Insane pay rise (but at what other cost)

[Aliceteacup]

understand how hard times are for people at the moment so please know that I’m aware this is very much first world problems but I genuinely can’t talk to my friends / family about this as I can’t bear to discuss the money on the table and so I can’t get proper advice on this at the min.

for clarity I’m going to include the actual two figures on the table here to help paint the picture.

currently consider myself well paid working in my industry for 14 years. I earn £64k a year and this includes 30 days annual leave. I am very well established in the role, well respected and generally never dread work or stress about work. I recognise I work hard and I’m good at my job, other people comment on my ability to handle a very high workload with ease. I’m fairly senior well regarded and happy where I am day to day.

I have an 18 month old baby, been back at work 6 months, my little girl is well into the swing of nursery and I’m loving being back in the routine of work but in the next 2 years I would love to try again for another baby if we’re lucky enough. Maternity leave at my current job is 18 weeks full pay, then 6 weeks half pay then statutory. I took a year off and it was very very tight but doable.

I was headhunted end of last year by a big competitor, and given I have been in my current company so long thought I should go through the motion of the process. I anecdotally knew this company pay very well from a few ex colleagues / well known in the industry that they pay well. I really enjoyed the interview process but it was hard and I had 6 zooms in total, some with global teams and then 2 in person meetings 1 including a presentation.

I got the job offer last week and they are offering me £180k, it is just such a huge salary for me it has blown all my expectations out of the water. I have told my husband who is obviously floored but beyond him I genuinely wouldn’t tell anyone as I feel it is such a grotesquely huge salary compared to other people in my life and at a time like this. The work I do is important work (health related) but still I am fully aware it is way beyond what other people earn. I come from a very normal family mum worked for the council dad was a teacher this is not the type of money I ever dreamed of earning.

so my dilemma is that I know with this salary / title comes a huge step change to my working day. I will admit in this current role I am EXTREMELY comfortable - I barely get stressed, I never have to worry, I know I do a good job and I switch off at 6pm and that’s me for the night. I have it very good. With this new job I fear I am going to feel so under pressure to perform for this salary, I know I am going to need to up the ante considerably.

the company is well known / notorious for being slightly cut throat - this doesn’t bother me too much as I understand that it’s only if I was failing at my job that I would be fired and frankly rightly so. But I am sort of wondering if I am about to walk away from a really nice easy life (still really well paid), and then enter this insanely high paying job but feel the fear of it every day.

hours wise it would be sort of the same but more days in the office which will mean less nursery pick ups and I’m imagining a few more late nights on the laptop when baby is in bed.

maternity policy wise I have to be there 6 months to get it but then once I am through that 6 months their mat leave policy is 9 months full pay! So again if we did want a baby in the next 2 years that’s a huge bonus for our family.

if this were you and you had a young baby at home that your current easy job allowed you to easily pick up / drop off and not worry about work on an evening, would you give it up for this pay rise? The work is exciting and I’m genuinely energised by the thought of it, I know deep down I could do a good job, just already sort of feeling imposter syndrome and wondering if I going to be good enough / what if they fire me within 6 months and we have a mortgage etc.

but then on the flip side I’m thinking I’ve been where I am 14 years, am I at risk of just stagnating here and coasting along comfortably. If I take this and get through 6 months then start trying for a baby I could save such a huge amount of money during my first year there and then subsequent maternity leave that we could put towards mortgage and house and future.

I’ve almost done the maths and thought if I get fired within my probation period (6 months) and save most of the money I’ll have earn’t more in those months than I would have in a year in my current job. So if I did get fired I’d have enough saved to have a bit of time to apply for other things.

would you take the new job and risk it?

(Again really hope this isn’t insensitive during a cost of living crisis I really know it’s obscene money I just could do with some advice from other mums)

The work is exciting and I’m genuinely energised by the thought of it, I know deep down I could do a good job

Listen to your gut.

Go for it.

That really is an insane jump. Did they know your current salary? I would expect it to be all consuming but if you're really confident then take it.

Congratulations! Go for it! They have offered you 180k because you are worth 180k!

My sil is a recruiter and she has told me that people who stay in the same place for long periods do tend to lose out on their pay increases.

