City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

[RosieIrene]

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

just bumping this for you.

i'm a sahm with 3 kids under 6yrs and i cant cope either. i dont know how other people cope either....

sorry not very helpful but just to let you know you're not the only one not coping...weak

i'm not best person to ask..... on lengthy sabbatical from being ft lawyer to spend some time with my 2ds's...... i couldnt cope ofr rather i couldnt enjoy ANYTHING..... and something had to give...... i dont knoew how people do it if they are either single parent or have dh / dp with similarly demanding job as my dh does...... i just felt children's needs were not always met and that this was getting harder as they got bigger not easier.
dont worry, xenia will be along any minute to tell you that working ft is the only answer and that its the secret of true happiness..... to do anything less / different is to let yourself down / your dp down / your children down...... etc.
chin up!

Any chance you could work a four day week? I did this for the past couple of years and it helped to take the pressure off the weekends....

It's bl**dy hard. I can empathise absolutely.

which bits are the worst? (serious question) if you can work out which things you need more help with/can't/don't want to do etc you're halfway to fixing it.

By the way there is nothing wrong with the odd bit of garden sitting.

good advice 1dilemma

sitting in the garden with kids is a lovely way to spend the weekend!
sorry not making light of your situation - do you want to change your life or cope with the one you've chosen?
you need to make time to offload that stress - meditation/ exercise - whatever works for you.
i tried eating and drinking my way through stress[from very different causes] but exercise is the only thing that really works for me.
have you a partner - if so an honest conversation about how you're feeling might help - can't sleep and can't talk to anyone are thoughts i'd want my dh to share with me.
i have a very different life from yours, but we're all just trying to make it through the day and i hope you feel better soon.

yes, wish we had a garden - bet your kids are very happy puddling about in it RoseIrene

Try Valerian capsules by Kneipp (sp?), they'll help you sleep...

would you like my advice? my nearly midnight off the cuff advice?
quit your job.
you are't enjoying it.
you aren't enjoying your family life,
you aren't enjoying your children.
are you still with your dh?
just ditch it in. stay at home, sit in the garden.
you are a very smart women, if you need to work again you will.
life is too short to hate your life this much

agreed.
i would say that though wouldnt i!

Is there no chance of p/t work / consultancy / any work at all/ keeping your foot in the door. Something has to give, becasue you are not enjoying anything - your job, or more importantly , your girls.

btw I am a lawyer (barrister) or I used to be am current non practising
I went back after the end of my mat leave and lasted seven weeks.
I see my contemporaries struggling with f/t nannies plus au pairs.
anyway I gave it up and I have been at home for four years.
I love every minute of it
mostly

Well said Haarpsi. Did this myself 3 months ago and have not looked back. No regrets. No money either but on balance, am feeling very much in credit!

Obv. a mahussive decision and not one I took lightly but one definitely worth thinking about.

me too.... so far harpsi (mostly)

I used to be a Legal Secretary and I worked in one office where one of the female solicitors blacked out and had to be signed off sick, the story was that it was due to the stress of her two small children, she then got pg with a third, goodness knows if she is sane today.

In fact I'm off to look her up at the Law Society.

there's tons of reformed lawyers/city types on here
lulumamma used to be one now she looks after women giving birth
go figure
must go to bed
best of luck RI and sorry for being so blunt

Yes, she is still practicing, however I don't suppose that bears any relevance to whether she is still sane or not.

Harpsi....that is nonsense, most people work to earn a living for their families, and if they are struggling need genuine help and encouragement....not to be told to go and make daisy chains with the kiddies and all will be ok.
RosieIrene....You are doing a great job.And are being a marvellous role model for your daughters. Can your nanny stay a bit later so you can go for a quuick swim/cycle ride a couple of times week ? What about the children's dad ? Could he help ? Granny ? Sitting in garden at w/e is good...not sleeping/talking things through is bad...could you be bit low/depressed ? Wha about a chat with your GP ?
Pay attention to your diet...not too much caffeine/alcohol,( but some is good ), and try to treat yourself like the precious resource you so clearly are to your family.

What a waste Harpsi....maybe if you'd had more support...

ahh both sides of the argument -and it wasn't even Xenia