Trans identifying people gaslight their parents - a heartbreaking read.

[Soontobe60]

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This broke my heart to read. The impact a child who chooses to declare themselves the opposite sex has on their mother in particular is brutal. I cannot imagine a world where my children would demand that I change my own history to bow to their indoctrination.

Actually, most trans people know they are not the opposite sex (there are some that are deluded on this point but most do). They prefer to present themselves physically as the opposite sex, so eg might have surgery to remove breasts or take hormones to stimulate beard growth. They want people to read them as the opposite sex and be referred to as such. Most people can manage that or at least make an effort to. Most people don't start wailing about how now they are deprived of talking about little Jessica in her pink tutu at ballet class because they realise it's not about them, it's about the trans person.

🥱 Sex is not gender……

I may still be all at sea but the ship hasn’t been sunk

We really have shifted from understanding varied ‘personalities’ to the use of ‘identity’. It is so ridiculous it is laughable-except it isn’t. Can you imagine if anorexia was de rigueur - as it was in my youth?

Would all the pro players in the game be advocating going along with the anorexic and affirming them? Would they advocate for weight loss surgery or drugs?

Identity isn’t a self determined phenomenon according to the dictionary

imagine if it was - I could identify my way to a German passport

Then go tell India Willoughby that he cannot in any way shape or form, show anyone on the planet, his 'cervix'.

Gaslighting who? How?

And yet we hear this exact account a lot from detransitioners. How poor their mental health was, how vulnerable they were, how an influential online community ‘helped’ them to see that they were really ‘trans’. And how once they had fully matured they were able to look back and see that they were heavily influenced by online communities, as well as affirming therapists and Drs.

It's not the lack of shared experiences, it's the denial of the experiences and self knowledge of the female half of humanity. It's the assertion that we must be experiencing our lives in ways we simply do not, because that is a necessary pre-requisite for the claims of trans people (well, of TRAs) that their gender is the same thing in practice as our sex.

I've never had any issue with people labelling certain feelings about themselves "gender". I just don't think
they should use the pre-existing language of sex to do it, because (1) it's fucking sexist, and (2) it has created a whole load of practical mess and emotional pain especially for trans people when the two concepts try to occupy the same physical and cultural space.

This is the reality for so many families.
Concerns, care, love and challenge are always framed as bigotry. Undermining family relationship runs through transactivism like a stick of rock.

It's why it's so catatstrophic for the young - so easily gaslit and indoctrinated online by the cynical activists. We know (from all available national data) that children alienated from their families do dreadfully on all life measures.

Why we've allowed people promoting transactivism anywhere near schools defies belief. But that horse has bolted and all we can do now is try to help all those young women and men so catastrophically caught up in all this.

You really seem unable to recognise that the mother is a person in her own right. Your language is deliberately condescending and (probably deliberately) missing the point. I know a trans person who has completely rewritten his history including a fictitious account of how when we were at school together, we (girls) recognised him as one of us. It's all bollocks and I refuse to accept it. I don't know what his mother feels about it but I can tell you I would never agree to go along with a reinterpretation of what my own lived past experience is. That way madness lies. Literally.

Identity is a self determined phenomena based on subjective personal beliefs & values. In other words, you don't get decide for someone else who they are
Can I identify as having Down Syndrome? As being king of England? As being Black?
I believe I am, therefore everyone must agree with me.

I’m sure that’s what you’d like to think. In reality lots of people ‘on here’ have real life experience of children and young people who have been absolutely certain they are trans. Having not been unconditionally affirmed- but still being loved and supported- those children and young people desist when they reach puberty or when they are given the space to explore who they are outside their ‘gender identity’.

I’d add, there are a lot of apparently bright and otherwise switched on people who will quite readily accept the influence of peers, online forums, acquaintances etc and porn, when it comes to the pressure on young women to look a particular way or to perform certain sex acts, or the impact of the ‘manosphere’ on young men, yet think that ‘trans identities’ appear organically, absolutely unaffected by any outside influence.

One of the most awful things about trans ideology is the way it convinces vulnerable young people that coercive control is the way to have relationships. And that if people don't submit and pretend then they're being harmful rather than it being a normal part of life that people won't agree with you all the time, that people have different opinions, that not everyone will even like you let alone put your demands before their own needs and that forcing people to pretend won't end up with true and lasting relationships. And that even when you've lived through the same period of material reality, it's quite normal for people to still have very different opinions, thoughts and memories about that.

It's particularly sad for parents, who generally will bend over backwards for their children more than anyone else, but the rest of the world doesn't owe someone trying to compel their speech anything. People are too busy trying to make ends meet to 'be kind' (to whom?) and deny reality any more.

Good point up thread about how the 'lived experience' of men and women who've lived in their sexed bodies for decades is being deemed less valid than the angst of adolescents. But let's face it directed by the promises and wants of the middle aged men such as in WPATH who are the architects of this madness.

My 24 yr old daughter identifies as non-binary and I get a lot of what this lady is saying. Thankfully she has not changed her name but has talked about having a mastectomy n the future (we def won’t be facilitating that financially or emotionally - DH and I vehemently oppose any surgery or hormones).

i look at her and sometimes think - wtf - you look more like a teenage boy than a young adult (short hair, not great skin - spots reappeared about a year ago (happened to me in my early 20s too) - dresses androgynous but def more towards female, is a lesbian and holds political views in stark opposition to us (and we are left-leaning centrists). It’s the whole ‘package’ and basically don’t speak of any of it to maintain the good relationship we have. DS used ‘they’, but I don’t like to (i sometimes do to DS), but I just don’t refer to DD using pronouns in front of her - it’s rare to need to do that anyway (plus DD doesn’t live at home atm).

Ps: to add, DD will wear clothes that I think are more feminine but it’s more the sort of items a gay man would wear (tight vest tops).

It’s interesting when you understand just how many children in the care system claim to be trans. It’s almost as if it goes along with a dysfunctional childhood.

And how many of the girls trying to be men are victims of CSA.

Yes. That's why the terms cis and trans exist in the first place.

What a beautifully written piece. I'm not surprised it flies completely over the heads of TRAs.

On trans reddit UK, I read someone say that it was their mother's behaviour over their lifetime that convinced them they couldn't be a woman like she is. I know women who believe their sex has been central in forming all of their views and opinions and therefore, all (real) women will feel as they do.

That must be an incredible amount of pressure when you are a girl and being parented by a woman like that. Someone who believes that you are somehow faulty when you don't see the world as she does, or share her hopes and dreams.

I can understand why you might think that I must be more like the other type of people (men) if I'm not a woman like her.

So do you think a lot of the posters here with trans children gave those children a dysfunctional childhood?

It’s always about the trans person. Everyone else has to buy into the fantasy otherwise they’re transphobic, and parents should just put up and shut up, and bury their shared histories with their children to align with their choices. The lack of empathy is astounding.

Children in care were one of the first groups targeted by transactivists with certain trans identifying men getting paid a lot to write policies and train foster carers, staff in children's homes in "being trans"

That's when I realised how cynical this all is. Imagine targeting the most vulnerable children, all alienated from their families, so many abused and selling them the notion that their often sad lives could be transformed with a new sex and identity.
The data about children in care thinking they're really the opposite sex is grim.

Yeah, as I said, some are delusional and maybe IW is playing up on it as rage-bait too. However, if an adult female wants to have a mastectomy for psychological reasons and wants to be referred to by a male name, then that choice is theirs. Yes, you can refuse to respect it but the outcome is likely to be as with the author of the piece, that the person distances themselves from you.