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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Charity rejects disabled child for mother's GC views

592 replies

PaddingtonSwear · 31/08/2025 08:22

Archive link here: https://archive.ph/zGGCc

Pretty shocking but it seems they think they're right.

OP posts:
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12
ThatBlackCat · 04/09/2025 07:17

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:13

If you don't care, you wouldn't be banging on about it pages later. It's caused much heartache and offence, obviously.

You're the one that is going on about it, not me. I got a notification that you responded.

You know if you don't want to contribute, especially in good faith, you can just leave the thread. This isn't an airport, you don't need to announce your departure. I can promise you, none of us care who you will and won't talk to.

ThatBlackCat · 04/09/2025 07:18

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:15

Thank you for proving my point about the opinions of the average MN user. You do indeed subscribe to rigid gendered thinking. It is helpful to have direct posts to link to when examples of this are needed. Would you like to add anything else about men and women?

It is not 'rigid gendered thinking' when it is proven by studies.

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:19

ThatBlackCat · 04/09/2025 07:17

You're the one that is going on about it, not me. I got a notification that you responded.

You know if you don't want to contribute, especially in good faith, you can just leave the thread. This isn't an airport, you don't need to announce your departure. I can promise you, none of us care who you will and won't talk to.

I really haven't raised the fact I told someone id stop speaking to them ages ago. Other people have to prove that I have a penis. Of course only men withdraw from communication with people they find to be negative in whatever way. Women don't have the gumption to do things like that, right?

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:19

ThatBlackCat · 04/09/2025 07:18

It is not 'rigid gendered thinking' when it is proven by studies.

Show me

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 07:24

Ha ha! I see the PP is upset we can tell his sex.

Namelessnelly · 04/09/2025 07:24

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 06:57

Indications of what? A penis? People are allowed to say they won't talk to you and stick by it. People are allowed to create their own boundaries.

Seriously though, you need to stop with the idea that you can tell a man or a woman through their opinions. It is harmful.

Not the opinions. The tone. Have you tried using a kinder tone?

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:25

Namelessnelly · 04/09/2025 07:24

Not the opinions. The tone. Have you tried using a kinder tone?

Why because women are meant to be sickly sweet and passive in their communications or they aren't real women?

ThatBlackCat · 04/09/2025 07:32

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:19

Show me

AI, but:

^Studies suggest gender differences in speech, with women typically using more melodic intonation, cooperative language, and concrete detail, while men often exhibit more abstract, competitive, and direct communication styles, though these are generalizations and variations exist. Physical differences in vocal folds create higher-pitched female voices and lower-pitched male voices. These patterns can lead to miscommunication, but individual communication styles are influenced by many factors beyond gender.

Linguistic and Content Differences
Goal of Communication:
Women's speech is often characterized by a focus on making connections and relationships, whereas men's speech frequently emphasizes achieving tasks and establishing status.

Content:
Women tend to discuss people, feelings, and relationships, while men often focus on facts and things.

Abstract vs. Concrete Language:
Research indicates men frequently use more abstract language (big-picture concepts), whereas women often use more concrete, specific language and details.

Assertiveness:
Men tend to use more direct and assertive language, while women are more likely to incorporate tentative phrases like "I think" or "maybe" and tag questions.

Phonetic and Prosodic Differences

Vocal Pitch and Tone:
Due to thinner, shorter vocal folds, women's voices typically have a higher pitch and more melodic intonation, whereas men's thicker, longer vocal folds produce a lower tone and a more steady, sometimes monotone, delivery.

Intonation Patterns:
Women often show greater variation in pitch, with more highs and lows, while men may exhibit less pitch fluctuation and a tendency for pitch to drop at the end of an utterance.

Voice Quality:
Research suggests women may use a breathier voice quality, while men might use more creaky voice.

Potential Impact
Miscommunication:
These communication differences can lead to misinterpretations of intentions, where each gender misunderstands the other's goals.

