Raped and now my case has been NFA'ed

[NotAScoobyDoo2]

At the beginning of the year I was raped by my ex-boyfriend. I reported him to the police and they investigated it. I had the news last week that it wouldn't be going to the CPS because although they think the case was strong there were messages I sent saying that I wanted to have sex with him which apparently undermines my case. They said that any jury would assume that he would have the reasonable belief I consented.

To put the matter into context he forced me to have oral sex with him and whilst doing it pushed my head so far down into his groin that I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was fighting for my life and was terrified.

I've spent months in therapy and have had a diagnosis of Acute Traumatic Stress Disorder (apparently they can't give a diagnosis of PTSD for symptoms that exist for less than a year).

I'm applying for a review of the evidence but it feels like I'm fighting against a system which is rigged against me. If I have to, I'll make a complaint the Police about the way this has been handled and I'll take it as high as I can.

I know I'm preaching to the converted. How can I make other people listen?

Still need to be realistic though.

The courts are not your friend!

OP you need to find your way through your trauma that is outside of the legal system and I say this with genuine experience, despite people this thread getting my comment deleted 🙄

They are. That's basically what she said. There's a lot of evidence detailing injuries. She said a jury would assume that I reasonably consented just based off his text messages.

...OK but I was saying that I had misread?
I understand how the Police work, I just misread the OP, hence my post.

I'm happy to be realistic after I've exhausted my options. For myself, I need to feel I've tried though. If I don't try I'll never know.

This is despicable. Fight this. I'm not sure how, a formal complaint to the police? You have evidence of injuries you say, surely that accounts for something? I honestly despair at how terribly our system treats women.

Just because the texts say you wanted to have sex, does not mean you consented to him forcibly pushing your head down to the point you couldn't breathe, leaving you fearing for your life and traumatised. These men are toxic.

Appeal it. Get an advocate to help you. Whichever way the legal and criminal processes go, its hard and its awful and it's devastating. If you feel like appealing it is the best way forward for you then do that.
But ISVAs really are worth their weight in gold with stuff like this.

For the CPS to accept a trial of this sort, there needs to be a 90% certainty of a conviction.
So yes, any sexts or anything like that will mitigate that certainty. It's a high bar.
It's shit.
You don't have the legal system on your side.

My comment was deleted for saying I know of far worse cases that have been dismissed.

You need to get realistic and find the support you need because the law won't be that support.

Unfortunately not. Since I started there haven't been any ISVA's available in my area. I'm on the waiting list. Fat lot of good it's done me.

Even if you're right, I still need to complain. The conviction rate is shit for a reason and even if I don't succeed it's still within my right to complain and to ensure that police amd victims are aware of the laws and that victims know that they're available.

It's my belief that all women should be complaining.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I don't know what's going on at the moment. I know people going through this who's cases are almost certain yet fail at trial. I feel like misogyny is at an all time high.

That's horrible. I hope you've friends and other organisations who can help you. When I was SA'd at 14 even then I and my parents had to fight to get the boy responsible arrested, so I know how the system doesn't work.

So sorry OP to hear what happened to you.

Unfortunately women who have been sexually assaulted or raped are trapped in a circle of a legal system that has still not thrown of patriarchal attitudes.

Too often the police wont refer cased to the CPS, as the CPS only likes to take on cases it thinks has a very high chance of winning (it make their stats look good) and the CPS are reluctant to put cases to trial because all too often juries dont believe women, or even if the do "dont want to damage a man's reputation, future".

And it is of course of no comfort to you or all the other women let down not just by the system, but I am afraid social attitudes that still assume somehow the woman is at fault.

In response to you saying you dont want what happened to you happen to others I was wondering about these.

Have you tried contacting groups like Justice for Women? https://www.centreforwomensjustice.org.uk/home They may not be able to take up your case, but they may have advice or at the least have more information from your case about what is happening in the "justice" system.

