Do all well paid professionals work really hard long hours

[CheshireSplat]

Just feeling a bit battered. Took a step-up to a senior role 4 years ago and am well respected. Have been promoted a couple of times and salary has increased by about 50%. Which is great, but isn't what I planned!!! My responsibilities and workload have also increased significantly.

My DC are 9 and 6 and I'd like to spend more time with them. I'd also like to spend some time doing normal things, like doing more than 1000 steps a day and getting off my chair. I don't have time to tidy the house, which gets me down. I didn't sign up for a Big Job. And it's getting a bit much. I'm managing to resist doing much work at weekends but Monday morning to Friday night it is absolutely full on and I'm working at full pelt, from early til late.

Is this normal? There certainly seems to be an epidemic of busyness, or do people feel they have to say they are busy? I'm 44 and feel my life is passing me by.

I have an interview for a job in the NFP sector, similar role, big pay cut but we can cope, don't have extravagant lifestyle. Am I kidding myself if I think it would be different there?

I'm just rambling. Would love to see what others think..... Thank you. Problem is work is important to me, and I like a challenge.

[quote wallysally]@bekindbekindbekind he is an operator in a pharma company. [/quote]
Thank you, that's interesting

Think I might be living in another universe. I've been working 50hr weeks for 30k. I thought I was well paid.

Just recently I've managed to find some boundaries and last week I started between 8 & 9 and finished between 5 & 5.30 so only did 40hrs (paid 37.5). I ate dinner with my kids every night last week for the first time in 2 years. It was fabulous.

My understanding is the more senior you are the less actual work there is to do. Are you delegating enough or are you in that middle management where you're still quite hands on, if it's been a fairly quick progression, are you still doing more of the 'workers' work because that's your comfortable place?

If you enjoy the work, there's still an option to turn it around but putting in small boundaries regularly, often more delegating is the answer.

Academia- long days, weekend work, multi skilled, and £40k. My last job also expected a 'part time' PhD on top of a roughly 50hr week. Got to nervous exhaustion stage. I've changed jobs!

My problem is I want to do everything, the kids, work is v important to me, I want to spend time with DH and do good things, and read a book! Perhaps I have to accept that isn't all possible.

Yes, I think you need to accept this. It's a question of priorities. It sounds like you have good support from your DH, but you're not going to be able to combine working the hours you do with being the 'go-to' parent for your DC. So either you find a way to work less - either by asserting your boundaries more rigorously at work or by moving jobs - or you come to terms with the guilt and focus on making the weekend time you have with your DC special. They have two parents who care deeply about them, and one who is very involved in the day-to-day - they're not losing out and you doing the job you do means you can give them a great standard of living. So it really is deciding what works for you personally and for you as a family.

Sounds to me like a mindset thing.

I found the poster upthread who talked about those who are truly successful, strongly factoring in mental and physical balance as key elements of their day, really helpful.

Some people are really efficient, and have a large capacity and those 2 things together mean they can be very very productive and achieve a lot in terms of work and other aspects of their life. But there are still limits, even for them, and only 24 hours a day. If you work long hours, bear a heavy mental load for the work when you're not there, and fill the rest of the time with 'jobs' related to pressing apples or other 'being mother' jobs, I should think burnout is quite likely. How much time are you having for physical exercise and whatever brings you personal mental well-being? And it's great your DH has got most of the domestic and child related stuff...because otherwise it could really be too much.

I agree with other posters that being very well paid usually means long, but not necessarily ridiculous hours. The high pay is for experience and skill you bring that others can't. It should be the case that the hourly pay is high, not that the hours so long that the hourly pay drops to the same as those doing less responsible roles.....if that's the case,
why not just hire more of them? So, in well-organised companies with effective senior workers, they should be working hard and working decent hours, but it's their productivity in the hours worked that justifies their pay. Very regular long hours shouldn't be the case or needed, but often flexibility and ability and willingness to step up and do longer hours when work needs it on an occasional basis are part of it. It's knowing when the occasional basis is and not letting those hours become the norm, that's important.

Op, you sound like you like your work, are driven and have a pretty large capacity. Perhaps you need to look at the overall picture a bit more, in terms of what is possible and how many hours a day you realistically can give to all the things which need doing....work and non-work, whist being realistic about how many hours of work there are. Can you be be controlled about saying 'no' to things, especially last minute things whi hands not absolutely essential,rather than wanting to be the miracle person who can do everything?

Someone said upthread that those at the top of their game ruthlessly control their work. They say 'no' regularly. They block time for lunch, or exercise, for other things which then allow them to work really productively when they are working, rather than saying 'yes' andd doing everything a bit worse. You are paid the salary to do work you can do and lower paid empoyees can't. Those top performers do step up when a crisi which only they can deal with crops up. But often they know the crisis can be dealt with by someone lower down.

Just be careful re: a job in NFP. It doesn’t mean less work- it generally IME means less money (and often more work).

I went from a corporate role to a similar role in a NFP. Salary halved and workload almost doubled (over time, my role just expanded and expanded by stealth until I realised I was working 70-80 hour weeks as standard).

Am now back in a corporate role and although I work hard and often pick up work in the evenings (work with some colleagues in the US so meetings can be on PST, but never later than 9 or 10pm) I’m nowhere near as overstretched and am much better supported in terms of having junior colleagues to do admin tasks etc.

I think there's certain industries where it's expected but not across the board. I'm a developer and work 37 hours a week, it might not all be 8 to 4, sometimes there's a requirement for things to be done outside of business hours but I don't do more than I'm paid for - if it was a requirement I'd bill for it as I'm a contractor :-)

Only the super rich get lots of money for working very few hours. (80k a year for one day a week sort of job)

I meant specifically in law

The company I work for has a team of in-house solicitors and a lot of them are part-time. Most joined to get more work-life balance and move away from the stresses of long hours and generating fees.

