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Almost 55 and finding full time work exhausting - is it just me?

121 replies

Strumpetpumpet · 14/08/2022 09:14

I’ve been in my current role for less than a year and I’m just finding it too much - I’m not sleeping well, constantly waking up remembering stuff I’ve not done and/or worrying about work, regularly forgetting things and feel I’m doing a rubbish job. I’m seriously considering looking for something less well paid (ie lower grade) and part time. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety (tbh I’ve probably had it all y life, but we didn’t used to diagnose things like that) I’m also on HRT but it’s not been the miracle cure I’d hoped. I look around at friends who have really stressful jobs and wonder how they cope. Does anyone else around my age feel the same, or am I just a massive failure 😢?

OP posts:
Enigma52 · 10/01/2024 16:37

Yep, 53 this year and knackered!

Just had full hysterectomy.. cancer
Then diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, great!
In menopause; hormones not allowed due to the fecking cancer being oestrogen fed.
My sleep is shite.
My moods are shite.
Maybe the bloody cancer is will get me before retirement? Who knows!

SecretBanta · 10/01/2024 22:28

Beige "slacks" don't come into it, we're talking about absolute exhaustion and health difficulties-not everything has to be menopause related.

crew2022 · 10/01/2024 22:33

I'm in a similar position. I hope my her will help but no signs of Improvement yet.
I am SO forgetful I have to make copious notes, put reminders in my calendar for everything and I'm still filled with dread that I've forgotten something important.
I literally lose memory of whole meetings.
I'm in a fairly senior role and can't carry on much longer although have no proper pension thanks to years of part time roles to juggle children.

BookWorm45 · 11/01/2024 14:58

It's clearly not just you, OP! I'm in that club too...

MindPalace · 13/01/2024 22:44

I’m 52 and work 12 hour days, two adult DDs at university, and couldn’t entertain thoughts like this - if I’m tired I have to carry on as we have a mortgage to pay.

Those of you who work 20 hrs or less at the same age - have your male partners reduced their hours too? Are we saying women can’t work as long or as hard as men? That worries me as it makes me think employers won’t want to employ women as not only do they want maternity leave, they also want to give up in their early 50s…

That being said, I work with and know women in many sectors of my age - finance, law, medicine, admin etc and stopping work hasn’t occurred to them. Obviously ill health is different but that doesn’t seem to be the case from this thread.

I do think people of both sexes in manual jobs should be allowed to retire earlier, but for office jobs, shouldn’t we expect to carry on going as long as the men? Many posters here sound more like my mother’s generation. Am hoping it’s just a MN thing.

rainuntilseptember · 13/01/2024 23:09

I work part time and dh is full time - when I add on all the hours additionally that I do with the house and the children and pets I work much harder than him overall. And I have done since our first dc was born. I'm not spending my days off doing hobbies, wish I was.
He also isn't going through the menopause.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 13/01/2024 23:35

Reading your responses I’ve realised there is an element of feeling tired of the futility of some of the tasks we have to do at work, and realising as I get older that there is more to life than work (or at least, there should be!)

I can completely relate to this! And it's hard to know from your OP whether the real underlying issue is you and your health, or the job you're in. Maybe it's both!

Personally, at 52 I'm fine energy-wise and feel like I can continue to work FT for a very long time yet, which is a relief because I'm solo parenting 2 teens with no other support.

I achieve this by being a Health Bore. If there's promising research on age-defying, health-boosting practices out there and I can fit them into my life I do. It's my main hobby and it's certainly not for everyone, but it definitely keeps me going.

Pulling my life apart and learning how to relax, unwind and sleep properly again, then prioritising those things, was an absolute game changer and I highly recommend starting there.

LadyLapsang · 13/01/2024 23:56

I am in my early 60s, working full-time and now have been working for nearly 44 years. I like the mental stimulation of work and got promoted most recently a few years ago. I have never suffered memory problems or any brain fog, but dreadful sleep and night sweats meant I was on HRT from my mid-40s for 15 years - it really was effective but it was so difficult to stop,I was cutting up the patches for about a year. Hybrid working helps my energy levels, occasionally I do a full week in the office but it is tiring with the commute. I also do very little travel with work now, but that is more normal for everyone in my workplace, so many meetings which would have meant leaving the house at 6am are now done on Teams. I have a physical health condition which can be painful so working can be a good distraction.

MissingMoominMamma · 14/01/2024 00:00

Since I changed my HRT, my energy levels have increased and I’ve halved my dose of citalopram.

Which HRT are you on?

rainuntilseptember · 14/01/2024 00:13

Not the OP, but I'd love to know which HRT you're on. I take oestrogel and I don't think it's working like it used to.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 14/01/2024 08:17

@MindPalace both dh and I do physical jobs. We’ve both cut our hours. I still have all the home jobs to do on top of my part time job. (I’ve gone from 109hours per week to 20, Dh has gone from 70 hours per week to 40 hours). We are in our 60s.
If I had a desk job, I would probably be full time.

FelineUK · 16/01/2024 23:44

Going through the menopause in my late 40s screwed up a perfectly lovely well paid job where I would still be now if it wasn't for the brain fog, mental health issues, lack of judgement or the inability at that point to trust any decisions I made. I didn't go down the HRT route due to various risks, instead I left the job (and took a 30k pay drop) for one that was 'quieter'. On reflection I wish I'd never made that move but hey-ho, I did and it's in the past.