Perceptions of Power:
The use of tentative language by women can be perceived as less authoritative, while direct language from men can be seen as more assertive.^

More links: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9499347/

Research: Men Speak More Abstractly Than Women
https://hbr.org/2022/12/research-men-speak-more-abstractly-than-women

https://gender.study/psychology-of-gender/gendered-language-patterns-men-women-communication/

http://www.idpublications.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Full-Paper-FEATURES-OF-SPEECH-OF-MEN-AND-WOMEN-AS-A-SUBJECT-GENDER-AND-PSYCHOLINGUISTIC-RESEARCHES.pdf

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/002383097702000207
The study elicited stereotypes of female and male speech behaviour. The results give strong evidence that the speech of females and the speech of males, as perceived by women and by men, do not have the same subject matter, or the same manner of delivery. Of the 51 speech characteristics considered by the participants, 36 were rated as differentiating between female and male speech.

Individual Differences in the Development of Gendered Speech in Preschool Children: Evidence From a Longitudinal Study - PMC

We evaluated whether naive listeners' ratings of the gender typicality of the speech of children assigned male at birth (AMAB) and children assigned female at birth (AFAB) were different at two time points: one at which children were 2.5–3.5 years ...

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9499347/

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:37

ThatBlackCat · 04/09/2025 07:32

AI, but:

^Studies suggest gender differences in speech, with women typically using more melodic intonation, cooperative language, and concrete detail, while men often exhibit more abstract, competitive, and direct communication styles, though these are generalizations and variations exist. Physical differences in vocal folds create higher-pitched female voices and lower-pitched male voices. These patterns can lead to miscommunication, but individual communication styles are influenced by many factors beyond gender.

Linguistic and Content Differences
Goal of Communication:
Women's speech is often characterized by a focus on making connections and relationships, whereas men's speech frequently emphasizes achieving tasks and establishing status.

Content:
Women tend to discuss people, feelings, and relationships, while men often focus on facts and things.

Abstract vs. Concrete Language:
Research indicates men frequently use more abstract language (big-picture concepts), whereas women often use more concrete, specific language and details.

Assertiveness:
Men tend to use more direct and assertive language, while women are more likely to incorporate tentative phrases like "I think" or "maybe" and tag questions.

Phonetic and Prosodic Differences

Vocal Pitch and Tone:
Due to thinner, shorter vocal folds, women's voices typically have a higher pitch and more melodic intonation, whereas men's thicker, longer vocal folds produce a lower tone and a more steady, sometimes monotone, delivery.

Intonation Patterns:
Women often show greater variation in pitch, with more highs and lows, while men may exhibit less pitch fluctuation and a tendency for pitch to drop at the end of an utterance.

Voice Quality:
Research suggests women may use a breathier voice quality, while men might use more creaky voice.

Potential Impact
Miscommunication:
These communication differences can lead to misinterpretations of intentions, where each gender misunderstands the other's goals.

Perceptions of Power:
The use of tentative language by women can be perceived as less authoritative, while direct language from men can be seen as more assertive.^

More links: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9499347/

Research: Men Speak More Abstractly Than Women
https://hbr.org/2022/12/research-men-speak-more-abstractly-than-women

https://gender.study/psychology-of-gender/gendered-language-patterns-men-women-communication/

http://www.idpublications.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Full-Paper-FEATURES-OF-SPEECH-OF-MEN-AND-WOMEN-AS-A-SUBJECT-GENDER-AND-PSYCHOLINGUISTIC-RESEARCHES.pdf

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/002383097702000207
The study elicited stereotypes of female and male speech behaviour. The results give strong evidence that the speech of females and the speech of males, as perceived by women and by men, do not have the same subject matter, or the same manner of delivery. Of the 51 speech characteristics considered by the participants, 36 were rated as differentiating between female and male speech.

So youve presented all these "manly" facts instead of asking me about favourite colour. Should I assume you have a penis?

All the text is prefaced by the idea that this is a generalisation and uses the word "tend" throughout. I am from an Irish family. We aren't known for mincing our words. How does this play out across cultures by the way? Do we expect West Indian women to communicate in the same ways as British women for instance? Does class matter?

Where does it say that men have a "patronising tone"?

Can women learn to communicate in ways that don't disadvantage them?

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:43

Me: Can you identify someone's gender through their online tone?

Ai: Not reliably. Some studies show that people on average use slightly different language patterns online (e.g., word choice, emojis, politeness strategies, sentence length) depending on gender. But these differences are statistical trends, not rules. Tone can be influenced just as much by personality, culture, context, age, or even the platform being used.
So while an algorithm or a person might guess someone’s gender based on tone, it’s far from accurate—and often wrong. People also intentionally adapt or mask their tone online.
👉 In short: tone might give hints, but it’s not a reliable or respectful way to determine gender.
Would you like me to show you what kinds of linguistic cues researchers look at when they study this?

