Inside the mind of a non-binary woman

[RogueFemale]

This article popped up on Apple news this morning. A first person account of a woman's experience of feeling she is 'trans' / 'nonbinary'.

It starts off with her saying: "When my date used my correct pronouns, I felt a sudden surge of happiness. ... It was then that I realised how little my identity had been affirmed in my previous relationships with cis men, and how this simple act, which should be the bare minimum, felt monumental."

It was a startling insight into how these people depend so much on someone else's validation and others saying the right words (in this woman's case, "they/them") to support their fragile sense of self. (It's also unclear how pronouns would come up during a one-to-one date).

Anyway, just sharing because it's an honest and revealing account of this woman's mental state.

She's with a trans-identifying-woman now, and seems happy. Well, sort of. "Now, every intimate movement encompasses our transness, whether it’s a ‘no-chest’ day, or a day I feel most comfortable being intimate with a binder on."

It seems like a very roundabout way of being two lesbians.

metro.co.uk/2026/05/12/sex-a-fellow-trans-person-put-off-cis-men-life-3-28322552/

Right.

Then it has as much meaning as me saying I am a Flerbit.

What is a Flerbit, you ask? It's nothing to do with the physical body and it's also nothing to do with traits, clothes, preferences, stereotypes. It's personal. If you are a Flerbit, you just know you are. That's it.

Also, because I am a Flerbit I should be able to play on under-8s sports teams, join primary school children in the classroom and on school trips without needing a DBS check etc. etc.

Ah, you may say, so a Flerbit is something to do with age and someone who thinks they are under 8 years of age? BUT NO! Flerbit and age are separate things!

NONETHELESS, because I am a Flerbit I should be entitled to things that 8 year olds are entitled to.

But not because I think I have only lived for 8 years or appear to be 8 years old or have anything in common with 8 year olds in terms of interests, preferences, feelings or stereotypes.

But because I'm a Flerbit.

Keep up.

Anyway, just trust me (and give me the things).

By your reasoning, prior claiming a trans identity should be taken into account in law, policy and reasoning to exactly the same extent as Flerbits. That it's to say, they have every right to think of themselves as they like, they shouldn't be harrassed or denied housing, service in shops or employment (like any other person holding an unverifable personal belief system) but that's absolutely it.

The idea that you'd work this sort of subjective, undefineable, unverifiable flim-flam belief into legal definitions, reasoning or policy designed to guard against real world harm - much less require anyone on pain of prosecution to respect or join in such a belief - is absolutely bonkers.

(Flerbits unite)

My friends kid had an imaginary brother who was 'blue and lives in Italy' until he was 6.

He's now a perfectly functional teen.

4 year old do indeed say all kinds of shit. They also usually believe in both father Christmas and the tooth fairy. But no, according to some they know they have a different gender 🙄

The idea that you'd work this sort of subjective, undefineable, unverifiable flim-flam belief into legal definitions, reasoning or policy designed to guard against real world harm - much less require anyone on pain of prosecution to respect or join in such a belief - is absolutely bonkers.

This is a comfort. However bonkers a party ends up in government, it's impossible to draft coherent legislation on things you cannot define.

thank god they found each other!

You've reminded me of what Samuel Butler said about Thomas and Jane Carlyle - that it was very good of God to let them marry each other "and so make only two people miserable instead of four."

@TheHereticalOne Flerbit! That's brilliant 🤣

@TheHereticalOne "Ah, you may say, so a Flerbit is something to do with age and someone who thinks they are under 8 years of age? BUT NO! Flerbit and age are separate things!"

Obviously, because age is just a meaningless concept 'assigned' at birth.

I wish I could agree! Woolly, undefined legislation drafted so widely it could be interpreted to mean almost anything is sadly not uncommon in my experience.

Living in a common law system of binding decisions is some comfort but only for as long as the senior courts remain filled with sensible adults.

Oh dear TheHereticalOne. The supposed conversion therapy ban is a prime candidate for ambiguous drafting if that is a thing the drafters can do. We will see...

Respect is another one of those weasel words that does a lot of heavy lifting in this debate.

"I respect other people's pronouns" etc etc.

Respect, we can probably agree, is a universal good.

But if I don't use courtesy pronouns, I have automatically been defined by the people whose belief system I do not share (and privately think is bollocks) as "not respectful", which is a BAD thing to be.

Rather than being able to agree to disagree, their novel language system puts me automatically in the position of either agreeing with them, or being A BAD PERSON.

And this is one of the reasons why I will rail against it.

Where is the respect for me and my beliefs? Where is the kindness to me? Where is the reciprocity?

And that's before we even start to unpick what is meant by "respect"? Treat with respect? Does that mean basic politeness/ kindness? Or does it actually mean 'go along with all my demands"?

Or are we talking about actually holding that person in high esteem? Why? I can't force myself to feel "respect" for views I think are batshit, or for the holder of such views (although I can act "as if" I respect them, I suppose). But I don't want to compromise my integrity.

These are all different possible interpretative of "respect" and its not clear what is being demanded.

Its all linguistic smoke and mirrors.

I'm sure someone will shortly trot along to tell me I'm being paranoid and "we all just want to pee" though.

So just to recap, it's not about masculinity or femininity, it's not about thinking you're actually the opposite sex because transparent's daughter doesn't even like 'blokes'. She wears dresses and traditional female clothing, suffers from misogyny and "forced a world of pink glitter" on trans-parent.

But we have to pretend she's a boy and allow men into women's spaces, otherwise they all suffer terribly, and we're bigots.

