Is there anyone who'd like to share the trials and tribulations of working full-time?

[Ladylay]

I love perusing MN in my lunch-hour . But there dont seem to be any threads for those of us who are in full-time work whilst bringing up a family.

Whilst I share a load of the same concerns as SAHM's and part-time workers, I also have different stuff to deal with, like just trying to get everyone out the bloody house in the morning on time!! ahem. And wondered if anyone fancied comparing notes, advice etc?

What I find v hard is fitting in exercise. I am out of the house from 630am and get back at 7/730pm monday to Friday. Dh works the whole of Saturday and his hours mean he isn't around wed, thurs, Friday evening.

So that means the only time I could do exercise are Monday or Tuesday evening or Sunday and I find when push comes to shove, I'd rather spend time with the kids/as a family or slob on the couch

Constant guilt. Guilt when I'm in work and he's in nursery. Guilt when I'm in work and he's with my mum (x2 - guilty cos mum's looking after him, guilty cos I'm not). Guilt when I leave work on time (only so I can work again later, but looks bad). Guilt when I put DS in nursery when I've got tiem off, so I can work. Guilt if I do anything on the weekend that doesn't involve DS. Guilt that I don't spend enough time with DH.Guilt when I have an hour free and I read the paper or mn.

Maybe it's just the residue of a catholic education.

Hi, Can I join in too...

I go back to work in a month FT :( & have decided to get a cleaner & ironing done. I have got someone to collect my work clothes on a fri eve and drop back on the sat, all ready for work on the monday.. was cheaper than I thought! I will do ironing for DH & DS but hate ironing my work stuff! Anyway, I was also going to get a cleaner but can only afford 1 & half hrs per week... does anyone who has a cleaner think that would be enough?? ( 2 bed house)
Was thinking of asking her to tackle the oven first!

I'll join in, as I've worked FT all the while and will probably continue this way due to Circumstances. We both do 40 hours but DP does hers over 4 days. I work from home a fair bit so can juggle dentists, doctors, sports days, blah blah blah most of the time.
The only way to stay sane is to have the odd weekend away with friends, plus I travel a bit for work.
I do feel like we are in a sort of lazy relay with everything, most days.

I work full-time, but I only have one dd (age 4), one cat and no partner.

The thing that I find hard is the lack of time to do what I want to do, but that's more to do with my lack of family and support than my job. I don't have a babysitter, so things I used to do like the gym, cycling, the odd night out or just going to the hairdressers have disappeared.

I'm very well-organised so things like housework, fun things for dd, shopping, holidays etc get planned well and nothing is too hectic. I usually have about 3 evenings a week to do things I enjoy like painting.

It also helps that I have a stress-free job that is very much 9 - 5 and a break from the harder work of being a mum.

I hope to work part-time one day.

Can I join as well please? I work full time and have an almost 3 year old. It would be difficult to do my job anything but fulltime. I find having great childcare and a supportive partner is key. I multi-task all the time

lisababy I think 1.5 hours should be enough for a 2 bed house. I have 2 cleaners who blitz our 4 bed in one hour. They do kitchen, bathrooms, hoover, dust and mop the floors once a week. Occasionally I'll ask them to do the oven and windows and they stay a bit longer. For in-between times, I have baby wipes in each bathroom and kitchen; give the surfaces/sinks a wipe down.

Most of the clothes we buy are non-iron or easy-iron. DH cycles to work, so his shirts are packed in his bag and crease anyway = no need to iron. I lay out my and the DC clothes the night before and if my outfit needs ironing, I'll do it just before I go to bed; rather than the whole laundry in one go.

I thought I'd miss the DC a lot more than I do. Occasionally, when I hear what they got up to in the day or get a photo MMS from whoever is looking after them I get a wistful "wish I was there" but, it's not too bad.

DH and I get one evening and half a Saturday each month off (ie to ourselves). I do feel a bit guilty I'm not spending every second of my free time with them but it is important to have some me-time.

As for exercise, I get off the tube a stop early and walk that extra distance. It adds 10mins each way to my commute, but if I didn't, I'd be even more unfit than I am now!!

I had cleaners when I went back to work. 2 came for 2 hours each and did the lot. We are a bit more organised now so don't need them as much.
Have got the Sunday dreads about work already and it's only 8am!

supersalstrawberry I know the feeling about free time, its like I'd forgotten how to relax or what I used to like doing. I've been on mat leave so I've rediscovered relaxing but am a little bit dreading going back and trying to hold onto that feeling.

I think the main casualty is going to be DH. I plan to leave for work early (DH has kids) so I can get home by 5ish and play and then do bedtime. Downside of that is that I will have to work a few evenings a week to keep up so won't have much time for DH.

Do you guys have 'date' nights? I don't mean going out necessarily but evenings where you do something special with each other rather than ironing?

