Employer have said I have resigned - I haven't. Urgent help please!

[Titslikepicassos]

I have a loooong thread in AIBU and received excellent support but things have escalated.

Long story short, I went on maternity leave this time last year. I had issues at work throughout my pregnancy, being shouted at and sidelined and told to move locations. Sorted it all out informally.

In March I asked to return to work early from Mat leave due to financial issues caused by lockdown. At this point my boss attempted to move me again, that didn't work and she then went back on the hours she had given me and it messed up my childcare.

I raised a formal grievance and put a flexible working request in at the same time. The company failed to do anything with my request and the grievance process was mismanaged and a data breach occurred in the middle of it, where my grievance letter was upload to a public file and seen by others.

The grievance was upheld in parts but they again tried to move me to a new location which doesnt work due to childcare issues.

I requested mediation with my boss in order to go back to work as I'm still not back 7 months later.

Today the regional director has said that they won't honour mediation and I have now resigned.

My union rep has disappeared and I received this at 16:00 today so couldn't get hold of ACAS.

Any advice would be very welcome!

I would love to be a fly on the wall in your old office. I wonder exactly what they are all saying to one another. Does senior boss actually have all the full facts or are they being fed one line after another? Wonder how they all feel re appearing at the tribunal

They are in a pickle, aren't they?! I have visions of tiny little people running about from one enormous case to another, all speeded up and speaking in those tiny little high voices. They just seem to forget that they shelved that one because when it was looked at it had no merit, but they've forgotten that. Then when they remember, they'll pick up something else which will have no merit. I reckon it's your idiot manager acting mainly alone and holding stuff back, not totally honest.

Good luck.

Good luck OP. what a horribly toxic environment. Sounds like you are well out of that. Fingers crossed the tribunal sees right through them

@Jux

They are in a pickle, aren't they?! I have visions of tiny little people running about from one enormous case to another, all speeded up and speaking in those tiny little high voices. They just seem to forget that they shelved that one because when it was looked at it had no merit, but they've forgotten that. Then when they remember, they'll pick up something else which will have no merit. I reckon it's your idiot manager acting mainly alone and holding stuff back, not totally honest.

Good luck.

I think the line manager has been very selective in what they've told them, and is wriggling like a worm on a hook in their efforts not to end up in deep shit themselves.

And all their wriggling is just making the hole they're in deeper and deeper.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall if this ever gets to a hearing, OP!

@Titslikepicassos

First case was maternity discrimination and sex discrimination, for trying to push me out of my role due to the relationship with my DP (who worked at the same site as me). Failing to even look at my flexible working request and my boss changing my hours without consultation.

Second case is all of the above but adds in unfair dismissal and victimisation as they fired me a few days after receiving my ET1.

This whole story is so shocking! Just one big cock up after another Really hope everything is settled soon, and you get a big fat lump sum as compensation - you fully deserve it!

Just an update and after some advice.

We've been in settlement agreement talks for the past two weeks. We've stalled at 2k below my minimum amount. My solicitor thinks they're being awful and could do with an employment tribunal to wake them up to their awful practices. While I agree with her, I'm bored to tears with this fucking thing, i need to put it to bed.

Do I settle at 2k under my hardline or carry on?! I might get more at ET, I might get less or I might get nothing. I'm not going to get more than my hardline if I delay settling. I'm concerned that if I drag this out, any compensation will be spent on wine before I get it 😭😂

Keep going. They'll be very likely to pay off just before the shit hits their fan the tribunal. The fear of bad publicity will make them pay out.

They're relying on you dying of exhaustion. Don't cave to their tactics.

Without giving too much away, what sort of proportion is 2k of what you're after? Remember they are trying to find a figure that will stop you going to a tribunal.
Personally I'd want them to squirm in court just as much as the cash.

@LanaDelBoy

Without giving too much away, what sort of proportion is 2k of what you're after? Remember they are trying to find a figure that will stop you going to a tribunal. Personally I'd want them to squirm in court just as much as the cash.

Agreed. If they’re offering £98k and you want £100k, settle. If they’re offering £500 and you want £2500 that’s very different (I expect it’s somewhere in between!)

I always say to all my clients that no one can assess the inherent value to you of getting matters concluded. As lawyers, we can tell you whether a settlement is good or bad as compared with the risks of a tribunal hearing - but there is nothing wrong at all in wanting to put it to bed, as you say. Is that worth £2k to you? Only you can answer that.

Also if you go to tribunal, you also need to consider how you’ll feel if you lose and if you get nothing, and have to listen to a judge explaining why you lost. How would you feel about the missing £2k then?

(I assume your solicitor is advising you about whether you can hold out for more than the current offer without risking losing it)

We're not talking massive figures but the figure we've stalled at is higher than the average amount for unfair dismissal and discrimination for both ET awards and settlement agreements. 2k isn't a lot really, but it feels it.

