Advice please - TIM teacher just arrived at DD’s school

[KnottyAuty]

DD reports that the new teacher has asked to be referred to as she/her and Ms Smith. They are obviously male. DD isn’t happy about the power imbalance of potential behaviour points and detentions for non compliance.

I’ve got no idea how to advice DD how to handle this but obviously know from reading here that using this language is a safeguarding problem. Ms Smith should follow the same rules as all the other male teachers. If everyone must use this language, then it looks like the school is unable to tolerate GC beliefs.

Suggesting that DD respectfully avoids pronouns doesn’t seem workable as using the teacher’s name will include “Miss”….

Is there a gender neutral way of referring to a teacher like “Professor”?!

What do I advise DD so she can work within her GC beliefs? And what should I write to the school to say about this?

eta clarification

If someone a male teacher is a Pastafarian and asks to be referred to by certain pronouns and gendered titles that all students wear colanders to then that should be respected. GC idealogy is your/your daughter's business but basic respect for others is universal and I don't even know why this is up for discussion. Hopefully your daughter can learn from the experiences of someone different to her and wear a colander when asked to do so.

If you teach children that the sex class of women now includes males (and vice versa) then you are doing that very thing - delegitimising facts / biology and the truth.
Once the sex class of women includes males then all our data is screwed. Take a look at the Ministry of Justice data on sex offending - it's completely unreliable. For years the trans captured civil service have been recording certain men committing sex crimes as women's crimes if the predator claims to be a woman. Rinse and repeat for all other national data where men are included in women's data.

Just adding...

The problem is that it would not be the OP standing up for herself, but it would be her daughter. Furthermore, if OP goes to the school and kicks up a fuss there is a risk the school will take it out on her daughter.

It's fine if you want to stand up for yourself, but you haven't got the right to decide that for others, especially not your own children.

The EA applies to service providers and employers. Not children in a classroom.

Don't get me wrong, I agree with the principle behind your views. However, the OP is asking about a practical situation, and in the absence of a law to prevent him, the teacher is within his rights to call himself Ms Smith, and his employer is within its rights go along with that title and to require others to use it in an environment they control.
An insistence by the OP her DD calls him Mr Smith or Sir will not be accepted, and GC beliefs will not change this, given the DD is not being asked to believe he's a woman, or (presumably) treat him as a woman when sex matters.
If he starts to supervise girls changing for PE, or is put forward as the 'female' staff member on a residential, then we're talking.

I think that means here that the school as employers has a particular responsibility to protect them from discrimination and harassment including from children?

https://archive.is/mCwag

'Education secretary Bridget Phillipson has said trans and non-binary teachers can ask to referred to as ‘Mx’ by pupils rather than other gendered titles, but the Department for Education states it is “not something that they can insist on”.
Mx is a gender-neutral title which some trans and non-binary people use as an alternative to gendered ones like Miss, Mrs or Mr.
As an honorific, Mx is not new and dates back to the 1970s but in recent years it has become more widely adopted and understood, with several large brands in the UK <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/mCwag/www.thepinknews.com/2023/07/19/argos-and-other-leading-uk-retailers-add-mx-to-forms-to-include-non-binary-customers/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">adding the title to their online forms in 2024 following a campaign by journalist and activist <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/mCwag/www.thepinknews.com/2022/01/13/tom-pashby-brighton-green-party-non-binary/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Tom Pashby.

Speaking to <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/o/mCwag/www.lbc.co.uk/article/teachers-have-the-right-to-make-pupils-to-address-them-as-mx-education-secretary-5Hjd8fQ_2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">LBC, Phillipson said trans and non-binary teachers can make the request to be referred to as Mx.'

employer is within its rights go along with that title and to require others to use it in an environment they control

Where is the evidence for this assertion - especially as here it's a school so there is limited or no choice for the OP?

I was once responsible for a young lad on work experience in my school. When he arrived in my classroom I introduced myself and held out my hand to greet him with a handshake. He rebuffed the handshake saying he couldn't shake hands with a woman as he was muslim. I was offended. My TA was a man, he shook his hand, but it was my time he needed to support him to meet his objectives.
I told myself that those are his beliefs and he has a right to them, I shouldn't get caught up too much in being offended. I did not try to force him to shake my hand.

Your daughter has her beliefs, and has a right to them. She shouldn't be forced to go against them. The teacher may be slightly offended (as I was), then he'll just have to move on, like I did!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2025/08/14/non-binary-teachers-gender-neutral-pronouns-phillipson/

'Teachers do not have the right to insist on being called Mx rather than Mr or Mrs, Bridget Phillipson has said.
The Education Secretary stood by her position that school staff can ask to be referred to by the gender-neutral title.
But in a clarification of her earlier comments, she said they cannot demand that people comply with the request.
Mx is a gender-neutral title often used by transgender people or those who consider themselves to be non-binary, which means they do not identify as either male or female.
Earlier this month, The Telegraph revealed that a primary school in the south-east of England had listed a new teacher, who is biologically male, as Mx in a record of staff members.
On Monday, Ms Phillipson told LBC that teachers could request to use the title at school.
She said: “I think teachers can make that request. But of course, what we’ll be looking at is making sure that people are able to exercise their views on this topic, too.
“This has been the subject of various legal cases as well about people’s rights in terms of how they approach questions of gender identity.
“We’ll consider all areas of the practical guidance that schools need, and [respond] to the challenges that they tell us they’ve faced.”
Phillipson clarifies position
Ms Phillipson then clarified her position in an interview with Times Radio on Thursday, saying school staff do not have the right to “insist” on the title’s use.
She said: “A teacher can, of course, make that request, but you can’t insist that it’s followed.”
Asked whether she would call someone Mx, she added: “I think that’s a hypothetical situation. I’ve never been asked to do that.
“As a matter of principle, on a wider point, I would usually seek to respond to someone in a way that they would prefer, but there is no obligation for people to do that.”
Pressed by LBC on whether the issue would cause confusion, Ms Phillipson said: “Schools, as employers, have responsibilities for managing this, in that they have a responsibility to ensure that staff are treated with respect, but also that people with a range of viewpoints are also able to express their views and are treated with respect as well.”
She was also unable to say when the long-awaited transgender guidance for schools will be published.
The Government previously said it would not be rushed into producing the advice following the Supreme Court ruling in April on the legal definition of a woman.'

