DS’ school collecting money for Stonewall: how to respond?

[NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoByAgain]

Email from his secondary school today that they are holding an own clothes day fundraiser to collect money for the charity Stonewall.

I really don’t want to go in heavy handed because a) I think it’s more powerful to change things with calm explanations than ranting, and b) I am assuming it’s coming from a place of ignorance not prejudice and c) I don’t want to make things difficult for my DS… but please help me draft an email setting out why this is a wholly inappropriate “charity” for a school to support? With links to evidence if possible! TIA

Interesting. The charity I’m describing is Stonewall (pre 2009) of course.

Stonewall helped legalise gay marriage despite its historical opposition which wasn't based on bigotry but because they viewed it as a patriarchal oppressive institution designed to enforce rigid gender roles.

In any case the OP is referring to Stonewall the present charity not Stonewall the symbol of historic uprising.

Having discussed it with Ben Summerskill at the time they were not his main reasons, though of course some gay people did/do think that.

Cool is misrepresenting.

The OP is merely informing the HT of concerns and asking for a change. She is not deciding for other parents, the HT has the decision.

Also I note Cool has not responded to the fact that Stonewall's guidance to schools is incorrect in law.

You could simply point out that Stonewall has suffered from serious mission drift given that LGB people are completely equal to everyone now, and have in fact lost the support of mainstream lesbian and gay organisations by only focusing on "trans" issues, which are completely different and have not been respectful towards women and girls, in spite of laws that protect women's same sex spaces.

Cool is misrepresenting.
The OP is merely informing the HT of concerns and asking for a change. She is not deciding for other parents, the HT has the decision.

Why doesn't she just let the parents decide for themselves if they want to abstain?

She want's to pressure the school into not even giving them a choice.

Also I note Cool has not responded to the fact that Stonewall's guidance to schools is incorrect in law.

As is the Catholic church's but that's got buggar all to do with whether their charity is worth giving to.

Your thread is being derailed by CoolforKats but you are completely right about this, stand firm and send the email.

@SingleSexSpacesInSchools nice one

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoByAgain, both Transgender Trend and Safe Schools Alliance have resources for parents who want to raise the issue of a school’s relationship with Stonewall.

This.

Given that government departments and the BBC left Stonewall's scheme due to impartiality concerns, I fail to see why schools who are also supposed to be impartial are still thinking they are an appropriate charity for whole school donation days.

It almost feels like the school is doing a two fingered salute at that and being belligerent in a teenage way. Which is all kinds of not ok.

This is also why I have an additional generic no name email address so I can raise concerns without it directly being associated with my child's surname or the email they have on file for communications.

Definitely raise your concerns.

Of course The Labour Party are on that list, but it's interesting that the Lib Dems aren't. Look at all those NHS trusts and universities though

You could simply say parents have a range of views on which charities they are happy to support, and suggest donations to the PTA should always be available as an alternative.

Sounds like all the parents weren't consulted though with this choice. That's what I love about TRAs. It's hard to impress people these days, but the TRA ability for hypocrisy is genuinely impressive!

This seems an appropriate place to remind posters/parents of the current workings of Stonewall and their partners:

Coming soon to a school near you
Firstly, their newly-announced partnership (June 2026) with the (formerly very controversial) Diversity Role Models (see MN thread

Diversity Role Models and Stonewall: coming soon to a school near you (June 2026 announcement) | Mumsnet

and background to them (from 2024 and 2020 -some of this information may be very upsetting!)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5036673-diversity-role-models-charity

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womensrights/3943889-Asda-partners-with-Diversity-Role-Models-and-gets-angry-response-to-love-has-no-age-limit-message-Edited-by-MNHQ-at-OPS-REQUEST?utm_campaign=thread&utmmedium=appshare

It's going to be something to watch out for, especially with the new RSHE from September 2026. Anyone with school-age children especially, be aware of this. OP, this is the kind of partnership that Stonewall is endorsing, with an organization that has a very dodgy past.

and secondly

Stonewall's new Proud Employers scheme (replacing Stonewall Champions Workplace Equality Index from 2025)

'Educate, motivate, and inspire lawmakers' - Stonewall's New 'Proud Employers' scheme and strategy | Mumsnet

I will update both threads as I find new information.

There’s such an ethical issue with these fundraiser non-uniform days, no matter what the charity.

Peer pressure, visibility of kids whose parents can’t or won’t contribute.

Charitable giving shouldn’t be like this

Because of a very motivated activist teacher, most likely.

A lot of them are rife with corruption.

Which is why schools would be much better off to do school related fundraising. How about school lunches for kids in need? Library books,?

And it’s happening during Pride month.

I think I'd just ask if the school was happy to support a charity that said same-sex attraction was akin to racism.

There will be same-sex attracted (aka homosexual) people at the school who might find it hard to speak out if they're being assumed to be 'racists'.

I can't remember what I said in an email to my DD"s
single-sex (!) school when they chose Stonewall as a charity, but they did rapidly backtrack and choose another charity instead. I suspect I wasn't the only parent who emailed.

So do you think I should not have written to my children’s school about my concerns with their Xmas box collection?

The boxes were for children in refugee camps, a very worthwhile cause I’m sure we’d all agree.

Apart from the fact that the Christian charity was adding religious materials to the boxes and excluding children who didn’t attend their “bible” classes. Essentially using the boxes for proselytising.

I’m pleased to say the following year the school teamed up with a local organisation who gave gift boxes to children in hospitals, hospices, in care or living in poverty.

But perhaps I should have kept quiet, made my children feel bad every year because they weren’t joining in despite the regular encouragement from the school.

To be fair, I was quite vocal in the playground as to why we were not donating that first year so I suspect i was not the only one to contact the school.

My children’s high school took the approach that it was a voluntary donation. Probably because the catchment area included very low income families.

What a silly false comparison. The context here isn't problematic conditions attached to fund raising that obviously shouldn't be approved but whether a charity's values should exclude them from school fund raising.

@CoolforKats

whether a charity's values should exclude them from school fund raising.

My thoughts exactly, hence my post about Stonewall's recent announcement of its partnership with Diversity Role Models.

I wonder what goes on behind the scenes when the leaders at Stonewall think this is a good expression of their "values."

And why they think anyone of us should be supporting them through charitable giving at a secondary school.