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Original poster

Response to lukewarm reference

145 replies

Alanis126 · 04/12/2019 18:09

It recently came to my attention that a biss wrote a lukewarm reference for me ca. 10 years ago. I am.not anticipating any benefit at all from challenging them on this but neither am I willing to let them get away with it. I have drafted but not sent an email to the person in question who refuses to speak to me about it over the phone. It is polite but firm amd points out that I got a better job than the one for which this manager wrote the reference shortly after. All I want to know is ( amd please, no naysaying "best not take any chances" replies) provided I stick to facts plus add that I think they for this reference wrong and I did not appreciate what they wrote am I in any way legally exposed myself? The reality is everyone hated management everyone was leaving and the lukewarm reference was written to stop me getting a job and leaving.

OP posts:
TheLidoOfThighs · 04/12/2019 20:12

They have no power over me and I'm not interested in their opinion, just in not letting them off the hook.

There’s a lot of contradictions in there’re, but the important thing, given your aim, is that they aren’t on the hook. Your email isn’t going to put them on the hook. For that to happen they would need to care what you think. Your email will just help them justify their actions.

RedDiamond · 04/12/2019 20:13

The reference must be one they sent to your current employer otherwise you would not legally have access to it. Your past employer does not have to give you a copy of any reference they have written.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2019 20:19

They have no power over me and I'm not interested in their opinion, just in not letting them off the hook.

Their power over you, that you are giving them, is staggering.

What "hook" are you talking about? They haven't done anything to you. They gave a reference which is their opinion, which they are entitled to. All this is about is your bruised ego over a non-event.

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 04/12/2019 20:19

Christ. 10 years ago? And you’ve had more than 20 years in industry? You’re more than too old to be carrying on like this. Get them back? With a snappy letter? Grin hardly. They won’t give a shiny shite. This doesn’t get them back in any way at all. But carry on if you want to give them a laugh over their tea break.

Elieza · 04/12/2019 20:19

My employer only lets managers write factually correct references, which are brief and to the point, which are checked and issued by hr themselves. Nothing else is allowed.

Perhaps your manager was restricted the way our are.

Ten years is too long a time to deal with this now. You will not be taken seriously, I don’t imagine there will be any legal recourse, you will sound insane, plus the person who wrote it probably doesn’t even work there any more. You will achieve nothing but waste your own time. I can just imagine the confused looks from one hr team member to the others “does this say ten YEARS, who is this person, they must be joking ...”

RedDiamond · 04/12/2019 20:20

So, we can conclude, you have not suffered any job loss because the only way you could legally get access to your 10 year old reference is if you present employer gave you access to it.

Please do not waste your time or energy in taking this any further.

Original poster
Alanis126 · 04/12/2019 20:23

Honestly there is no amount of disagreement, sneering, or insinuations of insanity that will cause me to rethink my position. I find it a bit sad that so many people have been piling in reinforcing the opinions of others. It is always easier to take a majority rather than a minority opinion.

OP posts:
Corrag · 04/12/2019 20:23

Years ago a previous employer wrote a factually incorrect reference about me and I lost a new job because of it. I was devastated at the time but rather than put all my energy into fighting it I just moved on and got another (better) job. In your case you've not lost out on anything as a result of this. Forget about it and move on. This pain really won't give a shit. He'll probably laugh at your email.

Corrag · 04/12/2019 20:24

Pain = person

Dyrne · 04/12/2019 20:27

OP what were you expecting? Lashings of praise? To be honest every employer I have ever worked as only done references as “We can confirm X worked for the company between the dates of Y and Z”. Many companies do the same thing.

Is everyone OK with things in general, OP?

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 04/12/2019 20:28

Based on your posts and behaviour on this thread I suspect a “Luke warm” reference was them being generous.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 04/12/2019 20:30

The person who wrote it has probably left the business. No one there will remember you or your work so it will just be a random letter feom a crazy woman complaining about something that happened 10 years ago.

As long as your letter is factual and not threatening, insulting, abusive.... there will be no legal repercussions. They'll probably just laugh then either stick it on the notice board or throw it in the bin.

TheLidoOfThighs · 04/12/2019 20:30

Alanis This is the bit where you say thank you to those of us who have answered your question. Or are you giving us a lukewarm reference?

I genuinely hope you remain equally resolute when you get no response to your email, and that you get the vindication and closure that you hope for.

midcenturylegs · 04/12/2019 20:31

Appreciate you're pissed off OP but there are more important battles to fight in life than something that happened 10 years ago. Look after your mental health, give yourself closure based on the fact that you've succeeded irrespective of the reference.

DesMartinsPetCat · 04/12/2019 20:32

What wording have you decided on for the email?

Original poster
Alanis126 · 04/12/2019 20:33

**Based on your posts and behaviour on this thread I suspect a “Luke warm” reference was them being generous.

This is the kind of response I have a problem with. You may dislike or disagree with what I have posted but you know absolutely nothing else.about the situation, yet somehow you feel entitled to post this.

OP posts:
Elieza · 04/12/2019 20:34

OP I too “find it a bit sad” as you put it that you seem to think anyone with an opinion other than the same as yours is “piling in reinforcing the opinions of others”. Surely you posted here for opinions. You have got them. You don’t like them any more than the reference you got. I cant speak for others but i’m telling you what I believe is the truth and trying to save you from embarrassing yourself.

I agree that we should do things to help each other and be good people etc and if the reference was from last week I’d agree that you should do something to help yourself and others to get a better reference but ten years is a long time.

Policies change, people change. You have no idea what a reference from there would be like now.

RedDiamond · 04/12/2019 20:35

Then don't drip feed!!!!

IWorkAtTheCheesecakeFactory · 04/12/2019 20:37

yet somehow you feel entitled to post this.

Of course, you’ve presented some aspects of your personality and I’ve come to some conclusions based on how you have presented yourself. If you didn’t want that, maybe the Internet was the wrong place for this question.

TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 · 04/12/2019 20:39

@DesMartinsPetCat

I think it will go something like this:

To whom it may concern

It has recently come to my attention that 10 years ago someone in your company wrote a less than glowing reference about me to a then potential employer.

It didn't actually matter in the end as I got the job and have had a grand old time working there.

Just wanted to let you know that I succeeded despite you.

I also wanted to tell you off, because I never let anything go. I am disgusted, disgruntled, traumatised and generally miffed that someone in your company wrote OK instead of great stuff about me in a reference.

Shame on you.

Yours sincerely

Loopytiles · 04/12/2019 20:40

Emailing the ex manager or organisation to complain or express disagreement with what she said about you doesn’t put you at any legal risk, unless you’re threatening or whatever.

Bur she / the organisation will probably ignore it and not change their practice.

strawberry2017 · 04/12/2019 20:43

Based on how you are responding to people on here I'm not surprised you got a lukewarm reference.

christmasathome · 04/12/2019 20:43

It was 10 years ago, they probably don't even remember you. Unless it was factually inaccurate then they did nothing wrong. A luke warm reference isn't a bad thing particularly.

Standstilling · 04/12/2019 20:44

This is brilliant! Grin I am filled with ragey PMT yet OP has made me feel quite sane.

VeniVidiVoxi · 04/12/2019 20:49

OP to old boss email: " 10 years ago you wrote a mediocre reference that had no bearing on my employability"

Old boss to OP: "ermmmm, OK"

What else could they possibly say, if they say anything at all?