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Original poster

back to work for more money or stay on benefits but be a more relaxed mum?

138 replies

penandpaper · 05/06/2011 11:48

have an interview for a well paid job which i know will be stressful at times, and worried that i might end up snappy and miserable with my children tea time, always worrying about work the next day etc etc. am a bit of a perfectionist so know i would be like that, have been in the past.
have loved being at home after school for them past few months, no rush in mornings, less stress - but obviously don't want to be on benefits forever, and money is tight. really can't decide what's for the best for all of us. single parent of three. any comments - stop my head going round in circles?!

OP posts:
Gooseberrybushes · 05/06/2011 13:13

penandpaper - you don't seem to have the same attitude tbh

jeez -I post fewer words than most others on the thread, in more or less the same vein, and someone's having a go at me

I didn't say it was full of bullies, I said there are certainly unkind people - if you want to disagree with that head on over there and do it - rather than dragging it over here.

Sheesh.

Gooseberrybushes · 05/06/2011 13:15

that was at bibity not you, penandpaper

usualsuspect · 05/06/2011 13:15
Hmm

another wind up

TheSecondComing · 05/06/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GetOrf · 05/06/2011 13:21

Oh PLEASE - considering the carbon footprint impact of a potential commute when you don't have a job?

Tbh I didn't give a monkeys about anything when I was a single mother - other than getting a job and working to get a better paid one. Yes it is very stressful when the whole bloody household relies on you and you alone (and never had any maintenace payments either) but to want to stay on the dole because of the non-reasons you list is daft.

If you can't be arsed to work and want to stay on benefits just admit it, and not say that you are being magnanimous towards the environment fgs.

Original poster
penandpaper · 05/06/2011 13:24

do you mean OP a wind up? no.

i am on MN when i should be putting a presentation together! still can't decide if i am going to the interview tho, i am thinking that i should wait for another job to come up, which wouldn't make me feel so terrified of the stress levels/exhaustion.

OP posts:
EricNorthmansMistress · 05/06/2011 13:25

Get back to work! It's a recession, the longer you are jobless the less employable you will be - over 200 qualified applicants for one post in my team recently! Honestly - and you will be better off in the long run, have pride in yourself and teach your kids that people earn their living.

lynehamrose · 05/06/2011 13:27

Yes the carbon footprint thing is a joke.
If you cant be arsed to work, Or you're too lazy or lack confidence in your ability to be a parent with a job (which actually most parents are) then at least have the balls to say so, don't hide behind spurious arguments about the environment.
I still think overall, anyone who relies on state handouts , particularly in this day and age of cuts and more cuts, is barking, and is setting themself and their children up for a life of long term poverty and poor opportunities

aliceliddell · 05/06/2011 13:28

Am I the only person who thinks being a single parent of three is a job? Try employing somebody to do the things a single parent does before and after school to find out how much women's unpaid domestic labour and childcare is worth. Are you all under the impression that these kids will contribute nothing to your old age? Also very disappointing that no-one makes the blindingly obvious point that employers make no allowance for work/life balance unless maximum pressure is applied to them. No comments about non-resident fathers contributing sod all for years on end. Shockingly dismissive attitude, but not surprising after months of Mail/Express whittering on about 'benefit scroungers' etc.

GetOrf · 05/06/2011 13:29

Is't it better to work you arse off to get the job and take it anyway? You never know how it will turn out - you may actually end up loving the stress anyway?

And if you hate it you can stick it out until you get another job - FAR easier to get a job when you are already in one.

You may not get another chance like this for a while.

aliceliddell · 05/06/2011 13:30

X-posted with a lot of you, sorry.

HHLimbo · 05/06/2011 13:33

Looking after 3 children and a home single handed is more than a full time job in itself - how much would you have to pay a childminder to do it just 8-6?

Its worth it for this country's children to be well looked after and brought up.

But it can be nice to get out of the house and see other adults, and to have some spare cash!.. Can you find a part time job in school hours? Or how about setting up your own business?

expatinscotland · 05/06/2011 13:35

I'd take the job because they won't be kids forever. They'll grow up and get their own lives and this way you'll have a life aside from them.