Supersal- understand what you mean about everyone wanting a piece of you! After a day of kids sapping all my energy and ideas to come home to DD/DP/dogs all needing attention too, by 9 o'clock I'm just wrung out! Moan over because I wouldnt change it (most days)- after all, the reasons all these people want my attention are good but God, its exhausting.

I feel lucky to have the school holidays to catch up with friends, and DP but term-time its a hermits life. By the summer hols DP and I are always fed up with griping at each other about the housework and practically ready to split but by August we've kinda got to know each other again!

Astronaut- also know exactly what you mean about 'getting jiggy'. GPs (apparently) reckon the best way to get preg is to do it every other day- HA! We managed it a few times a month at most and I managed to get preg again in the end by using a Clearblue Fertility Monitor to show which days to jump to it !

Fox- wish there was more time to exercise. It gives you extra energy as well which is much needed round here. DP works shifts and DD not in bed til 8 by which time I'm done for the day. Keep thinking I'll get my body back one day but with another on the way...

Mercedes -think its really important to try and have date nights. Even if DD ends up packed off the Grandmas for the night. The guilt Astronaut and I'm not a Catholic.

ANd see, after re-reading all these posts, I'm wondering why on earth I want another baby at all!

Agree with term time being teh killer. I've not seen my non-baby friends all together since xmas - mind you, that's because I was always the organiser and because, being the only teacher, my holidays were a timely reminder of meetin up time.

Can't actually be arsed talking to anyone during teh week!

Dh and I (having found a baby-sitter willing to do whenever),were all keen to start 'seeing' each other again - but baby-making's killed the romance!

Ah, that explains it...I noticed that a lot of posters had pre-school kids and a couple of teachers have outed themselves as I was amazed that no-one had mentioned school holidays yet.

DS went to school in September so this Easter is the first holiday with me working. Two weeks with bank holidays kind of look ok, half term not a problem but SIX weeks summer holidays???? My excel spreadsheet (no really ) still has two weeks unaccounted for once you do the annual leave, summer camp and week at grandparents (no-one near unfortunatly). If he stays at home with DH the activities he can do are really limited, if he gets shuttled off to holiday club will he enjoy it...there's that guilt again...

Any tips anyone?

No tips, it's a nightmare. I have a playscheme at work but it's at a different site to the one I work at. Means a really early start to get dd1 dropped off and then head over to the other site for 9 and then a mad dash to pick up dd1 and get to the nursery before 6 to pick up dd2.
I plan my holidays the minute we go back after Christmas so I know and hubby knows exactly when we're off for the rest of the year. Between us we're covering 10 weeks of dd1's 13 weeks off this year, not bad I think. Only one week together as a family though, still better than last year when it was zero.

oooh can I join?

I have a DD who has just turned 12 months (on sat) and am 8 weeks pg. I went back to work at 4 months and if I stay here (the states) I will be lucky to get 3 months off.

Work is a bitch at the moment, expected overtime. Go in at least every other weekend yet my boss thinks I'm not working hard enough. For the next 6 weeks I have at least 2 x 12 hours days due to machine time, but can't take shorter days on the others.

I do manage to climb once a week, straight after work and then I'm lucky to get a run in. I was running twice a week before pg, but DH has been ill (suspected stomach ulcer) so things have been a bit hectic.

However I am lucky to not have to deal with childcare as DH is a SAHD. If I could have a baby that slept through I feel like I could get a lot more done, but in reality we all probably say that.

Sorry that was more a moan, but I have no-one to talk about this stuff with. DH gets over worried if I rant away to him.

Argh have been holding off joining this thread as think I will just use it to whinge! I have a 4 yo and 18 mo and a husband who works FT too and is sometimes away.

Luckily I like my job but the thing I find very hard is that there is absolutely no leeway for things not to go to plan, basically every morning I wake up and have that feeling you have when you have to catch a flight in the morning, my internal voice all day long is, "right, there's no time to slack off so get out of bed now / feed the baby now / leave the house now / do this work now...".

I'm also another one who finds it hard that others don't understand e.g. friends who want me to have more time for them, other family members e.g. SIL who think I have childcare and a cleaner and therefore can't possibly ever need any extra help or ever find things stressful - it would be quite lonely except that DH and I understand each other so well. I haven't lost any friends yet but they are slipping away from me.

I do think it is getting easier as the children get older but then we might want another one in a few years!

Can I join please? I've got 11yo dss and ds(3) and dd(4 months). Back to work FT in August and starting next MBA module in May. Mad? Oh yes...

It's knackering but I'm a better mum when my brain is also used for work and studying - right now on maternity leave, I'm starting to feel that my brain is turning to mush and although love looking after them, I know that's only cos it's time limited til July! DP is key - we're definitely in this together - he's just finished studying for 2 years on top of working so now it's my turn for extra support and he does kids pickups 3 days.

