Truly single-sex bra fittings for DD13

[Secretsquirrelshh]

Inspired by threads on here re: mixed sex fitting rooms, I need to find somewhere for DD13 (very shy, incredibly embarrassed by EVERYTHING) to have her first ever bra fitting.

M&S is obviously right out, and we don't have a lovely independent shop anywhere near us.

I see John Lewis no longer enforce single-sex changing spaces.

Does anyone have any recommendations of nationwide stores that do truly single-sex bra fittings?

Do it yourself if it’s that important?

and really - the likelihood of a man being the one to measure in marks or in the changing rooms is all but non existent. Or is the “the point” that means marks is out?

I would like her measured professionally by someone who knows what they are doing, and I would like her to be able to try on a range of bras.

I would like this to happen in a single-sex environment, and I'm keen to garner recommendations from other parents who've been through this. That doesn't feel unreasonable to me, but I would be interested to understand why you you think it is.

I don't understand your last sentence. Could you try it again with some punctuation and coherence?

Bravissimo

Why is it unreasonable to want to go to a shop that sells bras and have a fitting done by a trained (actual) woman in a space guaranteed to be free from men? Especially if you’re an embarrassed adolescent, or in another way feeling vulnerable - post cancer surgery, pregnant, breastfeeding etc. This used to be a perfectly normal thing, and we’d like it back.

M&S have changed their policy. I went to my local store 3 weeks ago, and a transwoman staff member was outside the changing rooms. I braced myself, then stated that I would like a bra fitting. The transwoman immediately said let me get you the bra fitter, and a female member of staff did my fitting

I’m sorry OP I don’t know of any places myself.

Bravissimo only does larger cup sizes.

Do you know that they've changed policy, as opposed to that particular transwoman not being trained in bra fitting?

the chances of a man being in the changing room in marks, or being the one to measure your daughter? So unlikely as to be almost non existent risk. And of by some incredibly chance there is a man being offered up to you daughter to measure or a man in the changing room - you leave. But let’s be honest… the risk is teeny tiny teeny - so is it more “the point” that marks would allow it in theory that leads you to rule out marks?

I'd still recommend John Lewis. The person doing the fitting will definitely be female; and in the unlikley event that the fitter wasn't, I'm sure you would notice that before you got into the cubicle. The bra fitting rooms tend to be separate to the general changing cubicles for clothes fittng.

Not unreasonable at all

But the risk? I mean, just so so small as to be odd to discount the store on the basis of such a tiny risk.

and if there is a man…. Op and dd leaves

I think the issue is not necessarily that there will be a trans woman - I agree the risk is tiny. But the stores that have created unisex changing rooms (including Primark and many others) mean that actually it's pretty bloody likely a man will be in the vicinity and I want this to be a positive, stress-free experience for DD as much as possible. Storming out halfway through because we hear a man come in to try on a pair of jeans isn't conducive to a relaxing experience.

The bra fitting rooms are separate to the general changing areas. I've only ever encountered a man once in the general changing area of my local JL, and never in the bra fitting rooms. They are all individual cubicles, anyway.

Storm out? Ok.

and the changing rooms for bra measuring are in the bra section.

more to the point - throughout my life I have just seen shops sign posting to their “Changing rooms” or “Fittings”. Can’t recall ever “men’s” or “women’s”. So presumably means unisex changing rooms have been around for decades?

Yep

How many transwomen are employed by M&S that they have to be by the changing rooms where women will be undressing, and where they will have to have conversations about their breasts, etc, with the fitter, knowing that there is a man dressed as a woman just outside who may be able to overhear?

Unfair to force a woman to discuss underwear with a trans identifying male in order to access a fitting service. And how many teenage girls would feel able to do that.

Men and women's clothing tend to be on separate floors in J.Lewis.....and so the changing rooms are necessarily women's changing rooms.

Take a robe or a big cardigan
Choose a stall that is not facing the central area
choose a place with doors not curtains
you stand outside the stall and guard

the chances of a man coming in are slim as the Bra sections generally have their own changing rooms don’t they?

Yes, and they all have doors rather than curtains.

How have we got to the position that women and girls have to take all these precautions just to take part in society and buy clothes?

Trans identifying males get fitted for bras too, by the way.

Yes but doesn’t stipulate MEN’s or WOMEN does it

I would honestly rather have died as a 13 year old rather than allow my mum to fit me for a bra (not that she would have had the faintest idea how). What an odd suggestion.

You storming out wouldn't be relaxing either. You sound very on edge about something that should feel normal. Seriously, I think the male thing is a distraction. What matters is that the person doing the fitting will be female. Having done this in John Lewis with my own DD, I would say that talking through what will happen is the most important thing. My DD was not keen on the idea of having to take her top clothes off and being seen semi-naked by a stranger but I reassured her by saying I understood, that I would be with her, and that the woman doing the fitting would know it was a big thing for a girl the first time.

Well you weren’t close to your mum

And this 13 year (and her mother!) sounds very anxious so might be better

It has never needed to........because up until recently people wouldn't have thought to use the changing rooms of the 'other sex' and which have always been located on another floor.