Almost 55 and finding full time work exhausting - is it just me?

[Strumpetpumpet]

I’ve been in my current role for less than a year and I’m just finding it too much - I’m not sleeping well, constantly waking up remembering stuff I’ve not done and/or worrying about work, regularly forgetting things and feel I’m doing a rubbish job. I’m seriously considering looking for something less well paid (ie lower grade) and part time. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety (tbh I’ve probably had it all y life, but we didn’t used to diagnose things like that) I’m also on HRT but it’s not been the miracle cure I’d hoped. I look around at friends who have really stressful jobs and wonder how they cope. Does anyone else around my age feel the same, or am I just a massive failure 😢?

@Sarahcoggles there are many types of HRT. If one doesn't work, try something else!

I am 59. In my head I'm still many decades younger, so it's always a shock to realise I'm almost 60. I work FT. I do a lot more at home than I used to thanks to a lazy DH who has checked out of family life (working on it - perhaps he has the same issue as you?). I have spent 90 minutes this morning reconciling all our bank accounts, credit cards and savings accounts. My teen has gone to residential camp for a week (yay!) so I finally have some actual free time.

She and I spent last week at a festival learning new dances and dancing energetically to 80s music. Together we do various sorts of dancing, skating, climbing and other activities that we both enjoy. I'm thinking of taking up horse riding again after many years.

So sad to read about people almost a decade younger than me who've given up because they are "old" 😮

See your GP if you really don't feel right. Could be thyroid, low iron, diabetes or "just" the menopause. Read Davina McColl or Liz Earle or Louise Newcombe so you can be armed with knowledge if your GP isn't on board.

Change jobs if you aren't enjoying it, but PLEASE drop the myth about shelf-stacking being easy - it REALLY isn't. Office jobs are far easier on your body.

I feel like this, same age, think if I can keep going till I'm 60

Yanbu

@OberthursGrizzledSkipper What's your secret? I'm 53 and would love to have your energy and enthusiasm now and for decades to come!

Similar age and totally feel the same. Never would have expected it, but since menopause hit me like a bus I have been desperate to reduce my hours. I’m relatively senior though so not in a role that caters for part time even if I could afford it which I can’t!

feel I’m doing a rubbish job

For me, this is the most debilitating feeling ever. Is there anyone at work who can provide feedback or at least empathy for your situation.

If you really are not 'yourself' then I would absolutely encourage you to retire early.

However, lots of us have 'imposter syndrome' where we any second feel as if we will be somehow found out. Having someone to whom you can talk honestly and get some feedback really is the very best antidote.

Going in to work feeling like a failure must itself take a lot of energy. I hope you find someone who can help you gain a bit of perspective. Finding someone at work who knows what the role entails and who can support me when I need it, gently reminding me that it's a tough job and no-one can really do it any better and that I am very well thought of, has taken been transformational. Just reminding myself what she would say if I expressed doubt in my own capabilities is very often enough to get me out of a funk.

With perspective, you would be in a much better position to make an informed decision about where to go from here.

Well clearly some go through menopause 'easier' than others.

im contemplating books booking an appointment at a womens health clinic, GP route is just pointless. It's expensive though, but if it gives me my life back it would be worth it.

if I didn't have other underlying health issues, I'd have done it by now, I really need to phone them & discuss it.

the absolute exhaustion & brain fog are horrible.

please don't feel alone though xx

Well clearly some go through menopause 'easier' than others

Hear hear. I hate this diminishing of lived experiences. If you’re feeling a decade younger and can still dance till dawn before doing a full days work then good for you, but many of us can’t - and for many of us HRT isn’t an option.

@OberthursGrizzledSkipper i think a lot of us would have the energy for dancing and other fun things, but have had it up to here with the grind of work!

At 48 I was full of energy, thinking 'hey, kids are grown up, I have 20 years free for work and a decent career ahead' and planning a whole new career. At 51 I crashed, the mental effort and stress of studying and training for new career had got to me (along with doing extra shift hours for a voluntary job) and had many fibromyalgia symptoms, I'd really overdone it, had too high expectations and standards of myself, and just didn't have the energy reserves I'd had at 30. I had to scale down and expect less of myself.

At 53 I am thinking that as much as I love my job, and am very lucky in its flexibility and not having to commute, it is exhausting working full time and maybe I need to be planning to seriously wind down by the time I'm 60.

However, there are things that will help:

1. If you have anxiety, that in itself is exhausting, so Make sure you are getting proper treatment for it.
2. Take iron and vitamins.
3. Get your thyroid checked.
4. You might be in the middle of peri/menopause, that will temporarily affect energy, stress, anxiety levels etc.
5. Make time for exercise, walking etc., it will raise your general energy levels.

Well I had cancer at 47 and feel I lost most of my late 40s/early 50s because I was severely restricted in what I was able to do. It took a long long time to even be fit enough to walk to school, less than 1/2 a mile away, so perhaps I have more motivation to try not to slide into old age?

I am on anti-depressants (many years) and started HRT this year after believing erroneously for many years that it wasn't for me. I've had imposter syndrome and spent far too long in a horrible job thinking I wasn't capable of doing a different one, only to find it was actually just a poor manager. When you get a good one it's amazing how much more productive you can be.