Unfortunately I was made redundant from the new job and no new opportunities presented themselves despite multiple job applications but through a friend I was offered a job with part-time hours, something I would have never normally considered. But, I needed a job and accepted it. I work three days a week which suits me brilliantly and gives me a great work life balance. Yes, in my 50s I should be looking to maximise my earning power until pension age as my husband doesn't earn a great deal, but for both of us, a happy wife is a happy life :-) The money is no longer the priority. It's rather strange to say that as it was always the priority in the past, but we live an affordable simple life and mental well-being must come first. My only worry is that should my husband, for whatever reason, lose his job, we would be in a very difficult situation but I would have to pull my weight and find another full-time job.. if, at my age now, that would even be a possibility! However, not sure I would ever have the motivation, interest or energy that I once had in my 30s/40s.

If you have the ability to continue working full-time then do so, otherwise if finances are ok or you can manage on less money, look to reduce your hours, consider part-time, go freelance etc. Remove the shackles and work to suit what is best for your physical well-being and mental health.

augustusglupe · 17/01/2024 00:19

PandoraP · 14/08/2022 09:59

I think your first port of call is your GP.
i am 50 and have just hit menopause thinking about going on HRT. I think it’s great that menopause and how it can affect women are talked about now, but at the same time I feel a narrative is emerging where women over 50 are all anxiety -ridden with brain fog who can’t cope with work.

I know and all pissing ourselves at random, wearing massive nappies apparently…🙄 Honestly, those adverts are downright insulting!!

TeacherGear · 22/04/2024 12:57

Try going on 67, single for 35 years, Panic Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD and Osteoarthritis in every joint with no other option. I've been ready to throw in the towel for many years but can't.

Myle · 03/02/2025 13:43

Well I'm 55, well menopaused, and I keep having brain fog, keep forgetting everything, I am slower at work than my younger colleagues and I'm tired and just had enough frankly. I've had it. I know that many 50 something are still functioning at the top of their abilities ( this includes my best friend who sailed through menopause, looking after 3 kids, being a teacher ..) but I'm not and I've just had enough with work, the actual job and the office politics. I would love to retire but can't afford it..not sure what to do as my dh is only a few years from retirement from a very physical job wih long hours and I can't ask him to continue working and support me. We are playing the lotto 😆.. but seriously I can't anymore .

CorsicaDreaming · 03/02/2025 19:14

I identify with a lot you say @Strumpetpumpet - peri is a bugger.

I'm 0.8FYE and try and keep my non working day for me - Pilates swimming pottering.
Haven't been able to due to some bonkers deadlines at mo and I'm utterly knackered.
But even one day that you keep free helps.

On a practical note
Do you take Magnesium Citrate at night? I find it helps sleep.

Amitryptyline also really helps with anxiety and sleep. I actually take it for back pain / sciatica (v small dose) but it also really helps sleep and anxiety... might be worth chatting to GP. Some are v pro but others not so.

Newyorklady · 03/02/2025 19:37

Same age as you and I’m also in Menopause though symptoms mild and in a very stressful role.
i manage a large team. Work full time.
i am finding it harder if im honest but I do enjoy work and couldn’t even think about retiring yet.
Pension provision ok but I want to improve it.
Im lucky I work from home 3 days a week and can work flexibly.
I make sure I look after my wellbeing, eat healthily, don’t drink alcohol on school nights and limit it at weekends. Still manage to socialise with friends. If I’m tired I rest after work and have me time.
I do get where you are coming from and if you can afford to cut back and want to why not.
its your life do what suits you.

Cloud44 · 05/02/2025 19:14

@Boomboomshakeshaketheroom would you mind sharing any tips on what you’ve learnt? How to properly unwind etc?

TheRook · 30/01/2026 16:24

last lap of life, that's depressing im 55 next month ha ha. I wouldn't say last lap of life i would say for women from 45+ onwards your body starts changing and the wonderful pre menopause, menopause and post menopause wreaks havoc on our bodies for the next few years and our sleep patterns, stress levels not to name but a few all add to the daily hurdles of every day life. Then yes of course there is the age element that we may be slowing down just a little where we now need to make some adjustments to slow down where we can. Ive just stepped out of the rat race and commute of London and am looking for a role where i will be paid a third of what i was on but i get work / life balance and some sanity at the end of it. Good luck to all you lovely ladies out there :-)

Strumpetpumpet · 03/02/2026 07:50

Thank you for all your lovely messages! I’m still soldiering on, 58 now and still working full time, though in a different job since I posted originally- still feels overwhelming at times but now have a much more supportive boss, which helps.
I’ve told boss that I want to cut back to 4 days when I’m 60 lol and am also trying to engineer a slightly less stressful (and slight lower pay but not significant) role in the hope I can keep going a bit longer and top up my pension.
Still struggle with sleep but it’s significantly improved since I did an “insomnia” programme. Off the HRT and haven’t noticed a difference so it clearly wasn’t doing any good.
As I get older, I am finding I give fewer fucks, which is helping enormously. I highly recommend it 😂
Solidarity with all you lovely people xx

OP posts:
Caminante · 03/02/2026 12:50

Nice to hear an update! I’m still plodding on full time, nearly 59 and also thinking I’d like to reduce to 4 days by 60. We’ll see though, that’s only ever looking less rather than more likely!

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