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Original poster

Help! Son (13) with severely mental health issues thinks he is trans.

56 replies

Camille2906 · 24/06/2026 09:37

Please help me with my want-to-be-trans-child as I am more and more freaking out as his mother. As English is not my mother tongue, please excuse andy mistakes.

I am the mother of a nearly 14 year old boy who thinks he is transgender and wants to be a girl for one year now. Until now he has only socially transited outside of our home and any medication is not planned at all.

All of it started when he became suicidal and diagnosed with depression because of severe bullying at school. He is also profoundly gifted (IQ is 145), has diagnosed ADHD and probably some autistic traits (autism was ruled out). He has been quirky for his whole life and has never really fit in for the most of his life. We now that the idea of being transgender got introduced to him online (reddit, discord, roblox) where he was encouraged pretty much and praised for being trans. We have never affirmed him at all at home but we tell and show him everyday how much we love him as he is without insisting too much that we think all this transgender thing is nonsense and that he is still a boy. I still try to tell him my personal opinion quite often because I desperately hope, that this way, I will be louder than the trans activists. We also completely restricted his internet access since he came out and control what he is doing (he knows about it). So no more reddit, discord, anime, roblox and so on.

Since a week he is in a children- and youth psychiatric clinic for a stationary treatment as he is still suicidal despite all the therapies we did for the last 12 months. This was absolutely necessary.

But I am freaking out about the social transition. In his new school nearly everyone was absolutely fine with his wish to be called Luna and not Felix. And also in the clinic they respect this wish and call him Luna though he still has to be in a shared room with a boy and use the boys facilities. He bought himself some skirts from his pocket money but he doesn’t have them in the clinic. I explained to him that his time there is about healing and not about wearing skirts all the time because I am not there.

Because I am so scared of his future I told him what it really means to be a trans woman, about the surgeries, the lifelong medication and the risks and I even showed him videos of weirdo trans women fetishists. So now he doesn’t want to do anything medical anymore and changed from trans girl to demi boy and thinks he is gay (I’m fine with being gay!). That’s what he told me but I can’t believe him. He still doesn’t want to let go of this stupid girl name and tries to wear girl clothes whenever he can. Yesterday I visited him in the clinic and the girls made him his hair (he has long hair).

Sorry for the chaotic writing but my worries are eating me up more and more. The more I research about all this gender ideology the more I freak out.

His former therapist didn’t affirm him, also just the name thing…, and worked with the waiting approach. She told me that she thinks he has a huge identity crisis because he never fit in. Also she thinks that he is running away from the trauma of bullying in his old school by getting rid of this person and being someone else.

I am so lost. How should I go on with my son. I love him so much and I just can’t sit there and wait. So if anyone has some advice for me I would be quite happy.

Thank you for reading this long post!

