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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Has anyone left their spouse over GC views / pro-Islam stance

336 replies

PinkTreeFrog · 25/12/2025 13:47

Husband and I could never find common ground on gender critical views and his blindness to the harms of Islam to women. He has an inability to take in information that contradicts his world view. Has anyone left a spouse over this?

OP posts:
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FallenSloppyDead2 · 03/01/2026 11:36

YourDearDreamer · 03/01/2026 01:37

😂😂 airless rooms. Why don't you just say we're locked away in a dungeon. I love it!!

DH visited a UK mosque a few years ago. The women's prayer area was indeed in the basement with no windows and its shabby state was in marked contrast to that of the men's area upstairs. I'll call out misogyny in any institution where I see it.

YourDearDreamer · 03/01/2026 13:13

FallenSloppyDead2 · 03/01/2026 11:36

DH visited a UK mosque a few years ago. The women's prayer area was indeed in the basement with no windows and its shabby state was in marked contrast to that of the men's area upstairs. I'll call out misogyny in any institution where I see it.

So it wasn't you who visited. Just curious how did your dh go and visit the womens side as no man is allowed to enter the womens side. The thing is many mosques are old in some areas. So maybe it was dalipitated. I went to a mosque at the age of 6 to learn. The mosque wasn't a basement. So 1 visit from your 'dh' or my experience who still attends a mosque. Just saying.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 03/01/2026 13:32

YourDearDreamer · 03/01/2026 01:37

😂😂 airless rooms. Why don't you just say we're locked away in a dungeon. I love it!!

That's what makes me laugh about these types of discrimination/bigotry threads - they're all the same and emotive language to convey negative images is one widely played tactic 🙄😁
They do get funny once you see it lol

FallenSloppyDead2 · 03/01/2026 13:37

YourDearDreamer · 03/01/2026 13:13

So it wasn't you who visited. Just curious how did your dh go and visit the womens side as no man is allowed to enter the womens side. The thing is many mosques are old in some areas. So maybe it was dalipitated. I went to a mosque at the age of 6 to learn. The mosque wasn't a basement. So 1 visit from your 'dh' or my experience who still attends a mosque. Just saying.

He was given a guided tour. He could smell the damp in the women's section. Of course many buildings are old, but my point is that the men's section was in far better condition than the women's. I am not denying your experiences, but I am interested to see you try to minimise or even deny my DH's

Judgejudysno1fan · 03/01/2026 13:58

Ok, let's say that the women's section in this particular masjid that your husband went was not good.
Women are not required to attend mosque regularly.
I feel as if he was shown the women's area rhen maybe it wasn't being used until its fixed up as there would be women in there bending over in submission praying and also some women will take their headscarves off when out of view of men.

And its down to the building owners to keep maintenance of the ladies area as well as the mens area. This is their fault. Nothing to do with blaming islam or the Quran. If it was shabby and damp smelling thats bad. But I feel like perhaps that area was out of use. Its like showing a section of the church thats crumbling, I would assume no one goes in that area due to this. Until its fixed up.

FallenSloppyDead2 · 03/01/2026 15:11

Judgejudysno1fan · 03/01/2026 13:58

Ok, let's say that the women's section in this particular masjid that your husband went was not good.
Women are not required to attend mosque regularly.
I feel as if he was shown the women's area rhen maybe it wasn't being used until its fixed up as there would be women in there bending over in submission praying and also some women will take their headscarves off when out of view of men.

And its down to the building owners to keep maintenance of the ladies area as well as the mens area. This is their fault. Nothing to do with blaming islam or the Quran. If it was shabby and damp smelling thats bad. But I feel like perhaps that area was out of use. Its like showing a section of the church thats crumbling, I would assume no one goes in that area due to this. Until its fixed up.

It was a pre-arranged guided tour. There was no-one praying in either section. The area was introduced as the women's section, with no indication that it was considered inadequate and due for an overhaul.

You had a choice here. You could have said:
That sounds unfair on the women. If that was my local Mosque I would be leading the fight to improve the women's area

or you could supply a list of possible excuses:
maybe it wasn't being used until it's fixed up; it's the building owner's fault; perhaps the area was out of use

It interests me that you chose the latter.

KitWyn · 03/01/2026 15:55

Judgejudysno1fan · 03/01/2026 10:41

That no man gets to enjoy my hair, hooray.

Really? Weirdly, most men don't 'enjoy' other people's hair. Most people are (sadly? happily?) oblivious to everyone else's appearance and behaviour. We just don't care on an individual level, we have our own selfish and self-centred worries.

But we do worry at the higher policy-setting level. Some Muslim women and girls are being coercively controlled by family/society/community. And their lives are smaller, shabbier and much less free as a result.

