Advice please - TIM teacher just arrived at DD’s school

[KnottyAuty]

DD reports that the new teacher has asked to be referred to as she/her and Ms Smith. They are obviously male. DD isn’t happy about the power imbalance of potential behaviour points and detentions for non compliance.

I’ve got no idea how to advice DD how to handle this but obviously know from reading here that using this language is a safeguarding problem. Ms Smith should follow the same rules as all the other male teachers. If everyone must use this language, then it looks like the school is unable to tolerate GC beliefs.

Suggesting that DD respectfully avoids pronouns doesn’t seem workable as using the teacher’s name will include “Miss”….

Is there a gender neutral way of referring to a teacher like “Professor”?!

What do I advise DD so she can work within her GC beliefs? And what should I write to the school to say about this?

eta clarification

@JadeSquid how about this:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15803249/

"49% of participants reported hundreds of episodes or more of sexual arousal to cross-dressing or cross-gender fantasy (autogynephilia) before SRS; after SRS, only 3% so reported."

So every girl in that class who calls this man "Miss" could unwittingly be giving him a little sexual thrill.

I don't know. Is it reasonable to expect someone to respect a belief system that actively demeans them?

To me the belief that being a woman rather than a man is fundamentally a difference in how one thinks rather than a difference of the body is deeply offsensive and sexist, both in its use of outmoded beliefs about differences between women and men's minds, and also because it denies the reality of sex-based elements of women's experiences.

Surely expecting me to "respect" someone's preference to be addressed in a way I experience as an enactment of a sexist power differential is as wrong as expecting me to refer to a man as "Sir" because he believes the relationship of his social status or race to mine requires it to maintain his dignity?

We are talking about children.

And I am quite ok thanks with not using female language for male people. That you choose to is your right. Go for it.

Do you believe that Naomi Cunningham was right in using the correct sex language for Dr Upton? Do you think that she achieved clarity by using that language?

You and your DD are being ridiculous.

I was happy for children to call me by my first name as a teacher because I don't personally like the divide between Mrs/Miss/Ms/Mr and the children- I think the respect should be equal both ways. My children still address the teachers by Mrs/Miss/Ms/Mr because that's what the teacher finds respectful.

Many people don't like the Miss-Mrs trajectory and prefer Ms. They still use Miss-Mrs for other women who request that.

Lots of children don't like being called their full name. Does your DD insist on calling Tilly Matilda because that's her real name?

You're working very hard to make this an extremely taxing endeavour, one which virtually all children will fail at again and again with no hope of redemption, cast forever into the depths of despair.

Even if you're correct, life comes in all sorts of ups and downs. Imagine expecting more than the bare minimum from our children? How outrageous to ask something even a little tricky from them! Heavens!

We are talking about children.

Yes. Children are capable of much more than you seemingly give them credit for. They won't dissolve.

Maybe because not everyone is a sheep who agrees with Dr Hillary?

I don't believe in God or the church but I'd still call a priest father Patrick or whatever.

Not 'all' children.

However, how many children being upset by feeling they have to use female language for a male teacher is acceptable a guide for schools to aim to meet?

That's not what's happening here so steady yourself

How can you be so sure?

Just tell her to use "M- Smith". Said Mmm Smith. If the teacher complains she/he will be seen as petty. It makes the point but shows accommodation.

Also agree this feels like a healthy compromise

Evidence that is why trans people arent getting bottom surgery. From peer reviewed research on the matter.

I can’t take anything seriously that claims sex is ‘assigned’

And a priest would be completely fine being called "Patrick" or "Mr Murphy" by someone who chose not to use his religious title. It's not the same thing.

There exists no policy or procedure that can guarantee no one is 'upset'. Resilience and tolerance are two helpful concepts for children in these instances.

You can call a priest whatever title you like with no punishment. That is the point.

And to be honest, a priest is a designated position that Patrick has earned and it is based on the material reality of Patrick obtaining that qualification. It is not really a good example because of that material aspect.

Oh so were you hoping that that poster would be banned @JadeSquid ?

Plenty of men are also pretty open about it. And the whole genre of sissy porn is built around it.

So, the male teacher should not be 'upset', but the children need to learn to be resilient and tolerant.

Ok then.

How can you be so sure that it is?

But this is a male teacher forcing female students to call him "Miss".

And teachers, especially teachers that want to use children to uphold their fantasy.

Sissies aren't trans women