We try to meet for lunch when I'm wfh and we just about get by - it's not going to be like this forever! Also, my 3yo loves nursery - I think I'd really struggle if he didn't.

Holidays are a mare but I can wfh a bit... Major ouch is childcare costs - it's going to be £1300 a month from August... Gulp - roll on school...

Loving this thread - sometimes I feel I'm the only one :-(

mercedes and indiechick [sympathy] emoticon. Its an oldie but the provisions for childcare are pitiful and dont encourage people who want to work hard, set a good example and have a good standard of living. It makes me so mad.

Hello, I am another FT working mum, I have 2 DSs aged 5 and 3 and am definitely not having any more! I work in a demanding (at times v demanding) senior middle management role and only took ML. DH was a SAHD for the first few years, and did a few PT hours at his old firm which suited us very well. Recently they said he had to increase his hours or they would need to employ someone else so we are now struggling to getting to grips with both working pretty much FT, though DH does have Fridays off.

Our routine is:
4.30 DH gets up and leaves for work
6.00 I get up and exercise for 30-45 mins
6.45 Make DSs breakfast, empty dishwasher, shower, dress, make my breakfast, help DSs dress, pack my lunch and get bags together, dry hair and makeup, put a load of washing on and do whatever housework I can fit in
8.30 (pre)School drop offs and drive to work
9.30 Work
11 or 2.00 DH finishes work and drives home to do pick ups
5.30 I finish work and drive home
6.00 Eat tea, talk/play with DSs, load dishwasher, bath and bed time
7.00 Relax with dh or do stuff
9.00 Bedtime

DH does all food shopping after collecting DS2 from pre-school and before collecting DS1 on a Monday. He also cooks all our evening meals in the week. I try to do a bit of housework each morning so we don't spend our weekends hoovering!

Things that help me:

• I get out my clothes for the week, and for DSs on a Sunday evening.
• I buy all the cards and pressies I need for each month on the day I get paid. Luckily I work in a town with decent shops so go in my lunch hour
• I don't iron anything, if DH wants anything ironed he does it himself.
• We have a movie night with our DSs every Friday evening, when we have some sort of finger food for tea (pizza?) and popcorn for pudding. It's a great way to finish the week, very relaxing:)
• Sundays are our family time so we do nice things together, even if it's just walking to the park.

It's really, really hard work and not how I imagined life would be. I would like to look for a new job but can't find the time to complete lengthy application forms. DH is likely to increase his hours in October when DS2 starts school full time and we are definitely going to get a cleaner then.

Holidays are a juggling act, luckily(?) my parents divorced a long time ago and both have remarried so there are 3 sets of GPs to help out. My Dad lives a long way away though so this easter will be the first time the DSs have stayed there on their own. Summer hols are a mare too, DH and I will only have 1 week together and then each taking 1 other week seperately so we can cover 3 weeks between us.

Oh and am also Chair of Governors for DS1's school - not entirely sure how that happened, but I like doing it as it gets me out of providing homemade cakes for bake sale as I get to be involved in supporting the school but in the evenings and if I'm needed during the day work will generally give me some time off for it.

Wow abgirl, that is very organised.

It was so nice to have the sunshine out today. Everything seemed to fit into place and I managed to get home, do the whole evening routine, have dinner, clear up and do my usual chores all before 8:30pm (as opposed to the normal 10pm).

It's on days like these that I think, yes, it's not at all bad being a FT working parent

Can I join in too please. I am married and have a nine month old dd. Been back at work ft since beginning of December. I'm a solicitor so it's Mon to Fri, 9 to 5 (and could really do to put in a few more hours tbh) Dh is a student and works part time 2 evenings a week and a Sunday. It's a good job I have no hobbies, other than social networking and watching telly, as I have no time to devote to anything other than work, dd and housework. Dh not really getting a look in at the moment. I do love the weekends though as I make that I spend quality time with dd and dh when he's not playing football or working. I am so tired though and feel as though I don't have enough time to devote to work or dd fully. I also have a semi understanding boss (depending on his mood) with a young family, which makes life a little easier.

Hello all. I work ft oth too and so does dh, have only skimmed thread though.

We have ds, 13 and dd who is 7 and are still sane due to

• a brilliant after school nanny who collects the children, feeds them, keeps on top of all the washing, takes dd to swimming lessons, and makes our packed lunches for the nex day.

• the fact that I'm a contractor so I do short bursts of stressful contracts and then take off whatever time I need / want.

• thank goodness as ds is only at school for FOUR AND A HALF DAYS for the whole of April and my contract ends at the end of March

• online shopping and a dh who pulls his weight and gets 36 days holiday