Good things about being a feminist

[sethstarkaddersmum]

I'll start.

1. Less painful feet

My boss and I spent an afternoon discussing length of leg and underarm hair the other day - just amazing how we had internalised all sorts of messages about how women should look....following day her hairy knees were on show (I don't do shorts so thats my excuse!!)

I read the OP as meaning "How has feminism enhanced YOUR life"

And TBH I am a very new feminist - only just coming to listen to the ideas about it really. I just remember someone (who would definitely describe herself as a feminist) showing me something ages ago which made me realise how much loathing I had for my period and how ridiculous that was. And introducing me to the notion of a menstrual cup - which I finally got round to getting a few months back, and it has transformed me

So I don't know whether I am a feminist or not but feminism has made my life better in that way, most notably.

It is odd that a bit of hair on a leg is considered a sign of a total lack of personal care, hygeine, grooming, effort, it's the end of the world isn't it.

Weird.

When I was at school I remember when we were about 13 or 14 one of my darker haired classmates saying that she shaved her legs every single morning. At that age. I mean FGS. It's probably even worse now

I love my mooncup too bertie, found out about it on MN.

Having a place where women can talk about all this stuff is brilliant. I mean in RL I never discuss sanitary protection with people. Not since school.

That's brill Bertie.

I could do with some glitter actually ISNT.
I stopped wearing it cos I felt too old.

That's another sad thing actually isn't it.

That women are brought up to adorn themselves and make themselves look as pretty as possible, and that when you are young and your skin is smooth you can have fun with all teh glitter and sparkles and trying things out and wearing weird colours and whathaveyou.

Then when you've really got the hang of it and see it as quite an imaginative thing to do ie you have taken what society tells you to do and found some fun in it, then you have to stop doing it in case you look like "mutton dressed as lamb".

Why can't women have glittery eyeshadow when they get older? Why? That gets a "snoffair" in my book

I don't know what number we're up to but for me the best thing about feminism is - realising that women age and it's ok!! The people who are fucked up about it are the weirdos, for a while there I thought I was the only one who didn't see it as a problem!

Feminism makes me feel quite insecure actually. I am doing what I want to do and what I prefer to do - being a SAHM, but I feel looked down upon by feminists and feel pressure to have a proper career and earn lots of money, and that I am thought of as weak if I rely on my DH to earn the money (he relies on me too - to look after the children and do the cooking and cleaning).

I think it is sad if feminism encourages women not to make the best of their female features eg physical ones, by not shaving, not wearing heels, makeup etc (these things seem to be suggested as characteristics of feminists on this thread). I find the differences that make females female, beautiful, and think those differences should be celebrated. I also find the differences that make males male attractive and think those differences should be celebrated.

Some 'brands' of feminism seem to be 'female-hating' to me, as they encourage women to be less like women and more like men. What is so wrong with being female, women are great! I find them to be on average, more aesthetically beautiful than men, more graceful, more emotionally expressive, better at empathy and sympathy, better at talking and being sociable, better at organising all the little things at the same time that keep things running smoothly, better to go shopping with, better at housework, better at childcare, better at using sensitivity when it is required etc etc (got to stop typing at some point) (not necessarily in that order of importance). I find men to be on average better than women at a whole load of other things, which are just as important things.

Things that it used to be thought traditionally that women were better than men at eg housework, childcare, caring roles etc, now seem to be scorned by feminists and thought of as demeaning. Someone has to do those things though! I can't see that they are demeaning if they are things that need to be done. If you make your DH do the housework because you feel it goes against feminism for you to do it, do you then disrespect him for doing it?

I accept that lots of women don't feel like doing things that were considered traditionally to be women's things, and that some women like doing things that were traditionally thought of as men's things and I agree with the 'brand' of feminism which thinks women should be given opportunities to do those things if they want to, but I don't agree with the 'brand' of feminism which would think I was crap for wanting to do the things that were traditionally thought of as women's things.

I'm quite confused over the definition of feminism. Depending on what the definition is, I may or may not agree with it, but I've received confusing messages about it. Some of them I don't agree with.

I certainly don't reject traditional feminine activities. Baking and knitting etc. are fucking important.

Cleaning is necessary, but shouldn't take up all your time and if both partners work, then both partners should share the housework.

I reject high heels. I don't want to suffer and distort my muscles and skeleton to be beautiful. I think my feet and my wiggle are fine as they are.

It's just not true that women are more sociable, there's been studies done.
Gossipy women is another stick to beat us with.

I certainly don't look down on SAHM, I am one.

OrdinarySAHm, why is it sad if women don't shave? Men don't.

I will always be that as a person of natural blondeness (dyed purple for my own amusement) I will never have enough underarm hair to look like a PROPER feminist. Or pubes. It's a tragedy, I tell you.

I have never seen blonde pubes.

Not that I'm asking to see yours BigWeeHag, but I always have to share that when it comes up in conversation.