I just think it's a shame to just give up without taking steps to check what is really going on with your health and whether you would be better off in a different job.

I agree with Suffolk: "Sort the HRT and/or anxiety medication out.
If you are so anxious and tired that you are struggling to work at your age there is something medically wrong."

I've worked part time 3 days for the last 18 years. Just taken 2 part time jobs for 4 days and 2. So yes now silly working 6 days. It's fine. Because I finally got my HRT sorted. Never had anxiety anyway tbf, but sleeping well, I don't forget anything. You are doing yourself a disservice if you don't talk to your GP about HRT and the anxiety, abc diet them both separately. Why are you putting up with this when you don't need to?

I've left my 2 part time career jobs for 1 part time basic role in a supermarket for this very reason. I just can't cope. I'm nearly 52. I used to consider myself extremely competent and professional but I can't seem to remember anything, do things correctly, communicate efficiently or be rational.

Also meant to say I'm on HRT and it's helpful in many ways but not this.

spent far too long in a horrible job thinking I wasn't capable of doing a different one, only to find it was actually just a poor manager. When you get a good one it's amazing how much more productive you can be.

This ^.

Absolutely this.

Do you think this is all menopause-related? I wonder whether it’s treatable at all for most people. Sounds like it’s not, which makes it very hard. Sorry to those struggling.

I sometimes feel like this, but stopping or reducing my work (70 plus hours) wouldn’t occur to me, as I need to earn the money for my family. Do many men want this, or is it the case that they simply wouldn’t think it was an option for them? Not sure how many families would cope with both parents doing this.

If it is the menopause (I’m struggling with it at the moment) it’s a real shame, as it means that so many women are going to end up worse off economically and dependent on their partners if they have one. That is not a great outcome for our sex in my view.

That being said, I have no idea how those with physical jobs such as nursing are expected to carry on until they are 67, whichever sex they are. And I really wouldn’t want a nurse to have my useless memory at the moment. But I’m hoping it will recover after menopause.

Sorry things are difficult, OP.

I find this thread quite sad to read. Of course I know menopause can be hard for many, but it just reads as a lot of women saying they can no longer keep up and cope with work. No wonder ageism exist then. I am 50 and I feel no different to when I was 28 energy wise. I don’t want to be written off or write myself off in the workplace for many years yet. I hope menopause doesn’t become the new stigma ie. don’t hire women in their 40s as they will soon become menopausal.

@StarCourt am same as you. Applying for any better paid jobs. Single mum ...we are really struggling. .. im 52 and already knackered doing a 22 hour week. Down to our last 20£ til next weekend and I wake up shaking with anxiety....

Good gd 52 is still young. I’m 48, feel as I did when I was 20 and the idea of not being able to work in a non physical job just doesn’t even occur to me. I’m thinking I’ve got another 20 years of work and at least 2-3 big career jobs ahead of me. I can’t even begin to think I am old enough to start to slow down unless I am unfortunate with my health.

Good for you.

Its all very well people saying 'if your HRT isnt effective find another one' but you need a GP who is invested in ensuring that you're well matched for what you need

Im in peri menopause, Im told they wont test for that. So I have no idea what my hormone levels are, what I might need, what HRT would be effective, what I need to focus on replacing

How would I know all that?

@Signoramarella so sorry to hear you're in a similar boat. I honestly get it, I can't sleep for the worry of everything which doesn't then help the working so many hours. I really hope things get better for us all but honestly I just put my head down and get in with it as much as possible. For you

I went down to three days at 54, best thing I did.

No wonder there is age discrimination against women, listening to some of you. I’m in my mid fifties and still going strong. I’ve got a full on job (I’m a COO), sit on the board of directors for two charities and am a school governor. I certainly don’t feel ready to give up. My mother’s nearly 90 and has mowed the lawn today, done a load of washing and pegged it out, and got up a ladder and cleared out her gutters (I wish she wouldn’t!).

Please go to your doctor and insist on HRT that works for you. You will feel so much better. Magnesium supplements help with sleep and night cramps as well. Take a multivitamin, check your iron levels, eat well, drink less. Not saying this is a magic wand, but it will help. At our age we shouldn’t be pottering along in beige pull on slacks and Velcro shoes looking like we have given up on life, we should be living it to the full, particularly if it’s our “last chapter”!

@CraftyClara I suspect feeling valued and successful in your job helps you keep going - I know in mine older staff are viewed as past it and not valued.
@bellac11 you don't need a test for perimenopause, GPS should treat you based on your symptoms. Have a look for NICE guidelines or on the NHS site. (If you wany)

You’re not a failure you just need to get organised by the sound of it. I start every day with a to do list that I work through so I know exactly what I’m leaving undone ready for the following day. Speak with your dr or nurse about your medication.
I am 51 with Parkinson’s and work 30 hours p/w I find that’s enough, any more is too tiring. I start 8am finishing 2:30pm with 1/2hr break. I’m not sure when either I’ll need to reduce my hours or be medically retired. I don’t give a thought to things above my pay grade and as long as I’ve prioritised my work so urgent and time sensitive jobs are completed anything left to do should be fine so I don’t worry about it.