genuinely wouldn’t tell anyone as I feel it is such a grotesquely huge salary compared to other people in my life and at a time like this. The work I do is important work (health related) but still I am fully aware it is way beyond what other people earn. I come from a very normal family mum worked for the council dad was a teacher this is not the type of money I ever dreamed of earning.

so my dilemma is that I know with this salary / title comes a huge step change to my working day. I will admit in this current role I am EXTREMELY comfortable - I barely get stressed, I never have to worry, I know I do a good job and I switch off at 6pm and that’s me for the night. I have it very good. With this new job I fear I am going to feel so under pressure to perform for this salary, I know I am going to need to up the ante considerably.

the company is well known / notorious for being slightly cut throat - this doesn’t bother me too much as I understand that it’s only if I was failing at my job that I would be fired and frankly rightly so. But I am sort of wondering if I am about to walk away from a really nice easy life (still really well paid), and then enter this insanely high paying job but feel the fear of it every day.

hours wise it would be sort of the same but more days in the office which will mean less nursery pick ups and I’m imagining a few more late nights on the laptop when baby is in bed.

maternity policy wise I have to be there 6 months to get it but then once I am through that 6 months their mat leave policy is 9 months full pay! So again if we did want a baby in the next 2 years that’s a huge bonus for our family.

if this were you and you had a young baby at home that your current easy job allowed you to easily pick up / drop off and not worry about work on an evening, would you give it up for this pay rise? The work is exciting and I’m genuinely energised by the thought of it, I know deep down I could do a good job, just already sort of feeling imposter syndrome and wondering if I going to be good enough / what if they fire me within 6 months and we have a mortgage etc.

but then on the flip side I’m thinking I’ve been where I am 14 years, am I at risk of just stagnating here and coasting along comfortably. If I take this and get through 6 months then start trying for a baby I could save such a huge amount of money during my first year there and then subsequent maternity leave that we could put towards mortgage and house and future.

I’ve almost done the maths and thought if I get fired within my probation period (6 months) and save most of the money I’ll have earn’t more in those months than I would have in a year in my current job. So if I did get fired I’d have enough saved to have a bit of time to apply for other things.

would you take the new job and risk it?

(Again really hope this isn’t insensitive during a cost of living crisis I really know it’s obscene money I just could do with some advice from other mums)

I just moved from Director to Senior Director, it was also a big pay rise but I had been at Director level for a few years so was ready for the jump. I have 2 girls under 8 so was worried. However I have found that being in a Senior role means that I get to plan to meeting, I tend to ignore peak school times making it possible for my teams to do school runs and we have meetings mainly concentrated between 9.30am and 2.30pm. I work in big company so there are times I need to be flexible but as these are one off's it is not a struggle.

My advice would be to get all the information and set expectations on both sides before you sign. Look on 'Glassdoor' and see if there are reviews on the new company, what is the work/life balance like!

Congratulations on the offer and best of luck with whatever you decide.

Secret option 3 - discuss with your current employer and negotiate a raise?

Yes I'd take it!

Hopefully your husband can take more on too on the days where you need to me in. How exciting, well done!

Congratulations!! Take the job. Would a man consider saying no? Of course he wouldn’t.
the number of times you see women on here saying that they need to cut back hours at work because their DH has a Big Important Job where they can’t do pick ups or house work or cooking… turn the tables. What a great role model for your daughter.
if your DH isn’t in a position to do more pick ups etc then get a part-time nanny, a cleaner, whatever you want in the way of outsourcing to ensure you’re still able to spend quality time with the kids.

Anyway, I’m not saying don’t take the job (I think you should) but perhaps there’s a way for your husband to be home more or you WFH a day or two so you can still spend time with your DC?

Why do people on mumsnet think women that work don't spend time with their children? The OP already works full time you know?

I earn about the same you do now in what sounds a similar role. So I sort of get where you are coming from in terms of being comfortable at work and it's not an easy decision. I were you I think I would go for the job change. The 9months full pay for may leave is huge too. I think you may regret not doing it.

'If' I were you

The "what would a man say?" or "would a man considering saying no?" questions are a bit naive IMO.
No man will have to work through pregnancy, maternity leave, possible postpartum complications [yes, not all women etc...but has to factored into planning].

I read research from Wharton, yesterday, that looked at the economic trade-offs for women face in balancing career and family timing....
knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/does-a-womans-biological-clock-have-a-price/
OP says that she is planning another child.

Life is, at the end of the day, not the bank balance you leave behind.

Before you all jump down my neck, I am all for women owning and running businesses and disrupting the status quo where men dominate board-rooms, and own the majority of the world's wealth.

