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Original poster

Misinformation correction: M&S Staff

929 replies

BeeSourianteAgain · 08/08/2025 14:03

M&S have responded to people's enquiries, here's one:

https://bsky.app/profile/dpdormouse.bsky.social/post/3lvuzitrplc2f

As expected the staff member was just doing their job, something that happens thousands of times a day in shops all over the country.

As per normal, the trans panic was manufactured.

I fully expect all the GCs and media pundits who were pushing all sorts of hate to apologise, but as a person on their second LGBTQ moral panic I know very well how it goes.

Bluesky

https://bsky.app/profile/dpdormouse.bsky.social/post/3lvuzitrplc2f

OP posts:
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30
AnSolas · 15/08/2025 12:14

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 10:51

It may be that in this incident the mum had booked a bra fitting for her daughter at marks and Spencer and when the child was singled out by this employee she naturally thought that meant he would be the one fitting her.

Perhaps not the case and kind of besides the point - as either way, men shouldn’t ask children if they need a hand choosing bras - but it is likely and would add an extra level of fear for that child and others.

You could read the thread.

The girl was shopping and not looking for help nor expecting any interaction with any staff.

A male member of staff decides to engage with her in the middle of the sales floor which is the underwear department.

The mother points out that it is a man opening up a conversation about underwear with a 14 year old girl he has never met before and that M&S should carry out a review of their policy and training to safeguard children and employees.

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 16:29

AnSolas · 15/08/2025 12:14

You could read the thread.

The girl was shopping and not looking for help nor expecting any interaction with any staff.

A male member of staff decides to engage with her in the middle of the sales floor which is the underwear department.

The mother points out that it is a man opening up a conversation about underwear with a 14 year old girl he has never met before and that M&S should carry out a review of their policy and training to safeguard children and employees.

Show quote history

I have read the thread.

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 16:33

Then how did you miss the bit about there was no booking for a fitting for the 14 year old? So neither person who could be described as 'she' would have imagined that that was what the man who spoke to the girl (in a way that was outside both M&S usual staff behavior and universal safeguarding protocols) was offering.

DefineHappy · 15/08/2025 16:43

SabrinaThwaite · 14/08/2025 23:22

I hope somebody has warned the Aberdeen M&S bra fitters in advance so that they can all be unexpectedly unavailable.

I do hope that any bra fitter who is uncomfortable with partaking in such an appointment has a means of being able to decline - and is supported in that choice. This situation reminds me of the Canadian TIM who attempted to force migrant self employed female beauticians to ‘wax their lady balls’….

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/08/2025 16:49

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 16:33

Then how did you miss the bit about there was no booking for a fitting for the 14 year old? So neither person who could be described as 'she' would have imagined that that was what the man who spoke to the girl (in a way that was outside both M&S usual staff behavior and universal safeguarding protocols) was offering.

(leans over backwards trying to think of any possible explanation for this creepy man's creepy behaviour that is even half-way OK)

Maybe there was a fourteen-year-old booked in for a fitting that day and the man from a different department intuitively knew this, but mistakenly thought that the only fourteen-year-old he could see must be the one with the fitting booked?

(Ouch! I have now hurt my back leaning like that and it is All Your Fault, mean GC women!)

AnSolas · 15/08/2025 17:07

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 16:29

I have read the thread.

Show quote history

👍

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 17:19

I don’t think I’ve made myself clear. Girls buying bras will at some point require a bra fitting. I think it would be arguably worse, if possible, for those children who had a fitting booked in to be then randomly approached by a male staff member offering ‘help’ - as in this case - because the child’s first instinct would be “oh no, he’s the person doing my fitting”.

That’s all. I didn’t suggest the male employee was offering them help justifiably.

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 17:26

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/08/2025 16:49

(leans over backwards trying to think of any possible explanation for this creepy man's creepy behaviour that is even half-way OK)

Maybe there was a fourteen-year-old booked in for a fitting that day and the man from a different department intuitively knew this, but mistakenly thought that the only fourteen-year-old he could see must be the one with the fitting booked?

(Ouch! I have now hurt my back leaning like that and it is All Your Fault, mean GC women!)

Show quote history

Either way, there would be no reason for him to be lingering in lingerie to ask a child about it. That’s my point.

Given marks and Spencer are trusted by parents to do bra fittings on children, unlike say primark or h&m that don’t offer it, that’s another good reason for the company to implement the mother’s policy that none of their male staff will approach children or young women to offer help with underwear.

As I’ve said throughout this thread and others about the incident.

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 17:30

I've never had a bra fitting in my life. Buying a bra imo needs an ability to self-measure, know what the numbers and letters mean, and assess the suitability of styles.

I can only imagine my horror if my mother had suggested to me at the age of 14 that someone would fit one of the beastly things on me.

FranticFrankie · 15/08/2025 17:38

Not to go off on a tangent but how would the fitter measure a trans identifying man for a bra? Big chest small 'boobs'? Men's bodies are obviously very very different

Apologies for the derail - it isn't pleasant to picture/imagine
Probably put you off tonight's dinner

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 15/08/2025 17:49

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 17:30

I've never had a bra fitting in my life. Buying a bra imo needs an ability to self-measure, know what the numbers and letters mean, and assess the suitability of styles.

I can only imagine my horror if my mother had suggested to me at the age of 14 that someone would fit one of the beastly things on me.

