Inside the mind of a non-binary woman

[RogueFemale]

This article popped up on Apple news this morning. A first person account of a woman's experience of feeling she is 'trans' / 'nonbinary'.

It starts off with her saying: "When my date used my correct pronouns, I felt a sudden surge of happiness. ... It was then that I realised how little my identity had been affirmed in my previous relationships with cis men, and how this simple act, which should be the bare minimum, felt monumental."

It was a startling insight into how these people depend so much on someone else's validation and others saying the right words (in this woman's case, "they/them") to support their fragile sense of self. (It's also unclear how pronouns would come up during a one-to-one date).

Anyway, just sharing because it's an honest and revealing account of this woman's mental state.

She's with a trans-identifying-woman now, and seems happy. Well, sort of. "Now, every intimate movement encompasses our transness, whether it’s a ‘no-chest’ day, or a day I feel most comfortable being intimate with a binder on."

It seems like a very roundabout way of being two lesbians.

metro.co.uk/2026/05/12/sex-a-fellow-trans-person-put-off-cis-men-life-3-28322552/

Using someone's correct names and pronouns is a way of saying: it's okay, you can trust me, I am not a violent person, you can relax.

This reminds me of the I AM WHO I SAY I AM placards at trans protests.

The whole thing is a safeguarding nightmare. Have none of them ever heard the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

I bet when these two people grow up and mature a bit they will be happy just being a normal gay couple without all the look at me bullshit.

I’m confused🙃

Well - as everyone is either a man or woman no matter what beliefs they hold it's all a bit theoretical really. The women will have the potential to get pregnant etc and the men have the potential to impregnate a women etc etc etc.

They can call themselves NB as long as they like. As long as they're not demanding that the rest of us adhere to their unusual beliefs all will be well. Once they start imposing their unusual fantasy on others and demanding that we change language and behaviour to accommodate them - then we have issues.

It's all a predator's dream isn't it?

Using someone's correct names and pronouns is a way of saying: it's okay, you can trust me, I am not a violent person, you can relax.

So as long as a man calls me by my correct name and pronouns then he's not going to be violent towards me?

My DD is a gender non conforming lesbian.

Before she even knew she was lesbian, she wasnt "girly". And she was bullied for it. The most common taunt being "you must be a boy". Because girls cant like dinosaurs, or help their dad fix his motorbike, or play rugby, or wrar cargo shorts (or have short hair).

Its made her a very staunch feminist... she should be able to do what she likes, not have to do "girl" things.

At home she got the message she could be who she wants to be. But society was telling her the opposite. I can completely see how girls end up in this place as they are being told they arent doing things "right".

You're safe as long as the man calls you the correct pronoun.....

I won’t lie I’m not bothered by most trans agenda and I never wasted my time with it because I often think it’s a made into a massive issue by feelding it with extra attention . Every trans person I go on to meet being a teen or a educated adult ( I do know a doctor and 2 lawyers that are trans ) share the same narrative of being either kids who truly struggled so being trans got them attention or narcissistic from day one who love nothing more but to talk about themselves , 2 of the younger ones I know are also neurodivergent for sure . Why people don’t accept being trans is potentially a mental heath issue is beyond me .

So if a strange man comes up to me in a dark alley and calls me she, I don’t need to worry then? Or if a man corners me in a secluded spot, as long as he doesn’t “misgender” me, I’m perfectly safe?😂😂😂😂😂😂　　you are a funny one aren’t you?

It's crazy isn't it.

Using a person's pronouns is actually IME a way of saying "yeah, whatever, I don't respect you enough to be honest with you"

Using someone's correct names and pronouns is a way of saying: it's okay, you can trust me, I am not a violent person, you can relax.

Are we back to that thing of if we nipped onto the Beast Wing in the cat A men's prisons and did a pronoun training course we could all stop the 12 plus guard unlocks? Were their violent issues due to not checking their victims' correct names and pronouns?

Let's be honest, the word 'violent' here is standing in for resistence. This is essentially a check on 'will you cede the control of this conversation to me on my terms, have you demonstrated your 'safe' submission to me as your superior?'

