back to work for more money or stay on benefits but be a more relaxed mum?

[penandpaper]

have an interview for a well paid job which i know will be stressful at times, and worried that i might end up snappy and miserable with my children tea time, always worrying about work the next day etc etc. am a bit of a perfectionist so know i would be like that, have been in the past.
have loved being at home after school for them past few months, no rush in mornings, less stress - but obviously don't want to be on benefits forever, and money is tight. really can't decide what's for the best for all of us. single parent of three. any comments - stop my head going round in circles?!

I'm a lone parent t0 4 children and am pg. I work and it is hugely stressful and v tiring...particularly now I'm pg. I will be honest and say that I ahve come v close to giving up - with 4 kids, soon to be 5, I'd be able to claim a fair whack from the state. more than enough to support us all with room for treats.

But, I stick with my job because I feel more secure, have a sense of pride and accomplishment and am seen as a 'professional' am a 'colleague' an 'employee' ....more than just a 'mum'. I am good at what I do and my commitment is rewarded by a reasonably good salary, excellent pension and I will now be able to claim a good level of maternity pay. I have been promoted and am absolutely looking for the next promotion so that I can give my children even more. I do claim TC but if we lost what we get I could live on my salary. I like that I am not reliant on the state but appreciate its there just in case.

I think you should go to the interview...you may well not even be offered the job but it'll be good practice for if something more perfect comes up. Stress is aprt of life and you have to deal with it. Become super organised and life will be easier. AT least give yourself the opportunity!

It's easy to see, reading this thread, how so many people get into the rut of benefits with no aspirations and how this feeds down to their children and ends up with generations of claimants. I was brought up to believe, if you could, then you worked for a living. Seems not everyone feels that way, which is a great shame for them and their dc.

Good advice there KidderminsterKate - from someone in the know.

I agree with you, that a certain amount of stress is just part of life, and it helps build children's resilience if they see that you can manage it rather than run away from it.

Your advice about pensions is spot on too. Benefits only provide immediate funds; they don't build a future, and if anyone takes a minute to look at the pensions crisis they'll see that many people, women especially, are set to live in poverty in their older age. And as you say, going all out for the job is no guarantee of getting it anyway - but at least the OP will be in a stronger position, because every interview is experience.

No OP we can't all take the luxury of going on benefits. The economy would not bear it. What a foolish thing to say. If you want to live a non-materialistic life then go live off the land.

I think you'll also find that as the years go by people will be even more insenced by scroungers like yourself (and yes you are one since you can work and choose not too. 'Tis the definition of a scrounger love). You just wait til we all get really angry at seeing your dc getting a free (bursaried) university education for presumably being "disadvantaged" children (if they are disadvantaged it will only be because of their mothers chosen lifestyle, not for lack of work prospect on her part!!). For those of us who know our children will have to pay hand-over fist for the same while also subsidicing your children there may come a time when the entire wellfare system breaks down - as Balia's quote so excellently envisions.

And you may just find yourself back in a Victorian-style 'cap-in-hand' situation.

Snupp - lets hope non of your children fall on hard times, end up with an illness or maybe even develop a drug addiction and have to claim benefits

Erm--- the op hasn't got a drug addiction. Or not one that shes mentioned yet...

I can see where you are coming from but I believe benefits are there as a safety net when you are unable to work for whatever reason, not a long-term lifestyle choice.

You can no longer receive benefits long term. If your on JSA you have to attend training course and job interviews. My brother got an excellent job last year after leaving school and claiming JSA for 5 months. The jobcentre had course run with Nissan in the NE and they employed loads of job seekers through the job centre. If your on IS you have to go for meetings at the JC. I have been for 3 in the last 2 weeks and am doing a course next week and they pay to put my youngest dd into nursery. If you are on IB you have to be deemed by a doctor as unfit to work. Not an easy assessment to blag from what i have been told. My friends DP who has sever MS was removed from IB as he was seen as able to find a job on a checkout or behind a desk

Only problem is their are few jobs in the North East.

OP you must have wanted to work on some level because you took the time to apply!

what if your ex decides to cut/ stop the maintenance payments?

fifi
If anyone falls on genuine hard times they should have help. If someone has hard times when they have an alternative, that's wrong.

The welfare state isn't there to allow you to be a more relaxed mum FFS it is there to help the needy in society.

