DS’ school collecting money for Stonewall: how to respond?

[NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoByAgain]

Email from his secondary school today that they are holding an own clothes day fundraiser to collect money for the charity Stonewall.

I really don’t want to go in heavy handed because a) I think it’s more powerful to change things with calm explanations than ranting, and b) I am assuming it’s coming from a place of ignorance not prejudice and c) I don’t want to make things difficult for my DS… but please help me draft an email setting out why this is a wholly inappropriate “charity” for a school to support? With links to evidence if possible! TIA

Why do you consider Diversity Role Models not to be a good expression of Stonewall's values?

You obviously aren't reading all of the recent posts on this thread, including my own at 10.12. In a nutshell, Diversity Role Models have, in the recent past (2020 and 2024), been very "suspect."

If you're actually interested, you can read the following (which was in my post at 10.12):

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womensrights/5537528-diversity-role-models-and-stonewall-coming-soon-to-a-school-near-you-june-2026-announcement?page=1

If you're not interested, don't care, or can't be bothered, then please don't lecture the rest of us on charitable "values."

ps. I actually think that Diversity Role Models might be a perfect representation of Stonewall's values as a charity!

Most of the first page of the thread are rants rather than substance so I'm not going to waste my time. That you can't quantify in a few sentences what the problem is speaks volumes.

CoolforKats But please by all means go full steam right ahead & wave that authoritarian freak flag proudly

A flag? there's an 'Authoritarian Freak Flag'? Who knew?

But yeah, I mean, why shouldn't authoritarian freaks have their own flag, everybody else has.
I wonder what month is it flown over my local town hall?

This x 1000.

It really doesn't, but interesting to see that you would rather make up your mind through some kind of osmosis rather than reading the background to the controversy surrounding this organization.

That's fine. For parents and teachers who actually want to know and understand the background, so they can do further reasearch if they deem it necessary, the information is there.

Depends on how you've interpreted "first page". If your settings are set to 100 posts per page then what you have said is false.

One's personal concepts of words can affect the meaning and validity of what you say. But I'm sure there's no wider application of that observation, so feel free to dismiss it....

Late to the party but lots of stuff here https://sex-matters.org/practical-help/school-check/#accordion-23-item-3

If any policy, lesson, recommended book or poster states or implies that gender theory is fact
The theory that some or all people have innate “gender identities” that may or may not match their sex is contested and lacks a scientific basis. It does not form any part of UK law. Some people may identify as “trans” on the ground that their “gender identity” doesn’t match their sex, but this does not change their sex.
Schools should not be teaching any such controversial theory, or allowing it to shape their policies. All schools are prohibited, by statute, from promoting partisan political views. Recent government guidance on RSE said that schools “should not reinforce harmful stereotypes, for instance by suggesting that children might be a different gender based on their personality and interests or the clothes they prefer to wear. Resources used in teaching about this topic must always be age-appropriate and evidence based. Materials which suggest that non-conformity to gender stereotypes should be seen as synonymous with having a different gender identity should not be used and you should not work with external agencies or organisations that produce such material.”

tbh complaining to your kid's school about them raising money for an LGBT charity won't make them see you in a good light. You'll be known as the Karen parent.

Karen

Nah, more like a Barbara Covett type : YOU OWE ME THIS!

😂

Dear Headteacher,

I see you are raising money for Stonewall. Whilst Stonewall has done some excellent work in the past, I am perturbed at some of their more recent activities.

Stonewall has gone from being an LGB charity to an LGBTQ+ and it is the '+' that worries me.

The '+' can include persons who call themselves MAP, the anagram is for 'minor attracted persons'.

I don't think this is compatible with a school.

Is being a Karen a problem. Isn't it just another male sneer at assertive women.

See thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5534683-fear-of-being-called-a-karen-is-making-me-less-assertive

It’s high time we reclaimed Karen.

Karens rule. Middle aged women who take no shit, rule. Yeah maybe we do need to speak to the manager - so the fuck what?! 😂 What’s the alternative, skulk away apologetically?

Karens kick ass, carry families, work like bastards.

Long live Karens!

Thankfully the university I work for disassociated itself from Stonewall three years ago. A few grumblings from a handful of employees but well received by the majority. I would write back and decline and say why. People need to be informed about Stonewall.

Is this some kind of attempt to silence and shame?

Cos it's not a very good one.

The best way to respond to accusations like this is to ignore and embrace 'being a Karen' because usually the smear is simply a sexist slur from someone who hates women rather than being a reflection on the woman being called names.

'Karen'

Seriously mate, this is the feminist board. You can't shut women down by calling them a sexist slur 😁

OP, the desperate, sexist, and ignorant attempts to on this thread to stop you complaining about Stonewall are all you need to know about whether or not you should.

Honestly, from calling women misogynistic names to shut them up, to moving the goal posts at such a rate my eyes were swivelling, topped off with if you don't do what I say it means you're the authoritarian and hypocritical one! Not forgetting, it's teaching children a valuable lesson 😁

Keep it up, OP, it's working.

On this thread that Cool was so keen not to discuss, there's some useful information for parents about the new Sex, Relationships, Health Ed guidance for September 2026. This tackles the issue of groups using schools to gaslight children into believing in gender identity etc. Schools are now clearly told that children must not be taught that everyone has a gender identity, that all resources must be shared with parents and other responsible measures that will safeguard children from irresponsible groups.

Also, the new Keeping Children Safe in Education safeguarding guidelines for September are in line with the SC judgment specifying no undressing in front of the opposite sex, single sex toilets must be provided etc.I can't see how organisations like Stonewall who advocate for gender identity as a fact, mixed sex undressing, toilets etc will be able to offer anything relevant and legal for schools?

A shame as some of Stonewall's early materials for schools addressing homophobic bullying were great.

I called out someone who complained on a local facebook page about a "middle-aged Karen" she'd met in the park, saying she was ageist and sexist. I got a lot of love from actual Karens in the group.

Given that two successive heads of Stonewall have described same sex attraction as a genital fetish, condemned lesbians who won’t have sex with TiM as sexual racists and run courses to help TiM get over the cotton ceiling I think this school already are.

If people believed that at all they would encourage their children to publicly push back in any situation where their values were being compromised. But we all know that they don't. In fact what they mostly teach is self preservation.

Utter cowardice.

Common, yes; but that doesn't make it right.

Imagine if Annie Kenney had taken that attitude. Or Jane Austen. Or Lydia Poët. Or Violet Szabo. Or Marie de Gournay (original or the poster, take your pick). Or Harriet Tubman. ...

I actually think this is simple.

For a school campaign, why choose any charity that will be controversial with the school body? No matter how good a cause?

Like, would anyone think that an sensible choice would be a pro Palestinian group?

Not likely, it would be too divisive.

Any decent and reasonable person tries to avoid politicising children, whether by encouraging them to push back on values mismatches or by imposing the values mismatch in the first place.

It is wrong for the school to politicise the children by fundraising for Stonewall and OP is right in pushing back herself instead of telling her children to do it.

Food banks aren't trying to remove "sex" from the Equality Act list of protected characteristics. Stonewall are. The argument that food banks aren't the structural solution needed to tackle poverty is irrelevant here.

It's "regressing to the animal kingdom" to say that stripping women of our sex-based rights is a bridge too far?

We are going to need a bigger bingo card.

My parents brought me to scrutinise the claims and motives of everyone asking me for money, whether a charity, a tradesperson, or anyone else. This is a far more valuable lesson than your "bbbeeeee kiiinndd, donate, don't think" message.