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Original poster

DS’ school collecting money for Stonewall: how to respond?

104 replies

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoByAgain · 11/06/2026 20:45

Email from his secondary school today that they are holding an own clothes day fundraiser to collect money for the charity Stonewall.

I really don’t want to go in heavy handed because a) I think it’s more powerful to change things with calm explanations than ranting, and b) I am assuming it’s coming from a place of ignorance not prejudice and c) I don’t want to make things difficult for my DS… but please help me draft an email setting out why this is a wholly inappropriate “charity” for a school to support? With links to evidence if possible! TIA

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 15/06/2026 21:34

CoolforKats · 12/06/2026 04:46

If you are relying on school to teach the lesson of charitable giving them you need to have a word with yourself. School is not the only outlet for charitable giving. You can do so on your own terms quite easily.

It is for a lot of parents who don't know, don't care or don't have the time or money to model it. Children also learn better from personal experiences outside of the home a school can provide.

Indeed I think it's important to learn the lessons of saying no when you feel uncomfortable with something rather than going along with peer pressure and being willing to go against the grain for something you feel strongly about. Charity giving due to this need for conformity or not rocking the boat is not freely giving - it's giving under duress. There's much to unpack in terms of consent.

Then do it consistently or don't do it at all. But I suspect its only when the word 'trans' is in the mix that 'suddenly' it becomes about 'consent'. I'd bet my house that the OP wouldn't be the least concerned otherwise.

I am getting exceptionally frustrated by the sheer number of threads on MN where the OP has a perfectly legitimate and fair reason to say no, but they are frankly too wet to do it. Sometimes at significant personal cost.
It's deeply unhealthy.

This is reality of the human condition though. Most people are always weighing the trade offs of when to speak & when not to so its hardly exclusive to trans rights. We are all individuals after all & as such need to accept our differences if we want to live together. You just can't have it both ways where you can dismiss another's rights to values & expect them to be civil with you.

And its not as if there aren't other avenues to advocate for/against a cause that they need to disrupt the school system's basic responsibility of teaching children about the value of charity & social cohesion.

Ultimately this issue is about framing. It's not selling out your values to accept others have a right to them as well. Now that's a valuable lesson the OP could teach her child about this situation.

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But I suspect its only when the word 'trans' is in the mix that 'suddenly' it becomes about 'consent'.

Nah. My parents were teaching me to say "no" to religious tin shakers when I was at primary. It's far more important to teach kids boundaries than unthinking kindness, especially girls.

It's not selling out your values to accept others have a right to them as well.

They have the right to their values and I have the right to refuse to give money to support their values.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 15/06/2026 21:39

CoolforKats · 12/06/2026 05:47

There was a time when supporting gay/women's/black charities/support groups was out of step with government guidance & policy.

Hiding behind laws as some sort of proof of universal human rights is just illogical particularly given they aren't held consistently in other similar cultures.

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How about that Stonewall support law and policy change that is harmful to children? No child is born in the wrong body, no child can change sex, and no child should be told that they can have puberty blockers etc because these "treatments" are harmful.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 15/06/2026 21:44

CoolforKats · 12/06/2026 06:13

Lot's of religions don't support gay marriage rights in fact many of those religions run schools but that doesn't mean they don't do ethical charity fund raising or that supporting this fund raising is being homophobic or promoting homophobia.

It's as ridiculous as saying attending Catholic mass contradicts one's views on reproductive freedom.

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Except that someone pro-choice is in conflict with the teachings of the Catholic Church, so going to Mass (other than as a non-Catholic non-communion-taking guest at a wedding/baptism/funeral) does contradict one's views on repro rights if one is pro-choice.

Hence why Catholic politicians get criticised by cardinals for voting in favour of abortion rights.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 15/06/2026 21:51

CoolforKats · 12/06/2026 07:28

Cool is misrepresenting.
The OP is merely informing the HT of concerns and asking for a change. She is not deciding for other parents, the HT has the decision.

Why doesn't she just let the parents decide for themselves if they want to abstain?

She want's to pressure the school into not even giving them a choice.

Also I note Cool has not responded to the fact that Stonewall's guidance to schools is incorrect in law.

As is the Catholic church's but that's got buggar all to do with whether their charity is worth giving to.

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Any parent who wishes to donate to Stonewall can do so without the school facilitating it.

You make utterly ridiculous appeals to "consent" that make me think that you don't know what the word means.

I wonder what your argument would look like if a girls' school opted to support Get The L Out?

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