The Bluestocking Women's Pub, in which we wait excitedly for the next instalment of Gosie's adventures. Gosie, Glass and the Gerbils' Dilemma.

[AsWithGlad]

Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5559589-the-bluestocking-womens-pub-in-which-gosie-returns-to-the-trail?page=1

Welcome to The Bluestocking, the best (perhaps only) online women's pub. Nothing in the food or drink can harm you, everything is served by a very enthusiastic crew of gerbils, and any curious menfolk are welcome at the Staunch Ally down the road.

Edith, you had me worried about Batshit discovering being 'dignified' ....Bats.!!....nooooooooooo!!! 😱
So the wall of death gallop around the garden came as a great relief😀

The theory about dogs and their owners' personalities is interesting.

Rum, I'm going to get all WiseWoman-ish and suggest that the phone call from your DN was only partly about the YouTube documentary about ravens - it was also a vehicle for getting in touch with the auntie he used to be close to, letting her know that he still thinks about you
'Aunt Rum, I'm just phoning you to tell you I'm thinking of you' might be a bit...soppy, but 'Hey Auntie Rum, I thought of you when I saw this thing on YouTube!' fulfils the same function without the ..soppiness😁

Just wondering if there is anyone on here who might have some advice re DD. Don’t want to sour the tone here or start a thread as that will lead to the loons coming out. Briefly DD had bad year 1 - bullied in y1 in halls (very drunken party flat, often 20odd strangers arriving from 2am to party in the kitchen, next to her room, a flatmate parading in kitchen topless and sexualised behaviours towards gay male flat mate, referred to as ‘the retard’ loudly by guests outside her room); uni residents team did nothing other than arrive mid parties and scratch their heads. Would not let her out of the lease. She then fell out with her only friend - a trans man who was frankly batshit and bloody nasty. All very traumatic and, not very strangely, she had a depressive/anxiety episode, fell behind etc. Anyway, I have supported her deferring y2 so that she can have a catch up year to do the outstanding assignments, re do Latin, and rejoin diff cohort, staying with dad, but suggested that she do an art Foundation course for fun and to keep some structure as she is wondering whether to just apply to a diff uni to do comic art/illustration next year. She is very low, feels a failure and I am pretty much just winging it.

Anyway - don’t need to reply here, but if anyone has some advice and suggestions they could DM me I’d be really grateful.

It sounds like you have given her the right support, @AnonyMumAuDHD - I wish I had advice that might help, but I’m sending you and her lots of love.

Sending support @AnonyMumAuDHD. Have DMed you.

Ditto

Sounds very hard and stressful for her @AnonyMumAuDHD. Sounds like you made the best decision in the circumstances. Sympathies.

I have an art degree. Blooming hard work (lots of compulsory studio time) but if you're doing what you love, it's not work.

Poor DD- I hope she finds her tribe very soon.

I think that’s what the issue was - she hoped to find her tribe and gave out that ‘desperate’ vibe that people find a bit intense? And she is, erm, a bit intense, but maybe a year of therapy now she is willing to engage and initiated it herself, plus meds, and a PT job of some sort will help with that. She is a bit unsocialised after covid and her MH issues. 😢

I am hoping that joining a different cohort next year or applying to art school to do something completely different may help.

On a lighter note - what the hell happened to my promised rain??!! My Annabelles are just about hanging in there; the rhodos appear to have had a Lazarus moment after looking as though they were about to cark it (days of watering with a can); for some reason the lupins just keep coming back; the grass is still vaguely green tinted (if you don’t look too closely), as I had a system in the lead-up to the TUB and have been bloody-mindedly hand watering it by quadrant until my water butt registered empty - DH actually came close to crying when the lawn died during our annual holiday last year as dog sitters forgot to water it so trying to keep it vaguely alive for the few days he is home each month now with his new job. Realise I must love him really…

I wanted just a couple of hours of rain!!! Some promised later in the week, but not holding my breath…

waves

It came on her as I was driving home from the gym. The trick appears to be to tell yourself that you're going to do a bit of work in the garden when you get home.