A good friend of mine is in a big firm and on a four day week. Certainly, it sounds like she’s doing more hours than by equivalent FTE colleagues, and she expected to take urgent queries on her day off, but she feels it works for her.

Just because it doesn’t apply to you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anywhere.

Is it a North American company? If so, I'd say those workload expectations were fairly normal. Lots of people below you on much lower salaries will be feeling the same overwhelm.

How does the company work? Is it organised? Does the IT work? If you need something new (i.e. new desk, mobile, laptop, etc.) is it not too much problem to get one?

In terms of the NFP, I very much doubt it will be easier. You will just have different problems. You will need to lower your expectations in terms of things working efficiently. That can be incredibly frustrating and stressful.

Could you just not step down from what you are doing? It sounds like you were happier at a lower level. Nothing wrong in admitting that.

Well lucky you if you have these opportunities pp - some of us don't and i haven't met anyone at all in the legal profession who manages to do genuinely part-time hours (or avoid without being sneered at and disrespected by bosses when they aren't around - as I've witnessed that a lot, it's a toxic toxic culture), even in-house. In my area of law you are at the beck and call of clients, regulators and more senior lawyers who will never say no to the clients because they'd lose the business to other firms.. it's a merry go round of busyness and nobody wants to try and jump off. You're effectively on call 24/7 so you'd need several nannies or a SAHD to do the job.

Also, it's the unpredictability. I can organise my time but if I am on a big concall with senior business people at 6pm or even later I can't just leave the building (pre-Covid). So picking up kids from nursery etc is impossible.

Maybe it depends on the area of law.

'Long hours' doesn't necessarily = hard work though, does it?

Sitting in a meeting all morning listening to a presentation is not exactly labouring away at the coalface, is it?

As my earnings have increased and increased the amount of hours I work has decreased ( by choice) high wages don't automatically mean long hours.

I don't know any well paid professional job where long hours and extreme stress aren't part of the territory.

From what you’ve said you are well paid and are the main household earner. You also enjoy the work and don’t shy away from taking on extra projects.
You need to sit your household down, explain the above and work out how everything else is going to get done. So you shouldn’t be worrying for example that the house is untidy. You make sure everyone pulls their weight and use some of the money to outsource things eg cleaning, laundry.
That way when you’re not working you can have quality time together and get some exercise.

Well footballers kick a ball about for 90 minutes and eat half an orange each week for 18 weeks in a year and call it a job.
And vicars... one day a week and a free house and red wine.
The Careers Teacher didn't tell us about these jobs in my day.

Oh and make sure you are delegating at work, do you have access to any admin staff for example?

If you can afford to take a pay cut for a better work life balance then do! Have you got a partnet?

@CheshireSplat

Thanks everyone. I'm finding this all very helpful. I've had some tough love on Mumsnet before which I didn't like at the time, but turned out to be pretty accurate.

Pay, I started this job on £65k and took home £103k last year. I'm in the NW and our house only cost £265k 10 years ago so we don't need that much.

I'm an in-house lawyer.

@RedPandaFluff you do meet my definition, DH is a social worker and none of my friends earn big dollars.

@Leftbutcameback I just don't think that would work. I think I'd just work on my day off. There is just so much to do.

@kite22, I haven't applied for these internal job. I keep getting given more opportunities (aka work!) and then get a pay rise or a bonus in recompense. I could say no, but I do kind of enjoy it. At times.

@isitweds9thseptyet thank you for your very helpful post. I do mean to do all these things, starting covid I was the weirdo who scheduled meetings for 7 minutes past the hour so we could all have a short break. I just can't seem to do it. Best intentions go out the window in the mistaken belief I'll get to the bottom of my to do list ...

@travailtotravel that is a concern. DH who knows me well thinks I'll work even harder because I won't want to let anyone down....

OP if you are a commercial lawyer with any charity law experience the Manchester United foundation is looking for a part time lawyer in a newly created role. I’m a litigator so don’t have the experience, but if I did I would be jumping at the job.

I work in nfp and management level are massively over worked, as are many under that level.

We really need to change this culture of thinking anyone should be working more than a standard working week.

And imo a standard working week should be no more than 7hrs a day x 4 days a week!

I have older children and work in finance. I get paid 100K+ for a easy 40 hour week and no weekends or evenings.

However I am never going to be paid more or promoted, that requires a sudden desire to work an extra 20 hours a week. And giving. A shit, which I don’t.

In your case, the children are not young for long, and 9 and 6 is a great age for doing amazing things, they can join in and will remember.

I would either take the job cut role or in your present job, just completely slack off. Do you want another promotion or pay rise? If not, then relax, start putting in shorter hours. You will never get to the end of your to do list so don’t worry about it. Pick it up again when they are teenagers and start going out of their own accord.

Rewrite the script.

Have done a lot of soul searching over the weekend and since. My notes on this thread LOL.

There has been so much good advice and a few of you seem to have nailed my personality, as in would I really do less if I had the opportunity?
Being a perimenopausal middle aged woman, I do feel like I am more likely to draw boundaries. I have started to say no and I am becoming consious of my own mortality... I'm learning to prioritize the children over work (covid and the schools being shut) taught me a lot of lessons.

There are a lot of suggestions about ways to make my current job work, and the job share idea in particular is an interesting one, but I think it's too late. If it was a relationship I think I would have the ick. They are all strategies I can use for the next role.

The cautionary tales about the NFP sector are a concern so I need to think that through carefully.

So, in summary I think it is time for a change but I need to make sure when I start a new job, I think of myself and my family first in a new role, and my job second.... Not easy to reinvent a personality but I feel I am at the stage now where that is possible.

Thanks all, much appreciated.