The equality act absolutely applies to children in the classroom (apart from age and marriage/civil partnership).

Well quite.

As men, transwomen could be expected to retain a male pattern criminality because they remain male, regardless of their personal feelings about themselves (or 'identity', as you will) and anything they choose to do in response.

Which means that when prison population statistics show that transwomen have a far greater propensity to sexual violence even than men, something else is going on.

Either, declaring oneself trans itself causes greater deviance (and I'm with you, I think that is unlikely), or males who already have a propensity are more likely to genuinely consider themselves trans, or males with that propensity are more likely to cynically claim that identity to game the system in some way - either for an easier incarceration, or as a way to access victims.

And if it's the latter, on what basis do you separate out the cynical pretender from the true believers?

Given that the criteria for being trans - and thr demand that everyone respect them by acting as thought they are the opposite sex to the one they are - is nothing more than an individual say-so, I don't think you can.

It protects them. Children are not obliged to not discriminate.

I can’t see that an occasional trans woman is going to confuse secondary school kids any more than it confuses adults.

How dare you craft a graven image of our slippery overlord, you heathen!

Well, some people may see no harm. Others do.

Some people see no harm in eating during Ramadan. Others do.

Does kindness demand that students be required to eat during Ramadan, if that’s what matters to the chef? There’s no harm in it after all, and the chef will be upset if they don’t.

I’m sorry but why on earth do her beliefs stop her using the term Miss. If her teacherasked her to be called a nickname (eg Nick instead of Nicolas) or something else not identical to her birth certificate would she have a problem with it? How is this different - she can just view it as a preferred nickname if she likes. I understand how different aspects of the trans movement can be challenging for different people but this seems a pretty unpleasant hill to die on just to prove your DD’s point that she doesn’t accept trans people in any form whatsoever including where their personal beliefs about their own identity have zero impact on anyone else. As for it being a “safeguarding” issue - there is nothing in your post that gives a reason for there being such an issue and most all girls schools have male teachers - I assume from the overall tone than you would have mentioned it if there was something more concrete to cause concern.

I disagree with your point that "you haven't got the right to decide that for others, especially not your own children". Undermining parental authority and roles is baked into transgender ideology. This belief has been imposed on society via threats, intimidation, bullying, public humiliation and threats of violence. Parents in these situations have to balance how to manage them without doing further harm to their children and setting unhinged transactivists on them.

To date there have been countless instances of schools transitioning children in secret from their parents, promoting parental alienation and setting social services on parents bigoted enough to be concerned that their children are being groomed into believing a sex change will cure their pubertal angst. All of these actions openly undermining the parental role and fundamental safeguarding principles of working in partnership with parents.

I know it's utterly terrifying to parents discovering that schools have stepped outside their professional roles and are promoting sex change as positive to children, in defiance of a school's legal duty to be politically impartial.

Parents must be prepared to be the adult and step in. It's not up to children to safeguard themselves. Yes it's bloody difficult with so many adults being in thrall to transgenderism rather than prioritising the wellbeing of children.

But no parent should feel it's not their role to step in. It absolutely is!

Him.

The teacher is a male teacher who is not the same sex as the child.

Inappropiate overstepping would begin where the male teacher is using his position of authority and his grade setting role to force the child to act in a way which forces her to comply with his demands about his personal ideology.

Strangely enough, we hear very little from trans identifying women - no outlandish demands, no online abuse, no disruption of womens' - or mens' - events, threats of rape or decapitation. And, since they are women anyway, there's little chance of any fetishistic trouser filth either. So, I wouldn't feel so enraged, but I would still be very reluctant to go along with the wrong title and pronouns as I don't think it's helpful to anyone, least of all impressionable children, to pretend that there are more than two sexes or that gender trumps biological sex.

Calling a man Ms is not the same calling calling a married teacher Miss. Miss, Ms and Mrs are female titles. HTH.

Im not really following the issue of Ms Smith. The only alternative would be a type of neopronoun I assume youd find more problematic?

Additionally beliefs and feelings arent facts. So you believe Ms Smith is male and Ms Smith believes she is female. And its fine those beliefs dont align, but if legally Ms Smiths name is Ms Smith then its disrespectful for your DD to decide to call her something else.

I dont think id make this my hill to die on for how often she will need to use the name.

The disruption is that there is a hulking great man wearing a dress in a classroom full of female children and they all have to pretend he's a woman.

I will never collude with pretending a man is a woman. Even if it hurts his feelings or makes him sad. And I wouldn't ask my daughter - or anyone's daughter - to either.