I’ve mentioned my best friend before. He’s a man. A fifty-something, six foot odd, big built chap with long hair and a beard. Picture Sabretooth from X-Men if he’d given up the mutant life and taken up beer festivals.
He’s honestly one of the loveliest people I’ve ever known. He’s a supportive husband, stepdad and grampa. He’s always got on with women because he sees us as equals but is considerate of how there are times we are more vulnerable than him as a bloody big bloke.
I know he doesn’t have a right to be in women’s single sex spaces, more importantly he knows he doesn’t. He knows it would upset women to walk into a gym changing room and start getting changed next to a woman who is also changing. He gets why women feel uncomfortable and all the unspoken rules we’ve argued for apply to him just as they apply to the dodgy, or dangerous men. And it’s probably shit that many women wouldn’t get in a lift alone with him, or would cross the street if he was walking behind them. It probably doesn’t feel very good to know you’re perceived as a threat- even if there’s no way you are.
I remember back in the 90s when there were men arguing that women shouldn’t just mistrust them, it was offensive to not want to be alone with a strange man, that they shouldn’t think the worst- what terrible women these man hating feminists were! But now the majority of men seem to get it. Don’t intimidate women with your presence. If you can’t accept that you’re not the “nice guy” you claim you are.
It’s the same exact argument, but with a different presentation. once we were called man haters, now we’re called anti-trans or TERFs.
You don’t get a pass because you don’t see yourself as a man. If there’s women happy to share facilities with you USE THOSE MIXED FACILITIES. Don’t try tired old sexist arguments about how awful women are for needing to be away from men. Have a bit of empathy. If “cis” men (to use the language the TRAs understand) get it, why don’t you?