It comes up again and again in detransitioners' articles, how it was a permanent search to identify who they could control and the language was a fast assessment.

One of my most favorite photos of my daughter was her first day of kindergarten when she picked out the cutest pink frilly outfit and paired it with her favorite Spiderman lunchbox. As a teen some days she goes to school dressed to the nines with full makeup other days she wears baggy sweats. I would have thought she was nonbinary but she thinks gender ideology is nonsense 🤷

Anyone else now singing Shania Twain’s “ Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” ? No? Just me then !

Good for her, my Dds are adults and also think it is nonsense.

I do think it's fascinating that some of the white people who will talk endlessly about white privilege, white comfort, white fragility, etc. will claim to be oppressed and traumatised by other people's use of pronouns.

Perfect!

Just remember (if it ever comes to trial) that if in the meantime he has decided to transition you MUST use his new pronouns or you could be in contempt of court.

Because while him using your preferred pronouns wasn’t quite enough to protect you from his actual violence, using the correct pronouns for him while in court is also actual violence, though strangely enough not violent enough to cause bruising, put him in hospital, give him an std and PTSD for the rest of his life.

Why was the man using her pronouns when he was actually with her? If you are with someone surely you say their name or you?

The non-binary father of three I know is a perfectly pleasant and very intelligent man but hell will freeze over before I ask him about his transition and style choices, for fear of something like this article coming out. Naturally I use his chosen name and if required, his preferred pronouns. I would be no less or more violent if I didn’t though.

Me me me me…YAWN

Methinks "violence" has a rather different meaning in the Righteous dictionary, as does "man/woman/male/female/sex/inclusive/diverse/kind"...

Erm, I'm afraid that isn't the case. Thanks for listening though.

As I've said before, I am a very gnc cis woman. Had two cis boys before raising my third (who turned out to be a trans boy, but was raised as a cis girl). He wore his brother's clothes, fell in with what they wanted to do - and challenged me about what femininity was.

I had zero idea. I can't do trad girl hair, live in jeans and shirts and never wear make-up. Having suffered with a mother who badly wanted me to be a trad girly girl, I was determined to raise this child to be tough, strong, independent and opinionated.

Friends joked things would be reversed and my being gnc would mean I'd have a girly girl. Yep. So I had to learn to live with pink, frills, unicorns, and the rest oh god I had to keep quiet about how I felt. Thankfully my husband learned to do the fiddly hair. Kid 3 was a ballerina, drama kid, gymnast, musician and profoundly good dancer who had auditions at Covent Garden.

And...he's still like that.

He came out to a friend aged 4, and to me nine years later.

Being a trans guy has nothing to do with being gnc, or even being on the feminine/masculine spectrum. He is still extremely feminine, and has not really changed that much. I'm the same too. We just understand each other better these days.

My mum is totally supportive of him, while still complaining I don't try enough to look female - which is brilliant. I say nothing :)

Raising a trans child makes you confront a lot of internalised prejudice about what gender really is. He very definitely explored trad "boy" things - he regularly beats his brothers at games like cricket and air hockey, much to their chagrin - and got constant lectures about feminism, misogyny and sexism. Did all the rough and tumble stuff they did, at playgrounds and home.

He isn't a gnc cis woman, and he isn't a cis man. He is a trans man who's confident enough in his gender to wear what he wants - and a passionate feminist who was always in control of his life, forever showing me which direction was his and walking his own path.

Genuinely, what does "boy" or "man" even mean to you? Why in your view do these words even need to exist at all? What's the actual, meaningful difference between the people who are "boys and men" and the people who are "girls and women"?

What do you consider that your child has in common with male bodied people that makes the word "boy" or "man" appropriate for both the majority of those people and your child?

When you agree that your child is a "boy" what are you saying about all the other people in the world who are also "boys"?

When you agree that your child is not a "girl", what are you saying about all the other people in the world who are "girls"?

Why is it reasonable to have names for trivialities like the different hair colours humans can have, but not for something as fundamental as the different sexes?

Has two older brothers and came out to a friend aged 4