Trans identifying people gaslight their parents - a heartbreaking read.

[Soontobe60]

www.pittparents.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

This broke my heart to read. The impact a child who chooses to declare themselves the opposite sex has on their mother in particular is brutal. I cannot imagine a world where my children would demand that I change my own history to bow to their indoctrination.

That's an awfully lot of rationalisation, are you trying to convince me or yourself.

There are plenty of things a parent can try to do to stop their children falling for this massive big lie, because it is not possible for a human being to 'trans' into anything. It is not possible for a human being to be born in the wrong body. It is not possible for a girl to be a boy. These are just the facts of life.

Sometimes there is nothing that can be done, when some children make up their minds, especially children who have conditions that prevent them for processing information, they rebel against anyone who attempts to explain that they're wrong. Children sometimes have to make their own mistakes, because 'you can't put a wise head on young shoulders'. Some of the mistakes children make have devastating consequences, all a loving parent can do is be there ready to help them pick up the pieces afterwards.

Parents who don't bother trying end up with children who are 'trans'.

What are you on about 🤣.

I'm not in favour of anyone having unnecessary surgery because it always carries risk.

Though dysphoria, by its very definition, is a mental health issue.

Spot on, I agree with every word of this.

TPA always seems very wrapped up in the story, the narrative, the pathos and drama.

In one sense, agreeing with your child especially if you were ambivalent about raising a female child, is the easy path. You get to present yourself as the hero siding with your child against the world full of meanies.

It is an easier path than pushing back and asking hard questions, challenging your child, holding on to reality for your child (she can’t change sex).

Given TPAs “non-binary” status, I hear someone deeply ambivalent about being female, confusing it with “femininity” and unconsciously passing on this disdain to her female child.

“When I was younger, I told my brother off for using a homophobic slur and said: you do realise gay people don't choose to be gay?
He was about 14, and astounded by this. Talking mid-90s. It altered his world in an instant.
I said this in front of several of his male friends. One of them was gay, and later felt able to talk to my brother about it. My brother was eventually best man at his wedding.”

TPA, you are presenting the hyperbolic fairy tale narrative again, with yourself in the centre.

Yes @nutmeg7 and @Imdunfer , very good points both.

When my DD had an eating disorder, it would have been much ‘easier’ for me to not monitor what she was eating (because it caused huge conflict), to turn a blind eye to the weight loss and to agree with her that this was an appropriate way to solve her MH problems. Instead, we had high tension in the house for the best part of a year and lots of tearful arguments, then some very expensive therapy. The whole family found it immensely stressful, and DD certainly hated me for a while (not so much DH, because I was the one addressing the issue) because I did everything I could to stop her starving herself.

I often wonder who's gonna play them in the film.
What a minefield that casting would be.

Thanks @Waitingfordoggo, I’ve also cared for a child through an eating disorder, and recognise your description - it was the hardest most painful parenting I have had to do. It certainly caused lasting trauma in our family.

There is no option to “go along” with their delusion, because if you do, they could die of malnourishment or heart failure. As parents, we had to be the hated grown ups who wouldn’t ignore our child’s dangerous beliefs and actions, but had to work out how to get them eating normally again. But ultimately, our job was to not let our child take a destructive path if we could prevent it.

Exactly that @nutmeg7 . I’m sorry you went through it too. 💐

There are some very shitty misogynistic and ageist stereotypes of mothers that come into play I think too.

Young people and old blokes can have an inner identity but for all but the most privileged and well off posh middle aged women, we're service humans, barely human, NPCs, redshirts, only there to service someone else's needs. Doubly so if working class (nurses, TAs, mums with part time jobs)

In a world full of and built for selfish individualists, mothers are generally willing to put their children's needs before their own. Which is so tough when a child is drawn in by the cult. However, more generally, lots of dim men and posh women mistake this for being someone who'll be a doormat. Far from it, it's out of selflessness and a desire to protect their children that many highly intelligent women on here fight this fight. Look at KJK, sahm, fiercely intelligent and a natural at safeguarding - didn't want her daughter forced to have penis in her toilets and changing rooms.

We're excellent at resisting toddler tantrums with lots of 'lived experience' of that.

sheer stupidity on the part of those who created the GRA

I'm sorry my rather boring life upsets you 😁

Every word true. I've always been like this.

Guessing you've always been like this too.

I’ve always been like this

I don’t think anyone doubted that.

I find it extraordinary that you can so minimise the removal of healthy body parts. You are making no effort to understand the reality of what is happening to a generation of young adults, many of whom are autistic and experience the world and emotions differently to neurotypicals.
The current generation of teens are for the most part rejecting gender and very much see it as a social contagion. I read a couple of years ago that neurotypical kids have left this phenomenon behind them and those that are still caught up in it are the autistic ones. I fear this is true.

The poster who likened this to anorexia was spot on. It is a maladaptive coping mechanism. What these individuals need is psychotherapy, gentleness and time; not hormones and definitely not surgery.

Many people now believe that this is the greatest medical scandal of our time. Those who have supported their children to make irreversible body changes are in an impossible position and they may never be able to accept what has happened and the lies they were sold.
Regardless of what position you took as a parent you did so believing you were protecting your child. There are no winners here, not the parents and certainly not their beloved children.

So how does this work with siblings?

Including potentially younger siblings.

Please stop it with the gaslighting.

