City lawyer with toddlers can't cope

[RosieIrene]

I work FT at a city firm and have two dd 1 and 3. Have a full time daily nanny but still can't cope. Work all day, come home and put kids to bed and work all evening to make billable target or have to go to client functions. So stressed out that on weekend just want to sit in garden with kids and do nothing. Can't sleep, can't talk to anyone. How do people manage?

Thanks everyone for supportive messages! Don't really have anyone around to talk to - suppose I should go to bed. DD still gets up twice a night and other DD wakes at 530-6!

Rosie Irene....please go see your GP, and tell her,( hope it is..), about your symptoms.It is possible you are not very well.
Ignore squabbling here, just do that.

And if dh is a partner, surely he can sway things ? Persuade them to find a solution ? He can surely see that the current situation is not ideal ?
I think moving to another firm, local, and / or p/t should be considered.
Clearly something has to be doen.

Well, I suppose I should stop whinging as mozhe has 5 AND works full time!

unbeknown - she has said she doesn't want to.
Mrs spoon - ha ha - no they are different - but a ying and a yang, none-the-less.

no mozhe is not xenia.

RosieIrene - I understand that your work can be a large part of your identity and that it can be hard to imagine that it is not the dominant part of your life. But there should be a way for you to find a balance that would make things easier on you and give you less of an impossible hill to climb. With the big commute that you talk about I would suggest that you find some way to change it. Perhapse the same/similar hours over fewer days so that you can have a day at home where you are not working?

Yes, I know Obmolov, I was responding to Mozhe, not RosieIrene, I had already asked RI if she had any other help.

Yes, you must eliminate the medical - e.g possible depression, first and foremost. Atleast we all agree on that.

RI, don't feel bad mozhe's not real she's just a figment of someone's imagination, along with Xenia.

God, we all need a whinge - I only have one - ds 3.4 and he is a treasure - but god I can do a good whinge.

In fact that's the good thing about MN, nobody's real if you don't want them to be.

oh goodness I think I better go to my bed, starting to go doolally...

sorry unknownrebel.

Yes - def. see GP. It sounds as though you may be suffering from depression. Not a good position from which to take any big decisions (but, don't lose sight of the fact that doing so much could well be the trigger).

I really do feel for you, having been in a situation almost identical to that which you describe. Just look after yourself, speak to your dh, seek as much support as poss at work and start weighing up the options (sabbatical/change firm/change role, etc, etc) and also the benefits to you, your dh and your children of doing what you are doing versus not.

All the very best.

NSF hits on a good point - after so long, career is huge part of identity. Food for thought. Good idea to see GP - will do! Also hoping maybe things will improve when don't have to express milk at work anymore.

RI, this will cheer you up. Today I got the programme for a professional conference (I am kind of a lawyer) which included a special session on "Finding a work-life balance". It is to be held over breakfast.

Me too, god I have to go to work tomorrow. Let us know how you get on.

The thing is though, if you have a nanny AND a cleaner, say, as undoubtably Xenia and Mozhe do, then full time work would be no problem at all. You come home, the children are clean and fed, the house is clean and tidy. You play with them (presumably) and put them to bed. Done.

cf my life (and that of many WOHMs I suspect). I come home. DH has been with DS all day. DS has been a nightmare so no housework has been done. I've done the shopping on my way home. I'm shattered. DH is shattered. The house is a tip, washing and ironing not done, etc. Spend evening cooking and cleaning.

I don't think I could manage with 5 kids though regardless.

No problem Obmolov just wanted to clear up any confusion.