Almost 55 and finding full time work exhausting - is it just me?

[Strumpetpumpet]

I’ve been in my current role for less than a year and I’m just finding it too much - I’m not sleeping well, constantly waking up remembering stuff I’ve not done and/or worrying about work, regularly forgetting things and feel I’m doing a rubbish job. I’m seriously considering looking for something less well paid (ie lower grade) and part time. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety (tbh I’ve probably had it all y life, but we didn’t used to diagnose things like that) I’m also on HRT but it’s not been the miracle cure I’d hoped. I look around at friends who have really stressful jobs and wonder how they cope. Does anyone else around my age feel the same, or am I just a massive failure 😢?

You certainly are not. DH is 54 and in a stressy job. He plans to retire next year or look for a consultant role at much less money.

God no, full time work is too much for many of us at that age. And also let's face it, you're on the last lap of life so time to live it for you, not for someone else's profit.
Memento mori 😁

It's not just you. I'm 49 and could have written your post. I too suffer from anxiety and find HRT is not really changing anything.

I have asked to reduce my hours, it will have a hit on our finances, but I just can't do it. I thought now my children are teens, it might be easier, but it's not. There's just too much to remember, at home, work, school.

I also have a fairly high responsibility job, where work spills into evenings and weekends, yet it's still only averagely paid.

If reducing my hours does not help, I might look for something where I can start and finish the same time each day, with little responsibility.

Can you afford to cut your hours? If so, I'd definitely look into it.

Last lap of life?! Holy shit I'm 53 tomorrow and didn't know I was on my last legs!
I get what you mean about memory and stuff OP, mine's a little rusty too but I put that down to the menopause rather my advanced age!
If you're knackered and have the opportunity to get a less stressy job I'd say go for it. It wouldn't suit me right now but if the situation changes in a few years, I certainly would. I mean, why not!

Aw thank you all so much for making me feel a bit better about myself!
I am very lucky that DH is really supportive and we can afford for me to take a drop in salary - my pension provision isn’t great, and had hoped to make that up over the next few years, but as DH says if I carry on like this I won’t live long enough for the pension to be an issue 😂

thank you for your kind words xx

Hah!! Try it at 65 with no option!!!

Are you having any treatment/medication for the anxiety?

Not just to be able to keep working full-time, necessarily, but so that you can enjoy your life more?

Personally when I had anxiety I found it just stayed regardless of circumstances and latched onto the next thing if one issue was resolved. Medication has been life changing.

Not just you. I’m looking for 20 -25 hours max a week. Last year I was doing 109 hour weeks. Never ever again - I’ll cut something from the budget instead. Dh however, feral he hasn’t worked unless he does 12 hour days. Although he has dropped to 5 days.

I think part of the difference is some partners/women/men do more of the household work and life admin. When you factor in those hours too, it’s like having another part time job on top.
And if you have children, which need your input too - that’s another full time + job again.
Yes, we have washing machines etc. but it all still takes time and energy.
By the time your are hitting 50, it’s no wonder we are knackered, mentally and physically. A lot of us cannot outsource these invisible home jobs.
If you are self employed, you have all the additional ‘company’ stuff to do, that a paye employed person wouldn’t need to do -
they would be working in a company that has HR, admin, accountants departments. So there’s that additional stress.

Last lap of life?! Holy shit I'm 53 tomorrow and didn't know I was on my last legs

I have to admit this was my first thought too! I juggle full-time work with chasing after a severely autistic 13yo. I couldn't slow down even if wanted to!

Work smarter, not harder. Sort out your sleeping, keep a notebook by the bed to write down those stressful thoughts that disturb your sleep. Look to get a full-time job that you enjoy, rather than going part-time in a role you dislike. Ensure Dh is pulling his weight on the domestic front.

Yes, I empathise.
51 and struggling with term time only! I don't sleep well either and have days where I just want to stay in bed.

Hormonal upheaval doesn't help.

I’ve just taken a less stressful job because of this. It’s a bit boring but I’ll live with that because I have energy for the stuff that needs my attention outside of work too.

op have you had your bloods checked recently? Some deficiencies or even pre diabetes can make a huge impact to your well-being.

If its hormonal/menopausal related it may you are not on the optimal version of HRT for you. I tried several until I found the right combo.

If you also have anxiety aside from menopausal symptoms then as pp say, that needs addressing separately.

I feel exactly the same - I’m 53 and actually quite worried about it as I lead a team and am really struggling to hold it together. Fortunately I work hybridly so don’t have to commute 5 days a week or drive to the number of meetings I used to previously as I don’t think I could cope with it. I need to carry on working for another 5 or 6 years to get DC3 through school and into university or whatever, plus my pension took a hammering as I worked p/t for so many years (big gap between DCs 1&2 and then 3 10 years later) so I need to build it up.

Im so mentally drained and physically tired though, it’s unbelievable. I can’t take HRT so don’t know if I would feel better on it.

49 now and in a busy job and most of us in my team wonder how on earth we will do this until we are 67!!

