Do all well paid professionals work really hard long hours

[CheshireSplat]

Just feeling a bit battered. Took a step-up to a senior role 4 years ago and am well respected. Have been promoted a couple of times and salary has increased by about 50%. Which is great, but isn't what I planned!!! My responsibilities and workload have also increased significantly.

My DC are 9 and 6 and I'd like to spend more time with them. I'd also like to spend some time doing normal things, like doing more than 1000 steps a day and getting off my chair. I don't have time to tidy the house, which gets me down. I didn't sign up for a Big Job. And it's getting a bit much. I'm managing to resist doing much work at weekends but Monday morning to Friday night it is absolutely full on and I'm working at full pelt, from early til late.

Is this normal? There certainly seems to be an epidemic of busyness, or do people feel they have to say they are busy? I'm 44 and feel my life is passing me by.

I have an interview for a job in the NFP sector, similar role, big pay cut but we can cope, don't have extravagant lifestyle. Am I kidding myself if I think it would be different there?

I'm just rambling. Would love to see what others think..... Thank you. Problem is work is important to me, and I like a challenge.

Can you define what you think is well paid?

I think it totally depends on the area of industry, type of organisation and role. There are certain organisations out there where, if you do my role, you're selling your soul to the devil and they'll work you into the ground. You're a commodity. Then there are firms (like the one I work for) that pay maybe 10% less than the big ones but where the work-life balance is amazing.

Also depends on your boss, the culture etc.

But then maybe I'm not a high-earner by your definition (£85k).

From what I've seen in most industries yes, it's part of the deal. I used to be a lawyer and my OH works in science and the hours I did and he does now are comparable for the same salary. Also very pressured and fast paced.

Have you considered asking for a 4 day week or 9 day fortnight in your current role? May just give you a bit of breathing space.

You said you Took a step-up to a senior role 4 years ago and am well respected. Have been promoted a couple of times and salary has increased by about 50%

but then I didn't sign up for a Big Job.

er.... you did. You weren't forced to apply for new jobs that kept increasing your salary.

As to 'how normal' it is, depends a bit what you mean. As in what kind of salary you are talking about and as in what you mean by 'early to late'.
There are many roles that would love to have weekends off.
There are loads of other people that work tremendously hard that don't earn a big salary.

All that said, people feel differently about the balance of their lives. Some people get a real buzz from whatever they achieve at work, others less so and others detach more easily their work and the rest of their life.

Getting pad a lot = working long hours.

Go for the new job and ask questions like how they ensure employees maintain a healthy work life balance. What sort of flexibility and family friendly policies they have. If they cant answer those questions and don't have examples that tells you all you need to know.

If you are frank about your reasons for leaving your current post, they may even tell you that a role with them would be similar.

Id also talk to your boss and HR about being close to burn out and for assistance in putting some strategies in place to give you some breathing space. They may respect you for asking for help and not going straight to gp and being signed off.

And if all else fails get assertive. As the member of the leadership team you have a duty to perform but also to set an example and to set the culture and ethos of the company. Start by having a one hour lunch break every day. Schedule it and stick to it. Encourage everyone in your team to do the same. The world will not collapse. Invest in a decent pair of wireless headphones with good range. On the non video calls i sometimes gently potter. Its ok to say you need to move around a little. Sometimes when just doing catch ups-i ask in advance if the person minds if i am out walking. I invite the other person to do the same if they havent managed to get out for a breath of fresh air. Start small each time a call ends 10 mins early-give that time to yourself and not your job-bank it. Just slowly start claiming things back. But meeting free time in your diary and mark them as private appointments. Dont let people schedule over them. Use this time to do focussed work or to organise yourself and to do lists, follow up meeting actions and re-group. If i need to write up a report and am being disturbed i sometimes log out of teams and emails for an hour or so to focus. Sometimes i tell people what i am doing and why and sometimes i just do it.

A few small things that help me stay sane.

But also no shame is resigning and no shame in things being too much.

I work hard in a not badly paid but not exactly well paid job.

DH is on 100k, he works from home. He rolls out of bed around 9.15/10 several hours after I leave for work.

He takes a lot of naps throughout the day (WFH) if gaps between calls allow (which is usually every day) and finishes no later than 6, often much earlier.

He's v senior in IT.

This is pure anecdote so I have no idea if it's usual but I'm fairly sure I work a LOT harder than him for 1/4 of the income.

@Clymene

Getting pad a lot = working long hours.

Not in our house.

NFP here. It isn't easier in the third sector. The pressure and hours are still there, just without the salary and sometimes the benefits. Added pressure from doing something for a mission - benefit is you know you're making a difference. But the price is just always doing a bit more for the cause or to save the charity with less resources. It's not the same everywhere but enough for me to say something so you are eyes wide open.

In my experience, not for profit is notorious for working you into the ground for peanuts because The Mission.

What do you consider "well paid"? I have my eye on breaking into six figures FTE in the not too distant future and I work normal hours.