When I was thirteen the family went on holiday to Italy (by car! Get us! And the ferry we took wasn't even roro, the car was lifted onto it by crane! I didn't go on an aeroplane until I was in my forties) and for some reason a very motherly and interfering Italian Momma staying in the same small pensione decided that I needed the self-confidence a really good first bra would afford me. She swept me up in her wake and deposited me in a tiny specialist lingerie shop in a side-street in the local town, where a diminutive and utterly charming woman who spoke not a word of English measured me for a bra and then asked my mother to pay what seemed to me a huge sum (but turned out to be perfectly reasonable in sterling rather than lire) for what may have been the most comfortable bra I've ever had in my entire life.

In England it would all have been horribly embarrassing, but somehow in Italy it was an experience I just accepted as something them over there did.

borntobequiet · 15/08/2025 18:33

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 17:30

I've never had a bra fitting in my life. Buying a bra imo needs an ability to self-measure, know what the numbers and letters mean, and assess the suitability of styles.

I can only imagine my horror if my mother had suggested to me at the age of 14 that someone would fit one of the beastly things on me.

Me neither, I found by trial and error that I’m a 38B in the makes and styles I prefer. I do buy my nicer underwear at an independent bra shop locally, the owner is very experienced but she “fits” by eye and whether I’m comfortable.
I really don’t think many girls have a first bra fitting. I expect they try each other’s on like we did - but I don’t even think I wore one from when I left school until I was about 30.

illinivich · 15/08/2025 19:02

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 17:19

I don’t think I’ve made myself clear. Girls buying bras will at some point require a bra fitting. I think it would be arguably worse, if possible, for those children who had a fitting booked in to be then randomly approached by a male staff member offering ‘help’ - as in this case - because the child’s first instinct would be “oh no, he’s the person doing my fitting”.

That’s all. I didn’t suggest the male employee was offering them help justifiably.

because the child’s first instinct would be “oh no, he’s the person doing my fitting”.

This is a really good point. Male assistants around the womens underware department suggests that there's the possibility of some forced interaction.

Im convinced men think women have to get all of their bras professionally fitted. We can be trusted witg pants, but not bras.

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 20:03

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 17:30

I've never had a bra fitting in my life. Buying a bra imo needs an ability to self-measure, know what the numbers and letters mean, and assess the suitability of styles.

I can only imagine my horror if my mother had suggested to me at the age of 14 that someone would fit one of the beastly things on me.

Bras are supposed to be professionally fitted, especially when you get your first bra and your breast size changes in puberty. This is common knowledge.

SabrinaThwaite · 15/08/2025 20:08

FranticFrankie · 15/08/2025 17:38

Not to go off on a tangent but how would the fitter measure a trans identifying man for a bra? Big chest small 'boobs'? Men's bodies are obviously very very different

Apologies for the derail - it isn't pleasant to picture/imagine
Probably put you off tonight's dinner

Do bras come in 42AA?

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 20:11

Back in my day getting fitted wasn't a thing. Even 20 years ago the idea of having bras fitted was still a novelty - and the results people report are very variable, with the lovely ladies who take one look and produce the perfect bra balanced by the obsessive - 'oh you need a smaller back and a bigger cup' merchants whose offerings get binned as soon as their victims get home.

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 20:17

I got my first bra 26 years ago and it was definitely a thing. And recommended by Drs and health education at school, for posture especially. It was a thing when my mother was a teen in the 1960s. And I believe even going back before then. It's a very old phenomenon, not new.

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 20:19

You know that's total bollocks, don't you? Good for drumming up customers and making money for the fitters, but not actually a necessity. We didn't all die of Wrong Bra Sizes in the decades before they were a thing.

SabrinaThwaite · 15/08/2025 20:19

borntobequiet · 15/08/2025 18:33

Me neither, I found by trial and error that I’m a 38B in the makes and styles I prefer. I do buy my nicer underwear at an independent bra shop locally, the owner is very experienced but she “fits” by eye and whether I’m comfortable.
I really don’t think many girls have a first bra fitting. I expect they try each other’s on like we did - but I don’t even think I wore one from when I left school until I was about 30.

Show quote history

I had a tiny chest and wore crop bras until I became pregnant at 31 and had my first bra fitting at a maternity place - 38B apparently.

I’m not. I’m a 34D.

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 20:21

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 20:19

You know that's total bollocks, don't you? Good for drumming up customers and making money for the fitters, but not actually a necessity. We didn't all die of Wrong Bra Sizes in the decades before they were a thing.

Health and safety is not "total bollocks", it's there fore a reason! These are the specialists. Most people trust the specialists and trust Health and Safety.

If you read the articles (which you haven't had time to do) it outlines why this is so.

And every (unless flat chested) woman needs a bra. There is no need to 'sell' them. They're a necessity. They don't need an advertising campaign!

DeanElderberry · 15/08/2025 20:33

None of your links relates to Health and Safety, they all link to aspects of the fashion industry. If you don't trust your own ability to fit your own underwear have at it, but don't claim it's a medical issue.

borntobequiet · 15/08/2025 20:36

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 20:03

Bras are supposed to be professionally fitted, especially when you get your first bra and your breast size changes in puberty. This is common knowledge.

Show quote history

I really don’t think it is. It’s certainly not common sense.

SabrinaThwaite · 15/08/2025 20:38

Hard to see how bra fitting falls under ‘health and safety’. Maybe occupational health, but that might be a stretch.

ItsCoolForCats · 15/08/2025 20:42

I never go for bra fittings. I know my boob or bust size though. And I don't bother with bras anymore anyway as I just wear those vest tops with inbuilt bras. Or wirefree bralettes and sports bras when I do exercise. I am never putting myself through the torture of wearing a wired bra again.

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