BigWeeHag, shaving was just an example, but if a woman feels she wants to shave eg her legs, because it accentuates the beautiful shape of a woman's legs and she wants to enjoy what she has as a woman and show it off, then it is sad if she feels she shouldn't because she doesn't want to let down the feminist cause. If she doesn't want to shave then that is fair enough.

Did you know that the leg models they use for tights and stocking ads are men?

(worried about the QI flashing lights now )

"just realised that I have implied that being a SAHM is unfeminist - I didn't mean that, but it isn't pushing the boundaries of what women do in the way that succeeding in a male-dominated career is.)"

Actually, being a feminist and a SAHM is pushing the boundaries of what women do

"just realised that I have implied that being a SAHM is unfeminist - I didn't mean that, but it isn't pushing the boundaries of what women do in the way that succeeding in a male-dominated career is.)"

Actually, being a radical feminist and a SAHM is pushing the boundaries of what women do

I am a SAHM, obviously

OrdinarySAHM half the things you describe as 'female' are social constructions. Woemn ARE NOT on average better at shopping/housework/childcare....it's just those are the roles we have been pushed into. I have no problem with womeone being a SAHM - that is your choice, but your description of a female I find alienating becuase I am none of those things. So having spent years with the pressure of having to look 'pretty' and girly and all the time feeling like a total fraud, being able to say I am not wearing make up, tottering along on high shoes, and making sure my knickers and bra match is frankly a relief....

ordinarySAHM I am sure there are people out there who are feminists and say the things that you describe (althouth I have never met one!) but the vast vast majority of the women on this forum don't say those things.

Well the making money and not staying at home thing is espoused by xenia, but that's just xenia and I think her views are as impoartant as anyone elses even if I don't always agree with them!

I also have a bit if trouble with your "what women are good at and what men are good at" list. My DH is a very caring, kind, gentle man, who undertakes the bulk of the childcare off his own bat, bakes, does crafts with them and so on. He is also a massive rugby bloke. By putting him into a box as per your post, and assuming that he wants to go to the pub or play rugby while I look after the children and cook and go shopping, you are going to make us both pretty miserable.

So on the one hand you say you don't like feminism as (apparently) it says ways that women have to behave, then you go on to make lists of what women are like and men are like. That is just as bad!

bigweehag I'm a blonde too, maybe we need to dye our body hair before hitting greenham common

Sakura

Oh and i would argue that it;s not feminists who say that thinks like childcare are low value, it's society.

There are loads of threads on here which discuss the problem of "how can we make it so that traditional "womens" work is valued by society as much as traditional "mens" work?"

OrdinarySAHM feminism is about equality.

No-one wants to make you feel bad for being a SAHM. If that works for your family it is great. My own Mum was a SAHM for several years, is a feminist and a good Mum.

I have to agree with the others who say that there is a lot of scientific evidence to say that the idea that women are good at some things and men are good at different things so we have a separate role is not true. It is about the messages we get from society as soon as we are born. I am good at building furniture and reading maps. DP is great at creating a colour scheme in a room and choosing an outfit. Yet I am a woman and he is a man. What it comes down to if foremost we are individual people.

I also don't feel that feminism is about looking down on women for doing housework. I am a woman and don't look down on myself when I am doing the hoovering! What bothers a lot of feminists is the idea that housework is a woman's job, that we should use our leisure time to hang up laundry while our partners or husbands watch tv. Of course if one partner is at work and the other is mainly at home, the one at home is likely to do more housework. It doesn't matter what their sex is. A woman shouldn't have to ask their partner to do do housework if they are equals in their relationship.

It is true that a lot of feminists have issues with make-up, high heels etc. This is because (I think) women seem to be expected to meet a certain standard of look, and that standard involves a lot of things which suggest that a natural woman isn't good enough, she has to be created into a doll version of herself to be acceptable. I must say that I do wear make-up, heels etc at times and I enjoy that. I would prefer not to, when I think about it, but for now that's how I do things. I do feel sad that it is expected though.

Ok now I am rambling.

What I am trying to say is that yes, women are great, so are men and it can only benefit us all if all people have the freedom, choice and support to live their lives fully. At the moment that's a bit harder for women and that's what feminists want to change.

To answer the OP:

I know I look gorgeous in my birkinstocks and can walk for miles

It makes me feel secure and equal to make sure I am financially independent in my marriage and share the costs and the chores with dh fairly

I champion other women and enjoy their successes

I feel connected to my monthly cycle and appreciate the amazingness of my body

I have never wanted to be a man

meh, I typed a brilliant very long response to Ordinary SAHM and my bad internet connection lost it.
The most important thing in it was:

more recognition for traditional women's work has always been a key part of feminism - the Wages For Housework campaign was an (albeit not very successful) feminist campaign.
I rather think feminists were also the source of those statistics that tell you what a high percentage of the world's work is done by women once unpaid domestic and caring work is taken into account.