I think it's normal to be resistant to change and stay where you are because it's known and comfortable. 180k would be enough for me to make the leap though 😉

I would say go for it. You sound really qualified and experienced so I'm sure you can look for another job easily if you really don't like it.

Your earning decent money and comfortable. The fact your considering this shows you must be passionate and ambitious. Go for it! Opportunities like that might not always be there so reach for the top while you can! And be so proud of yourself whatever you do

Agree. You can't just go home at 5pm when you're earning top dollar 🙄

You need to negotiate, as a couple of people have said upthread.
It’s a lot of money, but don’t be blinded by the difference from your current wage.
counter with 10-20% more, plus whatever perks (more AL, benefits, car?) and see what happens.

Is it Amazon? If it is, run a mile, or rather, decide whether that’s enough money to be worth paying someone else to effectively live your life for you. For me, unless it was a life changing amount of money (ie, working a few years there, I could retire very early or something), I would not trade quality of life for money. But then DH earns your new salary and I earn 6 figures, so coming from a comfortable place, that’s just not worth the trade off.

OP, take it.

I had similar, in that in two years, due to a series of short term contracts at a company I rose very quickly. After four different roles during that time, I was offered a permanent role at 184k. My first cover had been at 75k.

I WFH as it is an international role, and due to that I work two evenings a week to cover time zones. I block out dinner so we can eat at the table, as a family (30 mins) and bed time (30 mins) on those nights but finish around 10.30pm. However, I have complete freedom and mornings and Fridays are mostly meeting free, so I manage my time easily, go to the gym etc then. I never work weekends and stop early on a friday to spend extra time with my children. My boss is in the US and we check in three times a week. I am completely autonomous and love it.

There are many people working at this level, so please drop the imposter syndrome and take the chance! Sometimes it is stressful, but most of the time I pinch myself at my good fortune.

i have a home.help every day to do the cleaning/ laundry and the cooking for three evenings a week, so takes care of the evening time pressure. DH is in a similar role but manages the region so doesn't have any time zone issues. He is available to the kids every night from either 5 or 6. Though he does travel a bit. That is why we got daily help.

it can be done, and you don't have to work yourself into oblivion. Do not martyr yourself and make sure you make sensible choices around housework/ nannies.

Jesus, don't know what happened there! Tech error, honest

I did this. But for a much higher figure. I am being honest here and for me it was the wrong move. I thought I had a good handle on what the stresses and challenges of the new role would be. I was wrong. I am a resilient person but this job is nearly breaking me.

Very job specific so who knows. But also now I wonder why do I need to challenge myself. Why do I need to be outside my comfort zone. If your work expands to fill 90% of your working day and you are mostly stressed and out of your comfort zone, then that is very difficult. I lay awake at night shaking with stress. I have physical signs of stress I can't control. I think obsessively about work.

I will never take work life balance and the ability to enjoy my life for granted again. No money is worth this.

Be realistic. And if you do it don't increase your outgoings for at least two years so you aren't trapped.

What would happen if you ask for a pay rise with your current company?
It’s an amazing opportunity no doubt, but if you want a child in a year, you will need to consider a nanny.

I wouldn’t be able to manage a baby and working evenings and performing at maximum capacity. You don’t say what the job is, but presumably something a bit niche, I guess as long as you can look for something else if it does become too much. If you don’t take it you’ll always wonder what if.

Pay the mortgage down as much as possible before spending on anything else.

Your current employer is clearly seriously underpaying you. They’re taking advantage.
so leave, and if you hate it after 2 years / a round of maternity leave - go back to your former (current) employer on an actual market salary. This is a decision that you will regret not taking in 20 years’ time.

I had to give it up….

Cut throat - meant every meeting was a fight - meant every day was a battle - every week was a war. Allies and enemies became the norm.

health wise - barely sleeping because of it did me in - especially because hr were at the centre of the wars

skills & knowledge - suffered

money - i came to the conclusion, how much is enough….

make your own choices obviously, but im so much happier, part time, earning a 5th of what i used to.

Good luck.