But, it's a complex question.... even Sheryl Sandberg had to admit that she got the "lean in" thing wrong.

The role you have been offered, whilst paying a lot, is likely to want a lot of flesh in return. I would certainly be exploring as to how compatible the role will be with pregnancy and family life and get feedback if you can from current and ex employees etc and more information about the organisational culture. My last role was supposedly a standard sort of week, flexible working etc, all lovely shiny policies but in reality the days were at least 10 hours and there were loads of out of hours meetings and so on and so forth. It got to the point were I couldn’t switch off and had little in the way of down time. It really wasn’t worth it.

If you are happy to work long hours and outsource childcare and to a certain extent parenting, the role may be for you. But it may well be sensible if you are looking to have more children before much longer to stay put for the time being. Don’t underestimate the benefit and security of having a job you find easy when you are going through pregnancy and raising young children.

I’m in some ways it’s easier to work harder in the early years when the kids have nursery. You may well want to actually take a step back when they start school and their expectations of you become more complicated. So might be good to take the big leap now, and it’ll give you more options in a few years time.

My husband was headhunted last year and was offered a significant pay rise (from 82k to 160k).Similar to yourself, he has been at his current company for years, is very settled and almost finds it ‘easy’, but produces exceptional work in a very short space of time. He is very rarely stressed and has a lot of flexibility since moving to home working in the pandemic.

We talked it through and in the end he decided at this point in time, to decline the offer. The main reasons for this were because he realised with such a significant pay rise, comes a significant amount of extra work and pressure . He is able to spend so much more time with our two year old son and life is pretty easy at the moment.

We are hoping to have another baby this year, my husband has loved being more present with our 2 year old due to having a pretty easy work life and has said he doesn’t want to miss out on the next one.

Between the two of us we have sort of gone down the route of ‘the kids are only little once’ so are going to enjoy it. Husband has said he will revisit in 5 or 6 years when the children are settled in school.

It is obviously a huge decision, it took my husband weeks to finally decide but I’m very happy with his choice, we do lots as a family and life is pretty good.

Try it and see?
Outsource your drudge work.

Could you easily find another job if you don't like the new one?

Take it! Amazing salary and congratulations!

Op I do apologise, I didn’t read you post very well apparently.

I hadn’t realised you were already working full time now.

Its a really tough one because the maternity pay is better in the new prolapsed job and you could afford to outsource a lot to free up time at home.

You could also afford to take a year or so off work if the job isn’t what you’d hoped. You’d just need to work for a year and save the increase in salarie to do so.

I think in your position I’d be tempted to take it.

*proposed

Definitely take it! I'm excited for you and I have no idea who you are. If it crumbles, just know you tried your best and enjoy the money. Good luck :)

Take it!

But if you really don't want to then make sure you negotiate a better salary where you are now.

Challenge yourself and do it and you know what if it's too much and your not happy or you want to go back to less stress and to the pick ups and drop off then you go back to your previous role and or find sillier elsewhere. You are obviously an adaptable person who has a lot to offer so finding another job if this new one isn't for you will be something you can do

100% take it! You'll regret at least not trying.

Save as much as you can in your first few months so if you do decide you don't like it, you can afford to quit and find another job.

Since you have been head hunted and offered such a huge salary, I would imagine there will be company's queuing up for you!

In regards to family life, lots of moms work full time, so yes you may miss a couple of drop offs/pick ups but there will be lots of time for family on weekends and think of the life you could provide.

Congrats!

I concur with others OP. After seeing you, hearing what you have to say, they believe you are worth that salary. Proving it whilst on the job always seems daunting but they saw something so they believe you are capable.

Go for it.....as you say if you don't like it or it doesn't work out you can always resign and you will have made a lot of money in the process.

Perhaps for the first 6 months put the 'extra' pay in savings, bar a bit of spending money, so that way you don't get used to having a lot more money to spend should it not work out you would then miss, if that makes sense.

Take it - if you did it for 2 years and parlayed it into an easier job at another company after that, you'd still end up on a higher salary than now.

Do it but don’t accept their first offer! Negotiate for more!

Ps in contract but I've near doubled my day rate between two contracts before, and it's been fine.

This. And work out your current budget and keep following it. Don’t let your lifestyle creep up to consume at the money.

You are worth it and it will give you freedom.

OP this will be the best thing for your families future.

think of the amount of saving you can stash away your kids? They will have uni and a flat deposit sorted and be able to enter their adult lives without financial stress. That is worth it!!! They will thank you for it!!!

note that NO MAN would be having this debate- they would take the money and run. Do the same!