Me: Yes

AI: Great — here are some of the main linguistic cues researchers have studied when looking at how people might signal gender differences online. Keep in mind these are statistical tendencies, not rules:


1. Word Choice & Vocabulary

  • Women (on average): More frequent use of pronouns (I, she, we), intensifiers (really, very), emotion words (happy, sad, love), hedges (maybe, kind of).
  • Men (on average): More frequent use of articles (the, a), quantifiers (two, many), numbers, technical or topic-specific words.

2. Politeness & Directness

  • Women: Tend to use more polite forms, indirect suggestions (Could you…?), and hedging to soften statements.
  • Men: More direct commands or assertions, less mitigation.

3. Emoji & Punctuation

  • Women: Higher frequency of emojis, especially expressive ones (😊❤️😭), and expressive punctuation (!!!, ???).
  • Men: Less frequent emoji use, often favor more literal ones (👍, 💯).

4. Conversational Style

  • Women: Often more supportive (e.g., “That’s awesome!”), collaborative, and responsive.
  • Men: Sometimes more competitive, argumentative, or information-focused.

5. Topic Focus

  • Women: More references to social relationships, feelings, personal experiences.
  • Men: More references to objects, systems, sports, politics, or technology.

⚠️ Big caveat: These differences are averages across large groups. Many individuals don’t fit these patterns at all, and cultural, generational, or personality differences can matter more than gender.


Would you like me to break this down with real-world examples (like how a “female-typical” vs. “male-typical” tweet or text might look), so you can see the contrast in practice?

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 07:47

Can women learn to communicate in ways that don't disadvantage them?

We learn to communicate in ways that keep us safe. That is why it is quite clear you are a man.

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 07:49

Can you identify someone's gender through their online tone?

I agree with AI, it is not possible to determine the gender a man identifies with online, though they are normally keen to tell us. However, we are discussing sex.

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:50

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 07:47

Can women learn to communicate in ways that don't disadvantage them?

We learn to communicate in ways that keep us safe. That is why it is quite clear you are a man.

So women can't learn to say, speak in more direct assertive ways? Especially online where nobody can really do much to them? Women always communicate in passive ways so as not to upset anyone?

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:51

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 07:49

Can you identify someone's gender through their online tone?

I agree with AI, it is not possible to determine the gender a man identifies with online, though they are normally keen to tell us. However, we are discussing sex.

So you can tell what genitals a person has because they talk a certain way. So let's say I am definitely a woman, and you say this to me, what if I assume I must be male then and want to chop my boobs off? I cant be a real woman by your estimation of how all women are.

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:03

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 07:51

So you can tell what genitals a person has because they talk a certain way. So let's say I am definitely a woman, and you say this to me, what if I assume I must be male then and want to chop my boobs off? I cant be a real woman by your estimation of how all women are.

What is it with transactivists and their genitals? Constantly inserting them into conversations….

5128gap · 04/09/2025 08:07

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 05:40

More gendered thinking. People who dont sound like me must be men because I am a woman and all women sound the same.

God the poor confused kids raised by people with such small minded opinions.

You are using the same broad term 'gendered thinking' to describe two different things. The first, the belief that there are inate personality traits caused by their sex. This is possibly at the root of the fear of having a male baby, the mother believes his biological maleness alone will mean he has certain interests and behaviour. Most people on this board do not think this way.
The second, that female and male people are socialised differently due to their sex, which can result in them displaying certain behaviours. An example being a person who takes a dictatorial and patronising tone towards women on a discussion forum is suspected to be male as this is behaviour more commonly found in those with male socialisation.

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 08:14

5128gap · 04/09/2025 08:07

You are using the same broad term 'gendered thinking' to describe two different things. The first, the belief that there are inate personality traits caused by their sex. This is possibly at the root of the fear of having a male baby, the mother believes his biological maleness alone will mean he has certain interests and behaviour. Most people on this board do not think this way.
The second, that female and male people are socialised differently due to their sex, which can result in them displaying certain behaviours. An example being a person who takes a dictatorial and patronising tone towards women on a discussion forum is suspected to be male as this is behaviour more commonly found in those with male socialisation.