You may get advice from Rights of Women https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/call-our-advice-lines/

Or write to Jess Phillips who is Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Safeguarding and Violence Against Women and Girls https://www.gov.uk/government/people/jess-phillips

Or even your own MP?

I'm sorry that underfunding means you didn't or haven't yet had support from an ISVA.

This seems to be part of the failure of Governments to act on all their bold statements about wanting to end violence against women.

All this does make me wonder whether all the women who have been let down by the police and the CPS like you shouldn't come together as a group. And work together to make more people aware what is going on.

Maybe someone like Julie Bindel would write an article about what has happened to you? I am sure if you wanted she would make it annonymous.

I'm sure you probably know most of this, but also wanted to say I hope you can get some justice.

IMO - definitely make a complaint to the police!

Just to add there is also the Victim's Commissioner

But as you will see from this report from 2 years ago, unfortunately what happened to you is not uncommon.
https://victimscommissioner.org.uk/news/the-distressing-truth-is-that-if-you-are-raped-in-britain-today-your-chances-of-seeing-justice-are-slim/

I'm so very sorry for what you've been put through.

Juries (and the police) seem to operate on the flawed notion that a woman consenting to sex with a man on previous occasions means that the man can successfully claim as defence that he conceivably believed there was a 'default' or 'carried over' consent for future occasions.

It's bullshit and I'm sorry that you've been denied the chance for your case to proceed to prosecution.

I’m so sorry you went through this op.

My case went to court in 2016. They got found not guilty despite the fact my friend walked in on it happening and she gave evidence. Plus they denied everything initially and changed their accounts in interview because they were lying. Then they blamed their lies on the fact they were scared because apparently rape is a serious thing to be accused of.

My worst fear for anyone going through this is to be cross examined in court the way I was. I was told I was lying, that I wanted to have sex with them but that I lied because I didn’t want my boyfriend to know I was cheating. I was asked why my boyfriend at the time wasn’t with me at the house party. The dress I was wearing that night was held up in court and I was essentially ‘slut shamed’. Everything was my fault, they went through every single little thing I did that evening to twist it to make it my fault. It was so humiliating and traumatic. I couldn’t walk past the area near the court again for years because I’d get panic attacks.

I’m so sorry, op. They would treat you horrendously in court over those messages- it’s seriously not fair.

💐for all the women who have been let down by the justice system, and abused by men.

It’s crap. I hope you find support OP, and I’m sorry that this thread itself is evidencing how bad the situation is.

That's awful. I know I would get treated badly about the messages. Maybe the assault did something to my brain but I really don't care.

I think this thread is highlighting what it is I'm fighting for and why. I don't necessarily want him to go to prison for life, I just want the law to be applied fairly.

I’m so sorry. And so angry for you. 💐

Please bear in mind that this will remain on his record. If others report him it will build up a record.
Karma will get him in the end!

I am so sorry OP 💐

someone i know was raped a few years ago by sexual partner, he wouldn’t admit to anything by text and although the police she dealt with were incredibly helpful it was NFA’d

she was very brave to get that far in my opinion and didn’t take it any further, this may well have been better for her mental health in the same way that, by the sounds of it, you complaining is probably better for your mental health

Please bear in mind that this will remain on his record. If others report him it will build up a record

absolutely

my daughter was touched inappropriately in a shop once (thigh was stroked, she was 12) and when i was talking to her about telling the police i said that even if nothing happened to him this time, the next time he did it to someone else it would be on record

The police and court system are anti woman, women are put on trial and there is nothing just or fair about it.
I'm so sorry.

I agree, it's a terrible message to send that if a woman indicates she'd like to have sex then the man can use and abuse her in any way he wants.

A woman can even change her mind and ask him to stop during sex, a sexy text message is not a free pass for any porn added violence the man feels like carrying out.

Hello a MN poster felt like you and was supported by the Centre for Women's Justice through several reviews, to trial, then retrial where her attacker was finally sentenced. I would reach out to them. I'm so sorry this happened to you 💐 I think you're so right to be angry.