Will anyone ever give my DH another chance

[DesperateToHelpMyHudband]

Hi I have name changed for this.

Long story for background:

My husband is in his early 50's. We have been married 25 years and have 3 teenage daughters.

When my husband was a teenager he and some other boys were convicted for armed robbery and he spent 3 years in prison.

When he was released he was determined to turn his life around and after much searching he landed a roll in the finance department of a large company. He worked his way up over the years and became a manager and a well respected member of staff. He worked his socks off and never took any time off sick.

When he applied for the job they didn't ask him if he had a criminal record and he didn't declare it. Fast forward 30 years and because of new regulations in the industry his company decided to do a retrospective criminal record check. Before they could do that he disclosed it to the senior partner in the London office. They suspended him straight away and after deliberation by a committee in a different country that have never met him they decided to get rid of him with a small pay out.

This was six months ago and he cannot get another job. Nobody is giving him a chance. He has tried everything but no luck with anything at all.

It breaks my heart. He is a totally different person to that teenager all those years ago. He was such a loyal member of staff. He worked long hours and never took a day off sick for the first 20 years and even then only because he had to.

He would be an asset to any company but is he destined for the scrap heap?

He can't even get a manual labour job. I know people will say he should work for himself but doing what ?

If it was a 3 year sentence 30 years ago it is spent contact unlocked who are experts in this.

www.princes-trust.org.uk/help-for-young-people/who-else/housing-health-wellbeing/ex-offender-support

If the conviction was recent then I could see the employer’s perspective. But it was 30 years ago.

Reminds me of the company I worked for who suddenly decided employees needed to declare if they had ever had a connection with anyone in the same industry and got rid of those who had historical connections.

Kind of wish this thread had a trigger warning. ffs! Sorry but the whole “triggering” term is vastly overused. While I have no doubt that your experience was traumatic at the time, having opened the thread it wasn’t hard to see what it was about and then close it again. If it still affects you years later even reading about someone who had done time and been reformed then I’d suggest seeking help from the relevant organisations.

Are there any charities that help with this?

He has been very proactive in sending emails to people.

This is a good start but I am afraid that he would need an enormous amount of luck to get a job from an unsolicited email. I'm afraid the process might need a different approach.

For example, start building a list of everyone he has ever worked with, especially those with whom he built up a good rapport. Find up to date contact details for them. This could take forever, so as soon as he has contact details ....

Get in touch and ask for 30 mins of their time. Suggest a coffee or drink. Prepare a set of questions to ask them, to tease out opportunities in (any business or organisation they know about)

Asking someone 'can I have a job' is very difficult for both the person asking and being asked.

Asking someone 'what do you see as the main problems with . What could he find to make it better. Where do you see this area going in the future (ie us if growing or contracting - either can be good. Remember for example when lots of people are being thrown out of a job, there are more calls for career counselling , tax advice etc.

Resist the temptation to ask 'how could I help ' directly but that is what he would ultimately be looking for.

Don't restrict it too much, if the person has another passion it might also lead somewhere.

Also ask is there anyone else you could suggest I should speak to. Again, not directly asking for a job, of course.

After each session he needs to analyse the results and look for opportunities. Any key ideas that emerge, do some google and real research to see who else might be offering that solution. Either with an aim to join forces or to outfit them.

He can then start to tell other people during these chats 'I understand xyz is a bit of a problem in your industry. '. The aim is to be in a position to offer to solve someone else's problem. They might even bite your hand off and ask you to do it. Or you can say 'well I could do xyz do you have any openings.

It's a very slow process but best to focus on progress as number of contacts, number of meetings and then bingo someone provides a lead.

In parallel, make contacts in other areas too local government must have lots of opportunities for finance people and I understand they all must be advertised.

All the very best and yes, do tell the DD gently. He has nothing to be ashamed of, in fact he is an ideal role model as others have pointed out. Not telling makes it sound like he is ashamed. Good luck.

If it was a 3 year sentence 30 years ago it is spent

No - OP says it was a 6 year sentence, of which he served half. So will never be spent.

Retraining as an accountant or financial advisor isn't going to work either - both those professions are vetted before you are added to teh register.