And everyone, including trans people have to still use all the biological, transphobic meanings of the words men and women, in order to make the linguistic distinctions necessary to provide special treatment.

I mean, it's reeelly not hard to see why people just go nah ha. Quite loudly.

I know. She just described my childhood and my DDs
It's so nice to know we're special.

Me too.

“ ‘I find women and AFABs – people assigned female at birth – attractive, but don’t think I could have a sexual relationship with one.’

But I thought an AFAB woman who’s become a trans man is no longer a woman Dee? 🤔 So why wouldn’t you fancy “him”, just like you’d fancy any other man? You can’t keep telling us Trans men are men & Trans women are women but have exceptions for when the truth’s inconvenient for you. The TRAs would give you a right telling off for “reducing a person to their genitals” because, as a good trans ally you’re supposed to completely ignore the existence of them. Sounds like you’re only doing the “bare minimum” Dee.

By lumping “cis” women and trans men into the same category you’re basically just admitting its all just pretend, a fantasy that you go along with to satisfy both of your desperate need to be “unique” 🤮

As you’ll see from my PPs on this thread, I have no time for non-binary identities, and do not believe you can change sex. However I draw the line at calling the parent of a trans child ‘abusive’. That is a disgusting thing to say. You have no idea what this mother has been through and you have no idea what you would do if you were in her position. Yeah I’m sure you THINK you know exactly what you’d do, but you’re speaking from a place of privilege, having never been in her situation. A very small minority of people suffer from extreme body dysmorphia, where the only thing that will ease their suffering is “changing sex”, in as many practical ways as possible. The reason behind this is not that relevant - some people believe they were “born in the wrong body”, others believe it’s a mental health disorder (which body dysmorphia is of course). But if you’re a mother whose child’s been telling you she’s a boy since age 4 and you’ve tried to investigate every avenue under the sun to find alternative causes, you’ve seen MH specialists, you’ve gone way past the number of years for it to be a phase. If that child is constantly telling you day after day the only thing in the world that would make them happy is becoming a boy, you’re going to go with it as a last resort. Because if you truly love your child, as most parents do, you would do anything in the world to ease their pain. It’s unfair and ignorant to call this mother abusive, you have no idea what she’s been through.

In January they weren't going through anything, because according to them, the only trans people in their lives were part of their extended family, not their own children.

TransParent's own account, as shown by posts in this thread and others, seems to tell a different story. Her child has not been claiming to be a boy since the age of 4. She does not present as a boy. She does not identify with "blokes". I don't recall any mention of visits to MH specialists (or maybe I missed it). Many posters have asked, again and again, why this mother believes her child is a boy. There has been no answer that makes any sense. And yet she has talked at length of her own issues with gender, and her disappointment at having such a pink and sparkly little girl.

I'm sorry. I started from a position of sympathy, but lost it along the way.

In the face of some quite assertive borderline aggressive posting, she has kept completely calm and polite. She has tried to explain what she sees in her life, she's not trying to convert or shut down anyone else. In the context of other communication by trans activists, I felt it justified thanking her.

The reactions to my post, on the other hand ....

I was going to say something similar, particularly when I read:

1. Dysphoria is eased when trans people are accepted for who they are, regardless of appearance. But in order to be accepted, they often feel forced to look more stereotypically masculine or feminine.

Someone must have made this analogy before, but, if my child 'knew' that he was a talented singer but was actually tone deaf with no sense of rhythm, how far should it be taken? The family nodding along and telling him how wonderful he was if he sang at home? Letting him give concerts at school and insisting all the children and staff that they can do nothing but praise him? Encourage him join a community choir where the only requirement is to turn up and join in and then when he does solos at the concerts everyone claps because it is the polite thing to do? Have you heard of Florence Foster-Jenkins? Have you heard Helen Joyce talk about how much she wanted to be a ballet dancer?

The assertion that ..in order to be accepted, they often feel forced to look more stereotypically masculine or feminine... is to my mind the equivalent of wearing a costume; one which says 'treat me as if I am the opposite sex', particularly when it is accompanied by instructions about which names and pronouns must be used, and most people, out of politeness, will. It still doesn't mean anyone believes they are the opposite sex.

No four year old has the capacity to make such a huge declaration. Only TransMunchausen parents can decide their child is gillick competent at age four and then set their child up for life for an unachievable life.

Meanwhile the rest of us would go "that's nice darling. Of course you are a dinosaur". And smile at their child's innocence and how they were playing in an age appropriate manner for a four year old.

Of course these parents then have to spend their lives doubling down on their declaration and trying to control absolutely everyone around them and their child.

We will indeed. I fear this one is going to be a doozy because they're essentially trying to legislate who can say what to one another. As they can't possibly comprehensively list every bit of speech they'd want to ban, it will have to be drafted widely.

If we're 'lucky' there will be an element of intent (objective or subjective) to 'convert' that has to be proven. If we're unlucky, intent will be irrelevant and the subjective take on the part of the listener or any third party will be paramount.

In either case you can never really be certain whether or not you're breaking the law (but more so in the latter case).

That, to me, is bad law but it's increasingly common as we increasingly seek to regulate how people speak to each other and how people feel.

For some reason I woke up in the middle of the night wondering about Indigo children.

I did get back to sleep again eventually.

Ah, so reasonable as in the way she conducts herself, not reasonable as in the logic of her arguments.
Thanks for clarifying.

Human, like all other mammals, cannot be "non binary" utter narcissistic drivel.

Oh, like when this poster told me to stop talking about this issue when I disclosed about my trauma caused by my abusive TIM ex? Was that full of reason? How I should shut up about this issue as it was obviously “traumatising” me? Yeah… no.