Will anyone ever give my DH another chance

[DesperateToHelpMyHudband]

Hi I have name changed for this.

Long story for background:

My husband is in his early 50's. We have been married 25 years and have 3 teenage daughters.

When my husband was a teenager he and some other boys were convicted for armed robbery and he spent 3 years in prison.

When he was released he was determined to turn his life around and after much searching he landed a roll in the finance department of a large company. He worked his way up over the years and became a manager and a well respected member of staff. He worked his socks off and never took any time off sick.

When he applied for the job they didn't ask him if he had a criminal record and he didn't declare it. Fast forward 30 years and because of new regulations in the industry his company decided to do a retrospective criminal record check. Before they could do that he disclosed it to the senior partner in the London office. They suspended him straight away and after deliberation by a committee in a different country that have never met him they decided to get rid of him with a small pay out.

This was six months ago and he cannot get another job. Nobody is giving him a chance. He has tried everything but no luck with anything at all.

It breaks my heart. He is a totally different person to that teenager all those years ago. He was such a loyal member of staff. He worked long hours and never took a day off sick for the first 20 years and even then only because he had to.

He would be an asset to any company but is he destined for the scrap heap?

He can't even get a manual labour job. I know people will say he should work for himself but doing what ?

TwinnyWinny he was given a 6 or 7 year sentence (I can't remember which) and he served 3 years.

This is the whole story. I'm not hiding anything.

He has looked into it and it definitely isn't spent.

SinkGirl Try reading again. He DIDN'T lie about it. It was never brought up. It was not an issue at the time of employment 30 years ago.

This was six months ago and he cannot get another job. Nobody is giving him a chance. He has tried everything but no luck with anything at all.

I'm not surprised that they are not giving him another chance, he has lost a job because he lied to them. Leaving aside what he did in the past, that's something that any potential employer is going to find hard to accept - they want honest workers who tell the truth and not ones who they feel can't be trusted.

I'm sorry for the impact that this is having on you, it must be very hard.

There are quite a few organisations that I work with who are very proactive in rehabilitation of offenders and finding them meaningful work I don't know where you are in the country but Suez is one of them and that's a major company. Sex offenders can forget it (for most if not all, I think) but everything else is recoverable.

Recycling Lives is another organisation who is making giant inroads.

Good luck to you and your husband, OP.

I feel for your husband here, but I think it's probably more likely to be his age that is going against him now. Definitely contact charities who help get ex-offenders back into work. This might help as a start. Consider him re-training - I know this is going to be hard to afford, but better a few years' of a very tight budget than doing nothing until he's 67, still on a very tight budget.

When we were in a similar position (no criminal conviction but H seemingly unemployable having been made redundant in his 50s), I became the breadwinner while he took over everything at home and did an OU degree. In the end, the OU degree didn’t lead to employment but it did wonders for his mental health and happiness and my career progressed enough for us to manage, albeit with some lifestyle changes.

Either start his own business or try the local council for work - i know they employ people who have been in prison.

It might just take time as generally with Brexit there has been a slow down, hopefully that will change.

However many industries now do DBS checks, mine does and it would surprise people. Contracting might be the way to go and also speak to organisation who assist offenders back into work.

In the short term, do you have the potential to get a better paid job and earn enough to support everyone?

If not, DH needs to stop emailing and start going to meet people and calling instead. Emails are too easy to ignore, and they're what everybody does - so he won't be standing out. Add in that he's got a conviction that'll never be spent, and he's as good as deleted before it even gets to him.

I'd second telling your daughters... they will find out and it'll be easiest to tell them now then prolonging the lie. I can absolutely understand that you wouldn't want to tell them, but the chances of them getting through life without finding out is slim, and the least harmful way of them finding out (from their point of view) is through you and your DH.

NikKix he didn't lie. He was never asked and saw an opportunity to turn his life round which is what he did.
The alternative would have been to live off benefits for the past 30 years.

he needs to look elsewhere. much lower positions
or can he become self employed?

I see that someone had already mentioned Timpsons, which was going to be my suggestion. But I wanted to post anyway, to wish him and you the best.

I have a friend who's gone from violent, armed gang member to successful and extremely decent professional family man in little more than a decade. I have immense respect for that sort of turnaround, and I really hope your DH can get things back on track with the help of a non judgmental company.

www.unlock.org.uk/

This charity have excellent advice for ex-offenders experiencing stigma in workplace.