Take the new job! Don't overthink the salary, they are paying you what you are worth. Do exactly what you have thought out and save the extra income, sorted. From reading your OP it sounds like you will flourish in this role. As others have said do not fall into the extra hours or weekend trap. Obviously there will be additional hours and pressure but don't feel you have to over perform to prove yourself. They have already chosen you as being exceptional and know they have you as a diamond in their company. They headhunted you! Be confident, and proud, you should be OP, well done. Go you! Xxxx

@Aliceteacup firstly congratulations! And whatever you decide to do, best of luck!

I think you need to trust your gut on this. That salary is great and from experience, you’re right to be concerned about the trade off in terms of wfh and nursery pick ups. My husband was in the civil service and had a great work/ life balance then left to go to a private company, he doubled his salary but had to sacrifice some of the flexibility.

Sounds like you could do a couple of things

1. stay out where you are
2. stay out for now, thank the new company for their offer and say you’d love to keep in touch but it’s not the right timing
3. take the offer to your superiors to see if you can negotiate a higher salary (if you’re in the public sector I expect this wouldn’t work but it’s an option all the same)
4. accept the job offer and negotiate more annual leave/ work flexibility upon accepting the contract. They clearly want you and they need you more than you need them so don’t be afraid to ask!
5. accept the job offer with no amendments

If you do accept the new job, I would be inclined to have a candid chat with your manager about your excitement/ apprehensive. Would be good to keep the door open at your current place in case you decide you don’t like the new role and you want to come back. Apparently this is really common btw and nothing to be ashamed of.

Let us know what you do!

Take the money! For sure.

With that much extra money you can hire a housekeeper, send your laundry out, buy healthy ready meals or hello fresh.

You might work extra hours but you can buy back your time in other ways.

If nothing else this should show you that your current employer is getting away with paying you well below market

Also not sure if anyone else has said this but money isn’t everything. You’re on a great salary as you are and if you are happy, there is absolutely no harm in staying put until you feel ready to move. If you want to stay where you are until you’ve had baby number 2 then that makes total sense too!

*stay put not stay out (autocorrect!)

Totally off topic, but I work in ‘health related’ work and whilst earning more than your current salary, it’s nowhere near your new one - I’m interested to know what work you do (so I can maybe look for a similar role!! 😆)
Congrats, OP.

Take it, the money affords so much.

Had similar with DH. Couldn't believe the amount of interviews and then they offered, huge salary, company car, pension etc. He loved it, they loved him. Unfortunately finances took a hit and he was let go. They were sad to do it which helped with his feelings. He's looking for the same again and it's hard. For us it was good while it lasted.

Enjoy!!

Well it would be a no brainer for me.

Congrats OP, definitely take the job! If you don't have one already get a cleaner.

These sorts of jobs can be really tough and it is not true that you only get let go if you are failing in your role . New people do come in and want to bring in their own people and you are liable for all
those you manage . If you can negotiate a good notice period (6 or 12 months) then it’s very worthwhile.

my husband having this sort of role has enabled me to stay home and enabled us to pay off our mortgage early .We would have needed live in childcare if I’d carried on working . There has been a cost though to family life ( he took the jump up when they were tiny ) , he’s now settled for a slightly lower level where he is around more to have a relationship with our teenagers . He is much more likeable now he’s less stressed . He recently had the opportunity to double his income but pulled out of the process .

i am sure you are very capable and deserve your new role , but your concerns are very valid and you are right to consider them carefully. Life is definitely not all about work and in my experience life’s plans often work out differently. Good luck OP

I know im going against the grain here but I’m the child of a mother who had a job like this one, she is incredible and gave me such a good idea of what women deserve/are capable of in business BUT I missed her terribly as a child and our relationship suffered until I was an adult as I felt like she chose her high powered job over spending time with me/coming to nativities etc. (I know it wasn’t like that now but that was my perspective as a child) Having children myself I’m nowhere near as successful but am happy to coast until my kids are older, I think because of my experience I’m aware that they’re only babies once and I don’t want to miss it.

Anyway, I’m not saying don’t take the job (I think you should) but perhaps there’s a way for your husband to be home more or you WFH a day or two so you can still spend time with your DC?

Best of luck and congratulations 🎉