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Original poster

DH and I potentially going for same job - WWYD?

162 replies

Pistachio1702 · 16/04/2020 19:38

Hi all - NC, but long-time poster. The following feels very "first-world problems" and I feel very lucky to (so far) be in a secure job but please bear with me as I really could do with advice!

DH and I both work in same industry. He is 10 years older (47 to my 37) and more senior. He has been freelancing after taking voluntary redundancy a few years ago but looking for a FT role and getting a bit down about situation and not finding anything. I am lucky enough to be in a mid-senior level, in a FT and comfortable job which I enjoy and am good at, but looking to take that next step in seniority.

DH and I have both been approached for the same FT super senior role. This is a job he could easily do, having been at a similar level in his last role and for a few years beforehand.

I told DH I had been approached but thought it was too senior (I really do). So I said no. He made no comment on this and we moved on and discussed other things.

I have since been rung up by organisation/manager/potential boss who is hiring and encouraged to go for it. So I am tempted to submit a CV - you never know but really, this would a very, very senior, very high-profile position. I doubt I will get it but I know if I didn't go for it, I would regret it. There aren't many roles as big in my industry.

AIBU to submit a CV, just in case? WWYD? And if I do, how do I broach with DH? Should I just let this one go and wait my turn?

I am usually always in the "go for the job even if you think is too hard/too senior" camp - "you have nothing to lose". But I am on the rise, well-off, have just taken on a NED appointment, just been promoted etc. whereas he is struggling to find something.

Not the most coherent post - apologies, my head just keeps whirring round. I would really love to hear some thoughts!

OP posts:
Gottheteeshirtandlostit · 19/04/2020 13:19

Don't think about how you'll both feel if you get the job over him.
Instead think about how you'll both feel if you don't apply because you want DH to get the job, but someone else wins it over his head.

Hagisonthehill · 19/04/2020 14:16

If you would go for it in a heartbeat if it weren't for your dh then still go for it.
If you didn't and he did not get the post then you could resent him for not getting the opportunity.In that scenario if another post comes up in the future you're in the same situation.
You are on a rising wave at the moment and need to capitalise on it.Even if you didn't get it the interview experience is never a bad thing and you have shown others where to want to go in the future.

Queenoftheashes · 20/06/2020 01:36

@Pistachio1702 So did either of you get it??

NinkiNonkiNikau · 20/06/2020 04:51

Well Op, how did the interviews go?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/06/2020 05:27

@I0NA

The thing I'm a bit confused about is the assumption that if you step aside he'd automatically get it. Are you the only people applying?

Yes indeed.

And the other assumptions going on here from some posters

  1. That their relationship will suffer if she gets the job but not if he does.
  2. That she should be happy to step aside for him but not the other way around.
  3. That although she needs experience at this level to develop her career and he doesn’t, he somehow deserves the job more
  4. That by applying she is putting herself in conflict with him but not vice versa
  5. That they have only asked her to apply so they can pay less. It couldn't possibly be because they think she’s good.
  6. That the OP should put her ambitions on hold for the sake of the family income , but her husband doesn’t have to.
  7. That’s it’s easier for her than him to get another senior job, even though he has the experience and she doesn’t AND men In general get paid more and promoted more quickly.
All of this.
NinkiNonkiNikau · 20/06/2020 05:43

Yes I was struck by the way Op is supposed to sacrifice career opportunities while her DH should develop his career with no real concern to the impact on her.

FishAreAcquaintancesNotFood · 20/06/2020 05:56

They're probably both furloughed now anyway tbf

Original poster
Pistachio1702 · 20/06/2020 07:49

How nice you are to check in. Thank you. So, we had the conversation and he was fine with it - perhaps partly because at that time another full time role had come into sight (for him).

I went for the job and am down to final 2 (long/multi layered process, Covid delaying everything, busy diaries etc).

His F/T job opportunity sadly didn't come to anything but he has been very supportive

So thank you to everyone for their help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pistachio1702 · 20/06/2020 07:50

Oh, and the other part of this was that he was ruled out pretty early on. We are not sure why - he wasn't at the stage where he could reasonably have asked for feedback.

So am doubly glad I went for it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pistachio1702 · 20/06/2020 07:54

Ps I promise I was going to update you all, but was (and am still) hoping to update you with details of my getting the role! Wow, this process started a bloody long time ago.

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 20/06/2020 07:56

Wow that’s great news! Fingers crossed you get it !

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2020 07:57

That's fantastic Thanks

Original poster
Pistachio1702 · 20/06/2020 08:00

Thank you! I find out this week. SO many interviews and presentations. Then the new big boss decided he wanted to interview us as well and of course his diary was a nightmare. It has been quite the process.

If nothing else, as PP said, it has been an eye opening process for something at a senior level. I think the fact that they have been video interviews too means that they wanted to do more of them, because it is harder to get a feel for an individual when you haven't physically met them? I have never done so many interviews for one job.

Anyway, am rambling - I need a coffee!

OP posts:
MoltoAgitato · 20/06/2020 08:09

Fab news! I’d been thinking about this. All the best for the final roundSmile

Karwomannghia · 20/06/2020 08:09

Good luck!

CountFosco · 20/06/2020 08:13

Great news.

AnotherEmma · 20/06/2020 08:19

So glad you went for it and he's being supportive.
Best of luck!

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 20/06/2020 08:22

Congratulations on getting this far OP. I hope DH has been being supportive?

Bellecurves · 20/06/2020 08:45

He is not the only potential candidate and could still lose out to someone else. The fact that they are encouraging you to apply indicates they are open to more than just years of experience. Talk it through with him, how would he feel if you got it and he didn't? What's the best thing for both of you as a team, not your individual careers?

Bellecurves · 20/06/2020 08:46

Lol, just read the other two hundred messages. Congratulations!

fizzandchips · 20/06/2020 08:48

So glad you’ve had his support and congratulations getting to final 2. Have everything crossed for you.

HelenaJustina · 20/06/2020 08:55

Good luck, hope you hear early in the week!

GuessWhoBoo · 20/06/2020 08:59

Good luck.

MadeForThis · 20/06/2020 09:10

Good luck.

ThanosSavedMe · 20/06/2020 09:17

Good luck and I’m glad that you were able to speak to your dh and he was supportive