What would you actually do if you saw a transperson in the wrong toilet/changing room for their sex? Thread 2

[FattyMcFattyArse]

Continuing the previous thread because it filled up. Really appreciating all the contributors giving their views, experiences and educating others.

What would YOU do if you came across a male dressed as a woman in a public ladies' loo?

Or indeed a woman presenting as a man in the men's toilets?

Would you confront them? Walk away and say nothing? Report it to staff?

Previous thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5397900-what-would-you-actually-do-if-you-saw-a-transperson-in-the-wrong-toiletchanging-room-for-their-sex?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I’d ignore, I wouldn’t engage in anything that they might find validating like smiling or chatting but I also wouldn’t be hostile.

Nothing because I wouldn’t want them to feel uncomfortable.

I don’t agree with trans women competing as women in sport though.

Id ignore them and not engage as I refuse to be part of someones sexual fetish against my will. If it was a man being obviously leery, taking photos etc. I'd report it to staff and make sure they logged it as a reported incident and then I'd follow up with a tweet etc. If they were just quietly using the loo and washing their hands I'd ignore and do nothing.

Nothing. Not an issue as far as I’m concerned.

If there were young girls in there I'd hang around for a bit, pretend to brush mybhair etc and make sure they left safely.

So it's ok for women to feel uncomfortable because a man in a frock is in the ladies? But we mustn't make him feel uncomfortable? I can't believe you think that's ok.

I’d leave quickly - I’ve been assaulted more than once in a quiet confined space. Plus I’m 5ft 1in and old with hip replacements.

I wouldn’t say or do anything. I wish I was the type of person who would, but sadly my complete lack of confidence in how right I am in certain situations has historically meant that I tend to put up with discomfort. I imagine this is true for a lot of women. I can’t even guarantee that I wouldn’t be pleasant and engage in conversation, if initiated by him, even though I would feel I was being ‘forced’ into it. I’m very good at getting annoyed from the comfort of my sofa, but in the real world my instinct is not to rock the boat. Whether that’s due to an innate desire to smooth things over to keep myself safe, or because I’m a ridiculous people pleaser, I don’t know. Probably a bit of both.

I wouldn't confront a man/transwoman if I was alone with them in an enclosed space.

I guess I might report it to the staff.

I have transmen family and I hope that they still use the 'wrong' toilet. Ie the mens. As if I saw a trans man in the toilets I might think it was an actual man. So better that transmen use the mens, and trans women also use the mens.

They just need to increase the number of cubicles in the mens basically. And reduce the number of urinals. But I guess it's not that simple really.

I'd do nothing provided they were simply doing what bathrooms are intended for. If they were behaving in a creepy or inappropriate manner then that's different but if they were just going about their day then this personally wouldn't bother me.

How do you feel about any women in those loos who might be feeling very uncomfortable by the man's presence? Or even scared?

Whose feelings are more important?

Genuine question.

I think this is a common trait amongst many (most?) women. A combination of social conditioning to "be nice" and an innate fear of creating confrontation.

Interestingly most aren't answering about changing rooms.

I'm not responsible for other people's responses. I'm responsible for my own. I have shared bathrooms with trans women. I have no issue at all.

I complained about a TiM in the ladies changing room at my gym/pool - as did several other women. The sign on the door says no males over the age of 8. We were told it was company policy to allow TiMs to use the changing room that matched their gender so nothing could be done. I have not been to the Friday session where this person used to turn up since. I imagine the company have now changed their policy but have not checked.
Note, I did not confront the man - but by his actions he knew I disapproved of his presence.

We really don't want the number of urinals decreasing - they are efficient (and use less water in flushing). More cubicles would sometimes be helpful in the Gents. Personally, I'm not keen on women coming into the Gents; though it doesn't frighten me it is slightly disturbing. For some young men (including me a few decades ago) it may be very disturbing. My view is that people should use the toilets appropriate to their sex; gender is irrelevant in this context; and I am happy for there to be "third spaces" for anyone to use.

Edited to add: as someone with IBS, I really really don't want to have to wait for a transman to finish using a cubicle in the Gents for a pee. The number of cubicles is usually very limited - often just one, occasionally two, except in very high usage facilities such as motorway services.

Duplicated.

Just posting this on here. If I remember, at least another male twitter profile joined in and they all started mocking female toilet habits.

But even here, these are male people discussing female toilet habits which they admit to listening to female people pee.

Of course, no harm here some would say. No one was physically attacked at all, after all.

Found parts of that compilation from Nig Heke

This is 'not safe for work' although, I believe much of it has been blurred out.

https://archive.md/83jAx

Just to point out, there is no an equivalent compilation of female people masturbating in female single sex spaces.

Many, many women are like this.

Women who over-rule their uncomfortable gut instinct that something is not right in order to be polite. Be nice. Not make a fuss.

I wonder if Sarah Everard felt uncomfortable about Wayne Couzens as she got into his car.

But what? If TWAW then they should be allowed to play in women’s sports. If not why not? If TWANW, then they should not be in women’s single sex spaces. You can’t have both. Either they are women or they are not

But if they’re only doing what toilets are designed for, why can’t they do it in the men’s?

Good for you, but that is not the point. A man should not be in a female only facility, toilet or space.