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · Yesterday 09:17

maybeibelongamongthestars · Yesterday 04:12

Hello. What exactly do you mean by "medical things"? Do you even know what it is like to transition? There's no need for sugeries (for the most part) and even if wanting to go to this point, I don't know about how it's like in Germany but I know that, at least in France, all costs are paid by the governement. So maybe that is the case as well in Germany. Though, despite how much painful it was to read some of the posts and despite that me saying that might expose me to haters but as a trans person, first of all, de-transitioning cases are about below 1% of trans people. Please don't shove your own fear into your children, of course if you keep telling them about that, it must be extremely scary. Taking estrogen would do more than just body changes so if they are taking it, if they at first referred to themselves as "trans-femme" then it's giving me the impression that ending up to considering themselves a demi-boy instead could have been because of you? Or maybe to make it easier to you. Or maybe the fear of really going through transitioning BUT if they got to even consider transitioning or if they'd even have a chosen name, then, that definitely sound like being transgender. Cis(non-trans) persons doesn't get to want to transition. Also I do not know if by mental illness, you're referring to this but I sure hope that it's not the case. I wouldn't be surprised if people came to contradict me on it since transphobes love to do everything they can to be a nuisance to a kind of persons they doesn't understand. Also, I did see that in some messages, someone talked about how they thought that the gender one was assigned at birth defined what they are forever and that is wrong. hormone replacement therapy or HRT for short will not only make physical changes. It does that though but these are only bonus. Into MtF, it will give natural breasts for example but before anything, it will rewrites someone's brain chemistry. I did experience it myself. At the beginning, I even got to think that I was suddenly broken as my brain switch from being "male" to being "female". So, please don't think or make your daughter(or son if you'd prefer to call them that) of anything different, I don't know about whatever researches you might have gone through, if you found topics made by transphobes etc, there, i'll be real and explain from the perspective of a person that did it or joined a community of other trans persons. I'm not gonna say that, transitioning is all magical and enjoyable, no. The brutal truth is, this hurt like nothing can hurt you more and when a person go as far as doing this, it's because they HAVE to. It's because it's who they truly are, we don't 'want' to become trans. We ARE trans, it's inside of a person from the start, they just notice the signs one by one. Also, this takes up to 10 years for all the body changes and to fully transition. Also, considering that cis persons cannot understand how it's like to be trans since they didn't go through all that, it can become more and more scary to even interact with cis individuals because, for example having cis friends, trying explaining a situation from your non-cis perspective, they can only understand the cis person pov which most of the time can only make it more painful if they were venting to a friend for example. Trying to understand something that you cannot is the worse mistake someone can do, it can sounds illogical but the best thing to do is just to accept them as they are, no matter what they feel like being. Still loving them and letting them express it and not bottling up it to just adapt to what you think they should be. Like I wrote a bit upper too, it can take up to around 10 years and a lot of us tend to procrastinate until one day when we decide to finally embrace our true selves. I have even seen persons transitioning at 60+. I personally have procrastinated until 30 even though I did know from being around 20. So if they do it now, then by the time they are a grown-up, they will be how they really feel considering that it is how they really feel. Otherwise, if certain factors like for example the fear you might have put into them by talking about detransitioning cases which, like I said are <1% of us, maybe they will be bottling it up and still do it many years later while already being part of the society, eventually having a work etc. And in the middle of that, having to transition there, in the middle of everything. Also making friends that most likely could stop wanting to interact with them whenever they'd come out as a trans person. So, as a parent, what you should be doing is not to worry about them being indoctrinated because it's not how it works. If someone tried convincing you to become a man, you wouldn't even like the idea, right? There can be doubts, though. Another thing is, if they were considering themselves lesbian and a transfem, then it's exactly that. Transwomans are transwomans. They're not mans. They're not womans either. If you are worried about that they might get in trouble, it would be even worse if they ended up doing it themselves or without a doctor. Some choose this way while living in countries where it is even dangerous for their own safety to come out as trans. If you really care and love for your children, then accept whatever they are. That is as simple as that. Try your best at guiding them without your own personal opinion, you have to make sure that what they want is really what they want and not to fit to what fears they might have now. Also, if ever the genetic of being assigned male at birth worries you or them because for example facial hair, for example, the use of a "foil shaver" can help a lot in reducing gender dysphoria. There's also laser/electrosis for hair removal with laser being semi-permanent (lasts the longest) and electrosis being permanent and the really biggest part of medical things is facial feminization surgery. Or top surgery. Some even goes to bottom surgery but even without any of these, it is still very possible to look feminine. Generally transwomans tend to start coming out as fem after around 1 year - 1 and a half year of HRT though at this point, they might look feminine but not yet able to pass like any other ciswoman, by transitioning while being older and having more self awareness, it might be more painful. We can have to wait for a minimum of 2-3 years to start looking at least really feminine. The very rough part of transitioning is not even that. It's not about feminizing your face, your appearance or other. It's feminizing your voice. It can be very difficult. Even doctors supposed to help with that can give wrong guidance from what I have heard. There are a lot of steps, a lot of mistakes to avoid as well. Having to learn to work your larynx, to learning to use something we call "resonance". Having to learn to speak in a feminine voice, to not try too hard to go in a high pitch too, to learn to soften your voice. To practice 'voice fry' and to learn about speaking in a more feminine way. It's a very rough life but it's not one that trans people 'choose' because, even myself as one, I sincerely wish sometimes I could just be cis. I don't wish for all this pain to happen to anybody else but in the end of transition, there is the happiness of being who a person truly is. So that can be worth it if it is really what they feel like they are.

I am so very sorry but you have been told a lot of things that may be comfortng to you but they aren't really true. The 1% regret statistic is long out of date and is based on misunderstandings and on missing data.

Suppressing testosterone and putting exogneous hormones like oestrogen into your body will certainly have significant mental and cognitive effects but they don't really make your brain female. That's a huge over-simplification to the point of being a misrepresentation.

Some people do achieve happiness through transition. I hope you are one of them. But the numbers who don't achieve happiness and do regret are much higher than 1% (and of course it is impossible to "detransition" after surgery, there is no way to re-attach a penis.) One key thing you said is: "in the end of transition, there is the happiness of being who a person truly is." But in reality there is no "end of transition". The fact there is still something more you that want to do should give you pause. There will always be something else because your body is not female, the results of medication and surgery barely look (or sound) female and they certainly don't function the way female bodies do. You will always be living with that discontent and discomfort. A high proportion of people who try medical transition eventually decide that being "trans" and trying to medicalise doesn't help with their discontent or their discomfort. And that all they have achieved is deeper discontent and worse discomfort in a body that's now been permanently changed and damaged and can't be repaired. From a physically functioning male body to a body that does not function well as either sex. Don't compare yourself to the very late transitioners, to the cross-dressers and AGPs who only decide much later in life that they are "really" women. Their trajectory is not yours.

I understand that you can't just "be cis". You may always experience some level of discomfort. But there really are less risky ways to cope than what you're doing.

I wish you good fortune and hope your choices continue to make you happy.

anyolddinosaur · Today 07:14

You dont have to quote a wall of text to reply to someone and it doesnt help anyone.

There is a court case going on at present where a man who wants to believe he is female is demonstrating very well that transition can damage your mental health. The Finnish study showed that adolescent transition does not improve mental health and can make it considerably worse. A sensible parent will do what they can to discourage transition.

WarriorN · Today 07:19

Shortshriftandlethal · 24/06/2026 11:28

Maybe because it will be mainly girls who attend ( I imagine).

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Male Ballet dancers are some of the strongest males around

Shortshriftandlethal · Today 08:26

WarriorN · Today 07:19

Male Ballet dancers are some of the strongest males around

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Yes, i know...they have to be to lift up their female counterparts.

SwirlyGates · Today 10:33

@maybeibelongamongthestars "transphobes", "cis"...

If you want to discuss with us, don't insult us.

HellishPersona · Today 18:38

"I even showed him videos of weirdo trans women fetishists."
You showed your 13 year old videos of what???

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