There were several Iranian women on my university course. They all wore the usual student uniform of jeans and a nice top, no headscarf, when in London. They hated the need to cover up when they returned home. Women who wore burqas in London were viewed as spineless collaborators.

My view is that the reasons for wearing a hijab (or heaven forfend - the burqa) fall into three main categories:

  • Sad. The woman/girl doesn't want to, but has been physically or emotionally bullied/blackmailed/threatened into complying with her family/community wishes
  • Mad. She sincerely believes that an all knowing, all loving and all powerful God wants her to hide her hair to be modest and not arouse uncontrollable lust in men. Weirdly, the men don't have to cover their hair or treat women and girls with respect. Why can't he just lower his eyes?
  • Bad. It's a rebellious fabric finger to western society. I'll take the healthcare, social housing and welfare benefits, but stuff your enlightenment values.

It's not feminist. Please don't pretend it is.

BlakeCarrington · 03/01/2026 17:07

Judgejudysno1fan · 03/01/2026 10:41

That no man gets to enjoy my hair, hooray.

Thank you for answering me.

Again, I speak from a position
of ignorance and I mean no disrespect but this seems like such a small gain compared to the freedom that is sacrificed. I’ve spent my whole life with my long hair uncovered and nobody cares at all. Nobody is getting a thrill, nobody is harassing me, I am doing no harm to anybody.

It seems such a meaningless benefit (since no man particularly wants to enjoy anyone’s hair anyway), and therefore a worthless sacrifice of freedom to feel the sun and wind in your hair, and to have to cover your body from head to toe. Because men? Sod them, if they can’t contain their urges at the sight of a bit of hair then they can’t really call themselves men, more
like apes!

BlakeCarrington · 03/01/2026 17:11

To be clear, I am not calling any men from any particular race or culture apes - just any man who cannot suppress his urges and puts the onus on women to hide themselves away to protect themselves.

YourDearDreamer · 03/01/2026 22:11

FallenSloppyDead2 · 03/01/2026 13:37

He was given a guided tour. He could smell the damp in the women's section. Of course many buildings are old, but my point is that the men's section was in far better condition than the women's. I am not denying your experiences, but I am interested to see you try to minimise or even deny my DH's

I can't deny your husbands experience nor have I in my opinion. I've just pointed out the fact the building your husband visited 1 mosque which I dont know which town or city it was. Also highlighting the fact it may be a old building. I've just pointed out the fact that I've attended my local mosques since the age of 6 to learn at one mosque and then moved to another mosque to attend to study age 12. Now at the age of 41 still attend a mosque. Yes its a woman's section and no its neither damp nor in a better condition than a man's section. Like old churches or other worship places you'll find some in better condition and others not so. Thats my point. I can only give you my experience.

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 10:29

FallenSloppyDead2 · 03/01/2026 15:11

It was a pre-arranged guided tour. There was no-one praying in either section. The area was introduced as the women's section, with no indication that it was considered inadequate and due for an overhaul.

You had a choice here. You could have said:
That sounds unfair on the women. If that was my local Mosque I would be leading the fight to improve the women's area

or you could supply a list of possible excuses:
maybe it wasn't being used until it's fixed up; it's the building owner's fault; perhaps the area was out of use

It interests me that you chose the latter.

I think anyone would presume that and hope that it is in the works of getting repaired so its suitable for sisters prayer times and sister meetings.

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 10:33

BlakeCarrington · 03/01/2026 17:11

To be clear, I am not calling any men from any particular race or culture apes - just any man who cannot suppress his urges and puts the onus on women to hide themselves away to protect themselves.

I dont wear hijab because men cant control themselves. There is of course a gross minority of men who watch porn and ogle over women and rape our women. They're scum for that.
I cover.because I dont want other men to see my hair, to aee.my neck, my figure, to see me wearing makeup, I enjoy that my husband whom I married and is the love of my life enjoys my hair. I also dont need to cover around females or my own close family. And im really happy. Im not opressed. Or forced. It simply says in the quran to cover up so I do and I enjoy it.

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 10:38

YourDearDreamer · 03/01/2026 22:11

I can't deny your husbands experience nor have I in my opinion. I've just pointed out the fact the building your husband visited 1 mosque which I dont know which town or city it was. Also highlighting the fact it may be a old building. I've just pointed out the fact that I've attended my local mosques since the age of 6 to learn at one mosque and then moved to another mosque to attend to study age 12. Now at the age of 41 still attend a mosque. Yes its a woman's section and no its neither damp nor in a better condition than a man's section. Like old churches or other worship places you'll find some in better condition and others not so. Thats my point. I can only give you my experience.