Plus, imagine being at the mercy of the state all the time. That's hard going. No chance of building up a big savings for home repairs/car repairs/etc., of paying off your mortgage early because as the kids get older you can work more/get promotions.

If and when you find a new partner, you'll have a degree of financial independence.

I honestly can't think of any cons that outweigh the pros.

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/06/2011 13:36

TSC that's crap Hmm

Maximum you can get towards childcare is £122 a week for one child, £200ish for two. That's if you are on a very low wage too. We get £40 per week for eg, average salaries. Do you have any idea what you can get in benefits? I know OP doesn't get HB but still she'll be getting more than £122 a week all told and if she works she'll be paying tax, thereby offsetting her tax credits. We pay more out in tax and NI than we receive, by far. We also put money into the economy by working. Stupid argument.

Original poster
penandpaper · 05/06/2011 13:44

Carbon footprint was a wind up tho!! in response to Gooseberry's comments!

Have to say that there are good arguments for staying at home and good arguments for going to work.

I know some families where both parents work and this just so that they can afford holidays abroad new car etc etc. Children been in FT childcare since very young. They do not want to mend and make do. Fine it's their choice. But personally I think there could be a better balance between work and home life, I just need to find a job which lets me find the balance as i really think there are more important things than money. and no i don't plan to live off everyone else's long term!

Must now go and look up interview questions etc etc

OP posts:
Snuppeline · 05/06/2011 13:47

Oh please! Yes it is hard looking after children and the house and its hard dealing with the stress of all the responsibilites of it all, however, MOST of us do this AND keep down a job! What makes you more precious than the rest of us?

Basically your attitude, in contemplating a life on benefits funded by the hard-working single and two parent families out there when you have the opportunity to get a "well paid job" (your words!), is that you and your precious non-stress life and your children are worth more than my family and I are. Let me tell you something - YOUR NOT.

Take that job woman. And let the ones who can't work for valid reasons get the help they deserve. You have just admitted you don't deserve that help so stop taking it. (If you have a valid and proven mental health issue then that makes it a different matter - though you haven't said you've got such a problem).

Man you've got me so angry!

expatinscotland · 05/06/2011 13:47

Maybe this job does offer that balance. It's only an interview, no telling if you get it. And if you do, you might be able to negotiate.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Snuppeline · 05/06/2011 13:49

Didn't see your last post PenandPaper as I was writing mine when you posted it. I mean what I said in my post though I want to add now that I know that you are going to try for the job that that's great. That's the right decision. I wish you all the very best of luck with it. I hope you get the job and if offered it that you take it.

Al0uiseG · 05/06/2011 13:54

Where do you think "benefits" come from?

NonnoMum · 05/06/2011 13:55

Let's assume that this is the last job you get offered EVER.

Let's assume your benefits will decrease/disappear.

Let's assume the job will lead to promotions/pay increases etc.

How stressed would you be in 5 years time with NO job to go to, your bigger kids needing more and more expensive things, your self esteem diminished. How would your mental health/stress levels be then?

ajandjjmum · 05/06/2011 13:57

Sorry op - I think your attitude is totally irresponsible.

Your children will not gain a work ethic, which in my mind is vital for their future. Of course it will be difficult - it's not easy for any of us - but we made the decision to have children and we should be prepared to support them.

And to be fair, the nerves of none of us are what they were before dc!

I have sympathy when people are genuinely trying for work, but to think you have the opportunity and are considering not taking it - just wrong.

usualsuspect · 05/06/2011 14:05

ruffled a few feathers ,this one

as intended I expect

lynehamrose · 05/06/2011 14:05

Snuppeline - you sum it up perfectly.

Anyone who could work, but contemplates staying on benefits instead, Has a huge sense of entitlement. They believe, for some misguided reason, that they are more important than the rest of us. They believe that some of us are put on earth to take and some of us to give. Very strange idea, and one which is almost guaranteed to give your own children a very POOR grounding in life skills

flowery · 05/06/2011 14:07

If you can support your own family, why on earth would you not? To be less stressed? Good grief. Confused

YummyHoney · 05/06/2011 14:16

I agree with Rainbow. Also agree that Gooseberrybushes was not being a bully, and think that was an unfair jibe at her. She was just stating her opinion.