Help - any City lawyers thinking of not going back to work?

[muffinchops]

I am coming to the end of my maternity leave and am a senior litigation assistant with a large City firm. My dh is a corporate lawyer with another City firm and will be going for partnership over the next year and so, effectively will not be around.

I enjoy my job but since I had my ds who is now 8 months, I am an emotional wreck about leaving him. My firm is not flexible-worker friendly and, realistically, I cannot see how I could fulfill my role on a part time basis. I already feel bad for taking my full year's entitlement.

If I don't go back, I will have to carve out a new role somehow as I need to do something for me having worked so long and hard to get where I am today.

There's certainly an argument for trying going back and see how it pans out. Am going mad though with indecision and am adept at convincing myself one way and then the other (handy legal skill!!)

Am not a sahm type, but adore spending time with my ds and would just need to think of other things I could do.

Am lining up a meeting with my boss, hopefully this week in order to stop myself procrastinating further and in an attempt to move forward and make a decision.

Would love to hear from any like-minded bods who know the score re life in a City law firm.

Lisa, I'm not a lawyer but I've worked extensively round the NGO sector so do let me know if I can be any help.

I think this is a really difficult situation (I'm not a lawyer but an auditor/accountant). My husband has a professional job that requires long hours and dedication and I found that there was no way we could both be in jobs like that without the children suffering.

When I went back to work, we saw our child for around half an hour a day (if we were lucky) and it just got to the stage where we felt she was suffering. So I resigned, had our second child and I am now on the verge of going back (2 years later). But this time I am going to look for something in the public sector - either working for a local council or a government office.

I may not have the great career path that I had in my old job and I'm sure it won't be half as interesting, but at least I will get to see the kids and will be able to work more reasonable hours. It's difficult because there has to be some compromise and it doesn't sound like your dh will be able to compromise on his job so I guess it will have to be you. The NGO or public sector is a viable option if you think you can live with the career opportunities it will give you.

Good luck!

Hi jojobingo. I think that if I am to give it a go back at work then I too would end up starting to do a 5 day week (and then if it's all going to hell in a handbasket, I can say that I gave it a good shot or try and renegotiate).

Currently am contemplating requesting bringing my contractual hours forward so, 8.30 to 4.30 which would clearly entail working once ds is in bed. Mmmmm, so where do we fit in any fun??

Like you Lisa2192, I am v fortunate in that there is no financial necessity for me to go back (although there is if I take into account my Selfridges addiction), but also it's a self-esteem thing. Similarly we moved from London 4 years ago to Hertfordshire (only 30 mins into work though)and I have never been able to settle here (chronic latte withdrawal symptoms) and have really missed London, so that aspect makes staying at home less appealing - we would definitely have to move.

Dh is very concerned that we will both become completely stressed out trying to keep our heads above the water and I have no ilusions that, effectively, I will be a single Mum for large stretches. I do think things would be much easier if one of us had more flexibility.

I think the Govt Legal Service is very flexible - you can make pretty much whatever arrangements you want (I think even term time working - have you considered this muffinchops?)

My plan (before I discovered I was pregnant again - hey ho) was to find some kind of ideal(an non-existent?) job which would fit in around school hours and perhaps allow me to work from home a bit too. I'm pretty sure that this won't allow me to work for private practice (certainly in the City), but I was wondering about the voluntary sector. The professional support lawyer in my old firm did manage to arrange to work from home, and quite good hours too, so that could work.

issymum

i agree with you - i have all those positives and i also feel that we're just hanging on some days. this is not actually due to the job itself (in fact i think i could be more stretched at work) but purely down to the juggling act - hope that makes sense.

btw - if you plan to work long hours regularly, a nanny would be the only viable form of childcare IMHO. nurseries are v. restrictive in terms of hours and you will get some of your child related housework done by the nanny. maybe that is a "grass in greener" view, as we have a nursery!

yes, we can only do nursery because dh has flexible job - and i'm rethinking the whole childcare thing for when no2 arrives...

only if we can have someone paginating in the background...

Lisa - I'll get back to you in a bit more detail but I really have to respond to a couple of points from others here. Firstly - yes nannies can be more "flexible" but they can also walk out when they are taken for granted! If (as I do) you employ a nanny to work for you from 8-6.30 then I believe you have just as much of an obligation (in fact, I would actually say more) to be home by 6.30. I think it's an imposition and disrespectful to do anything else. Ok so nannies might agree to longer hours and might be ok with doing over-time at short-notice but it's the most common complaint amongst nannies and the most common reason for resignation.

The other thing I have to respond to is foxinsocks' comment "The NGO or public sector is a viable option if you think you can live with the career opportunities it will give you." How exactly does an accountant measure "career opportunities"?? My particular career in the clearly humble second-class ngo sector has taken me to Iraq, Yemen, the Philippines, it has given me the chance to be interviewed on television and the chance to meet govt advisers and ministers. Most importantly it gives me a chance to do work I am utterly committed to. Maybe you didn't mean it to sound the way I took it but I know that I could never have pursued a career in accountancy.