I think what this poster would like is for us to swear and scream at this particular masjid for being "so dirty and foul" towards our fellow sisters and that this section for sisters is absolutely dreadful and against islam, so we are removing our hijabs and stopping our monotheism beliefs, and then they would be satisfied.

If her husband was given a tour, its pretty obvious that area is out of use. And maybe its going to be fixed up for our sisters to use. I wouldn't expect to go to a mosque and go see a run down mens area, id assume they're fixing it up.
When I went to the mosque for my nikah I didnt even go to the very large sisters area, I waited in the foyer with my husband until we were called to go through to the quiet back room which was smaller than the.mens prayer room
And smaller than the sisters room. Maybe I should have kicked up a fuss !!!! Haha.

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 11:23

@Judgejudysno1fan You are projecting your fears onto me. I am not asking you to stop wearing the hijab or give up your beliefs. I certainly don't want to get rid of the monotheistic religions; I think they contain truths and ways of living that we should not dismiss lightly.

You are very defensive though. The UK is grappling with trying to find a way to accept Islam while rejecting Islamism. I get that you may feel caught in the middle of that struggle, but that is because you are in the middle of that struggle whether you want to be or not. You, and all the other women practising Islam, have a significant role to play. I would ask you to examine your religion with a critical eye. Keep that which is good and Holy, but reject those aspects which are simply manifestations of men's eternal need, because of their own weaknesses, to subjugate women.

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 12:31

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 11:23

@Judgejudysno1fan You are projecting your fears onto me. I am not asking you to stop wearing the hijab or give up your beliefs. I certainly don't want to get rid of the monotheistic religions; I think they contain truths and ways of living that we should not dismiss lightly.

You are very defensive though. The UK is grappling with trying to find a way to accept Islam while rejecting Islamism. I get that you may feel caught in the middle of that struggle, but that is because you are in the middle of that struggle whether you want to be or not. You, and all the other women practising Islam, have a significant role to play. I would ask you to examine your religion with a critical eye. Keep that which is good and Holy, but reject those aspects which are simply manifestations of men's eternal need, because of their own weaknesses, to subjugate women.

Edited

What are my fears, please?
And also what is your religion? Many thanks

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 12:54

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 12:31

What are my fears, please?
And also what is your religion? Many thanks

Are these not your fears; that this is what is being demanded of you?
I think what this poster would like is for us to swear and scream at this particular masjid for being "so dirty and foul" towards our fellow sisters and that this section for sisters is absolutely dreadful and against islam, so we are removing our hijabs and stopping our monotheism beliefs, and then they would be satisfied

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 13:14

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 12:54

Are these not your fears; that this is what is being demanded of you?
I think what this poster would like is for us to swear and scream at this particular masjid for being "so dirty and foul" towards our fellow sisters and that this section for sisters is absolutely dreadful and against islam, so we are removing our hijabs and stopping our monotheism beliefs, and then they would be satisfied

Do you know a sarcastic joke?
I fear God. Because he is the creator of you and I and we will meet him on judgment day.

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 13:18

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 13:14

Do you know a sarcastic joke?
I fear God. Because he is the creator of you and I and we will meet him on judgment day.

Sorry, I don't understand why you say that is a sarcastic joke

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 13:55

@Judgejudysno1fan Ah ok, I think I understand. You are saying that...

I think what this poster would like is for us to swear and scream at this particular masjid for being "so dirty and foul" towards our fellow sisters and that this section for sisters is absolutely dreadful and against islam, so we are removing our hijabs and stopping our monotheism beliefs, and then they would be satisfied

...was a sarcastic joke. I get that you were exaggerating for effect, but I thought that it might contain some indication of a concern about being stopped from, or being asked to stop, practising your religion.

I fear God. Because he is the creator of you and I and we will meet him on judgment day.
This is an extremely powerful means of coercion which is, of course, exactly why it is used. Follow the rules or face everlasting damnation. Hard to think of a worse threat.

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 16:30

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 13:55

@Judgejudysno1fan Ah ok, I think I understand. You are saying that...

I think what this poster would like is for us to swear and scream at this particular masjid for being "so dirty and foul" towards our fellow sisters and that this section for sisters is absolutely dreadful and against islam, so we are removing our hijabs and stopping our monotheism beliefs, and then they would be satisfied

...was a sarcastic joke. I get that you were exaggerating for effect, but I thought that it might contain some indication of a concern about being stopped from, or being asked to stop, practising your religion.

I fear God. Because he is the creator of you and I and we will meet him on judgment day.
This is an extremely powerful means of coercion which is, of course, exactly why it is used. Follow the rules or face everlasting damnation. Hard to think of a worse threat.

