Trans identifying people gaslight their parents - a heartbreaking read.

[Soontobe60]

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This broke my heart to read. The impact a child who chooses to declare themselves the opposite sex has on their mother in particular is brutal. I cannot imagine a world where my children would demand that I change my own history to bow to their indoctrination.

It’s not about control in any shape or form. I’m going through something similar and it is so incredibly difficult and painful. And unless they’ve gone through the exact same thing, other people don’t understand so you feel you can’t be honest about your feelings with anyone.

It’s a lonely place to be.

At the very least I would expect some modicum of curiosity, steel manning or openness to the opposing position.

Did you even read the article? She wasn't allowed to ask questions. (The mother is a psychologist, as she mentions in part 1, so that's what she's referring to when she talks about her 'professional life'.)

Healthcare carries a particular moral meaning for me. I have spent my own professional life believing that clinicians should be curious, cautious, thoughtful about complexity, empirical, and alert to the possibility that the first explanation for suffering may not be the best or whole explanation. I believe those ethical obligations were not only not fulfilled but violated, and so I don’t experience it merely as disagreement. I experience it as betrayal.

That is where sadness becomes anger. I was barely allowed to express concerns, let alone ask too many questions. I pleaded for time and reflection, but I could not investigate. Ultimately, I had no control. She is a young adult. The decisions belonged to her and the medical doctors.

And eventually even my questions became part of the indictment against me. And that may be the cruelest paradox of all. The instincts that had constituted motherhood for almost two decades - to notice, question, protect, investigate and worry - were now interpreted as evidence that I was “unsafe”.

I found myself in an impossible bind. To remain close, I felt I had to stop asking the questions or expressing the concerns I believe a mother ought to.

It's the new word for troll.

But I do know people with trans children in my childrens year groups

Are these your “children who are adults now”? Have they been held back?

'Male' and 'female' are biological signifiers. If you were " born male" then you will always be male. Sex is determined at conception, not at birth, anyway.

And so you pick the obviously wrong side of the argument to give your debating skills more a challenge?

This is disingenuous bollocks. We’re not talking about someone taking on a new nickname or adopting some new interests in adulthood they didn’t have in childhood, but in them being “reborn” as a new person who regards the old self as “dead” and something shameful/unspeakable.

It’s like you’ve not actually seen any of this in action.

Operation Let Them Speak still working well then 😁

I love these threads as they’re excellent to link friends to. I hardly need to say anything myself. All the work has been done for me 😂

Being gender non-conforming isn’t delusional. Believing it makes you the opposite sex is, though. And punishing the people who love you for knowing it is self-harming.

How telling to describe oneself as a something pervert. No woman would ever use that term, and probably no parent. I think Troll is a better word.

Changing your birth certificate is just so wrong. Your sex is observed at birth (not assigned) according to well accepted physical and medical criteria. If you grow up preferring to function in society as the opposite gender, fine, but it doesn't change your sex. Occasionally the observed sex is wrong - usually because of some physical ambiguity, but this is extremely rare; most trans are not observed incorrectly, they just 'feel' differently. Changing your sex on your birth certificate is to deny fundamental physical reality, impacting correct medical treatment through out your life. Pretending to have external physicality of the opposite sex doesn't change this fundamental fact. Even hormones can't give a man periods anymore than they can give a woman a prostate.

If both/all genders were treated as fully equal of course, then this problem wouldn't arise as it wouldn't matter which you were. Sadly, we don't have full gender parity in any society. Maybe one day?

It’s amazing that all this was glommed onto by the ‘progessive’ Left. The deeply individualistic ‘It’s my way or the highway and fuck anybody caught up in and injured in my blast radius’ is really quite right wing, just with extra glitter. ✨

I think that some of the scolders we get don't have any skin in the game they are just arguing the contrary point for their own amusement in the most pedantic way possible. One of them doesn't confine themselves to FWR & is just as obnoxious & argumentative on every other thread they contribute to in AIBU etc. It's an odd hobby.

Boom.

But apparently a parent - a parent happy to describe themself as a p**vert. Astonishingly unaware.

They want people to read them as the opposite sex and be referred to as such. Most people can manage that or at least make an effort to.

Do you seriously think that a parent can manage to read their child as the opposite sex? If we pretend to do so, we destroy our own integrity, but that is the demand placed on us. What do you think of an ideology that requires people to lie to themselves? It's all good?

Its funny when TRA say trans people have always existed, like it some big revelation. We know, there have been songs written about you, we couldn't fail to spot you in safeways.

Didn't they see the girls who used to self harm, become anorexic, develop deep infatuation with pop stars. Didn't they see the girls who were Tom's boys?

Its the adult men, who we all noticed, that were transvestites and transexuals. They are the ones who prompted the diagnoses, the surgery and drugs.

The shock was when the girls presented in clinics. In all the history of the world, we never called teen girls transvestites and transexuals. We never linked the two.

Because nobody with good intentions and a clear head would force team teen girls with adult men. Its not an innate condition shared by the two is the stuff of enquiries in 30 years time where lessons will be learnt.

Yes, and that is because the whole concept of someone having a 'gender Identity' stems from post modernistic concepts of the self ( including Queer Theory) which state that the only truth is the the truth of your own experience; that reality can be changed by re-defining, and re-naming, truth. That we can all be whatever we want to be.

It really is the apotheosis of the culture of the individual aligned with a type of excessive self focus/naval gazing/narcissitic self focus. "Be your best self", " My true self". The whole 'identity' industry in which people have to attach a label to themselves to signify to others who they are creates a very fragile sense of self because it is so dependent on others validating it - and of course, other people inevitably don't because they also have their 'own truths'.

Meanwhile there are some core and stable truths that do exist beyond the individual's personal construction of reality - and they are the ones that have common consensus and have endured for most of time. The shape and contours of these truths are pretty universal.

Contemporary cultural factors which encourage Narcissism

• Individualism: Cultures in the West place a high value on personal independence, self-promotion, assertiveness, and individual achievement, crossing the line from healthy self-esteem into grandiosity and self-absorption.

• Social Media and Digital Culture: Platforms focused on personal branding, "selfies," and constant validation of 'identity' encourages surface-level attention-seeking and a lack of empathy for others.

I note that the only possibility you mention is that their parents gave the children a dysfunctional childhood. There are many more influences on a child than their parents. Mine did their best with me; they weren't perfect parents, but they were 'good enough'. My problems in life have not on the whole been down to my parents, whatever Philip Larkins may have thought.

The other non sequitur is that you seem to have translated 'some trans children had a dysfunctional childhood' as 'all trans children had a dysfunctional childhood'.

Children often make choices that make their parent's sad, but that doesn't mean they are doing anything wrong by living their own lives. My mil was devastated we didn't want to live on the same estate as her. My dm tacitly disapproves of how we parent. They both had mental images of how their dc would be, but I'm a real person with my own wishes and desires. I shouldn't have to sacrifice my life to fit in the the imagined life our parents dreamed of.

I don't see how it's any different with a trans child. I can absolutely understand that the realization that your dc is going to lead a radically different life than you imagined is painful. But, they aren't doing anything wrong. It's their life to live. I just don't think dc have to sacrifice themselves on the altar of parental obligation.