Is there anyone who'd like to share the trials and tribulations of working full-time?

[Ladylay]

I love perusing MN in my lunch-hour . But there dont seem to be any threads for those of us who are in full-time work whilst bringing up a family.

Whilst I share a load of the same concerns as SAHM's and part-time workers, I also have different stuff to deal with, like just trying to get everyone out the bloody house in the morning on time!! ahem. And wondered if anyone fancied comparing notes, advice etc?

I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old and work full time. I have been back at work ( in a new job) 6 months now and finding it a bit of a struggle. I also have a cleaner and do online shopping, but it's the laundry I find I can't keep on top of. The cleaner irons, but I never seem to get the time to put the clothes away.

The other thing I am finding hard is hospital and doctors appointments. DS and DD both have allergies and asthma and I resent having to use up holidays for the appointments.

I'm hoping to request compressed hours or part time at some point, but just doesn't feel like the right time at the moment.

me. me wohm ft. zzzzzzzzzzzz

Finding it easier since ds in school - the 'mummy-guilt' decreases which he has to be away from me between 8.50 and 3.20. ( makes the hours at after school club seem a doddle) PITA in terms of having friends over 'after school'.

Hello, I also work full time and have a 9 and 10 year old and am married with a full time working dh too. I've been working full time for so long now I can barely remember doing it any other way :-).

I don't really have any tips but I would say that it doesn't get easier as they get older. They need you more but in a different way - almost more emotionally than physically (like they do when they are babies/toddlers!).

There are a fair few ft working mums on here but they post sporadically (for obvious reasons!)

I'm watching this thread with interest as I'm back off mat leave to my ft job next month. I'm thinking vvvv organised is the only way to cope. I'm also going to give it a couple of months to see how filthy clean the house is and see if we can squeeze out a cleaner

In a bit of an odd situation though. DH is disabled so doesn't work but can't do much around the house, especially as he's having DS (4) and DD (6 mo) before and after school. So upside is that I only have to get me out in the morning but downside, think of the mess when I get home...

And I get to do the night shift, the nightmares, teething etc. It's that that's the killer for me. No sleep = barely functioning.

I also get people getting irritated with me for not having time to see them - it's like they can't believe that I could possibly have so little time! Dh also works one day on the weekends which doesn't help!

Anyway, we muddle along and make it work

I'm f/t with a 3yo and currently a dh who has no job.

But won't do cleaning, childcare or tidying! He does shop and do laundry and get ds's supper ready though so not totally . please excuse lack of capitals but typing one-handed and sideways!

Typical day: alarm 6am. get up. 6.30 try and wake ds. 6.45 eventually get him up. 7.10 leave for work with ds (13 miles). Drop him off at site nursery at 7.45. 8am start work. lunch 30min. leave 4.05 for 4.15 pickup. home 5.15, and feed ds. play until 6.15, bath (which dh used to do but he now has frozen shoulder so I got that job too) then reading for aaages to bookworm whom I am lucky to get to sleep before 9 even with 7.30 lights out! then I get to cook my own supper and bed at 10ish.
sometimes so tired I just sleep same time as ds.
repeat x5...

I am looking forward to day off tomorrow but still have the early start so ds can get to nursery on time. get to go to optician and get some specs which actually help!

I honestly don't know how folk with more than one cope.

So WTF does your DH do moonbella?

The word cocklodger springs to mind!!

Why doesn't he get your supper ready at the same time as DS's?

I also feel that there's not many of us FTers on here either.

I have 2 DSs (3.1 and 1.7). Been FT for 4 months and exhaustion is my permanent state. Both DSs are poor sleepers so DH and I alternate the night shift!

Our typical routine:

6am - get woken by DS2 for a breastfeed.
6:30am - jump in shower and get ready for work while DH gets the boys ready. Put laundry on.
7:15am - leave for work to get in at 8:30. DH drops DSs at my parents then goes to work.
5pm - leave the office.
6:30pm - Arrive at my parents, eat dinner and go home.
7:30pm/8pm - Boys asleep. Hang out/put away laundry. Do filing, extra chores etc.
9pm - Collapse in front of the TV for an hour (or log in to finish work)
10pm - Bed and pray for a full night's sleep.