I don't know if this helps but as I said in my earlier post I am a partner in the London office of a Big 4 accountancy firm. I have 3 children, and made partner when the youngest was 9 months old and whilst I think taking maternity leave probably delayed my partnership I don't think it was by more than the time I took off (4 months with each baby). I wish that my career track was not exceptional although looking round my firm, which is my only real source of real information, I am fairly unusual as I work in the audit department with a portfolio of investment banks as clients. As others have said, you do miss out on things with your children by working (although I think this applies to any job) and you do have to decide whether you are prepared to make the sacrifices in terms of personal time to make partner. However, I have found life since partnership an awful lot easier - I can prioritise my children in a way I couldn't before and now I almost always attend sports day, parents meetings and school masses etc (my children are at a Church school) - I put them in my diary along with client meetings etc and they have the same status.

The key necessities to make all this work, in my experience, are: a supportive husband, reliable childcare, a good relationship with your secretary, willingness to pay for household chores, the self belief that what you are doing is best for you and your family, and the confidence to get stroppy at work occasionally if necessary.

and in fact my nannies hours were always to 7.30pm - which meant that on good days she got paid for knocking off at 6.30 and on bad days it was quite likely my dh could be back by then. And it was always made clear at the outset that in cases of dire work emergency when my husband happened to be in malawi or wherever, she would have to drop everything and stay on. That is where the real flexibility of nanny over nursery lies.
However in 6 years of employing a nanny, none of them has EVER had to cancel a social engagement to cover for me, and none has EVER complained of being taken advantage of. Or even thought it, I'd guess. I'm the overcompensating kind

mrswobble, would love to know which firm it is! i'm sure you wouldn't want to say

does anyone find the law of diminishing returns sets in when you have a lot of paid help? i.e. unless you have consistently excellent people you end up spending a lot of time "managing" the household until it becomes as much a burden as anything?

the reason i ask is, as i hinted below, dh and i have decided we really need some extra help after no2 arrives (either that or go utterly bonkers) and i've been mulling over a few options...

perhaps you ladies could advise - should probably start another thread for this.

serene, I'm pretty hot on the subject of domestic help, my brain is yours to pick at leisure

hatter, that is why you are a lawyer and me an accountant (well auditor if truth be known).

I'm not belittling the public sector at all - in fact, I'm quite looking forward to the job that I haven't got yet but hopefully will!. All I am pointing out is that certainly in my line of work, the career opportunities I had in the private sector (different clients, travel, different sectors etc.) and also the promotion possibilties will not be the same. That is a fact. I'm not saying that the job in the public sector is in anyway inferior, just that being realistic, it will offer different opportunities.

It also gives me the chance to work less hours than the ludicrous ones I was working in the private sector.

Gosh, this is getting a really fascinating thread - and I thought I was the only person facing this dilemma!

Lots of things to say ....

1. Hatter, it would be great to hear from you with any other comments, as I really am considering ngo work simply because it sounds interesting (strangely enough, although I enjoyed my job as a lawyer, I always had a sneaking suspicion there might be other interesting jobs out there!) Also, thanks to Motherinferior - any information gratefully received.

2. Am also considering PSL/Information Officer work - at least it's fewer days and everybody seems to accept that the hours are shorter and there might be some possibility of working from home occasionally. Anybody else tried that?

3. TurnAgainCat (where did the name come from?!) you paint such a rosy picture of life at the Bar that I am relieved I'm not a litigator! Sounds like even more pressure than trying to be a mum and working....

4. Muffinchops, did you ever manage to settle outside London? I have been here a year and am finding it really hard. Any useful hints about how to meet other people? Most people here seem to have lived here forever, and have family and a network of friends and it seems hard to break in to all that.

Also, totally agree with everybody about the nanny point - it would be impossible for me to put DD in a nursery and I suspect my main aim would become to keep a nanny happy as that will have such a direct impact on DD, but that's a whole other topic....

Sorry about the v long post

ok, so I have just realised I have started numbering my points... must be missing work more than I thought!

Lisa, you must be tired, or you would have been a bit more elaborate in your numbering, viz:

4 Muffinchops:
4.1 Did you ever manage to settle outside London? I have been here a year and am finding it really hard;
4.2 Any useful hints about how to meet other people? Most people here seem to have lived here forever, and have family and a network of friends and it seems hard to break in to all that.

I am also an accountant (personal and capital taxes)with a dh who is a corporate partner in a top 10 firm of solicitors,like someone else mentioned earlier I knew from day 1 that he would not be around on a regular basis.I qualified in London and but after ds1 worked four days a week in the same firm but in the local office in my home town,I was lucky as because of the nature of the area the quality of the work was almost as good and in some cases better we had a lot of large estates as clients,there were people in my dept in London who worked "part time" the firms defination of this was that your hours were 5 days a week 9.30 to 5.30!After ds2 I worked 3 days and found this hard as I was still trying to do the equivilent of a full time job so after ds3 decided to give up for a bit plus he was my bonus and I decided to enjoy him
However he is now 2.5 and am now ready to go back but am feeling rather nervous would ideally like some sort of professional support role as can't face clients and their whims any more and also the part I really enjoy is the technical stuff.The problem is the firm I used to work for has merged and I need to find out how the land lies.Does anyone have any experience of selling this sort of role to the provincial office of a large firm ?
Anyway in answer to the first comments I would definately try to retain some vestige of your career if you can ,it looks daunting but you have worked so hard for it and one day the children will have left home ,I love being at home and it is certainly harder than any other job that I have ever done but also more rewarding but I am also glad that I did carry on working and hope (please)that I will be able to combine the two again.