I am full time and there is no way I can reduce hours salary wise. 2 teen DDs who I think will both go to uni.

Also lap?
At 55?

ffs

Sort the HRT and/or anxiety medication out @Strumpetpumpet.

If you are so anxious and tired that you are struggling to work at your age there is something medically wrong.

So many women give up on careers at this stage due to something completely treatable, it is crazy. Do we say to teenage girls that they should slow down and reduce or drop out of education because of the upheaval of periods? Of course not.

FWIW when you are through menopause you will have time, wisdom and energy to pour into whatever is important for you. For many women that is the chance to really excel in their career without the burden of looking after children as well (aging parents are a whole different issue). Don't throw that chance away now because of untreated medical issues.

As for 'the last lap of life' 😂😂😂😂 why not just give up and keel over now? You should have at least thirty more years on the planet and could well have more. Why opt to spend them with suboptimal health and earning opportunities because you didn't go back to the gp about your HRT?

Menopause sucks.
A friend of mine gave up her high pressure job (involved other people's safety) because she didn't trust herself to remember everything she needed to.
The good news is her memory loss has turned out to be a temporary issue and is much improved by the right HRT. Go back to your GP and see if they can suggest anything.

I know what you mean. I'm turning 55 next month and I'm going to reduce my hours. I'm a single parent and the juggling of work, teenagers, and general life admin, has just got harder as I've got older. I've been menopausal for years (last period age 48) so I don't think it's that. I've just reached a point where I feel like I'm done. I'm slower than I used to be, so tasks take longer. I don't sleep well due to the night sweats, so I'm permanently knackered. And I've got a horrible feeling it'll only get worse, and I don't want to spend all my time working. Financially we should be OK I think, but I can take my pension at 55 if necessary.

My mil is 78 and I would said she is on the last lap of life not someone in their 50s! Crikey

Totally empathise. 55 and went full time while wfh during lockdown (needed the extra income).

To be fair I still wfh 3 days a week and I don't think I could sustain commuting 5 days a week so I'm lucky.

Before that I did 4 days a week and apart from not being enough money, it was ideal. That extra day makes a huge difference.

What sort of work is it? Is there a physical element?

I only ask because I have a full time office job and I'll be 59 soon (yikes!) but I don't feel like this. I'm not particularly fit but I still feel young. I appreciate that I have a job I love and brilliant colleagues.

Having said that, in my mid 50s I was in a job I hated and was very resentful about having to work full time.

I think your first port of call is your GP.
i am 50 and have just hit menopause thinking about going on HRT. I think it’s great that menopause and how it can affect women are talked about now, but at the same time I feel a narrative is emerging where women over 50 are all anxiety -ridden with brain fog who can’t cope with work.

I get it. My job is stressful at times and can take a lot out of me BUT I finish at 3.30pm on W, T and F and that is a godsend. Never had that in my life until recently. My life used to be up, work all day, drive home, short break, then my home list of tasks. Generally sat down at 9pm. Day after day after week after year. I could not carry on. I dont see it as my last lap, but I do see it as....is this what life has to be like or can I shift things?

No, you're not a failure!

I'm also 55 but work 3 days a week which I can cope with. Occasionally I do 5 days a week which wipes me out. It's a full on job mentally (and can be physically too) so there's no way I'd manage full time.

I've just started HRT and hope it will take the edge off my anxiety

No, I'm with you. I worked full-time for 18 years and it IS exhausting. I also hated having to concentrate on the same thing every day. I literally couldn't handle it, it contributed to my breakdown. I thought I "should" and thought I would enjoy a fulfilling job so I gained a really great role on a really great career ladder but ended up fucking it up royally because the autonomy meant I didn't concentrate.

I realised it just wasn't for me. I was studying a professional post-grad degree too and really high aspirations, but I did not enjoy it so I packed it all in.

I decided I wasn't going to be miserable. If I didn't enjoy how I spent a third of my time I did not consider that living.

I was single so I had freedom, and I'm so glad I came to the realisation before I had a family and real responsibilities because I packed up and moved to a new city that was very cheap and went to an employment agency and started a job on 10K less than previous, but I had MORE money due to the cost of living where I had moved to from London.

I do that same job now freelance and love it, also the earning potential goes up and up and I've had two payrises, the last one double the first, and had an in to other work within the company and area, which is just fantastic.

I don't want to be a professional. I don't want to have a full-time job. I want variety and to be able to be here for my child whenever she needs me, instead of having to leave work or being unable to leave work and feeling bad about that.

You should prioritise happiness. this idea of failure because you don't want to grind yourself into the ground, let go of it! Honestly because even those who will berate you for it will only think about you while they're berating you, then they will go back to their own lives. It simply does not matter what others think of your choices.

I'm very fortunate to have found work I genuinely enjoy and feel good about doing, but when I was at work before that I would fantasise about going and getting a bar job or a job in a cafe, chatting and joking with colleagues and customers, and having no job stress. I made budgets for it, even thought about benefits and just existing that way.