Is the Kink Scene a Cult? Interesting Podcast

[BelaLugosisThread]

Was I In a Cult UK Kink Scene episode

Latest episodes of the 'Was I In A Cult?' Podcast features a guest who gives a shocking account of the UK Kink Scene. She states the scene acts as a cover for coercive control and abuse and gives a horrifying example of attempts to link 'dark age players' to "Minor Attracted Persons"/ AKA paedophiles

From the comments it appears "Kink shaming" is the new hate crime as there's quite a pile on in response to these episodes. The guest provides a convincing feminist critique of this subculture and I found her story alarming. Yet it appears only 'lived experience' that fits a certain narrative is authentic as she is widely dismissed as phobic and bigoted.

Worth a listen

I feel like I'd need to understand why they feel that switching (being both sexually dominant and submissive, either with the same or different people) subverts some of the criticism the poster aimed towards kink. I'd better understand their point of view. Then I can engage with their post in its entirety.

But to answer your point about those men, again, men are creepy everywhere. They are creepy on tinder, they are creepy on Fetlife. The fact men neg women in some wild attempt at flirting is a general issue, not a kink one.

It's a bit like men flirting at a hiking convention. The fact everyone there is there to hike means their attempts are likely to have lots about walking in dark woods or something equally sinister. It's a man problem. Not a hiking one.

@ByGentleFatball Do you ever wonder why men are creepy everywhere? How do you think dispensing their fetishes and whims impacts on that?

There are always people around who will display similar traits and the need to affirm the type of sex acts you are attracted to.

I really don't think it does. Let's take intentionally predatory men out of the picture for a minute. Why? Because they will exploit and harm wherever they go AND a lot of sexual trauma comes from unintentional harm within intimate relationships. It comes from male partners not understanding the ways they sexually coerce and even assault their partners, without even knowing that their actions are wrong. They think that's how you initiate sex, for example.

I see a lot of these normal men come into the kink scene, and for the first time, they're having conversations about the nuances of consent. For the first time, they're having their own limits tested and gain empathy with truly how difficult it can be to vocalise doubt or a total withdrawal of consent in the moment.

For the first time, they're around women who desire sex/kink as much as they do, but who will not compromise their safety OR their satisfaction. They're being asked to complete checklists to see if they are sexually liberal enough for a woman. For the first time, they feel sexually vulnerable.

Often, that learning curve means that they gain enough empathy to not only refrain from intentional actions of harm, but to also consider the more subtle nuances of how these things play out within relationships.

Oh and I forget who made reference to the "stealthy" Manny photographer but yes, aware of him too. He travelled all over.

Yes, the number of middle aged women who gravitated to the kink scene (often dragging their poor reluctant husbands) post 50 Shades was horrific. We still see them show up now.

Gosh. That must put a dampener on all that wonderous gratification.

@Helleofabore aye! Fatball is not like all the other girls

A lot of inexperienced people with fantasies fuelled by a fan fiction vampire novel? It elevates the risk level as do the drug dependent and emotionally unbalanced.

Because I'm a woman..

Middle aged women are horrific.

Our husbands are all secretly worshipping you.

This all does sound strangely familiar.

This sounds like you think you are helping men to be better. Have I got that right? That there's some kind of net good from blokes having affairs with proper sexually liberated, kinky women who can show them what vulnerability is?

Props to you for such an equananimous response to repeated attempts to smear you.

Is equaninmous a word? If it is, I can't spell it.

Don’t forget no SAHM can correctly sex a male person! Or was it that a female doctor or biologist could never be a SAHM, or something equally as utterly disparaging of female people who make a choice to spend time caring for their children?

It really does sound very familiar in so many ways.

Google says 'equanimous', but that looks wrong to me.

I'll go with dignified.

I'm not helping them. Having these conversations with people who will only engage with them on those terms helps them. Being in an environment where little is left unplanned or unsaid helps them.

I may help some of the small number of people I personally interact with, but I tend not to meet and interact with many new people as I have a solid circle of friends already.

As the thread goes on, the more your posts sound culty.

I have zero concerns about my partner suddenly getting into "kink". He thinks it's as shady and messed up as I do.

Neither of us "kink shame".

What we do do is call it out for its hyper patriarchal fucked upness.

Oh and most of us are doing with with our own partners. Not yours. I'd just let a guy give me a foot massage if I want to.

How can a dominant woman and a submissive man be hyper patriarchal? Ask your partner this tonight.

Because the "dominance" is illusory and catering to their boner?

Yep.

I am surprised it has to be said.

So anti-patriachy by catering to their sexual whims …. All hail the mighty mighty peen.

Well this says it all really.

Nasty.

Plus full of the usual foul kinkster crap about how there is the "real true kinkster scene" which is marvellous and really really nice and consensual but you have to be some sort of superior being to find and be a part of.

And the horrible dangerous dark abusive stuff isn't "real kink" and it's your own stupid fault if you find yourself being victim to it.

Bleurgh.

Heard this grim point of view from so many of these people.

And generally that can't even see how revealing it is of the whole thing.

Yeah it didn't need the question mark!
But breaking it down for Fatball. You see getting a foot massage as an act of dominance. I see foot wierdos getting off on playing with your feet

It is a version of Operation: Let them speak.

That depends on you. On the surface, you should be doing things that aroused both parties during sex, right? So the fact that the guy might have a boner isn't the problem, it's if I do not. If I make sure I'm doing things that arouse me, then his boner should, if anything, confirm the mutual consent and enthusiasm. We should both have "boners".

However, for a lot of dominant people and their submissive counterparts, acts of service are a kind of meta-arousal source. You don't get directly aroused by the act all the time, but you are aroused by the act of service, the subservience, things like that. So nobody has a physical boner but all enjoy the act.

There's this term that is used "fetish dispenser". Dom/mes avoiding being fetish dispensers is a big topic of conversation. Then some people are happy to be a "service top" where it is agreed that the dominant one just does what the submissive party wants them to and they both enjoy that.