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Original poster

how do you work out who pays 4 c/care?

62 replies

chickyboo · 07/10/2006 08:10

I'm already work part-time at home but have always looked after dd. But now I'm going back to work 2/3 days a week so will get c/care.

Problem is that dh seems to think it's my responsibility to pay 4 c/care soley from my wages.

Is this normal? I already pay for everything she needs as well as groceries and anything that is needed around house.

Hubby does pay mortgage.

How does everyone do money things?

OP posts:
mousiemousie · 07/10/2006 08:15

Joint account for joint expenses...incl childcare, mortgage, groceries etc...personal allowances of the same amount each to spend however you like

So the highest earner has to pay more into the joint account than the lowest earner, but both get the same amount of money for themselves.

hermykne · 07/10/2006 08:28

mm has put it very well.

cece · 07/10/2006 08:31

Here here mousie

So let me get this right you get £x per month for yourself after all you have to pay for and DH gets £xxx for himself....?

Bozza · 07/10/2006 08:32

Well as it happens childcare is the sole expense I pay for myself. But this is purely a practical consideration because my work has a voucher scheme and DH's doesn't so it is quite a bit cheaper for the first £217/month which is tax free and still cheaper for the rest which is free of NI.

But that just means that my salary which goes into the joint a/c along with DH's is reduced by this amount. We pay everything out of that account and then budget on what to do with what is left. I think you need to talk to your DH about this.

FillyjonkthePumpkinEater · 07/10/2006 08:35

no

she is your joint child, yes?

thus all her expenses her jointly yours and his.

Am a bit that you are paying "for everything she needs as well as groceries and anything that is needed around house".

we have a single joint account and joinly watch it slide into the red every month. I think the key is, though, that expenses for children should be shared.

beansprout · 07/10/2006 08:38

We have a similar arrangement to mm. We each pay our share of all household costs according to how much we earn, so I pay 32% of everything as that is my proportion of our joint income. Dh also has 2 children by previous relationships which is also taken into account (the money they need is deducted first).

I think your dh doesn't want you returning to work to "cost" him money but once you are married, mortgaged and with kids, I don't think you can really think like this. It's a joint venture now.

Philomena · 07/10/2006 12:10

We have a joint bank account and pay in both our salaries. From there, we pay all outgoings and I usually spend the majority of the surplus! Luckily my DH isn't much of a spender.

I do filter off savings into an ISA in my name but that's just because of the financial regulations. It's a joint ISA in all but name.

I can understand why some couples maintain separate accounts but it really would not work for us.

ThePrisoner · 07/10/2006 15:00

We don't have to pay childcare - our children are too old to need it, but are now costing us a small fortune as we have two at university.

We have always had an extremely fair system in our house. Dh has to pay all the boring bills - mortgage, electricity, gas, phone; anything to do with family cars (dd's have one each, plus mine, his motorbike) - tax, insurance, MOT etc., replace anything expensive that gets broken (washing machine and so on) and, obviously, any expenses associated with students!

I only pay for nice things - our holiday, evenings out, weekends away, my chocolate etc. It keeps me sane to see "my" money being spent so fruitfully.

Judy1234 · 07/10/2006 15:55

We always shared everything 100% for 19 years of marriage, all joint accounts etc.
More importantly childcare was never my issue. It was joint. My ex husband was as responsible for finding it and managing it as I was and also getting back in time to let the nanny go home etc. I earned more.
I suppose in theory everything should be joint -childcare costs and mortgage. I've never been supported by a man. I'm not quite sure how I'd feel about that.

crunchie · 07/10/2006 16:21

Well in our house it is DH's responsibility!!

However that is because he is a self employed actor, so when he works we have child care costs, when he doesn't we don't.

We have a joint account into which I put the household money, and I keep the rest of my salary. He earns a bit part time that he keeps (works out about the same as I have left after paying into the joint account so it's fair).

