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Workplace Bullying - Support Thread

133 replies

daisychain01 · 23/11/2018 18:00

Bullying at work is rife. I won't number-crunch but it costs employers £M / annum, and it costs employees dearly in terms of harm to their mental wellbeing and finances if they are driven out of their job.

If you have experienced any of the following, you are likely to have been subjected to bullying:

Being made to feel worthless, inadequate, useless at your job, incompetent, making you doubt yourself and your capabilities.

Being compared negatively to colleagues, esp more junior to you, "If they can work faster/pick things up quicker/understand things easier, why can't you?"

Being isolated, disenfranchised, ignored, often as a form of punishment, while colleagues are treated noticeably fairly and courteously.

Being set up to fail, being given objectives then changing them so radically it makes your job untenable. Feeling "damned if you do, damned if you don't". Whatever you try to do, they want the opposite.

Being given authority, but then disempowered, by going over your head to your direct reports, often in front of them.

Subject to derogatory sexist remarks, designed to minimise contribution skills and qualifications. This is harassment, for which you have protection in law.

Bullying is insidious, difficult to detect or prove. It is invariably minimised by the perpetrator with comments like "I didn't mean it like that", "you're just too sensitive, can't you take a joke?", "sorry I was having an off-day".

Bullying is a form of emotional abuse.

This thread is a safe place for a handhold or to seek practical advice. It isn't always necessary to resign to escape, there are other ways. It will depend on the individual situation. You may not want to share all the details, don't worry about the AIBU dripfeed, you won't be ostracised on here if you need to keep things brief, change a few details or giving disclosure only to your comfort level.

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maxbabi · 22/03/2019 16:48

I joined a union he fought for me. I had the head lie about what was discussed etc. I ended up resigning best thing ever no more anxiety. Job hunting confidence taken a hit. By the way union wanted me to fight but who needs that stress. Bullies won't stop.

rockabye · 22/03/2019 17:50

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daisychain01 · 22/03/2019 20:50

If you genuinely believe your manager's performance review was unfair and (maybe?) biased against you, can you gather evidence from people you've worked well with over the year who are willing to give a very factual account of work you've delivered for them. I wouldn't divulge that you and your manager are currently in disagreement, just ask for comments for your annual review.

When things get nasty like this, the best way to approach it is to try to keep a cool head, separate the hurt and anger (which are very valid emotions when you've basically had your capabilities trashed) from facts, keep everything evidence-based. From now, capture everything in emails, even if they are confirmatory "thank you for meeting with me today. Just so I have things clear, these are the points we discussed...".etc

Did you see this coming, was there literally no murmurings or even minor grumbles - was it completely out of the blue? If you couldn't possibly known, then that's a sign of poor management to leave it until your end of year appraisal.

I'm so sorry you've been subjected to such unpleasantness. It's always painful even if there are elements of improvements that could be made (we all could do with improving some elements of our role performance, let's face it), there's no need to be viscous about it.

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rockabye · 22/03/2019 21:25

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daisychain01 · 23/03/2019 03:37

If you have completed less than 2 years' employment, they could be trying to get rid of you under the guise of poor performance when in reality they are seeing you as a 'troublemaker' for shopping the colleague for wrongdoing. Difficult to know - if everything has been going well to date, it may not be a coincidence.

If you have more than 2 years employment, you have rights regarding fair treatment. Your manager has to enact performance improvement, giving accurate facts on the specifics of what they deem to be poor performance., but they cannnot treat you differently due to a protected characteristic (PC) such as sex, race, disability (harassment). This is where the law starts and ends.

The fact is bullying when not associated with a PC has no protection in law, employees are expected to fight their corner and as you say, without proof they are free to march you down the disciplinary route - key for you is to keep all responses factual to make it difficult but not impossible to use disciplinary to see you out the door. Your manager 'hinting'' at putting you in a PIP is not sufficient, they have to be specific, plus they must explain the process and your rights, what they want you to improve and targets to improve.

I would contact ACAS and run this situation past them to get the full facts assessed, and also an employment solicitor needs to give you advice. It does sound like they're retaliating due to you whistleblowing - ask ACAS to explain your rights in law (proving it is the difficult thing). So sorry you're being subjected to this Flowers

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daisychain01 · 23/03/2019 03:43

As you're public sector, are you in a Union? They can be a good source of support and advice.

