Almost 55 and finding full time work exhausting - is it just me?

[Strumpetpumpet]

I’ve been in my current role for less than a year and I’m just finding it too much - I’m not sleeping well, constantly waking up remembering stuff I’ve not done and/or worrying about work, regularly forgetting things and feel I’m doing a rubbish job. I’m seriously considering looking for something less well paid (ie lower grade) and part time. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety (tbh I’ve probably had it all y life, but we didn’t used to diagnose things like that) I’m also on HRT but it’s not been the miracle cure I’d hoped. I look around at friends who have really stressful jobs and wonder how they cope. Does anyone else around my age feel the same, or am I just a massive failure 😢?

Last lap of life? Eh what? I'm 70 and looking for another 20 years before popping my clogs. Don't wish your life away!

And yes, last lap of life is a bit unkind 😂😂

How can that be right when I still feel 16 inside? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I totally get where you are all coming from. I'm 49 and only do 24 hours. Hopefully going down to 20 soon. I just can't manage a full day. It's too much.

I am similar but don’t think I’m on my last lap at 53! My HRT works to a good extent but I am not the same as I was at 33 with 2 primary aged DC
Having worked full time for 35 years including loads of responsibility, stress and 50+ hour weeks it is now time for me to balance up my life and go a little slower.
My brain is not as sharp as it once was but it has all the information that I have built up still in there and I am happy to share and use this. What I don’t have the energy or want to do is over committing, endless meetings and pointless projects.
I am being made to wfh which helps as does having a boss that is hands off, I have asked to discuss my hours but that hasn’t happened so I just work at my new pace. My goal is to reduce first to a 4 day week and then a 3 day week, retiring within 5 years.

I'm 57 and thought I was feeling the same. However after thinking about it objectively I believe my employer has overloaded me. I won't go into the backstory to that - but just be aware that over time you can take on more and it does build up. So maybe it's you - but may be not. If not then you should definitely discuss with them.

One thing is getting to 50 and feeling like you want to prioritise other things in life than work. There is no need to feel as if you cannot cope with work. At 50 I am still full of energy and actually feel as if I have more energy now than the years when I worked alongside bringing up children. I think women in their 50s still have a lot to offer in the workplace and hope all the current talk about menopause doesn’t affect how employers see us as the world is ageist enough as it is.

Reading this with interest as it's something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.

OP, you have my sympathies. It sounds tough and stressful and not very nice at all. From the flip side, I work for someone who is very much like you. It is hard. Please do seek help as you could (inadvertently) be having a knock on effect on your colleagues’ well-being too.

You're not a failure at all. I'm 60 now, and switched to part-time working 6 years ago. I just do mornings now, and finish at 1pm. I genuinely couldn't cope with a full time job any more.

Oh and btw I don't tell people I work part time, I tell them I'm semi-retired!

Ok i should have been a bit more explicit before i pressed post, I apologise. My mum died at 55 so I have worried about making the most of my life.

It helped me prioritise and get things in perspective, considering that a long life is not a given. I find aging fascinating actually. You can't imagine how things will be when you're younger.

@TokyoTen, I agree.. similar happened to me. Recognising I did 2 jobs put it into perspective.

Op, sleep is critical for working full time. If you don't sleep well then priortise resting when you have down time. Outsource what you can. Children definitely add to the workload, even if it's just mental activity.
Go away for a few days if possible for rest & relaxation. See if you can recharge your batteries.

I'm not sure if it's age specifically that makes full time difficult BUT the fact you have been running hard for 35 years.

@Sarahcoggles you don't mention if you're on HRT, but if not there are possible solutions to the night sweats which could make you feel a lot better!

Definitely not alone there, I'm a yr older than you and I feel exactly the same.
Worked in the same industry for years, I'm totally burned out, it's a high stress role, I can't get to sleep at night as my brain replays the days events and I worry about the following day.
I'm seriously thinking of applying for a job stacking shelves at tesco at night.
I just want to retire but can't afford to until I can get my state pension, have a private pension but it's not enough to live on.
I try not to think about when the rules changed from women retiring at 60 and now it's 67🙄
I could have been done in 4 yrs but now I have 11 yrs to do.
I could cry

I'm a teacher and struggle to see how I can keep up this pace for another 15 years.. I still have primary age dc as well.
OP you're in a new job which is always going to be harder, get past the first year and see how you feel.

We did grow up thinking our retirement would be at 60 didn't we, so that's a change. Plus, I knew many many colleagues who were able to take early retirement at about 55 - I think on packages? None of that now.

Im younger than you OP and I feel the same

Not sure why people are getting defensive about the 'last lap' comment previously made, its true. If we think that women on average will live to around 80-90 years if we're able, then around 50-60 is coming into that last lap, you've lived 2/3rds of your life already and now coming into the last 3rd

Are people in denial about that?

OP I'm 55 and exhausted. I've always worked f/t but was made redundant in first lockdown and had to scrabble around for work and did temp work/ pt work etc while looking for a new job. I found one which started last December senior'ish admin role at a decent salary for the role. It's so full on and none stop I'm having to work about 10 extra hrs each week to even begin to keep on top of it. But I desperately need the salary as I'm a single parent, cost of living crisis etc. I'm spending less time with DD when she needs me more than ever due to serious MH issues. It's a never ending spiral and I feel like I'm failing. But I also know so many people have it so much worse than me. But there's no joy in life any more and no signs of it easing up either.

I feel the same. But I'm having to increase my hours as a single parent of teens approaching 18 plus increased costs. 2 jobs now. Don't honestly know how I'm going to do it.

Absolutely agree. I took the last lap bit to be about work and the ability to work at the same speed of colleagues 20 and 30 years younger, with the same amount of energy they have - we just can’t do it. I think back to my parents generation who were in their fifties in the 90s and the pace at which we work compared to them back then is ridiculous. I don’t know any women who worked until 67 in those days - 55/60 in p/t roles was the norm.

Yeh 52 work ft and I recently moved to an office near where I live freeing up nearly 10 hours a week! Still though, I feel less energetic than I did 2 years ago. I think the energy might come back. Aunts of mine were hiking and trekking miles in their early 60s.

I'm not 100% sluggish but I cannot imagine working ft until I'm 66 😵

Is your hrt off the shelf? Have you tried different types? The first regimes I tried worked. Until they didn’t, so I swapped about a bit and eventually found what works

im on oestrogen gel, progesterone pills 14 days pm, and a bit of Tostran every other day

I feel much more like my younger self. Sure there are things that tire me out more - I find travelling exhausting. I used to do quite a bit pre-dc.

@MzHz can I ask do you take the progesterone for 2 weeks and then a 2 week break, or every second day?

I take progesterone every day and it has stopped my periods completely thank god

It is a point that the same people I know who were knackered and needed to retire in their late 50s, are now hill walking and cycling and travelling abroad - maybe it's more about being able to do things we are actually interested in, and at our own pace!

I tried HRT and gained half a stone in a month, so I gave it up. I've battled all my life to maintain a healthy weight and it's really important to me. More important that sleeping well in fact, crazy as that may sound!

I think for me I just feel tired of it all.
I've been on the work-childcare merry-go-round for years and I just feel I want some down time now.

The other thing I notice is that new young people join my work, with ideas and plans, and I just can't be bothered to put my heart into a new innovation. We had a new computer system last week and a new phone system is coming this week, and I just can't be bothered with the hassle!