Thanks all

I'm waiting for my solicitor to come back and advise. I get the impression she wants to take it to ET though

How will accepting the offer make you feel psychologically?

Will you feel relieved it's all over and you can walk away feeling like they learned a lesson?

Or will you feel like they have won and you have given in?

Focus on yourself and how accepting the offer will make YOU feel.

Longtime lurker delurking as my job is negotiations (albeit things not people!)

What's their alternative, and how undesirable is that for them? And same question for you?

It sounds like your alternative to settling is going to ET, and the risk you get less/nothing, which your lawyer should advise you on the likelihood of (sounds low, from all you've said). And this also involves additional stress, which only you can value as PP say.

What's their alternative? Go to ET, tying up a lot of people's time, presumably shining a very bright light on dark corners and putting some senior people in very difficult positions. And probably ending up in a newspaper. That's worth a hell of a lot more than £2k, even if they believe their likelihood of winning at ET is quite high.

So you are in the far stronger position, unless you value your time/stress to pursue at far far higher than £2k, which is fair enough.

In your shoes, you've come this far, on paper you are in the better spot - so I'd stick to my rock bottom. You set it for a reason.

And tbh if they really are a large corporate as you say, why on earth they are fannying about for the sake of £2k when that's probably what the chairman spent on lunch last week is beyond me....

Good luck!!!

I would settle and count it psychologically as a win. You've been heroic. It is not your job in life to teach other people a lesson. It's your job to look after you x

We're not talking massive figures but the figure we've stalled at is higher than the average amount for unfair dismissal and discrimination for both ET awards and settlement agreements. 2k isn't a lot really, but it feels it.

In that case, if you're feeling tired and fed up with it all and just want to move on... there's no harm in accepting. £2k isn't a big amount. If it's more than the average settlement, it's probably a good settlement from your point of view - and you don't need to keep fighting this if you don't want to. You don't need to take one for the team.

On the flip side, you're absolutely within your rights to keep fighting if you want to... but don't put pressure on yourself if your head is saying that you'd rather get the headspace and move on. I did that. I'm proud of myself for fighting on but I'd have done better emotionally and financially if I'd settled.

I’d go to ET as I’d want them to really see the error of their ways!

@MadeForThis - I'm going to feel like they have won if I settle now. I will have short term relief that this has ended and then very quickly the desire for vengeance will return but my hands will be tied.

@Cavagirl - thank you for coming out of lurking! Everything you've said is what I'm thinking. I've been willing to take this to the very end from the beginning but @Mountaingoatling makes a good point about not being responsible for teaching others a lesson - which I'm often guilty of wanting or trying to do and ending up exhausted with nothing to show for it.

Be guided by your solicitor. In my experience they don't pursue things and like to settle so it's telling that yours is saying not to?

OP, just popping in to send you some encouragement.

I settled for more than twice my annual salary a few days before the ET was due to start. I probably could have got more, but I had a terrible ACAS rep pressuring me to accept. You sound like you're on the right track. Stick to YOUR principles.

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

Be guided by your solicitor. In my experience they don't pursue things and like to settle so it's telling that yours is saying not to?

That's not true. We advise settlement if our client is genuinely at risk of getting less at Court (or Tribunal in this case). We advise to carry on where justified, and we haven't reached the risk tipping point. Which is potentially if they up it by £2k (guessing, not knowing the file)!

Something else to bear in mind is that often settlement can happen in the doorway to court - literally. It will cost them 2k to get the barrister in for a day. Fundamentally I would say listen to your own legal counsel they will be experienced and also have a feel for how the other side is negotiating. IT sounds like their backs are against the wall and they know they need to settle and the 2k is just their last "fuck you" in terms of holding it back so they feel like they get a bit of a win. Their complete disaster of a process and all the cock ups is going to annihilate them in court as will their attitude, but the risk is yours

Fuck it - I've declined.

They'll have paid me off, a tiny amount in the grand scheme of things, with very little effort on their part and no reason to think twice before fucking over some other poor woman who might not have union support or money to fight them.

Not posted for a while, but wanted to say you have been amazing throughout. Your ET is along way in the future and you just want this done so you can get on with your life. This is what they are hoping for, as they want to pay the absolute minimum and not suffer reputational damage.

If you don’t feel this is a win and your solicitor supports you, then continue and decline the offer. Work out what would feel like a win, then you have your line in the sand. I agree with pp their costs will continue to rack up as the ET approaches and because they really don’t want an ET they will settle.

Just know everyone finds the drawn out length of time before the ET happens to be exhausting, draining, depressing and calls you to question whether it is easier to settle than carry on. A lot of unscrupulous employers rely on this battle fatigue to win by default.

I disagree my dear. Many, many hours will have been spent on this with senior managers. They will think more carefully. They will still be little shits but they will think hard. Is an NDA part of the agreement?