Errrrr the fact that people believe they can guess who is male based on their opinions is the epitome of gendered thinking. If you believe all men act, think and speak one way, and all women act, think and speak another way, then you buy into rigid gender stereotypes which are overall harmful and lead people to believe their mind and body "don't match".

Males and females are socialised differently depending on culture. A Zulu man and a Sottish man aren't socialised in the same way. They aren't taught to value the same things. There might have been a time where their socialisation was more similar. That isnt the case now.

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 08:15

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:03

What is it with transactivists and their genitals? Constantly inserting them into conversations….

Says the person attributing gender to someone based on their opinions.

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:16

5128gap · 04/09/2025 08:07

You are using the same broad term 'gendered thinking' to describe two different things. The first, the belief that there are inate personality traits caused by their sex. This is possibly at the root of the fear of having a male baby, the mother believes his biological maleness alone will mean he has certain interests and behaviour. Most people on this board do not think this way.
The second, that female and male people are socialised differently due to their sex, which can result in them displaying certain behaviours. An example being a person who takes a dictatorial and patronising tone towards women on a discussion forum is suspected to be male as this is behaviour more commonly found in those with male socialisation.

It is not just about socialisation to norms though, for women it is also about safety. All women will have experienced sexual harassment before they leave school. A large number will have experienced sexual assault. Men commit 98% of sexual assaults. Men are bigger, stronger and have a penis to rape women with. So of course women react to that in their communication style. You just need to look at the reaction to the SC to see how men react when women say ‘no’ to them. The risk posed by men to women is universal across all cultures.

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:16

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 08:15

Says the person attributing gender to someone based on their opinions.

I haven’t attributed gender to anyone.

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 08:19

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:16

It is not just about socialisation to norms though, for women it is also about safety. All women will have experienced sexual harassment before they leave school. A large number will have experienced sexual assault. Men commit 98% of sexual assaults. Men are bigger, stronger and have a penis to rape women with. So of course women react to that in their communication style. You just need to look at the reaction to the SC to see how men react when women say ‘no’ to them. The risk posed by men to women is universal across all cultures.

I'm not saying that you're wrong overall, but this is culturally dependent and just isnt transferable to online communication. You cant hurt me from there, so even if id never use this tone offline in case you punched me, online, I don't have that risk. So you cant use my "online bravery" as evidence of a penis.

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:24

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 08:19

I'm not saying that you're wrong overall, but this is culturally dependent and just isnt transferable to online communication. You cant hurt me from there, so even if id never use this tone offline in case you punched me, online, I don't have that risk. So you cant use my "online bravery" as evidence of a penis.

Of course it is transferable to online communications, not least about safeguarding which you are clearly oblivious to the need for.

5128gap · 04/09/2025 08:25

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:16

It is not just about socialisation to norms though, for women it is also about safety. All women will have experienced sexual harassment before they leave school. A large number will have experienced sexual assault. Men commit 98% of sexual assaults. Men are bigger, stronger and have a penis to rape women with. So of course women react to that in their communication style. You just need to look at the reaction to the SC to see how men react when women say ‘no’ to them. The risk posed by men to women is universal across all cultures.

Yes, I agree. Our sex impacts our life experience, our safety and how we are treated. I'm taking issue with the person I responded to accusing women of 'gendered thinking'. There are experiences and behaviours common because of sex, and these are a result of how we are treated due to our biology, rather than things we opt in and out of in accordance with our chosen 'gender'.

WarmWasabi · 04/09/2025 08:30

I think part of the reason they want to blur the definition of women and men is for men to get access to children. Parents of disabled children who need personal care must be concerned about that personal care being carried out by ‘women’ with ulterior motives. She’s had enough, I don’t blame her!

Ihavetoask · 04/09/2025 08:34

SouthWamses · 04/09/2025 08:24

Of course it is transferable to online communications, not least about safeguarding which you are clearly oblivious to the need for.

No it really isn't. Firstly as I've said, none of the usual risks of speaking your mind are here and secondly, women are being taught to be less passive in their actions and words anyway. Online seems a good place to start.

Lastly, as Ive also.said before, we haven't all been raised the same way even if we are all women. Things like culture, class and generational experiences will shape that.

A poor Black woman who grew up in Tottenham is going to come across as rather different than a wealthy white woman from Chandlers Ford.