@AnonyMumAuDHD No real advice, I'm afraid, but deferment sounds like a good option. Will give the breathing space needed and also time to find better accommodation?

Lol - I needed to out-psych the weather? Right, so am going to tackle the weeds later… 🤞

And yes - I answered one post before I'd read the rest. Erse for elbow as per usual for me.

Sympathy to her, that kind of thing is always upsetting and worse when you're young. My advice for this year would be to do the most general art foundation course she can, NOT a specific illustration or comic art course. She needs maximum flex and the ability to pivot towards something she may not even be able to imagine at this stage. Techniques and skills and hard work that can take her to lots of different places. Staying with her dad sounds sensible too, at least for the first term, possibly for the year.

I don’t know if this helps but while there were people I got on with at university, I didn’t really find my tribe until I was an adult, came out as lesbian & discovered feminism.

They were SO worth the wait.

We have accommodation covered as she can live with dad (new job based, ironically, 10mins from her campus, so has a flat almost over the road) but I do think a year to recalibrate is ideal. I just hope she doesn’t see it as step 1 in giving up. She got 45/45 distinctions in her Access Diploma last year and was so optimistic that I am gutted for her. So much of the experience of uni is based on peer group/flat mates. She does accept she may have been prickly and that her aspie presentation can be off-putting (well, that, and her arms are very very scarred from self-harming and I think she is beginning to realise that people are alarmed by these and draw conclusions).

Have just found that her generation actually seem to be the most judgemental, unforgiving and unkind. Perhaps SM driven, or covid, or some strange social phenomenon. No idea.

Or, perhaps, just not enough Tunnocks, or book-nooks, or knitting or gerbils…

Poor kid. Sounds like the accommodation was a lot of the problem. ‘Student flats’ for freshers lumped with random strangers sounds like a bad concept. Living with her dad might work better - hopefully would then be able to find her tribe (or at least some compatible friends) among her course mates or via clubs/societies.

ETA this was a crosspost with the one just before it. #BeKind isn’t evenly applied, it seems - though sounds like your DD unfortunately landed among a particularly unpleasant group.

I know. It's hot again here (28°) and everything in the garden is brown and crispy. The washing up water is barely keeping things alive. The forecast says maybe Thursday for a shower. Yeah, yeah, heard that before.

I think she is lesbian, but very shy and socially awkward… definitely showing signs of latent yet ardent feminist tendencies, so maybe that will come soon! She did once say that she just hoped to have a little cottage, shared with a pretty kind girlfriend, some cats or dogs and be able to draw all day for a living. At the time I said that sounded like a perfect lovely dream to have and one she absolutely should expect to achieve one day. I’ll even come over the walk the dogs and water her rhodos!!

I agree. DD deferred her second year (reading law) after a very stressful time and went off on an archaeological dig in France for a month or two as well as having a really good rest. Went back a year older and more mature and made a really good job of the rest of her course.

Love this - I’d have loved to go on a long dig (did one for my work experience at 15 on a dig where Heathrow terminal 4 is now situated).

@AnonyMumAuDHD

She had a great time. Very hard work, but she got very basic board and lodging, improved her French and made friends and it was the complete change she needed.

Finding your tribe is a big myth anyway, as you grow up you make friends from a huge range of ages and backgrounds, and the thing you need most is to be able to offer something to them. A positive personality, enough resilience not to get walked over, life skills like food preparation, and something to work at.

If she does an art foundation year maybe she should do some specialist training (on the job if necessary) in archaeological illustration and then do those few years on digs. At that stage if she returns to her original field of study she'll have the strength to survive it.

Apropos of nothing in particular, I'm sitting here with the windows open (cloudy but still hellish here), and can hear a thrush industriously reducing the local snail population. I'm impressed it's able to find any!

Agree. Severe dearth here of insects, snails, slugs and most things that birds want to eat. Hopefully, if we get the promised rain I've just seen in our forecast this may improve.