Edited

Take care of yourself....all the best to you ❤️

YourDearDreamer · 04/01/2026 18:26

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 11:23

@Judgejudysno1fan You are projecting your fears onto me. I am not asking you to stop wearing the hijab or give up your beliefs. I certainly don't want to get rid of the monotheistic religions; I think they contain truths and ways of living that we should not dismiss lightly.

You are very defensive though. The UK is grappling with trying to find a way to accept Islam while rejecting Islamism. I get that you may feel caught in the middle of that struggle, but that is because you are in the middle of that struggle whether you want to be or not. You, and all the other women practising Islam, have a significant role to play. I would ask you to examine your religion with a critical eye. Keep that which is good and Holy, but reject those aspects which are simply manifestations of men's eternal need, because of their own weaknesses, to subjugate women.

Edited

This was about the OP who wanted to know if someone has left their partner on extreme views. First she was uncomfortable with the headscarf then had a problem with kids that are Muslim playing/interacting with her daughter. This thread has derailed and she isn't nowhere to be heard of and we're here trying to justify that not all Islam is bad. First it was the headscarf then it went to women having no rights or power and then to women being given less of a place to worship men. So excuse us if we're alittle defensive. Anyway I won't be replying to anymore as this has taken enough of my time and I feel I don't and won't justify in what I believe in. As I said I respect other people's opinions but I dont have to agree with them. The same way you don't.

YourDearDreamer · 04/01/2026 18:36

KitWyn · 03/01/2026 15:55

Really? Weirdly, most men don't 'enjoy' other people's hair. Most people are (sadly? happily?) oblivious to everyone else's appearance and behaviour. We just don't care on an individual level, we have our own selfish and self-centred worries.

But we do worry at the higher policy-setting level. Some Muslim women and girls are being coercively controlled by family/society/community. And their lives are smaller, shabbier and much less free as a result.

There were several Iranian women on my university course. They all wore the usual student uniform of jeans and a nice top, no headscarf, when in London. They hated the need to cover up when they returned home. Women who wore burqas in London were viewed as spineless collaborators.

My view is that the reasons for wearing a hijab (or heaven forfend - the burqa) fall into three main categories:

  • Sad. The woman/girl doesn't want to, but has been physically or emotionally bullied/blackmailed/threatened into complying with her family/community wishes
  • Mad. She sincerely believes that an all knowing, all loving and all powerful God wants her to hide her hair to be modest and not arouse uncontrollable lust in men. Weirdly, the men don't have to cover their hair or treat women and girls with respect. Why can't he just lower his eyes?
  • Bad. It's a rebellious fabric finger to western society. I'll take the healthcare, social housing and welfare benefits, but stuff your enlightenment values.

It's not feminist. Please don't pretend it is.

Who says the men dont need to respect the women and girls? Please stop making assumptions regarding a religion you don't follow. I don't make assumptions on Christianity,Judaism or any other religion. How can I say that these particular religions don't respect the opposite sex. As to regards with the men lowering their gaze. THAT is in the quran. The men are equally responsible. You may have culture and religion alittle confused. So please stop making assumptions. Have a lovely evening.

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 19:30

Please stop making assumptions regarding a religion you don't follow.

Any person who lives in the UK has the absolute right to ask questions of any group that wants to practise any ideology in the UK. It is one of the absolute bedrocks of democracy.

YourDearDreamer · 04/01/2026 19:42

FallenSloppyDead2 · 04/01/2026 19:30

Please stop making assumptions regarding a religion you don't follow.

Any person who lives in the UK has the absolute right to ask questions of any group that wants to practise any ideology in the UK. It is one of the absolute bedrocks of democracy.

Practise an ideology. How have you been impacted by me directly practising my religion. Non! You can have your say and I can have mine, but dont come at me with my religion and tell me what or want not to believe. Again as you put it. ' its one of the absolute bedrocks of democracy.'

Judgejudysno1fan · 04/01/2026 20:43

YourDearDreamer · 04/01/2026 18:26

This was about the OP who wanted to know if someone has left their partner on extreme views. First she was uncomfortable with the headscarf then had a problem with kids that are Muslim playing/interacting with her daughter. This thread has derailed and she isn't nowhere to be heard of and we're here trying to justify that not all Islam is bad. First it was the headscarf then it went to women having no rights or power and then to women being given less of a place to worship men. So excuse us if we're alittle defensive. Anyway I won't be replying to anymore as this has taken enough of my time and I feel I don't and won't justify in what I believe in. As I said I respect other people's opinions but I dont have to agree with them. The same way you don't.

Well put, my sister asalam alaikum

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