However, if a job is advertised as requiring a DBS check that doesn't mean that they will necessarily put a blanket ban on everyone with a criminal past. OP's husband is in a strong position in that he can prove it was a one off, it was a long time ago, and since then he's been an upstanding member of society. Many companies will happily take on someone in that situation if they are a strong candidate in other ways.

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas It's not spent and it never will be, he was sentenced to over six years in prison so it never becomes spent.

A couple of suggestions:

As he had built a strong career, could he switch to training/life coaching and actually make his teenage mistake and conviction part of his story? "This is how l built my life back" type of thing?

Would ex-colleagues who think well of him be prepared to write personal endorsements on Linked In? Might be hard to word within the terms of the NDA but it would suggest to recruiters etc there is more to the story than dismissed with no references

@DesperateToHelpMyHudband I have a friend who lost his job in similar circumstances. He started a window cleaning business and got a part time job in b&q. Within 6 months he gave up the part time job as the window cleaning paid so well and he now 3 years later employs staff. All he needed to start was some basic equipment, a roof rack and insurance.

I am sure there are lots of small business ideas he could use, just depends on your area.

I can't help with employment but his skills would be so valuable to citizens advice or one of the debt charities.

Would he volunteer? He could get a reference from volunteering and it might open things up.

@AllHeart1 ODFOD
Really living up to your username.

Look to the food manufacturing industry. There are plenty of finance roles within it too. My DH works for a major snack foods company, they do not do any criminal checks on any staff members even in finance roles.

I think you need to find out if it is still showing on the DBS? Because it shouldn't be?

I'm sorry you're in this position, I think your dh has been done wrong by his old employers. It sounds like your family are going to have to weather a big shake up with you becoming breadwinner extraordinaire and dh retraining.

I have a friend who committed some heinous crimes in his youth, did his time and has been straight ever since (now in his 70s). Of course people do this and we should try to be more open minded about it.

Beach I am so sorry that happened to you. I am sure the trauma will always be there. I was at a mass shooting with my young ds last year. I think we will always carry some part of that with us.

My sympathies are with the OP who must be incredibly frustrated BY THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE INSISTING THE OFFENCE IS SPENT WHEN IT'S BEEN MADE CLEAR MANY TIMES THAT IT DEFINITELY ISN'T.

Or maybe it's just me that's incredibly frustrated by that.

@Josette77

Are his skills transferable to civil service type roles. They are very fair usually in job applications

Look at the charity sector and senior roles within charities that work in the field of young offenders and as suggested apply to Timpsons.
Drill down into different roles to see if he can fit into what they are looking for.

I don't really know about this, but what about self employment, like contracting in a similar capacity to the permanent role he was in? Or starting a small business?

What about timpani x

I mean timpson

It will never be spent because of the severity of the sentence.

Him not telling them all those years was a lie by omission. He knew he had a conviction and did not disclose this at any point. I don't think there is any unfair dismissal, the lie just ran out (even if it was unintentional not telling them was still a lie because he should have been keeping himself informed of the industry he was in and speaking to his employer if it affected him).

I do think it's sad that people who could provide so much to their society and family are limited by poor decision making as teenagers, but that's how the system is. One of the deterrents of committing a crime is the effect on your job and career prospects afterwards, it's part of the punishment. Which unfortunately feeds into a cycle where people often reoffend because they cannot find adequate employment, repeating the cycle.

I think either we believe in rehabilitation or we don't. Some people believe that people cannot change, ever. I believe that most people can change, but that changing yourself comes through changing your environment, so if we really don't want people to be stuck in the crime cycle we should be opening up as many employment opportunities as possible. Some areas are doing this, but I think finance is going the opposite way. So i would be investigating what he could be doing, even if it's work he has never done or poorly paid. Or maybe he should start his own business? A lot of people with a criminal record are self employed.

Good god. Read the thread!!! So frustrating.

I second looking at the charity sector or education. Is there a university near you? They tend to pay quite well. Also, OP you're probably going to have to look at more hours or something better paid.

Charities are even more likely to need a DBS, because they often work with vulnerable people. Even if the post is office based, they have to be even more careful about who they employ than many private sector companies.