Identity is a shared thing not merely an individual thing.

You don't have a fucking clue and this is one of the things that most pisses me off with well meaning allies. It's the grenade in the family unit effect.

Every one has their own personal identity but they also have shared identities as part of a family unit or a friendship group etc etc. Family identities are one of the most important. Much more so than even a close friend or an extended family member . This means if someone in your family dies, has a significant life event or transitions it can very much affect your own identity and how you then relate to others people outside that group.

This has an impact in a way than someone coming out as gay does not.

This has an impact even in families who are fully onboard with transition.

It changes power dynamics in a family unit and that's massively important.

So please do not come out with this kind of shit.

It is gaslighting shit. Pure and simple.

The whole "they haven't changed who they are" is such nonsense because it asks people to change the amway they treat and interact with someone all the same.

We need to acknowledge this issue regardless of whether you are pro transition or completely anti transition because it has an impact on mental load and wellbeing in others. Not just a trans person and everyone needs accommodating within this rather than vilified as 'hateful'.

Seriously it's not cool to come up with this stuff.

I think that's because as a society we've come to realise that homosexuality is an intrinsic sexuality, not a "lifestyle choice" as people used to think. I also have heard of parents whose devastation was around the difficulty they envisioned for their child, knowing how violent and toxic the homophobia of some people can be, and the systemic homophobia of institutions etc which is gradually changing. And also, it is not cruel or bigoted to grieve the loss of dreams you might have held dearly for a future that included what you have grown up to believe is realistic to expect. Many people long for large families with lots of grandkids running around. It is reasonable to feel sad when this fantasy has to be let go. It is a fantasy built on love, and the joy of future love, in both giving and receiving. Nothing wrong with that, is there? I don't see it as "the parents problem that they feel that way", rather that it's a change to adjust too, and we should give people Grace to adjust. Obviously there are homophobic parents, and I suspect these are the parents you might be referring too.
If my kids told me they were same sex attracted, it's much easier for me to adjust to this in 2026 than it would have been for my parents in the same situation, in the 80s or 90s.
However, if my kids told me they were the opposite sex, I would pack up our things and roadtrip around the country with limited internet access for a year to get them away from whatever bullshit influences were feeding them lies, and give them every opportunity to focus thier attention on the real world. Because I love them. I would consider it life-saving.

I know of parents who were utterly devastated when their children came out as gay.

Whereas NOW when parents don't want a gay child, they convince them they must have been born in the wrong body.
Problem solved eh?

Agreed. This is foul.

😂😂😂

Can I ask if your daughter has a partner TPA? By your daughter, mean your male-identified child. Could your daughter possibly be gay?

🙄

Apologies folks, I forgot I was dealing with ancient cultural relics from a distant past.

For those not in the know of internet debate lore, "debate pervert" was a term coined by the famous US leftist political streamer Hasan Piker as a defence of why he refused to debate other more successful political debaters Destiny & Vaush claiming their tactics were purely bad faith sophistry rather than genuine engagement. But the facts are these successful debaters primarily use philosophical logic that focus on evaluating the structure of the argument rather than just yelling or using emotional tricks like examining premises and conclusions, testing for deductive validity & avoiding fallacies.

In other words poor old Hassan didn't have the philosophical chops to manage these guys & coped his way out by claiming bad faith trickery. A lot like what is going on here when the incessant fallacies are exposed.

I use the term as an ironical nod to this affair & its relevance here.

Gender identification (identifying with socially constructed sex stereotypes) isn't rocket science nor is it false & given that even gender critical feminists acknowledge it exists as the resistance to it underpins their whole ideology.

Its simply a matter of wanting to express gender associations & live ones life in that identity....a thing that most cis people do anyway we just don't label ourselves that way.

I like it to explain it this way: If trans people never called themselves trans gender but just expressed their gendered inclinations would it be so problematic then? According to gender critical feminists that's what they want.

So what are we really arguing about here? Semantics? Word ownership?

Much ado….

Do you really not see the gaping logic in that argument???

one option is for a man to show some social stereotypes seen as female (ie be a bit more feminine…)

so what is the difference if the man tells everyone they have become a woman, insist on changing in women’s spaces, insist on being put in a female prison, insist on using their size and weight and aggression to intimidate women and young girls, make up a fake narrative about their life to date, insist that everyone else has to ‘believe’ the nonsense that they have changed sex, insist that everyone else has to pretend that their own lives were different, emotionally blackmail family who love them the most that if they don’t join in the deception they will kill themselves, take hormones, destroy their body, expect the NHS to pay for them to do so, deny any mental health issues, attack women who meet and want women’s spaces, are violent in real life and in online threats, work to corrupt children’s lives to validate their own choices (aka child abuse) etc

you see no difference from the boy who enjoys dressing up and playing families at school, or the man who chooses to take up knitting or enjoys cleaning the house?!

wow

Ahhh so you do understand what gender identity means but think the consequences of competing priorities invalidate it? Sorry that's not how the world works nor logic.

You act as if civilised society isn't structured to deal with competing priorities that arise from group differences when this has long been established in law under special exemptions that facilitate rights balancing.

You also act as if conflict in interests invalidates minorities right to advocate & agitate for their rights, another egalitarian no no.

You don't seem to understand the principles of modern liberal democracies that include that everyone has the opportunity to challenge the status quo whether that ruffles some feathers or not.