I really cannot believe you have asked this question - you are expecting us to pick up the tab for you staying at home when you are more than capeable to work.

lynne thats the point there are no assumptions, what is better for one child is not best for all?

and work ethic is not the same as paid employment imo, you can not be in paid employment but still do plenty or beneficial work to the community, and show your kids they should be workin hard etc.

tbh once my kids are in school i would probably like to work durin school hours, or part time, and am continuously studyin and volunteerin so my cv is up to date etc, but i would not like to work in the type of stressfull job with lon hours, and work brouht home that my mum did.

and this is the point of the ops post, she is sayin if she ets and takes this job she is aware it will have a detrimental effect on her family life.

and whats this "just a mum" business? kate? this seems to me to be underminin womens work in society which is invaluable, in fact if i o to work i will have to pay someone more then i will earn and be subsidised by overnment in order to work, when i could be lookin after my own kids?

the job centre actually told me not to work as it is not worth it to pay for 3 kids under 5 in childcare, and that i should just continue to study and volunteer until kids are in school. and i am not even sinle parent.

benefits should definitely not be a lon term lifestyle choice, but if you have worked your whole life and contributed to the system and then want to take a few years of while your kids are youn, that is not a lon term lifestyle choice?

fifi25, you're new to post on this thread so I presume you haven't bothered reading from the start. If you had you would have seen that I made disclaimers for OP being ill etc. That should have made it perfectly clear that I have no issue whatsoever with disabled persons or persons looking after pre-school children being supported while doing so. I.e. those that have fallen on hard times and deserve societies help. My issue is with a person who decides to claim benefits when she could take "well paid work" (her words). She is well and her children are all in school, the reason why she is reluctant to take the job is because it is inconvenient to her - the benefit lifestyle is easier.

I hope I never fall on bad times either. How do you know I'm not already living through hard times? In case you haven't noticed most of us have to tighten our belts these days. However, if I fall on really hard times then I have paid for insurances out of my salary for many year now and so will be able to pay for my own care bill. Should any of my children become addicts or layabouts I will tell them exactly what I've said to the OP - to stop scrounging and to take paid work.

I thought the op had said she had some health problems

Snup - i do have a two year old. having blood tests this week hoping that it will be something easy to correct and will get rid of constant exhaustion(but maybe i don't deserve healthcare now that i have been unemployed for 6 months). want to work as long as it's not detrimental to health, family life - otherwise what's the point?

Everyone else in the family works and has always done so, eldest two fully understand that if you work hard in school etc you have a chance to get ahead, but also that life is to be enjoyed and that achievements and salaries and fast cars are not all there is to life.

Nailak i'm glad you understand.

Didn't sound like anything above the normal pressures that face everyone. She didn't mention any diagnosis of anything. Just some perfectionist tendencies. Plenty of us learn to manage those once the reality of raising kids kicks in

My work has a detrimental effect on my family life at the moment. I don't think that means people this thread should pay for it not to. I think it means I need to manage it and do the best I can.

I don't think I should be struggling and managing for other people not to struggle and manage just because they don't want to.

Sorry this is all about me. But there are others like me on this thread - much worse off than me on this thread - and I don't see why they should pay for them either.

Yes well tomorrow I leave before they go to school and get home an hour before bed. I have to go in whenever they call me. Poor me.

The poor me was unnecessary. I know everyone has it hard, but fuck, I'm doing this and paying for others to not do it. Bloody hell.

I was talking to the benefits advisor and she says their are hardly any employers offering 16 hrs now. They have cottoned on that it will be mainly single mothers who apply. Its a bit of a nightmare TBH. I have got a job at my old place for 10 hrs. If i take it i will be working for £20 and paying the sitter £15. I am waiting to hear back from 2 10 hour jobs i have applied for. One is in a bar 9pm-12.30am and by the time i pay for a taxi i will have nothing left so im crossing my fingers for the shop job. The cleaning job is 5-7 which is fine just a shame its not 16hrs. Thats the only jobs which have been advertised for weeks.

I know how you feel. I have always managed to pick up bar/takeaway work. Most of the bars are now closed. 2 have been bulldozed in my town. I had a good job with GNER had been there since school and put my eldest in a nursery full time. She didnt settle and had 2 accidents one which involved having her 2 front teeth knocked out. When i had 2nd dd i left as i didnt want to put them in nursery and picked up PT work. I was still with the kids dad. I worked in a fish shop doing nights for 3 years but had to give it up when 7mnth pregnant with 3rd due to ill health then split with their dad. I have managed to pick up work here and there but for the past few months there is nothing and i mean nothing. Where are you second

there is your answer, buried in this thread.
become a student op.
all your problems solved

at least you will get less flack on here