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rockabye · 23/03/2019 08:09

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daisychain01 · 23/03/2019 21:11

My manager has said and done some things regarding my disabilities that make me uncomfortable, and has said some racist things about other colleagues, once in front of me, but I am not sure if I can bring this up as these colleagues probably do not want to be involved

Those colleagues would need to bring a grievance, or mention it informally to your manager. You'll be opening a world of problems for yourself and muddy the water significantly if you bring accusations of racism into your grievance situation, when the colleagues may not have taken it the same way, or if they have decided they'll keep their head down and stay safe.

It may be best if you bring HR into this matter, given your longevity in the organisation, and ask them to support you in finding a suitable alternative post. You'd need to drive the activity (HR wouldn't normally get involved to that extent) but they may recognise your many years of successful service and not want to lose you. Once you are free of this manager, it is likely you can regain your mojo and still add value, but in a different role. This could form part of your grievance, as in "what is your desired outcome".

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rockabye · 25/03/2019 14:26

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daisychain01 · 26/03/2019 04:18

I am utterly terrified that my manager will find something, anything, to use against me

If you have been continuously employed there for 16 years, and you have disabilities known to your HR dept and manager, then they are skating on thin ice to get rid of you without valid cause.

Based on what you've updated, no I would not raise a grievance against the company, that would be silly and would reflect badly on you.

Your manager shouldn't leave you guessing that you "might have" committed some unknown misdemeanour that you're having to guess about. If they have a problem with your performance, and try to dismiss you on the basis you haven't done xyz, now that's grievance territory, because you would have something tangible to call them out on. The chances of them being that clueless, imho, is minimal.

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daisychain01 · 26/03/2019 04:19

Has your union given you advice?

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rockabye · 26/03/2019 06:06

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rockabye · 27/03/2019 06:08

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MT2017 · 27/03/2019 11:38

@rockabye sounds awful. Hope you get some help.

Update from me: grievance not upheld due to 'insufficient evidence', put in an appeal yesterday which goes to top level and is the final chance.

I don't realistically think that will succeed (if the grievance with all its info didn't, I can't see what would change their minds) but am now at the point of expecting to leave if they don't move me from this manager.

Dr and occ health very supportive and happy to sign me off for as long as I need which takes a great weight off.

Good luck to everyone on this thread. And if you know of any jobs going please let me know... Wink

rockabye · 27/03/2019 13:11

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daisychain01 · 27/03/2019 23:55

rockabye firstly please don't resign. Even though your manager has changed your appraisal notes, they haven't yet put in place any formal performance process so wait and see what they do.

I would raise a grievance specifically about them altering your records, on the basis you have never been informed of the change.

Sorry about your grievance not ending the way you wanted MT x

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rockabye · 28/03/2019 06:26

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daisychain01 · 28/03/2019 18:48

I don't think she would take out a grievance against you necessarily. If she has issues about your performance she'd more likely start a performance improvement plan to address issues she maintains need to be addressed. But it sounds rather a buggers muddle at your place of work if people are allowed to modify HR records willy billy so my prediction may be completely wrong.

Has she indicated they want to start that process?

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rockabye · 28/03/2019 19:43

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rockabye · 28/03/2019 20:34

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daisychain01 · 28/03/2019 21:29

rockabye can you see it as a positive that she wants an action plan? It does depend on what that plan includes, the devil is in the detail, but could you aim to pull out all the stops, achieve everything in the action plan and prove her wrong? It's a possible approach that could rebuild trust or at least put her back in her pram and remind her you've been around a long time and you're not prepared to be pushed about by her.

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daisychain01 · 28/03/2019 21:37

You could discuss your concerns about her amendments to your HR record in an informal conversation, entitled "Informal meeting about HR record changes" (as a 1 hour calendar invitation). That way, you have the option of either resolving the matter informally, or, if she doesn't give you sufficient confidence there is nothing sinister in her actions/denies changing the record, then you can make it a formal complaint, stating that you tried to resolve the matter informally, but it proved impossible.

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ilovepixie · 28/03/2019 22:11

I'm being bullied at work. I have a stammer and my boss told me to speak faster when I was explaining something to him. I have a specific job where I am a department head in a supermarket responsible for packing out, ordering stock and so on for that department and I've just found out my boss is removing me from that role without any reason and I don't know what to do about it.

rockabye · 29/03/2019 20:41

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daisychain01 · 30/03/2019 06:24

Rockabye it does sound like you're "stuck" atm, because you aren't able to actually do anything. It might be best to have a plan in your mind about going back in to work and just seeing what happens.

Think the worst that can happen is performance improvement, then you can follow their check list of what they think you need to improve and you can get on and tackle it head on.

You may find it isn't quite as bad as you fear....

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