Very happy to correct you.
You are exactly what society defines as men:
- someone born male, over the age of 18.
It is literally the very definition of a man
Initiating treatment before reaching adulthood undoubtedly means that you didn't experience adolescence in exactly the same way as all other boys, but you were still born male / born a boy and grew up to become a man.
You both accept that you were born male - born as boys.
All a boy has to do to then become a man is wait 18 years - the man v. boy difference is simply passing your 18th birthday.
Your 'interiority' and experience of your 'transness' does modulate that experience I agree - but not from boy to girl or boy to woman or man to woman... it simply modulates it to a different set of experiences as a boy / man
you are simply a man who has gone through your set of experiences (your lived reality if you like), but all that does is make you a unique man - as with every other man - we are all unique, it would be boring if we were not.
The aspects of you that reject what society labels as 'typically male' simply expand society's notion of how to define a man - if you like, they extend the gender definition for men...
Let us use an example - if all men go out from the cave and hunt, while women stay in the cave and look after the children - then we have two clear societal stereotypes:
- men hunt
- women do childcare
If though Ug Junior decides that his career will be to become the cave accountant - recording the number of dinosaurs killed by other men in pictures on the cave wall, then that doesn't mean that Ug is not a man (because he doesn't fit the stereotype of 'men hunt') instead it extends the stereotype to:
- men hunt
- men record kills on cave wall
- women do childcare
Now if we go further and find that little Ug Junior's brother, Thud growing up prefers to look after the children, and doesn't wish to hunt or paint pictures on the cave wall - that doesn't make little Thud a woman - it extends the society definition of men - similarly if little Ugette their sister would rather hunt, then again, she doesn't become a man - she helps to redefine society stereotypes once again, and now you have:
- men hunt
- men paint pictures on cave wall
- men do childcare
- women do childcare
- women hunt
and this is how gender works - it is a societal construct... so when you talk about your experiences as a boy forming who you are as an adult - they form the new man you become - you help to extend the societal understanding of what it can mean to be a man - away from narrow stereotypes - which is really healthy for society... because the reality is that they are stereotypes, not rules - they are standard patterns, not prescription.
but at no point do your experiences ever inform you on anything to do with being a woman - you can never understand what that means for the simple reality that you can never be a woman - all you can do is feel a stronger association towards how society describes a woman (perfectly acceptable), and mimic it (acceptable to a degree, not including body mutilation or forcing your way into women only spaces, or trying to live a lie that you are actually a woman) - but that doesn't make you a woman - it just makes you your type of man.