I am really lucky that my parents live only 5mins away and look after the boys on the days DH works (He's PT 3 days a week). If it wasn't for that I could not have worked as nurseries aren't open long enough around here, nannies are too expensive and having to collect from childminder at the end of a long day would have finished me off.

Cleaner who comes once a week, Ocado, Amazon, online banking, a Task manager/To do list app on my Iphone with double reminders for everything (medical appointments, birthdays, visits from friends, etc) with appropriate warning periods are absolutely vital.

DH and I have linked our calendars on google so he sees all my appointments and I can put DSs' timetables on there too.

Most of the time it works well. Tough times are when I have to stay at work late for a meeting (I try to organise around it, but occasionally it isn't possible) and by the time I get home DSs are asleep; or when DS1 or DS2 are sick and I can't stay home with them - the guilt really kicks in .

However, I am generally much happier now then last year when I was a SAHM .

Suzi there are probably loads of lurkers but we never get time to post

Quick poll... do you look after the appointments, letters, things to remember in your house? Even if you share chores?

It seems to be the common thing, I don't know whether its a female thing or whether we just want to? My DH doesn't remember things like I do....so I've come to accept that I want to do it and embrace it that way

moonbells I think you need to sort that out. I know how hard it is to manage FT working and childcare and everything else. Your DH should be sharing the chores anyway but if he's not working surely he could be pulling more weight for the time being?

Mercedes, I remember all appointments etc too. If I left it to DH it would be a disaster!!

Suzi, my two don't sleep that well either. Now DD is 18 months we've decided to have a bit of a crack down and not feed her in the night or get her out of her cot. It's been a hellish few nights, I think she might be getting the idea now , but don't want to count my chickens!!

I think FTees don't have as much time to post on MN!!

A good read for a SAHM desperate to get back into FT work, who feels it's the answer to all her problems.
Your posts are a reality check on how much physically harder it will be for DH and me, although I still want to get back into my career. (And have another baby). Is it possible to do both at once?

Now where's that fairy godmother of mine disappeared to...

Single mum to three here. I work just short of full time in a job which requires ongoing training to keep me fully up to date. Also have 2 dogs. It all mostly works ok.
I would love to join you but I will be an occasional visitor if that's ok?

I think I slightly disagree with foxinsocks that it doesn't get easier (mine are 16,14 and 11). The practical issues get far easier - not only can the children be left alone they can also actually be helpful. I do agree with her that the time commitment is no less though - and in many ways more stressful - a teenager who has had a bad day at school and wants to talk about it wants attention as urgently as a potty training toddler in my experience. Fortunately mine don't seem to have very many bad days.

The other thing I have noticed is that my children are growing up much more self reliant than their peers with non working mothers. When my 11 year old makes arrangements to meet friends she includes sorting out the travel in her plans because she knows we might not be able to give her lifts as both dh and I have long and unpredictable hours. And all 3 are competent to produce a meal for themselves, each other and us as required.

I have no regrets about having worked full time since they were babies (and I'm old enough that the maternity leave arrangements meant I went back to work when they were 3 months old). I'm sure there were bad days - but they don't stick in my memory. And I couldn't wish for nicer children - I am embarassingly (to them) proud of how well they have turned out.

Hello
Can I join you?

I work full time- have a DD of 2.

My day looks like this
5.30am up
6am drive 30miles to work
6.45am to 4.15pm- work
4.15pm drive home
5pm collect DD
7pm DD in bed
Shower, sort, do more work and then bed.

I really feel like I have no existence outside of the above. I love my job which adds a weird bitter sweet edge to things.

Thinking of 2nd DC but Im scared of the pregnacy tiredness whilst working, stress of goign back to work again (that was the worst thing to date I think) and then balancing life with two. Since right now I have ZERO energy left for anything.

Work FT with a 7 and 8 year old.