It’s all subjective.

I’m a manager in local government. I think I work long hours - around 50 pw. I also think I’m poorly paid -

Dh is on approx 80k... he works 48 hours per 8 days. Overtime is extra. He says his shifts are long yes (12hours) but not stressful and he doesn't give work a second thought when he walks out the door. He also gets a bonus each year, a 2-3% payrise and private healthcare. He doesn't even have a degree.

Agree that we need to know what "well paid" means. There are obviously going to be massive life sacrifices when there is a massive salary to be had.

I'm same as you except I DID want it and sign up for it, and even then it's been a struggle. And I have a mega supportive DH who has arranged his own business around childcare and the fact that I basically work all the time

Sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear

Sometimes I hate it but the financial security and being self-sufficient is important to me, and I appreciate how lucky I am.

I get paid very well but I work a lot! It's rare I don't have calls or stuff to do in the evening, and quite often do some catching up at the weekend. It's quite flexible though - and I could work from home for a chunk of the time even before covid. I will nip to the shop, get my hair cut, do random admin during working hours. This week I haven't been feeling great so I might have had the odd nap. I was in calls though some days at 8am and 7pm. I do like my job though. I have tried to balance things out with dd, meaning I would stop for when she was home from school and work later whilst they are watching crap tv.

I would say it's normal for people in senior roles to work 12 hour days. I've known lawyers who've worked 20 hour days during high-pressured cases.

Honestly, over the course of my career, I worked the longest hours in my more mid-level positions when I had something to prove.

Not sure what your idea of “well paid” is but I earn just under £130k (so my idea of well paid!) and do long hours when needed but am at the level now where I have the flexibility to manage my workload by activity rather than time. I take the same approach with my team- once they get the work done, and are flexible when something urgent crops up, I don’t care if they’re logging on at 10am and gone by 3pm- they’re all on between £50k and £80k, depending on role.

This week, I’ve worked-

Monday: 09.30 - 19.00 (no lunch break- ate a sandwich between meetings)
Tuesday: 09.00 - 17.00 (30 mins for lunch)
Wednesday: 09.30 - 18.00 (1 hour for lunch)
Thursday: 10.00 - 17.00 (no lunch break- ate at desk)
Friday: 10.00 - 14.00 (no lunch)

So, it varies but works for me. Today I was on a beach with my family by 3pm, enjoying an ice-cream.

I’d caution that an NFP at a similar level will bring similar-level demands but for far lesser pay, unless KPIs are significantly different and ‘softer.’

Thanks everyone. I'm finding this all very helpful. I've had some tough love on Mumsnet before which I didn't like at the time, but turned out to be pretty accurate.

Pay, I started this job on £65k and took home £103k last year. I'm in the NW and our house only cost £265k 10 years ago so we don't need that much.

I'm an in-house lawyer.

@RedPandaFluff you do meet my definition, DH is a social worker and none of my friends earn big dollars.

@Leftbutcameback I just don't think that would work. I think I'd just work on my day off. There is just so much to do.

@kite22, I haven't applied for these internal job. I keep getting given more opportunities (aka work!) and then get a pay rise or a bonus in recompense. I could say no, but I do kind of enjoy it. At times.

@isitweds9thseptyet thank you for your very helpful post. I do mean to do all these things, starting covid I was the weirdo who scheduled meetings for 7 minutes past the hour so we could all have a short break. I just can't seem to do it. Best intentions go out the window in the mistaken belief I'll get to the bottom of my to do list ...

@travailtotravel that is a concern. DH who knows me well thinks I'll work even harder because I won't want to let anyone down....

I've said I'm well paid, not as a stealth boast, but compared to average wage. Having checked ONS recently, I'm in top 5% PAYE I think. Trying not to sound ungrateful!

This tax year I expect to gross about £95k if current workload continues, that will need an average of about 70 hours a week.

I enjoy my work and although it’s time consuming I don’t find it exhausting.

I think if you’re earning as much as you are then yes. I earn about 45k a year, fairly senior in my organisation and work 8-6 most days without a break, lunch at my desk, struggle to find time to run to the loo. Often still answering emails, etc at 9pm.

Well, if your dh is a social worker, you'll be well aware that there are huge numbers of people that work incredibly hard who will never, ever earn anywhere near that sort of money.

I suspect if you are talking about working as a lawyer for a NFP, your personality will drive you to continue to work hard, so it seems a bit silly to take a massive paycut. Why not put in a request to work PT or jobshare? That way you still get the satisfaction and buzz you get from being fulfilled in your work, but balance your life out with a better work / life balance.

I’d definitely echo the caution regarding not for profits, by the previous posters. High expectations, lower pay and benefits. Plus I worked at a volunteering organisation so the expectation by management/the volunteers was that staff should be pulling late nighters and weekends without complaint or compensation. Because if the volunteers could donate their time why couldn’t we.