He's not going to get a second chance in his industry at his level because his conviction is unspent and he's not going to get a reference from his employer of 30 years. That horse has bolted and continuing to look for jobs in that direction will destroy his confidence and spirit.

So he/you have to think laterally. Is there anything you can do to increase your income? Can he write a book about his experiences? Can he become self-employed? Can you downsize your home? Can he retrain?

I absolutely understand that everything 'creative' feels very difficult and you are both still reeling, but you are going to have to be creative and in a sense start again to get out of this situation.

Has he looked at any of the franchise opportunities out there? They cover so many sectors.

I may be wrong I was under the impression that after a certain period of the conviction is spent and you no longer have to declare it.

I thought this too (depending upon the nature of the conviction - maybe the fact that it was an armed robbery he was involved in is what makes the difference)- particularly when the offender was young (stupid, easily influenced etc).

This is awful for you and seems very cruel when he has worked so hard and been so honest for thirty years.

Could he perhaps go to tribunal for a more generous payoff? As you say, he hasn'lied (well - boy omission, I suppose) and has been an exemplary employee - to chuck him out with next to nothing seems brutal.

I’m sure jobs in the charity sector are really competitive, but what about working for a charity that helps former prisoners?

Sorry, you must be getting fed up of repeating yourself etc. Especially when it’s so stressful.

Can I suggest making yourself a hot drink, getting a pen & paper and re-reading the thread, making a list of every organisation that has been listed. Then asking DH to PHONE them all next week.

It’s very easy to think ‘we’ve done all that’ &feel defensive when you’re stressed, but it will only take speaking to one organisation/person to turn this around 🌷

Whatever you do, you need to be in this together and not let it drive you apart, he didn’t do anything wrong (or anything that wasn’t ‘the norm’) not disclosing it 30 years ago if he wasn’t asked and you’re not nagging, but it’s easy to get in that mindset when under so much stress. A Lot if posters are very young and were either nit born or were young kids 30 years ago...it was a very different time wrt employment etc.

Be proud of who he has become, he’s done someth8ng not many people have been able to do.

Really do consider telling your daughters...it will come out at some stage and finding out from others is what will devastate them, nit what he did.

I hope he finds something soon x

But in the meantime, he might get a lot out of doing a course/degree or whatever online. Or weirdly even looking into a mature apprenticeship in a trade. I was listening to the radio the other day and a guy who had turned 50 was made redundant from his accounting job and he’s doing a plumbing apprenticeship and loving it. I can’t remember how much he was getting paid, but it actually wasn’t too bad and he’s looking at doing 2 yrs at the company after then going self employed and the company is supporting him.

I'm sorry to hear about your partner's predicament.

Here are some organisations he may find useful.

Nacro Has a helpline and provides practical advice and support for those with criminal convictions. Monday-Thursday 9am-5pm Friday 1pm-5pm 0300 123 1999 [email protected]

I don’t think the problem is the spent conviction, he has served his time and he doesn’t even need to declare it when he applies for jobs.

I would say his main problem is ageism. Whatever people say, getting a job in an industry full of young ambitious people when you are near your 50s is a proper struggle (or at least that is my experience and that of my friends).

have you heard of the charity unlock they might be able to advice
www.unlock.org.uk/

Would he consider working on a voluntary basis? He might get his foot in the door with a third sector agency, especially one that deals with marginalised people, ex-offenders etc? I suggest goodmoves.com/. The combination of lived experience and senior management might be very appealing to some of the employers on there.

I worked with offenders for many years and no one can ask more of someone who has committed an offence than to do their time and apply themselves to being a productive and law abiding member of the community.

All the best!

'The more serious the conviction, the longer the period of rehabilitation. For example, if you have received a prison sentence of more than four years, the conviction will never become spent,'

I did a quick google and found this to the people curious about it being spent (as I was) as it will never become spent he does technically have to disclose this information now every time he's asked which will be why its such a struggle for him to find a new job.

I'm really sorry this happened to you, I genuinely believe in people becoming reformed after making mistakes, I hope you can find some kind of help and income for him.

I am sure there are places that dont request a CRB
he can explaining he wants out of the rat race

Firstly, congratulations to your husband for turning his life around. I also think you should tell your daughters. You could have a good discussion about going down the wrong path, how everyone makes mistakes and how dh changed his life - it could be constructive. Having lost a job in financial services myself it is terribly difficult to find things at a certain age even without extra baggage. I am now employed but on a low wage. On a different note, has dh thought about leaning into his past and doing youth work with those at risk of offending? - it sounds like he could have a lot to offer.