If we both worked full time or had a regular income I would get both salaries to go into one joint account, then I would work out household bills (inc childcare and clothes etc for kids) then I would see if there was any left over and split it.

eg one earns £2000 a month, the other earns £1000. Therefore £3000 into joint ac. Bills (direct debits/grocery allowebce etc etc) add up to £1500. Therefore each person gets £750 for own spending money.

vitomum · 07/10/2006 16:30

all our household expenses apart from food come out of my bill payment account. DP puts an ammount into that each month, slightly less than half the total but that's cos he earns slighly less. I tend to keep the CB and tax credits cos i have more time to buy things for ds. I tend to do the shopping but dp gives me roughly half of what i spend, whatever i ask for really. We both have roughly the same spending money. It's not exact but it doesn't have to be cos neither of us are going to take the piss and neither of us are going to be bothered if the other has the odd blow out now and then.

threebob · 07/10/2006 16:40

Send your dh a bill for childcare the 2 days you won't work but he will.

More practically some sort of joint account would mean that the needs of the household were being met from your combined income, with less of an emphasis on what you and he pay for.

When you say he pays mortgage - presumably you are a joint owner of the house.

lexiemum · 07/10/2006 21:51

we both get childcare vouchers so cc costs are equally split

Rookiemum · 09/10/2006 08:59

I'm always slightly shocked by couples who don't have joint accounts. Our finances work exactly like mm.

I'm assuming your dh earns more, but he wouldn't have the opportunity to do that if you weren't doing majority of childcare, majority of housework and so forth.

If I were you I would push for a more equitable agreement.

Original poster
chickyboo · 09/10/2006 12:40

Thanks for the wealth of advice.

I am definitely going to insist on a joint account for household stuff.

We jointly own the house. Dh seems to have a real problem with money he costantly worries about it.

I did try talking to him about c/care costs but he just said he can't afford to help!!!

I really can't understand where all of his money goes. My calculations show he should have about £400-500 left over after bills paid.

OP posts:
TwigTwoolett · 09/10/2006 12:41

all salaries in our house go into joint account we both have access to

we're a family unit .. not 2 individuals living in the same place

I am constantly stunned at the number of people who keep separate accounts

its OUR money .. not his .. not mine .. OURS

Original poster
chickyboo · 09/10/2006 12:54

I feel so naive.

OP posts:
Tommy · 09/10/2006 13:11

another one to agree with mousiemousie. I'm also that couples think a child's care expenses are only one person's responsibility.

We have joint account for all household bills and take out spending money (the same for both us) each month.

Rookiemum · 09/10/2006 13:16

Don't worry chickyboo, I have spoken to lots of my friends and having joint finances is the exception rather than the norm, although in most cases that I know of this is because the female tends to do quite well out of the arrangement !

It does surprise me because I would feel very aggrieved if I thought that my DH had more free spending money than me, but in some households it works quite well.

But my goodness your husband can't afford to "help" with the child care costs. Maybe I am interpreting this wrong, but it seems to me that he views your DS to be your sole responsiblity and very little to do with him. Please tell me I am over analyzing this.

anniemac · 09/10/2006 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

beckybraAAARGHstraps · 09/10/2006 14:41

All joint. Nothing separate (except ISAs but they have to be, and the money in them we consider to be shared). We have done it like this since we started living together, and before then we shared finances too, but didn't have a joint account.

madmarchscare · 09/10/2006 14:42

I must be an exception then as well because any money earned in our house belongs to both of us. It pays for OUR mortgage, bills, food, childcare etc. Money left over goes in savings or is spent, usually, equally between us on entertainment, clothes, whatever.

hulababy · 09/10/2006 14:42

We just have everything joint - no his and her accounts/money at all. I work PT. DH works FT and earns way more than me. But it is all OUR money. Everything comes out of that pot.

Judy1234 · 09/10/2006 22:01

It does look from this thread as if where the woman earns more it's all "our" shared money and where the man earns more he keeps his.

WideWebWitch · 09/10/2006 22:04

God, what is your dh on?

It's joint account for everything in our house too, all money goes into it and all money (childcare included) goes out of it. I earn more than dh and woulnd't DREAM of suggesting any other arrangement tbh. Remind him that there is no such thing as yours and his, you're MARRIED, you have a JOINT child and there are onlyjoint marital assets.