6.00 a.m - up
6.30 a.m. - drive 60 miles to work.
7.45 a.m to 4p.m. - work
4.15 p.m. -drive home
6.30 p.m. - arrive home
6.30 p.m to 7.30 p.m - with DD's doing homework/play
7.30 p.m to 8.15 p.m. - DD's shower,books, bed
8.15 p.m to 8.30p.m. - eat
8.30 p.m to 10.00 p.m. - catch up on the work I didn't do because I leave at 4.
10.00 p.m to 10.30p.m - housework
10.30 p.m. to 11.00 p.m. - get mine and DD's 'stuff' ready for the next day.
11.30 p.m - bed

and so on

• 1 weekend a week I work.

Have done this routine for 9 years now.

Have applied for redundancy.

moonbells . Is your 'D'H for real? What does he do all day? He's not working, and you do 90% of everything at home as well as work FT. Apart from anything else, what a waste of money paying for childcare FT if he is at home. People with more than one cope because they have man who recognises that they are his children too, and pull their weight (no disrespect to single parents who do have to do it on there own), but if there is a second adult in the house they should not be such idle twats. Seriously, I'm outraged on your behalf, unless be has a bloody good excuse.

We share google calendars too, and send it each other meeting requests for things that at least one of us has to remember (like children's dentist appts etc). I usually try to book things to coincide with me going, as I am the one who can work at home, pop out to do things and get back again.

Can I join I work FT with 3 DCs under 6, luckily for me I work 2 days from home otherwise I think I would burn out pretty quick

hello mrswobble :)

I think the difference for me was that mine were easier when I worked and they were babies. They weren't 'easy' (by any stretch of the imagination, dd didn't sleep through the night till she was 15 months lol argh!) but it was much more of a physical pull than anything (so tiredness, breastfeeding etc.). Also I had mine very close together (they are just under 15 months apart) so I think my emphasis in the first few years was on the physical side of it as my body took a long time to recover.

Now that mine are older, I do find the emotional stuff harder. And mine are still not very demanding children. I find the school terms easier as we all console ourselves that the adults are working and the children are studying. But the school holidays, summer in particular, I do sometimes wish I got a lot more leave to spend with them (I only get 4 weeks a year and I travel for my job so that is probably the main reason I feel that way).

I do all my shopping online, there's no way I could do it any other way as ds is in a lot of sports teams so that takes up most of Saturday. Sunday is our one day all together as a family so I refuse to spend that shopping unless there is an absolute emergency!

I work 3 hours short of FT and have 3 dc: 8, 8 and 6. I'm really lucky because dh is employed Mon-Wed and self-employed Thurs-Fri, so works at home and does a lot more school runs than I do. As others have said, school term times are generally fine, because you know the dcs wouldn't be with you, even if you weren't working, and everyone is just in a routine. There are also breakfast clubs and after school clubs. Holidays are much harder, though still manageable. I have everyone out of the house on time, clean clothes, packed lunches made, all the right PE/music stuff etc and myself to work on time looking half decent - but we leave a trail of destruction behind us and I sometimes dread going home to face the mess again. Don't have a cleaner and seem to spend a huge chunk of the weekend cleaning, tidying and organising before it all starts again.

Gingerbreadgiraffe I must admit I'm really struggling at times with the tiredness and just generally feeling shitty and I'm only 7+2 wks gone.
DD is a good sleeper but an early riser but I'm up for the loo at 5am then lie awake listing everything I have to do at work and home in my head until she wakes and comes for a cuddle. Must admit my bedtimes at the minute are 8.30-9pm to DP's incredulity.

MrsWobble thanks for the reassurance. I sometimes cant help worrying if DD will differ from her peers who have had SAHM's but that sounds like she will differ only slightly and in a good way. I still think the most important things she has in abundance; love, trust, routine and security.

Will def. be suggesting the GOOGLE calendar thing, think DP will love the idea.

I also work full-time. I have 5 children, and have full-time will all my children.

Unfortunately, have got used to working full-time for so long, don't know anything different!!

I am going to lurk on this thread if that's ok.

I have two pre-schoolers and will probably soon be returning to work full-time. Am finding this thread very inspiring.